Got up at the crack of dawn. Another day of vroom, vroom, vroom… buzz, buzz, buzz… with maybe a few woofs thrown in. And those little pig worries playing on the back of my mind, of course. :-( But I’d rather vroom, buzz, woof than oink, oink, oink.

In a chipper mood and looking pretty fashionable for a work-at-home housewife with no plans to go anywhere today.

I really hope last night’s dream was as meaningless as can be. Especially with my accuracy rate for seeing bad dreams play out in real life. Or at least something bad plays out after a bad dream. He was laid off in the dream and we were in some kind of fancy shelter, as funny as that may sound. Tom assured me the dream was too silly and ridiculous to mean anything. I hope so! But yeah, the shelter had beds much as you’d find in a hotel. You had a double bed, a nightstand and a round table that could be made “private” by pulling a curtain around the area like you would in a hospital room. Instead of being in a large room, it was long and narrow and carpeted. Our “room” was at the front end across from where someone sat at a desk.

I looked at the bed at one point to decide which side I wanted to sleep on. I chose the side closest to the table where the iPod would sit that didn’t even remotely resemble an iPod in the dream.

Then I stepped outside the curtain and looked out a large window to see a confused woman driver stalling in the middle of an intersection, unsure of where to go and pissing off fellow motorists.

Suddenly Tom and I were outside and we seemed to be stuck down in Arizona. Not a very safe place for whites to be, especially if those bullies with badges try to mess with you, but that’s where I “sensed” we were. I made a comment about there not being any birds around and Tom told me they all went to New York, LOL.

Again, I hope this dream isn’t a warning of anything bad to come. Although it’s been busy at work, we’re coming up to around the time when he would be laid off if that were going to happen. Besides, in the 4½ years we’ve been in this state we haven’t been allowed to have more than 6 months of smooth sailing at a time. He just learned that you can apply for permanent positions where he works. The only problem is that they’re minimum-wage jobs and he would have to take a hefty pay cut. Better to make more money as a temp than a little as a permanent, at least for now.

Tom says it’s getting close to where you can get a job in just a couple of weeks as was the case when we moved to Oregon in 2004 and here in 2007, but I think if he got laid off I may be tempted to just shove everything we could possibly fit into the car and head for Nebraska. I’d rather it not happen, though!

It’s just that I spent 30 or 40 bucks yesterday having fun at Kmart and Goodwill. We both still do like to shop and live life every now and then. We ate at KFC, too.

I got a couple of really colorful necklaces and this really cool bundle of bangles with glittery water inside of clear tubes with splashes of color. I don’t suppose most people my age would care for them, but I’ve always liked shiny and colorful things.

One of the coolest things I got is these decorative nail decals that you simply stick on. They seem to hold up quite well, too. I almost got kids’ nails that you glue on since my fingers/nails are so small, but I never cared for those things anyway.

I saw a really nice pair of boots I’m going to go back for at some point so long as everything continues to go well for us. They were black, low-cut boots without much of a heel. They’d look great in the winter when it’s too cold for sandals. I’d wear them with jeans and dressier tops that would look funny with sneakers.

I also saw a couple of pairs of earrings I liked. I may not have to have the lobe on my “fake” ear re-pierced if I just stick to danglies, something I like better anyway because the weight of them makes the lobes look less uneven. For now, I’ve got small silver studs in to help keep the bad one open. As usual, the earring went in quickly and painlessly in the good ear, but it took me several minutes of fighting with the bad ear to get the damn thing in as it’s been several weeks since I wore earrings. I’ve got to be sure to leave them in longer this time as ridiculous as I think they look with the way the bad side has sort of curled upward with time, making that earring seem higher and tilted compared to the other. If the danglies are big enough, though, like the ones I saw and liked, it looks more natural.

At the Goodwill store, Tom got a digital camera, only the lady was kindly dumb enough to charge him just $2 for the case, not realizing there was a $12 camera inside it. He got it not because we need a digital camera (we already have one) but because he wanted the parts for another electronics project he’s working on.

For just a few bucks I found the perfect shower hooks with a flower design on them, so I took advantage of that and snatched a setup. Now, instead of those pain-to-use plastic snap-rings that break so easily, we have metal, easy-to-use hooks.

So other than a 99-cent body spray, a pack of Rain Garden incense, and a Bergamot Tea diffuser for the closet, that’s all we got. Fun, reasonable and much deserved, but I still feel a tinge of guilt anyway.

The laptop is all screwed up and super slow so Tom’s going to strip it sometime. All I use it for anyway is backing up stuff and playing music (it’s hooked to the stereo).

I gave people the email address I’m going to start using but must keep my old one active for a few more weeks till my other Facebook account is deleted. That way I can switch my main Facebook account over to the email address the other one is using. Deactivating doesn’t do me any good because signing in with the addy I want to use simply wakes that account up. So I submitted a deletion request.

Later…

The Jes pest just left in his insanely loud truck just a few minutes ago. I couldn’t tell if he had the dogs with him but I haven’t heard a single bark since he left. So he’s either got them with him or someone’s at the house. Sometimes I wonder if he got a roommate and if that could be part of the uptick in loud vehicles. If he’s hard up for bucks as we suspect he is it may make the idea of a roommate rather desirable to him.

