What a frightening world we live in. I know it’s just TV and that anything said could be bullshit, but the more I watch the court channel and its featured cases, the more I see that the “justice” system really doesn’t have a damn thing to do with justice for the most part. It’s about winning. It’s about power, control, who you are, where you are, etc. Like it or not, financial status, race and gender really do matter for those involved. It’s always been that way and I think it always will be. Having money and being male certainly helps, and of course, being a minority helps too, whereas that used to hurt. It’s like society’s trying to make up for the way minorities were treated a century ago by giving them the upper hand which makes absolutely no sense to me. It can’t and won’t change the fact that we stole the Indian’s land, that we made slaves of blacks, etc. We’ve simply got too many people living in the past. Judges feel like they have no choice but to let guilty blacks get off or else they’ll cry racism and start riots like they did 10 years ago in LA. They’re such poor losers who can’t handle shit. Instead, they lash out at the whole world, no matter how many innocent people they may be taking their anger out on along the way and hurting. So many people want to blame the wrong people for their troubles and life’s unfairness. In North Carolina, a billionaire woman got only 57 days in jail for killing her boyfriend cuz she was rich, and the other inmates wanted to harm her cuz they got years for drugs and writing bad checks.

But it wasn’t the billionaire’s fault. They should be pissed at the jury. They’re the ones who gave her the sentence she got.

Anyway, if I were black, I’d be pissed too, at seeing white pigs get off after beating a fellow black on tape, but to take it out on the whole city would be no way to handle the ordeal. If they wanted to go after someone, they should’ve gone after the people involved.

We really fucked up by letting those blacks stick around after they were freed. Yes, they should’ve been freed. No one should be a slave. However, didn’t they know they’d just lash out at us and cause us a legacy of hell by not deporting them back to Africa where they belong? Of course they were going to take all their anger out on us and kill us and rob us and so on and so forth.

What’s scary isn’t just the fact that too many innocent people are getting convicted and or receiving overly harsh sentences for their crimes, guilty or not, but the amount of incompetence on the part of the investigators, lawyers, judges and other law enforcement personnel, and the biased nature of the people involved. People are gullible. They’re going to believe what the cops tell them. So, if you tell a reporter that so and so’s guilty, they’re going to believe it without question and they’re going to do everything they can to taint and hurt their case, even if they just may happen to be innocent. Cops, lawyers and judges also don’t have the balls to stand up and admit when they’ve screwed up, and furthermore, wouldn’t be held accountable if they did. Instead, they’re all concerned with how they’d look and with covering everyone’s asses, including their own. Image is everything to them.

It’s really scary how so many people are being convicted for the wrong reasons. You’re supposed to be convicted on evidence, but instead we have so many people being convicted on their behavior, their beliefs, their appearance, their jobs, the things they eat, etc. This puts the defendants in a tough spot, cuz then they have to decide whether or not they should give up who they are and be somebody else, somebody that they’re not, just to try to please those that hold their fate in their hands, and be made to feel like ass-kissers. Or do they stand by their right to be themselves?

I hear so many convicts who insist they’re either innocent or were simply given too much sentence for so little crime, say that they once believed that the right people would step forward and help them.

Yeah, that’s what I thought too, only to find out that after bending over backward for this state, giving them this, giving them that, doing this, doing that, none of it ever mattered. Just why did they have me get people like Mary to write a character witness statement for me if they knew damn good and well that it was useless and not something that would even be considered, let alone used?

No, we can’t always help us help ourselves, and no, the truth won’t always set us free.

I decided it’d be best just to forget about the kiln and the whole dollmaking idea. I know when something’s not meant to be and when to give up, and this is one of those times. It’s so obvious that something up there doesn’t want me making dolls. Something more powerful than I could ever be and that I’m not about to mess with. I’ve learned from past experiences what can happen when I try to rebel against fate. I still don’t understand why I’m not allowed to do what I want to do with my life when it comes to jobs that go beyond my usual role as a homemaker. It’s like society wants me to get with the times and God doesn’t. I just can’t figure this one out any more than I can figure out the one where he allows people to get away with wronging me and protects them, but all I can do is just hope he has his reasons, though I can’t imagine what justifiable reasons he could possibly have. I don’t know, maybe there is an afterlife and in that life, I’m going to be able to do what I want with my life. Or maybe there was a past life where I had it all and now I’m being compensated for it.

Anyway, I simply couldn’t get the stuff. I’d be spending more time fighting for supplies than using them. Even if I could snap my fingers and have everything I could possibly need, then what? It’s a bit of an overwhelming, complex thing when I think about it. There’d so much to learn, so much to do. It’s not that I’m not capable of learning. I’ve learned a lot about a lot of things, and at the risk of sounding stuck-up, I know more about more things than most people ever will.

But having many skills, talents and the ability to learn fast and well doesn’t necessarily mean one’s meant to be more than just a homemaker. Being a homemaker is great. I love it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world just cuz I was suddenly doing something else, but having more to do with my time would’ve been nice. And that doesn’t mean spicing up my life with wrongly being thrown in jail, either!

I’m afraid to bitch too much about boredom (though I don’t get bored too often) cuz every time I do the shit seems to hit the fan. It’s like something up there seems to think that just because I could use a little more activity in my life at times it has to be negative, wrong, and unfair activity.

Anyway, I think I’m going to put off PG’s fairies for a while. Not only do I want to take a little break from PG, though I still have my membership and another free shipping and 25% off coupon, but I also want to concentrate on fashion dolls for a while. They’re really nice and I really dig them lately. Aside from Felicity, which I hope to get with January’s stock (if there is a January’s stock), there are 5 $45 fashion dolls I’d like to have. The two 16” Playboys, a couple of Barbies (though one’s of some black or Hispanic pop singer I’ve never heard of), and 16” Mei Li.

I emailed PG, who’ll hopefully reply tomorrow and not after I email them a second time, asking exactly when Amelia was re-sent and when and if Tasha’s been shipped yet. Of course, she should be on her way, but you just never know. Either way, I’m sure there’ll be a problem. Of the 10 PG dolls I have, only one got here right away. All the others had delivery screw-ups or were out of stock. It was like this with the HSC, too. Only Ashton-Drake was reliable, but their dolls took forever anyway. Like 3 weeks.