I’m no longer sure I like this motel. They not only woke me up this morning after the woman said she’d tell the guy that does the rooms to stay away till the afternoon, but they’re stupid, too. Friendly, but stupid. They don’t seem to know much English and every day we have to have our electronic keycards reactivated. They’re also always putting people next to us. They haven’t woken me up yet, but I don’t like having to hear their voices or TVs when I am awake, even if it’s not loud. Again, I did not come here for this shit!

When I think of these owners I can’t help but wonder how the hell come they get to come over here to end up doing pretty damn good for themselves, while we’re from here and we can never get ahead.

We won $10 on a crossword scratch ticket today.

This weekend, along with letters to Paula and Bob, I’ll be sending what I’m almost certain will be the queen’s last letter. I write and tell them of our predicament, and we get shit for it. No email, no phone calls, no letters, certainly no money of all things, and that’s cold. That’s just really cold. They’re nothing but fair-weather friends and I don’t do those any more than I do control freaks, so they can forget about ever hearing from me again.

Never before have I wanted to reach up in the sky, pull God’s ass down to me, and beat it silly. How I hate the mother-fucker for doing this to us! If He’s not the one cursing us, He certainly isn’t helping us. Goes to show again just how delusional religious people are. When they’re not busy bashing gays and being little bigots, they’re promising people that God will help those who help themselves, and this is bullshit. Pure bullshit!

I put a note out asking that they don’t knock before 1:00, so we’ll see if it works. Some other guy told me his English wasn’t good, and I’m like, then why’d he go ‘yeah, yeah, ok,’ and make like he understood me if the dumb cock really didn’t have a clue as to what I was saying?

Another thing I dislike about this room is that it has an even bigger gap under the door than the Arabs did, so I have a towel jammed against it.

Sometimes I just don’t get why God hates me so much, but I also don’t get what He expects me to do in life. Go after everything I don’t want in life? Make lots of friends and live in a crowded, noisy apartment? Never buy another doll or even incense?

I’m just sick of Him using people to turn our lives upside down! I’m sick of all the moving around we do, and I’m sick of struggling. I’m still more than seriously considering suicide come the new year, too. The only question is whether or not I can convince Tom to go with me so I won’t have to desert him. I don’t understand why he’d want to keep going in a life that can never get much better. Why would he want to keep on going through the same old cycles of bullshit over and over?