As we were coming back yesterday, I looked at Tom and said, “Watch, now that we’re back we’ll have to hear Jesse. I’m sure it was dead quiet while we were out and that he was just waiting for us to get back.”

Sure enough, barely 15 minutes later he was gunning the Harley on and off.

Yesterday, it got up to 83° in the living room with the windows open. 79° in the bedroom with the window open and fan on. The heat should be off for the day now and in a couple of hours, the windows should once again be open. It’s nice to get some fresh air in here.

So now that I’ve decided to dump my Yahoo account now the spamarama trip stops. There’s still enough of it hitting the spam box, but I had been on a roll where a dozen or more messages a day weren’t being filtered out.

I asked Tom why it’s so important to close certain accounts and to stop public blogging if I’m out of the jurisdiction and he said it’s to untangle the past from the future. At first I didn’t get what he was saying till I realized that right now it’s very possible they could be looking for anything they can get me with. And if they can get me with something in the future that’s connected to the past, such as Google, the stem of all this bullshit, things could turn federal if they create enough “evidence.” It goes without saying that if they can fabricate a so-called case against me, they could fabricate – oh shit! Just when I thought I could enjoy some more peace until Jesse’s return, up they start with the damn saws. Those FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING SAWS! A few times a month was fine. But lately, it’s been a few times a week or more and by God is it getting old!

Back to the freeloaders, pigs and all things related. If they can bullshit up a case, they can bullshit up more evidence to compound things and make it into a bigger deal than they already made it out to be; big enough to possibly come after me with. That’s what happened the last time. But this time I do still have a few things in my favor I didn’t have 12 years ago besides more knowledge pertaining to Arizona’s barbaric laws and sentences. That’s the fact that they have no phone calls, no physical evidence, and they can’t summon AT&T for info because the net’s not in our name here. The best they could do is follow me online from here on out which they may or may not be doing.

Can I please stop shitting now? Really, what the hell’s wrong with me that I’ve had to shit 3 times when I’ve only been up for 7 hours. Barely.

It may sound funny but I feel more “exposed” here. Not in these woods, in this trailer. If anyone came snooping around it’d be hard to hide in here even with the blinds drawn and no sounds coming from inside. The slats on the blinds don’t close tightly enough and there are little peepholes along the edges and through the cutouts for the drawcords. The bathroom has a translucent window, but if I ran in there with the door open, they could see me through the blinds in the door across from the bathroom door. If I shut the door, they’d see that and think someone was probably here and in the bathroom. I guess I could run and hide in the closet if I saw any pigs lurking about, but IDK. sighs I don’t want to hide in the bedroom or have any of my movements and day-to-day living revolve around what the pigs may do. That only makes me feel more controlled and like they’ve won. They won before and I’m determined to do all I can never to let them win again. To never control our money, where we live, what we do, what I eat, what I wear, or when I can shower (in cold water). But that’s just the thing. I do have to be somewhat cautious so that they don’t win again. We can’t control whatever it is they did to make it appear as though they have a legitimate case against me, assuming it isn’t the scam it likely is. All we can do is control the future.

Keeping sounds from being heard outside these flimsy walls is hard, too. The floors can be heard creaking outside the place even from a light person walking slowly and gently. The washing machine can be heard easily and dishes clanking when I wash dishes. Tom’s snoring, toilet-flushing, faucets running, sound machines… one can hear it all if they’re right outside the place.

It’s just after 11:00 and Jesse just got back. Let me guess…it’s gonna roar out on the Harley next, right? Or will it bulldoze or ATV around the land instead?

Anyway, I’m trying not to worry about the freeloaders, pigs and layoffs, but it’s hard at times. The job’s not that big of a concern. But the pigs? I guess that will depend on how obsessed they are with me. Unfortunately, the pigs that usually work these so-called cases aren’t just bullies with badges but freeloading minorities who quite often dislike whites. So I’ve got a hater determined to legally “get” me on behalf of another hater. I just hope I’m not a very high priority on their hate list.

Even Tom’s going to eventually shut his own Gmail account down even though it hasn’t been implicated in anything, just so there are no more Google connections. Whether or not I’ll ever return to public blogging, where, and under what name is still unknown and undecided at this time. I miss it and I miss seeing who comes around, but I’m totally loving the break it’s given me from the trolls.

At first I didn’t want to do anything that could make me look guilty and like I have something to hide, but as Tom says, it doesn’t matter. He’s right and I don’t care how shutting down accounts makes me look. It isn’t appearances that matter, it’s the pigs’ actions, and I will do whatever it takes to protect myself from the badged bastards.

Ok, here comes the spamfest. Yes, I do feel better once again about deleting my Yahoo account.

I don’t get Andy sometimes. I know I should let others believe what they believe as we can’t help what we believe anyway. But sometimes he seems to make excuses for God’s unfairness towards him. IDK, it sorta reminds me of a woman making excuses for an abusive man. I just wish he would see God for His true colors. He said maybe God’s keeping him alone to protect him from diseases. But wouldn’t it just be simple enough to send him someone clean? To that, he said God works in mysterious ways. More like cruel and unfair ways if you ask me. Why is it so important to God that Andy be lonely all his life? Why is it important to Him that we spend most of our time struggling? Why it is important to Him that Alison has all kinds of health problems?

