Tom said he might have to join Facebook because of some contests Pepsi is to be running soon, even though he’s never had any interest in the social networking scene. Hmm… will he be my friend if he does, LOL! He’s won X-boxes, mini-refrigerators and cash from them before. He loves their contests.

Now that we owe a grand in taxes all for the shit I’ve won (the 9K and the Italy trip we have yet to take), I said to him, “While I’m glad for the 9K so we could finally escape the motel, doesn’t it also suck that I won so much shit cuz of the taxes?”

“Not at all,” he said. “I’m sitting at the best computer I ever had in my life, I can crank out all the documents and pictures I want on a high-tech color laser printer most businesses can only dream of, then flip on my 32” LCD TV.”

We both started laughing at that point. Well, as soon as the economy picks up a little more I’ll start combing OLS again and turning out the wins!

Tom was looking online to find out all the land/house costs from when we lived in Maricopa. I guess you can file a loss when you do taxes, but we made so little in 2004 that he didn’t bother filing that year. It turns out, however, that we didn’t lose money like he had thought, we actually made a profit of 3K, though we left with 5K. We got 83K for the Phoenix house, paid 15K for the 10 acres in Maricopa, took out a 92K mortgage, then sold it for 107K 5 years later.

When we lost that place (no, I am not going to start crying this time), I cursed it so badly. I put a super nasty spell on it, determined not to let anyone have a good time in my house that I basically designed and customized myself. I was so sad over losing that place even though Maricopa was building up fast and the Mexican drug cartel was taking over the area. We were barely two hours away from the border, and seeing Border Control cruisers was a very common sight, along with the tribal police. Especially in Casa Grande.

Well, Tom was also able to learn that Huey, the investor who bought us out with plans to split the land into 5 2-acre parcels, lost a huge amount of money on the place. :)

I sure miss some aspects of it, though, especially the cool monsoon storms. Never did I hear such deafening thunder before in my life, see such intense lightning, or feel such fierce winds. It rained so hard one time that it created a run-off and water flooded the area and went streaming downhill for hours. You can see pictures of it in my photo albums on pages 10-11.

On pages 18-19 is the little pigeon flock I had in Phoenix. Yeah, I made friends with the neighborhood pigeons for a while, LOL. I hated the mess they’d make but loved how I could step out of the house and into the middle of the backyard, spread my arms, and down they’d come from the utility poles. This is kind of what I mean when I describe myself as unique and a bit strange. I doubt many people would be so nice to their local pigeons. I also fed a cute little wild rat on the land we owned for 5 minutes in Oregon, LOL. It was a gray rat that I think was pregnant.

I dreamt I was playing some online game with Maliheh, working for a lawyer, seeing two jackrabbits get it on out front, sweeping the deck with Tom, and getting my hair brushed out by Nane. We moved again too, but it can’t mean much since it seemed to be my grandparents’ old house and then we were in Florida.

Later…

I heard of this woman who was heavy and lost a lot of weight because she had a tapeworm, though she didn’t know it right away. I want a tapeworm, too! What a great diet it would make.

Nane’s on Facebook once again and once again I am being ignored. I feel kind of bummed out now and like I’m not getting as much attention from Nane as I’d like despite knowing how busy she is. She seemed like a fine cyber girlfriend though I have to wonder why the hell it matters so much to me. This is a woman I’ll never see that’s on the other side of the world. Why is it that sometimes the people far away from me matter more than some of the ones right here in my own town? Oh, wait a minute! I’m only allowed more attention from the crazy ones, right?

Some have suggested I get out and meet local women. I wouldn’t feel guilty for it, after all, since Tom and I are more like friends. As I told him, as long as your heart is always with me, I don’t care what you do. I’m not your mommy. And he knows I expect the same attitude in return. I know that I’m not alone and that most long-term couples like Tom and I go through this where the love grows but the lust dies. But I’m totally against seeking out people around here. I absolutely won’t do it! You see, I learned many years ago that the more I plan or seek something/someone out with a specific goal in mind, the more likely I am to end up with something else or nothing at all. Life has been mostly unexpected and accidental for me. I didn’t even “plan” Maliheh last May. She just popped into mind one day and I spontaneously looked her up. What followed from there was both expected and unexpected. I’m not surprised she’s never contacted me, but I am surprised she visited my blog. This is why I think she’s either looking for something to use against me in a mean, vindictive way, or she’s giving things time, not wanting to write me off as a possibility in her life in the future, but wanting to take this time to play with me while she’s at it. Hey, it’s only fair, isn’t it, LOL? But yes, I feel both delighted and teased by her silent presence. And I’m still no closer to figuring out what I feel for her or why. I just know that if she does contact me, she will do so when she’s ready, in her own time, in her own way.

Yet despite how bummed out and empty I sometimes feel, I find it easier to just sit here and feel sorry for myself till these moods pass. Who knows, maybe I’ll be celibate for the rest of my life, but if I am I know I only have myself to blame for that because I’m very picky and I don’t settle for just anything, even if it’s just for fun and games which is all it would be.

I’m sitting on Facebook right now hoping against hope that she’ll initialize a chat with me or do something, but nope. She’s been on for about an hour, but nothing new appears on her page, so I guess she’s swapping messages with people, playing games or maybe reading other pages.

Other than being a bit bummed out over Nane, even if we haven’t been “together” long and she has a million things going on and doesn’t appear to be home much, Eileen emailed me to say that just because I don’t hear from her at times doesn’t mean she doesn’t think of me daily. Aw, how sweet of her. I think of her every day, too. She prays for me every day, she says, and I told her to keep on doing whatever it is she’s doing because things have been running smoothly. I really had some scary moments for a while and didn’t think we’d make it, so it’s nice to have things go well, though I’m not stupid. All good things come to an end. I know that. My mother’s a bitch, but she didn’t raise no fool. Eileen also enclosed a quick video of her granddaughter and visited my blog.

Irene cracks me up. She said that the idea of being in my story makes her feel like a little girl waiting for Santa, LOL. Yes, she’s quite excited about it.

Anyway, I sent the somewhat elusive German hottie a message wishing her a safe and happy trip to Turkey. Maybe we’ll chat more when she gets back, but I won’t count on it.