After many hours of slavery, Tom’s finally almost done with the truck. Now, if we could just go a week or even two without it crapping out on us, that would be wonderful.

Tom said that if he stays here much longer he’ll go batty and I agree. So we decided to go out tomorrow and find cheap motels that do weekly rentals until we can get into an apartment.

The question is, will we ever own a house again? I feel like a cross between a bum and a drifter. It’s like we’ve been drifting in an air balloon for over a year now, and whenever we think we’re going to land on solid, stable ground, we get swept up again by the wind.

Tom says he thinks part of our problem has been making too many long-term plans and that we should just concentrate on the present. Sounds like good advice, but it’s easier said than done. I just can’t help but wonder where we’re headed in life. Will we really build here? Move to some other place in Oregon? Or will we go to Nevada where there are no zoning laws? Will we go to California? Hawaii? New Zealand? Or will we commit suicide? That’s another thing we discussed, though he thinks we’ll live to be old and I sure as hell hope life could never be that bad, but who knows? Maybe we’ll get just so damn fed up that we’ll run a hose into the RV from either its engine or the truck’s and die in each other’s arms from carbon monoxide poisoning. We wouldn’t bother with notes because we wouldn’t care what happened to our stuff or our bodies. It’s just that if I were dead, no one could fuck with me, nor could I be missing out on dolls I never got or anything I may want and never have. I agree with Tom, though, when he says that if we do kill ourselves, we should wreak some havoc on the way out by torching this mountain. I hate people so much! We both do. It’s like everyone’s our enemy! They all want to butt into our lives and make us miserable! I can totally see why some resort to desperate measures, be it massacres, suicide, whatever.

So, thanks to cruel people and cruel fate and a compassionless God, if there is one at all, I’ll be forced to give up my sleep and my solitude completely. How I’ll miss the peace and quiet here, the serene beauty and the wildlife! Ah, but we both agree we fucked up by coming here. Instead of getting an RV and coming to land we’d already bought, we should’ve picked the town, flown up, shipped our stuff, then rented a place and saved up to buy land. At least it’s been an educational experience as he said.

As much as I’m looking forward to getting out of this shitbox, despite the noise I’ll be in for, I really hope we won’t be forced to abandon the land. I hope we’ll at least be able to do the cabin, but if not, Tom came up with a wonderful story for Michael as to why we’re splitting which involves Bob and which I won’t feel guilty about telling if he really did any complaining on us. However, I’m not going to get into that now.

In other news, you’d never know hunting season began yesterday, I’m glad to say, which Tom learned at work began that day. I don’t miss listening to the constant pops in Maricopa, that’s for sure.

We have neighbors, not surprisingly, from what Tom said. He was walking in the back when he saw a vehicle parked on the lot behind us. He never saw or heard anyone, but he could see a table by the vehicle and smell the bacon and eggs they were cooking for breakfast.

Also, what appeared to be a couple, went down the road in a gray SUV, then back up it. When they got in front of our place, they stopped for a few seconds, then slowly began moving again, as if they contemplated turning into the clearing. What I wonder is, did they come to look at the land, or did they come to look at us?

Meanwhile, Tuesday’s the day we’re going to start staying in motels till we can find an apartment. I just hope it won’t take forever! It’ll depend on just how much whatever’s up there wants me to sit and listen to the door-slamming at the motel, though I’m sure we’ll get that in an apartment, too.

One thing we both agree on is to try to have fun in the midst of all the chaos and never-ending cycle of shit from people and life. I’m not only going to enjoy life’s simple pleasures like a long soak in the tub, despite all the bumps and bangs around me, but we’re going shopping! He hasn’t set up his computer in ages and he’s looking forward to a new wheel to play his favorite car racing game.

As for me – I was hesitant to get any more dolls to have to move or lose, but why should I deprive myself in the meantime? So I’ll take his advice, buy dolls when I can, and not worry about their future fate. Better to at least have them for a while than to never have them at all, I guess, even if it means I could lose a lot of money in the end by having to give them up.

We’re kind of making a game of it too, pretending the Mafia’s after us and we’re going into hiding!