On the flip side, he pointed out that he is very blessed in other areas and considers himself 90% happy. That’s how I feel right now, too. The only thing spoiling these better days is knowing that the shit’s gonna hit the fan sooner or later and we’ll be right back to struggle our asses off and give God (or whatever may be up there) a good laugh while He watches us scramble to save our asses.

Later…

LOL, Christiane commented on a post of Nane’s bitching about the weather (-13º). I noticed she changed her posting visibility from public to friends of friends when she dumped me. Now they’re back to public. Wonder if Christiane took the time to tell Nane about the bullshit chat of ours I posted for select eyes only, particularly hers and Irene’s. It would be especially funny if she or Irene copied it for her:) Hmm… what shall we “chat” about next? LMAO!

Soon it’s off to work on my book and to let “Bunny Nose” and her devilish side come out to play as every good book deserves at least one good sociopath:)

Irene said there was an earthquake in Salzburg as well as northern Italy and that she felt her desk shaking at work. I didn’t even know they could get earthquakes there. I guess Nane didn’t feel it up in Munich? Either way, I got to learn a new word while I was at it – Erdbeben. That’s German for the word earthquake.

Irene seems to want to hook me up with one of her friends. In her twisted English, I got the sense that maybe the friend was from here. She mentioned Westwood. I told her to tell her she’s welcome to send me a friend invite and I’ll add her if she wants.

Got lots to do this weekend so I may not get much writing done on either journals or stories. Then again, I always have lots to do. It’s just that weekends are more for laundry and errands while weekdays are more for writing, housecleaning and working out. Today, though, I’m going to clean the bathroom while he does the grocery shopping. Then we’re going to do even more PC configuring and try to “build” one of the Mac word processors to suit my needs and tastes by altering their basic code, something anyone can do.

Tom said a tree went down by Jesse’s place yesterday. That may explain some of the coming and going I heard like half a dozen times yesterday.

Later…

It’s only the afternoon here but already I am exhausted from all the changes we’ve been making on my computer both on and offline. We killed my Gmail accounts since I don’t use them anymore. I’m also going to be deleting my account with Yahoo but will be sure to PM my top buddies with the new addy. It’s actually not a “new” addy, just one I haven’t used to enter sweepstakes with thus encouraging a ton of spammers and scammers.

Still wish it would rain away the chainsaws, motorcycles and dogs, but at least we save on propane this way. It’s so nice in the afternoons that it’s been getting up to around 80º in here in the afternoons. The nights and mornings are still cold, though. Right now I’ve got shorts and a sports bra on. You’d never know I was bundled up in my robe less than 6 hours ago.

Maliheh never picked up either postcard that I know of so now I don’t know what to think. My gut feeling is that she’s ignoring both cards. Maybe she somehow knows I’ll know it if she picks them up. Then again she could be out on the streets or back in Hawaii with a dying mother. Who the hell knows and frankly I don’t know if I care anymore. Keeping in touch once every week or two wasn’t much to ask for, was it? As of the first, I’m not sending any more journals she may not be getting until I hear from her. Enough of this one-sided friendship and feeling like I’m talking to a wall!

Jesse was quiet till 10:30 yesterday when I heard him come in in the truck. Because I hadn’t heard any barking all morning I figured he took the dogs with him or someone was at the house. But the instant he got in he came right back out to play. Yes, he just had to jump on the bulldozer until it rained. If he had any brains he’d wait to go bullshitting in May or June, but no, this boy just has to play with his toys. The rain was an unexpected surprise, but now the 5-cast is once again predicting nothing but sunny days.

The rat has been clingier lately for some reason. It’s cute but annoying at times the way he follows me around the place. He sure wouldn’t let me work out earlier. No, instead he just had to chase and play with the resistance bands I was trying to work with, LOL. Anyway, the attention junkie should sleep most of the day away now that he’s had his love, attention, treats, freedom and exercise.

And I’ll spend the day worrying. Especially after the dream, I had last night. Tom says there’s nothing to worry about and while I don’t have a sense of foreboding, it still worries one who’s prone to dream premonitions, and well, I worry if last night’s dream was a nasty sign of some kind.

In the dream, I worked in an office building (dreams and stories are the only places I can keep a schedule). I had a small office at the end of the hall and was in a much larger room next to it when I spotted these two detectives. I don’t know if I’d met them before or not but I somehow knew they were there for me. The one leading the way was a white, middle-aged guy who was kind of baldish and carrying a manila envelope. His partner might have been a younger non-white. Maybe skinnier and a touch taller, too.

The wall that ran along the hallway was mostly made of glass. I watched through the “window” as the guys spoke to a secretary who sat at her desk facing the room in this little nook-like area across the hall. She pointed toward my office and they headed to it just 20 or so yards down the hall.

The storage room or whatever it was I was in suddenly turned into a bedroom. A large bed stood against the center of the wall opposite the windows and I suddenly dropped to the floor and pressed myself against the side of the bed, unable to get much more than an arm and a leg underneath it. Then I realized someone would surely spot me and wonder what the hell I was doing lying on the floor. Jumping back up to my feet I ran out of the room and through the nearest door which was a bathroom. When the pigs saw I wasn’t in my office, I heard them come out and ask the secretary where I was. I didn’t think I’d been seen, but she said I was in the bathroom and I woke up as they said they’d wait for me.

