There’s been another picture download from one of my photo albums, but I can’t say which one, of course.

I’m wondering if these fish are going to starve themselves to death. They don’t appear to be eating. I throw the food in and they dart towards it but don’t eat it. Yet they seem healthy and energetic enough. Maybe they wait for it to break down or something.

It’d be nice to get the other colors they have, bright orange, yellow and blue, and then find out about breeding after we find out what these fish are. After doing some online research, we think they may be some sort of tetrafish. He says these fish are probably males because, in the animal world, the males tend to be more colorful and nicer looking (which God made up for with the human species).

When Tom gets up, he’s going to stop at the Maricopa box to see if poor Amelia’s been stuck on their shelves. If not, I’ll email PG, of course, and play yet another game of catch-the-doll-if-you-can!

Then, Tom will swing over to Casa Grande to pick up a few groceries and stop in Pick-a-Pet to see what fish/supplies they carry. I doubt they’ll have what we’re looking for. I think that if we want a good variety of fish and supplies we’ll have to go to a major chain store like Petco.

As soon as I’m awake when the doctor’s office is open, I have to make an appointment to have my ear canal cleaned. Oh, why couldn’t I have been born with two normal ears?! I hate seeing this guy. I hate having to spend hours just to get a procedure done that takes a couple of minutes, but there are not many people I can go to that does what he does. He’s a specialty doctor.

Now for my incredible news of the day. Well, let’s just say I’m kind of glad our seemingly hopeless stock hasn’t sold yet, cuz you won’t believe what I found online! I never even knew such a thing existed. Well, as I’ve written, my 16” vinyl fashion doll Tyler makes Barbie seem phony as all hell, but the 16” fashion dolls I saw tonight make Tyler herself seem phony as all hell! They’re Playboy dolls that are not only extremely realistic-looking but they’re said to have skin that feels realistic, too! They’re anatomically correct with no visible joints (unlike with Tyler) and come fully dressed, with stands and papers. And all for an amazing $40-$50!!! I won’t be getting those PG fairies or the Mei Li fashion doll anytime soon, that’s for sure!

If they’re anatomically correct, though, does that mean they come with rooted pubic hair too, or what?

These dolls are so realistic that Tom insisted the one I liked best was a picture of a real person, but after reading the words and finding a site that has the real Playboy model holding the doll, I can assure you it is a doll as realistic as it is. And is it ever! The definition of muscle tone and body contours are amazing. Something that Tyler has absolutely none of. She’s better proportioned and more realistic than Barbie but has no real definition of any kind. You’d never see a picture of her and think she was a real person. You can see she’s a doll; just a damn good one.

Anyway, the one I liked best that I can’t wait to get if this stock would just hurry up and sell once and for all, is Victoria Silvstedt. I never heard of her, but I don’t care. The second one I want to get and whom I also never heard of is Dalene Kurtis. Their faces aren’t great and they’re both blondes with blue eyes, but they’re fabulous nonetheless. They also have a Karen McDougal doll, who’s got auburn hair, but I don’t know if I’ll get this one. These are the first 3 in a series. Seeing that these dolls are vinyl, I would think they’d have rooted hair.

Victoria has medium-length hair and is posed with one leg out to the side and one hand on her hip. The other hand’s at her mouth, sort of touching her lip suggestively. She wears a black bikini, which I assume is a G-string, and an open maroon satin robe, and she supposedly comes with black shoes, a necklace, a stand, and papers. I’m emailing them to verify that yes, she does come fully dressed, etc. This one’s $40.

Dalene’s $50 with massive boobs, but they both sure are unique to anything I’ve got and will add major variety to my collection. She wears a halter with short denim cut-offs. The halter represents the American flag. The bodice has red and white stripes and the thin shoulder straps are blue with white stars. Her hair is shoulder-length. Her pose is a bit harder to describe. I’ve only seen her picture from the side. She looks towards the side and I guess she has one leg slightly behind her, one hand on her hip, and the other arm is bent a quarter of the way at her side, making her hand about chest level. This one I hope to get in December or January.

I can’t wait for that damn stock to sell!

This site had several different lines of fashion dolls ranging from $25 to over $100. They even had a full-figured doll that was both nice and realistic.

