This motel is definitely the best so far. It’s quieter and the housekeeper doesn’t pester us. I slept from 6 AM-2 PM and not once did anything wake me up.

I was thinking of Kate and wondering if she was thinking of me, too. Perhaps not at this minute, since most people are asleep at 2:00 in the morning. As much as I’m still not even close to being a people-person, I must admit we’ve met some rather interesting characters in this tiny town, and Tom agrees.

I just wish I could go to the Chinese place alone sometime and be waited on by her! I’d love to see her behavior then. But I won’t unless we end up living really close to the place so I could walk there, cuz I’d feel weird having Tom drop me off there. That’s ok, though, cuz I really believe I can take advantage of her fondness and make an incense sale or two from her in time, and play my fun little game of chase-but-don’t-capture. I find it awfully hard to believe that if I gave her my number she wouldn’t suddenly love incense even if she never did before, if only for an excuse to talk to me. I just don’t get what she sees in me, although that’s what I said about a few folks back in jail. It’s just that now I have a few more years on me and a few more pounds as well.

I had an idea that Tom likes as well. When I thought of the fact that the only two times we sold incense were in person and not online, I realized that we were going about it the wrong way by using the net. We can’t expect people to come to us, we have to go to them. So, although I don’t expect to ever make any real money by selling incense, we may make up business cards to pass out to every acquaintance we have and are going to have.

You know you’re not with your typical male when you ask your husband if he’d sleep with a woman for 50 grand and he says no. I totally believe him, too.

We read naked in bed earlier, though we didn’t do anything. Neither of us was interested, I guess you could say.

Later…

Again we didn’t do it, and therefore, I gave Tom an ultimatum because I’m not going to keep going through this with him where I’m his occasional lay. We’re either full-time lovers or no-time lovers. I’m not going to be an object of convenience for him or else I will get it on with chicks on the side and I’d have every right to, too. He said he was worried I’d have cramps, and once again, isn’t it funny how it always comes down to me? Never can he admit he has no desire and not use me as a crutch or an excuse of some kind to cover for his own lack of appetite. Isn’t it also funny how he was all gung-ho over being able to screw in a real bed, yet we’ve only done it twice since we’ve lived in motels and only at my initiation? Well, like I said, he may still get off on these games, but I’m way sick of them and this is part of why I don’t have much desire of my own to get it on with him. His games and excuses really turn me off. Maybe tomorrow, if he “remembers” to hit on me, I’ll be like, “Nah, you’re tired and so I’ve got to be considerate of that and wait,” and see how he likes it. I mean, really! Why would he wait to see if I got cramps? If he put the moves on me when I had cramps, I’d tell him, but I don’t think that’s it. I think that like me, he just wasn’t in the mood, though unlike me, he couldn’t say so. Tomorrow, though, I’ll simply tell him, “Look, let’s just wait and see if we’re ever a bit more eager than we have been.”

Meanwhile, I’ll sit here and wonder about Kate, even fantasize a bit, too. Next time I see her, I’ll get a name. Who could she be? Hmm, she kind of looks like a Margot. Maybe even a Kathy or a Diane. Could be Susan or Joanne. She strikes me as the type to have an ordinary, common name, though I don’t sense her name to be Mary. Maybe Maryanne.

It’s been a year since I cut my hair. I’d say I got a good 7 inches over the last year, and my bangs are now long enough to pull back into a high ponytail. It’s just that I’m graying so fast! I may dye it either dark brown or dark red once we get settled somewhere if we ever do get settled somewhere.

Never has the loathing and disrespect for his mother been as great as it is now. Year after year I wish she’d just drop dead so we can be comfortable, if only for a short while, yet the immortal bitch just won’t die! She’s going to live another decade with our shit luck. It’s like, come on already! You’re 81 years old, you say you got all these problems, so die bitch, die!

Anyway, I get the sense that Tom’s more disappointed than he lets on over the fact that his mother couldn't care less that he and his wife are homeless, but I expected it. I mean, I’m disappointed too, to know that someone who’s supposed to care doesn’t give a shit, but that’s how it usually works. I’m sure Kate would be more sympathetic to our situation than his family is. Hell, even Tina was more sympathetic, for God’s sake! I don’t even think we’ll get birthday/Christmas money, though he does. That’s just optimistic Tom for you.

The gay-bashing goes on and I’m sure it always will. Those against gay marriage have bumper stickers saying, “One Man, One Woman.” Why can’t those of us who hate blacks have bumper stickers saying, “One Nation, One Color?” Well, the answer to that’s easy enough – because it’s only okay to hate gays, that’s why! Tom flips through channels and I catch this religious station saying that gays and lesbians have a higher rate of mental problems, which is bullshit, then another channel has a cock saying that not even the most caring, compassionate woman can be a “dad,” and on and on and on! I realize that if there’s still so much hatred towards gays in what’s almost 2005, it’ll never get better. Never. Instead, more and more people are going to keep throwing blacks up on this pedestal they don’t deserve to be on. It’s going to be blacks and Hispanics first, then other minorities like Asians and Indians, then whites, and then gays last.