Tom better be right about this whole jurisdiction thing! It’s just that I fear that since I know damn well and good that I never did anything wrong enough to give them a “case” other than say some things they wouldn’t agree with that they’ve gone and made a case against me. As in falsifying evidence in a way that could make jurisdiction not matter. I really think someone altered one of my emails to make it sound threatening. Damn me again for sending them!

But does the dream mean anything? Is it a sign saying they’re “closing in” on me? Are they planning on coming here or am I just going to get a threatening message of sorts saying something like either come forward now or else!

Well, the facts still stand. I have done nothing wrong other than express myself in a non-threatening way and I have nothing to say to the pigs. Just because some people don’t want to hear it and may be easily offended – hey, I didn’t force anyone to read anything. The fact that she couldn’t just hit the delete button or block me or mark me as spam is not my problem. It never will be my problem either. Sorry, bitch but whatever’s up there is going to be protecting me this time. It fed me to you once and this time it’s my back it’s got. How do I know this? I don’t for sure. It’s just a feeling. Maybe it doesn’t have my back at all any more than it did when it let her and several others shit on me. Maybe it’s me and my husband that has my back, and you know what? This time it’s going to be enough!

Anyway, I don’t want to spend my time writing about how I’m not going to fall for their shit this time around and how much I’ll sue or kill but definitely make them sorry they didn’t just ignore me. I want to go work on my story soon.

Damn! Not even the first month of the year is through yet and I’ve already written 50 pages!

Why has my hard drive been so noisy today? I don’t know enough about this Mac crap yet to be able to see what it’s doing but I hope it’s just scanning or updating and that I haven’t been hacked! I’m so paranoid about that after having 3 emails, 2 blogs, and 1 PC hacked.

Later…

It’s barely after 11am and already I’ve heard Jesse come and go 3 times. Does he have a roommate with a similar vehicle or what? I mean, if it’s just him, how many places could a guy possibly have to go so damn often? This, and constant company, would be my biggest concern being in an adult community. They just don’t stay put at any age. And they’re all company junkies!

Let me guess… now it’s time to play on the bulldozer, right? Why doesn’t he just zoom out on the Harley and leave me with the barking instead?

Again Andy had a porn pic removed from Formspring which he posted as my “punishment” for not making him laugh when I told him about them tipping Nane off about the LM prank. But it was funny. He said it wasn’t, though, cuz that’s what mutual friends do – talk. This was after just days of promising to “try harder” to post more pics I like. But as I knew all along, he’s got an obvious porn addiction going. That’s not the mystery. The mystery is why they just keep removing the pics and not sending him a verbal warning or kicking him off. They removed the pic pretty damn fast, too. Makes me wonder if Andy not only wants to get kicked off, but if someone’s allowing him to stay because of me. Maybe I’ve really gotten beyond paranoid with this theory. So far beyond it that I make Marie seem like she wasn’t paranoid at all. But really, what if? What if the pigs told them, “Look just deal with it for now. Just remove the dirty pics but don’t kick him off because we’re really interested in what one of his friends has to say.”

Again, I would hate to think they’d put their time and effort into what I have to say versus their local child molesters and wife-beaters, but so be it. That’s just our backward world for you. If I farted they’d be interested in me. But if I axed someone’s head off they couldn’t care less.

Ok, I’ve had it with this in-and-out shit. Time to get the wax plugin. Sad when you can’t even get any peace out in the country. Really sad.

Still trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to lose weight. Never. And that’s because I won’t starve myself or cut down enough that I feel like I am. But it’s true, no matter how much exercising I do, I will always be around 140 pounds or higher.

I do like how good working out makes me feel, though. I love having all this muscle! I’ve been “lifting” like crazy. Each exercise helps with more than just the target areas. Running doesn’t just work the legs but firms the hips as well. Ab crunching also helps the neck and chin area so they’re less droopy. With age, the neck tends to drape down just above the collarbone but mine’s not doing that.

It’s back to being nice during the daytime and cold at night. Sooner or later I would think the rains will make their way back into the area and it will be cold night and day. I’m sick of the cold and it’s not even February yet! Damn, I hope we make it to Florida someday. I really do.

It’s too soon to say for sure but my nails do seem to be a bit clearer. The milky color has faded, and while my fingernails now look ok save for ridges, a few of my toenails still look discolored.

Tom’s back to having OT so hopefully, that means they won’t lay him off anytime soon.

I asked Teri and she advised me to do 3 sets of my muscle-building exercises and to do as many reps as I can until I can do no more. She said to rest for 3-5 minutes in between. Also, up the resistance if I have to do that many reps. So I’m now at 20 pounds and will work my way up to 30 which is as much as I’ve got here as far as resistance bands go.

If we ever make it out of here I think the only thing I’m gonna miss about this place is the cabinet support pole I’ve been using to do some of the exercises with. I could probably wrap bands around the treadmill’s rails, though, too. That’s what I have to do in order to work the inner thigh muscles. Anyway, all this “lifting” takes time and between that and the treadmill, I don’t care to spend nearly two hours a day working on myself, so I’m alternating between muscle and cardio workouts. I just hope it’s enough to get more weight off since the muscle pumping doesn’t get the heart pumping nearly as much as running does. Even walking briskly at 3MPH gets it going faster than when I’m lifting.

