My schedule is all botched up now. I fell asleep at 5:30 yesterday morning and Tom woke me up over and over again. He went in and out a few times and woke me up each time he came and went, then twice with the bathroom door. So, I got up at noon and we went to Mollie’s. Then we returned to the room and he took off to run some errands while I had a fluent conversation in Spanish with the housekeeper (I was proud of how well I did!) Then he returned and I insisted he stay inside and sit still so I could go back to bed, and I did. I slept for 5 hours, yet ironically, I was still groggy. So after being forced to watch TV with him, I stood up for a few hours, then when 9:00 rolled around, I asked him to cut the TV so I could relax in peace, thus crashing for another hour or so. I got up to listen to music and then I laid around till now, and I’m wondering – what in the world has me so damn drained?! Just the usual sleep curse, I guess, plus the stress of motel life, never knowing from day to day what’s going on. I wish I could have some security and stability in my life and break free of the 13-year sleep curse that’s been put on me, but that’ll never happen. Oh, I may get temporary security and stability at some point, but a week in my life without having my sleep disrupted? Yeah, right!

I said I didn’t miss Arizona, and I don’t. However, if it was a choice between this life and the one back in Maricopa (minus the sickos), I think I would happily take that old life back and settle for the lack of privacy, the ferocious heat, the land being trashed, the place reeking of horse shit, etc. Even the occasional sonic booms beats life in the city.

I don’t know where my schedule’s heading. I’d like it to flip around, which would mean going to bed at around noon and hopefully staying that way for at least 8 hours if he could sit still and be quiet enough. He’s driving me nuts with the fucking TV. That’s all he does when he’s here and awake and I so miss having more than one room! Here, if I don’t want to deal with it, I can’t get away from it unless I hibernate in the bathroom. I feel like I have no space and no privacy, and it’s been worse lately, the later I’ve been getting up. I get up with the TV, I eat with the TV, I live with the TV! He rarely likes to play computer games or read, and of course, his sexual appetite is next to nil.

I still feel pretty out of it. It’s like I’m devoid of all energy and I can’t wake up. I’ve been taking my vitamins, so I don’t know what it is other than the stress and lack of sleep. The question is, why? Why is it so important to whatever put the sleep curse on me that I sleep so poorly? I’ve been asking this for years now, and the only answer I can think of makes no sense; because of the people I woke up during my years of prank phone calls. But I’ve only woken up one person for every thousand times I’ve been woken up, so if this is payback for that, then it’ll never stop punishing me for it!