Of all the different sites I checked that sold the Playboy dolls, one of them said that each doll came in a “unique environment.” Whatever the hell that means, I don’t know. This same site said the dolls came with several accessories too, but they didn’t say what they were. Probably just the stand, shoes, and necklace.

Got up at 3:30 which means I’ll be going to bed right around the time I hate the most. I’d really appreciate it, though, if the flyers and freeloaders would let me sleep so I can go to the pet store sometime this week.

Later…

It totally, totally figures. I mean, it never fucking fails! Tom had to call PG cuz the doll was returned! They don’t know why. I know why. Cuz I’m cursed with trying to get dolls and I’ll be totally damned if I’ll even think of trying to make them. Like whatever’s cursing me would let me? Like it or not, I’m here to serve others and do what they want me to do. Sometimes I’m okay with it, sometimes it’s at my own expense, but I have no choice, and if I try to fight it, that’ll only be making more trouble for myself. There’d be no way I could get all my supplies in person, be it for myself or for others. And not that God would allow me to go into business, but if I did, it wouldn’t look very good if I had to tell 9 out of 10 customers that their doll was going to have to wait due to having trouble chasing down their greenware in the mail. Most people don’t understand curses and when they saw there were delays time and time again, they’d naturally assume it was my own lack of competency. Meanwhile, I’ll just remain a struggling collector.

This all happened when I was asleep, so I hope he thought to have her shipped via UPS. A curse is a curse, though, so I’m sure there’ll be problems with that, too. It’s just that I feel I’ve got to do something. I wonder if he asked about Tasha. I emailed these questions to him. After I get the 2 fairies, 3 fashions, and Felicity doll I so have my heart set on, I’m going to stop the mail-order dolls and make periodic trips to DBS and maybe even San Diego where PG’s store is.

Tom says Walmart sells bikes for as low as $100. Good. Now I can revise my list.

He said the store in Casa Grande does sell fish, but they won’t have any live plants till Wednesday. What we have are glass fish and they’re not naturally colored (I figured as much). They’re injected with color. How utterly painful it must be for such tiny things to be injected with needles! I wonder if this means we could have a mix of sexes and if their colors fade over time.

They replied about the Playboy doll, saying that yes, the doll comes with everything.

I went to make the ear appointment only to learn my 3 referrals had expired. The doctor would never renew them without seeing me first since it’s been over a year, so once these inhalers run out, since I know I’m forever stuck on snot spray, I’ll see him and get new referrals.

Later…

Well, I’ll be damned. From what Tom says in his reply, it wasn’t the PO’s fault. Tom received a letter in the mail from PG saying the doll was returned to them and this is what prompted him to call them. I guess maybe they tried to use UPS to deliver to the PO Box. He had them resend it to the PO so as not to confuse the already very confused idiots with changing addresses while two dolls are on the way. We’ll probably get some sort of coupon for the fuck-up. Yeah, free shipping which is no biggie. It’s better than nothing, but $5-$10 off each of the two $25 fairies I want would be nice! Then again, shipping’s $5-$7, so that’s close enough and good enough, I guess, but it’d be even nicer if I could just order dolls and get them!

Who’ll mess up with Tasha? The PO or PG?

Tom also said that the pet store people said the colors in the fish would fade but didn’t ask how long it’d take. What do we do then? Get ink and syringes and refill them like with cartridges?

Also, the store had some decorations but no tank backgrounds. I don’t really need backgrounds, though. Also, they had bettas in various types of bowls but says we’d be better off getting them at Walmart or K-Mart.

Lastly, he watched the fish closely and says they’re definitely eating. Well, I guess so. They’re still alive after all.

Later…

I took my small crying Indian doll and undid her two braids. Then I wrapped the hair in two plaits. Plait weaving looks cool. It’s so Indian, too.

I’m working on the ’96 file now, and boy was I confused over the sexual bullshit I was going through with Tom at that time! At the same time I was confused, I always felt he was deliberately holding back cuz of his own lack of desire to be a father. I think I still believe that and that I always will. He just made one excuse after another about changing and seeking help and was just too content to be the way he was. I still believe that at the same time, he didn’t want a kid, didn’t want to change his sexual ways, and didn’t want to get help, a part of him also got some sadistic pleasure in seeing me turned off and unsatisfied.