I messaged Jasmine from the old KB on FB yesterday but didn’t hear back from her even though she’s posted to her wall since then. I just thought I’d say hi but she didn’t like me very much in the end because of my views on blacks and the unfairness of reverse discrimination.

Maliheh not only still hasn’t messaged me but hasn’t picked up her Webshots card. Their notification thing is glitchy at times, though, so she still may’ve gotten it. As a test, I’m sending another Egreeting card. We’ll see if she picks up that today or if I at least get anything saying she did. I’ll have mixed emotions if I see she’s picked up this card. It would be a good thing because it would show she’s alive and well and is taking the time to read what I send. But it would convince me all the more that no matter what she says is going on in her life, she is ignoring me for some reason.

I sent Barbara a card yesterday and she didn’t pick it up, but she did pick up the one I sent before. Yeah, I’m definitely not going to hear from her again. No doubt about that one.

The troll’s worrying Alison with more and more talk about moving to Des Moines which is just a 3½-hour drive from the Omaha area. She fears something bad will happen if she makes the move, though I don’t see what could possibly happen. The troll can’t drive and if she’s got this supposed muscle condition which is part of why she can’t drive or run too well, then how could she hurt Aly? She’s crazy, but hopefully not crazy enough to get her BF, who’s got to be just as sick as she is, to drive her over to Alison’s and also a gun with which to shoot her. After all, I did say I sensed she’d be dangerous if she were in better shape and could get around easier.

Part of what seems to be motivating the troll is that right after she praised her family and said, “Who needs friends when you have such a wonderful family?” she’s not getting along with her parents and is fighting with her sisters as well. Her mother’s afraid to let her go for fear of her not taking her BC pills. Molly needs more than just BC pills, even though I can’t imagine her ever surviving for long in any long-term relationship, she needs her plumbing ripped out. She’s just the kind our twisted God would have knocked up, too. Just what the world needs – baby Mollys to add to the world’s craziness.

I’m trying to understand the world’s crazies just out of sheer curiosity. I mean what makes them tick? I know many things can contribute to one becoming a sociopath, a serial killer, and just plain crazy. But what’s the scoop in Molly’s case? Was it abuse that made her the way she is? Genetics? Something else? And just what does “crazy” mean? Does she even know what she’s doing? Sometimes I think she does because she has admitted in her blog to making threats and doing other things she shouldn’t be doing, but most of the time she seems to have no concept of right and wrong. Can she really tell the difference but is unable to keep herself from doing the shit she does anyway? Is she too out of it most of the time to realize her mistakes? Or is she fully aware at all times but just doesn’t give a shit?

Anyway, I think Mommy Dearest is worried about more than just BC. I think she not only knows the relationship won’t last, but she worries about just what kind of trouble her demented daughter may cause being so far away where she has no control over at least some of it. I think she fears she won’t take her psych pills and will eventually get in trouble with the law. I still can’t believe she hasn’t as of yet. Really, what’s taking so long?

Still editing and sprucing up my timeline and I’m sure I’ll make changes and additions for some time to come as I remember past events and stuff like that. What sucks is knowing they’ll just revamp the damn profile layouts again soon enough.

I wonder if Facebook is glitchy because it not only continued to say I have 37 notes after I posted one, but they’re saying I joined in October of 2007. But I swear I joined a year or two before that up in Oregon. I swear I remember changing my state of residence from Oregon to Cali.

They also say I have zero activity for 2008. It’s hard to believe I didn’t post or do something.

Since the new timeline makes it so much easier to see so much at once, I easily scrolled back to some posts Nane left over a year ago and couldn’t resist “liking” one. LOL, that’s gonna throw the bitch off, alright, when she gets notified of it:) I don’t know that they’re timelining Germany so she’s going to have a real WTF? moment trying to figure out how I could “like” something she posted when we’re no longer friends and she hasn’t even posted on my wall for a million years anyway.

Later…

OMG, I am laughing so, so fucking hard to myself right now I almost spit coffee out all over me! It’s a good thing Tom isn’t home now. I wouldn’t want to worry my lovable but sometimes paranoid husband into thinking I’m getting into trouble. Oh, it’s nothing illegal, but it’s so damn funny. I’ve got to make sure I only share this with Andy. We’re the only ones who have this much in common. We’re two pranksters at heart. I may have no desire to make prank calls, but oh the fun I have online at times! Only Andy would probably find what I’m about to say funny whereas Maliheh, Aly and everyone else would either be like, “Shame on you!” Or they just wouldn’t get it.

I’m friends with two of Nane’s friends right now, Christiane and Irene. Well, except for emails to Andy and Maliheh, Facebook is the only place I’ve been journaling lately. In fact, it’s pretty much the only site I hang out on these days except for when I play around with Andy on his Formspring page.

Anyway, I went to Live Mocha, the site Nane and I “met” on. Neither of us has been into LM for quite a while now. Nane’s third language is Turkish. She’s not fluent in it but has studied quite a bit of it. Especially since she vacations in Turkey 3-4 times a year and hopes to one day live there. LM is a social site as well as a language learning site where native speakers of whatever language you’re learning can leave you tips and correct any errors you make. So I went to an old spoken Turkish exercise of hers and after using Google to translate from English to Turkish, I left a “review” about just what I think about her dumping me and all that. No swears or threats or anything illegal, but nothing she’d be too thrilled about.

