Wow, still nothing from Jesse. Maybe he figures that with it being Valentine’s Day he should leave us alone, not that we’re doing much today other than laundry and mailing the unemployment form. Work is slow on weekends. It’s a good thing we’re not tight on cash since yet another holiday will be delaying our check a day. I hate November through April when you can’t even go more than a few weeks between holidays!

It’s hard to believe that Andy’s going to be 58 tomorrow, wherever he is, which I assume is either down in Arizona or back east.

Last time I checked all 5 of my stories were in the top 17 out of the 100+ stories there. Yeah, they love me when they don’t have to pay me, LOL. The first one’s coming up on 20,000 views.

D and I swapped a few emails yesterday evening. She said I could write about her; it’s when I slam her to my followers she doesn’t like. I didn’t think I had but will try to make it a point to be as nice as I can, even if she sometimes still frustrates me, LOL. Besides, I don’t “slam” anyone to my followers. I simply write in my journal. And sometimes we get upset with those who are a part of our lives.

Anyway, she said she deleted her journal because she doesn’t like to share her pain. She’s also having a hard time letting go and moving on, which I can relate to. Just seeing that she’s online right now is tempting. I hate to chat yet I’m tempted to jump out at her and say hello seeing that she’s right there. But I know I would be a hypocrite if I did, so I’m sitting on my hands and fighting back the urge. I told her we should drop it to just one email a day since we’re in each other’s thoughts, dreams, and fantasies enough of the time that we don’t need to go flooding our inboxes as well and make moving on even harder.

When I say “moving on,” I don’t mean cutting each other out of our lives. I’m still perfectly open to a visit someday if she’d like to visit. Moving on simply means cutting back on the emails and her keeping her eyes and mind open to a person who can give her what I can’t. If she’s tied up with me all the time, opportunities may pass her by. Besides, I do so much these days that I don’t always have time to chat and swap emails on and off all day, especially during the week.

She sure did invade my dreams last night! I was at some strange camp in Denver, then she was fucking me. Then I was in a house that looked like the Phoenix house, then she was fucking me again.

She said she hates it when she gets hung up on a girl. So this has happened before, huh? I asked her about that and she said not too many times, but when it does she meets someone else and moves on. So this is part of why I’m hoping she’ll meet someone. Not just because I want her to be happy, but so she won’t pester me so much. Besides, even if we could be together right now, am I really that special? Or would she only end up cheating in time?