Only problem was she hadn’t logged in since August 23rd. Then I got curious as to whether or not Christiane or Irene might be reading my notes and decided to do a little test. I casually mentioned Nane and said that I still missed her at times even though I knew we were better off not speaking to each other, though she’s “probably going to want to strangle me for the Livemocha prank if she ever discovers it.” I was not only curious as to whether or not they may be reading my notes, but I kinda hoped they were and that they’d go tip Nane off so Nane could go see my little Turk prank. Hey, they gave me 20 free tokens to do it, LOL, not that I’m very active there any more than she’s been. I’ve taken all the courses I care to take until and if they ever add Hawaiian.

I posted this note a few days ago for them only even though they didn’t know it was for them only. But yeah, that’s the beauty of posting on FB; you can hide select friends from seeing certain posts or make them available to certain friends. However way you wanna go. Well, they didn’t say anything about it, but I just discovered that Nane deactivated her account, hahaha! The timing is quite a coincidence if you ask me, LMAO!

The thought of posting notes just for Christiane and Irene about Nane and I making up and even talking about visiting, knowing they’ll run and tell her about it, really amuses the hell out of me. :))))) OMG, I can’t stop laughing!

She also removed the ‘friends of friends’ weather post the other day. Now just the public post is there.

I had a dream a few nights ago that Facebook forced the new timeline profile on everyone and I shut down my account and left for good. Then Tom read an article this morning confirming that they were going to do just that – force it on everyone as of the first (unless you want to change over sooner).

I noticed a few people already switched to the timeline but at first it seemed complex and didn’t interest me. The layout seemed sloppy and too cluttered at first glance so I shied away from it. Besides, I’m a hater of change for the most part. When I get used to doing something a certain way and get comfortable with it, I like to stick to it and not bother to change what works well enough for me.

So when Tom told me they were making it mandatory anyhow, I said okay, let me go check it out, see how much I hate it, then deactivate my account. However, I’m surprised to say that I like it very much and it really is simple to set up and navigate once you get the hang of it. It makes it much more convenient to jump from year to year instead of having to scroll and scroll and scroll down to the earlier stuff.

So only half of that dream has come true since I’m going to stick around after all!

Why did Kevin E. request to follow me on Twitter, especially since I almost never tweet anymore? I’d never heard of him before but he’s some kind of songwriter and musician according to my research. I’m used to authors following me, but a songwriter and musician? I haven’t been into the music scene for decades. I still sing at times, but I haven’t danced or touched a guitar other than the ones I won long enough to sell since my mid-20s.

He’s following nearly 1000 people, has 11 followers mostly in the entertainment business, but hasn’t tweeted. The account looks legit, though, as did the guy who sent me an add invite on FB since I saw that we have 4 mutual friends (VH sisters) and he’s in the northeast and is around my age.

Couldn’t help but think of Maliheh when I saw this site that sells stone guitar picks. Someone tried to tell me they were made of dinosaur bones. Yeah, right. And my nose is made of Adolf Hitler’s last dump before he killed himself. LOL, how the hell can you play with picks made of stone anyway?

I can’t believe Andy hasn’t been banned from Formspring. They keep removing the hardcore porn pics he posts but he just won’t stop posting them. It’s like he’s addicted to the stuff. Or to grossing some people out. Yesterday he said he’d stick to soft porn. Yeah, right. For how long, 3 days?

The troll is already back to badmouthing Alison. I suppose I’m next, and then Kim and Kathy, more of her imaginary friends that she doesn’t get why they won’t talk to her. We knew it wouldn’t take long, though. What mommy doesn’t seem to get is that temporary punishment and banning her from the net won’t cut it. She’ll not only just carry on her shit from the library whenever she can, but will be right back to her threats and harassment as soon as mommy gives her back her computer. Mrs. M just doesn’t get that she needs to be kept from going online FOREVER or at least with someone looking over her shoulder and watching her every single move without so much as blinking an eye.

Aly’s review of Renting Ginny was very helpful. She’s the absolute best editor I have. Mitch is great, too. The only problem there is the UK/US English differences. Over here we simply do not spell color with a ‘u’ in it.

Although I have the basic ideas mapped out for Bunny Nose and will be starting C3 today, I’m not so sure just how evil I want to make “Bunny Nose” just yet. That would certainly be a cause of concern for the kind elderly couple that takes her in if others witness her doing crazy and even violent things. Or should another character be the nutcase? Every story deserves to have at least one batshit crazy character:)

Time to work out because no, I will not use my period as an excuse to be lazy. Then I’ll hit the shower in which the hot water still runs out too soon which means it’s something about this screwy shower itself or the pipes and not the tank. A 35-gallon tank should definitely not run out of hot water in less than 15 minutes.

Welcome weekday pig worries…

Not!

Still not sure what to think where they’re concerned, but trying not to worry. It’s just not easy when you have a dream where someone knocks on the door and you say to your husband, “That’s 3 times this week.”

But was it the pigs? Or was it just the Jes pest?

Anyway, I won’t let them get me. I won’t. Not unless they kick their way in here and physically drag me outa here. They seem to have forgotten me, but that may be what they want me to think. Months can go by before the pigs come at you again whether you deserve them to or not and I definitely haven’t done anything to deserve their attention. That’s part of what makes this a little scary. Imagine if I had actually done something.

I saw that Molly made a few posts from her local library and her mother even emailed Alison to say that she would be getting back the computer she took away from her for badmouthing people online and making threats and to let her know if she says anything she shouldn’t be saying.

She’s not appearing on my tracker, but the library may have their cookies turned off.

sighs They say a mother’s love is unconditional. Well, usually it is unless you’re someone like Casey Anthony. But not everything and anyone deserves to be loved unconditionally if you ask me. Especially those that are hopeless. I really, truly believe Molly is beyond hope. I don’t think any amount of time, therapy or medication can change her. I think she was born crazy and she always will be. What’s the point of even letting these kinds of people live in society? Shouldn’t they be locked up with their own kind in a controlled environment forever so the outside world can be a little safer? I’m glad the mother is finally waking up where her daughter is concerned and has quit making lame excuses for her despite an understandable desire to want to defend her own flesh and blood. But daughter or not, the kid (and I will call her that because she acts like a kid even though she’s 28) is fucked up. Hopefully, her eyes will open even further and she’ll see that there’s no changing anything and will not so much as give up on her but will get her into some kind of institution. Does the woman really want to spend the rest of her life babysitting the nutjob anyway?

Maliheh never picked up the Webshots postcard I sent her unless they failed to notify me that it was delivered. I’m sure she’s having a rough life now just like she says she is, but I still think she’s playing with me much like Nane was. You gotta go by what people do and not what they say. Actions really do speak louder than words.

I was “reminiscing” about Nane in one of my Facebook notes. Wonder if Irene or Christiane mentioned it to her? LOL

Rain, rain, don’t go away. Rain, rain, keep Jesse away:) It’s not gonna stop him from running and gunning his truck, but it will keep him off of at least 4 of his 50 other vehicles:)))

Later…

I’m reading a book called Trapped by Jack Kilborn. It’s a good story so far, though I’m only 22% through it, but am a little disturbed by the author’s description of those with ADHD. Well, I have ADHD and yes, we have memory retention issues at times and a short attention span, but to say we feel no empathy or remorse and that we blame everyone else for what happens to us is pure BS. I won’t take the blame for someone else’s mistake, but I know damn well when I’ve made a mistake myself and I don’t mind saying so. I’m only human. Humans fuck up. As for empathy or remorse, of course I’m not going to feel bad for you if you should fall and skin your knees after you did me wrong. And like most people out there, the more you’ve wronged me, the less I care what happens to you. But I would most definitely feel bad if I wronged or offended those I care about. No doubt about that. And I empathize greatly when my loved ones and good friends are suffering. I think that the inability to feel empathy and remorse is a personality thing; not an ADHD thing.

It also disturbs me to hear some people refer to gays and lesbians as a “lifestyle.” If there’s any “style” in gayhood then there’s just as much in straighthood. To hear it referred to as an “alternative lifestyle” really pisses me off. Where’s the “alternative” to being yourself?

While I try to have a “to each their own” attitude and let people have their own beliefs, it’s hard to believe those who say things happen for a reason. I once thought this myself and sometimes I still do, but in most cases, I’m not so sure anymore. Good people suffer for seemingly no reason whatsoever. There is simply NO justifiable, sensible or rational “reason” why some kids are beaten to death by their own parents.

Nothing in the way of oink, oink and no warrants either. While it makes sense for them to give up on me as long as I don’t go to their jurisdiction, it also doesn’t make sense that they would give up on me with a history with this black bitch. Pigs, lawyers and judges break laws all the time. If they’re frustrated enough by the jurisdiction thing and they really want to get at me, they’ll find a way. They’ll be sorry. But they’ll find a way. My logical side knows it’s just a scam but my PTSD side knows otherwise. No one’s after me despite all she did to me in the past.

I miss blogging. I don’t miss the troll but I miss blogging and seeing who comes around and what they have to say. I feel like that’s something the pigs, blacks and Molly have taken from me, but I’d rather miss it for a while than deal with any shit that may arise from it until and if I see just how obsessed Arizona may or may not become with me. It’s not uncommon to think you’ve heard the last from the pigs about whatever, then boom! There they are come to haunt you again. Two times I was bullshitted by the police about things being “over.” I’d rather not have to but oh how I will be haunting right back if they tangle with me again!

I thought I might’ve had some dream last night that had to do with Tom getting a raise, but the dream wasn’t clear enough for me to say for sure. That would be nice, but he’s one of their highest-paid employees as it is and that makes it less likely that they’d give him a raise so we’ll see.

I also dreamed we were living in a tiny, dumpy old two-bedroom house in the city. It’s nice that it was a real house, though I don’t like that it was in the city or the “fog” that the closets contained, but yeah, that was one of its quirks, LOL. Foggy closets that needed their doors kept open in the wintertime to keep the mildew and musty odors away.

Still wonder if we’ll make it out of here this year or not. Maybe they won’t lay him off but maybe we won’t be able to get into an adult community either. And maybe all we’ll be able to find in the country that we can afford are dumps similar to this one unless we want a bigger dump in a seedy section of the city or to live on another shared property, and we don’t. This selfish bitch wants everything to herself:) It isn’t that we couldn’t afford to pay over a grand in rent; it’s that we don’t want the place sucking every last dime out of us like the motels and the Maricopa house did. In the past, it used to be important to me to have extra money for fun stuff. Nowadays it’s important to me in case we fall upon hard times, something we got especially good at.

Something good was going on in the dream I had despite the shabbiness of the house itself, only Tom was being secretive about it. Like he wanted to find out more about it, and then surprise me with whatever it was.

We’re done with the rain we had for the next week or so, which means warmer temps and a noisier landlord who will now have more options with which to annoy me. Instead of just his truck, he can now choose between the Harley, the dirt bike, the bulldozer or the ATV. I really gotta wonder just how many feet we need to place between us and our nearest neighbor in order to not have to hear from them every day. At just a few feet I pretty much expected it, but if they’re still annoying me from over 100 feet, I wonder if 10 miles would even make a difference so long as they’re our neighbors. beats head

I’m so fucking pissed right now I could scream! I emailed Tom a copy of this really cute rodent picture Andy had on Formspring, but he said it wasn’t visible. So I went through my ‘sent’ folder and found that many pictures I’d enclosed in messages weren’t visible either. Strangely enough, most of the invisibles were sent to Maliheh. I asked Maliheh to let me know if she’s been noticing this too and how often but I don’t expect an answer. The poor girl’s got so much shit going on I rarely hear from her these days. We don’t need to go back to daily chats, but I keep hoping that things will slow down and get better on her end so we can chat at least once a week. But I may not get an answer and so I may not know what she’s seeing on her end of things. I just know that I checked those messages after I sent them and the pictures were perfectly visible then. Today they’re not.

Also, I made up a bunch of “stationery.” These are pictures I’d lay down in the bodies of the emails and save as drafts, but many of those are gone, too. Ugh, I’m just so pissed! I worked long and hard on all that stationery. Maybe I need to stop doing so much for others.

Sometimes I wonder if someone somewhere is fucking with me. I really do. So we installed a PW on my entire PC. No one can do anything on it anymore without entering that PW first.

Got lots of rain and I even heard the frogs for the first time this year.

Despite the fact that I’ve moved every few months to a few years since I was 20, I just don’t see us moving anytime soon, but I think I already mentioned that. If this is where we’re meant to be for many more years to come, fine. I’m used to living in tiny old dumps and there could be worse places to be stuck in. I just wish I knew for sure because I don’t want to think, try or aim for something that isn’t meant to be. Instead, I would want to start thinking about sprucing this place up and customizing it to suit our needs. I hate to spend money on someone else’s place and I hate living with Jesse, but if that’s what’s meant to be then it must be for a reason, right?

After saying he’d tone it down, Andy’s already back to posting porn on his Formspring wall after just a few days of decent, classy, sexy and cute pics. This is some really raunchy shit he posts too, that I can’t believe he hasn’t been kicked off the site altogether. But when you know that risk is there and that it grosses some people out but still can’t seem to stop, that should tell you something about yourself. This is classic pervie behavior. It’s so sad to see him this way but it’s true. He just can’t seem to stop with the lewd and disgusting talk and pictures, especially pictures. Classic, classic pervert behavior. He’s made it no secret that he’s attracted to youth. Most straight guys are too, and look how many of them are perverts, rapists and child molesters? Maybe he wasn’t so innocent after all in the case that landed him in jail and on probation. The guy involved was only 22. Better than 18 which is better than 14. But still, he was almost forced to register as a sex offender and he acts like one, too. Only difference is this one’s deprived and not getting nearly as much sex as he wants because he’s after guys and not girls. Most people are still straight and sometimes girls are easier to lure because of it.

Die Hündin has her wall public and posted the same link to a German weather site about Hurricane Katrina to both the public as well as to friends of friends. What did she do that for? If your wall is public then why submit the same thing for friends of friends? I’m a friend of some of her friends yet nothing appears in the news feed. Maybe it’s not supposed to? Oh well. Who could ever figure out a woman like Marion Nane L?

I still miss Nane at times. Although I’m over most of the hurt and anger at being dumped when I could’ve used a friend the most (not that I didn’t have others who cared), and although I shouldn’t, I’m sure I’d be dumb enough to welcome her back into my life with open arms if she’d only reach out to me. LOL, even if she’d just end up dumping me the next time the shit hit the fan in my life, but that’s just how some people are. They’re there when you’re up and they run when you’re down. But I mean no disrespect to any of Nane’s friends that may read this and I still wish Nane the very best in life. I hope she hasn’t been dumped by Jim. It’s just that Karma has a way of biting us in the ass when we least expect it.

I’ve developed this gross nail fungus in my nails. It’s mostly in my toes, but I have a combination of thin nails, thick nails, discoloration, lifting, bending, etc. They all have sort of a milky white tint to them and hopefully, the stuff I bought will clear up the cloudiness and other uglies in a few weeks. Tom thinks it’s because of the long-term use of too much nail polish. If that’s so since I doubt it’s a sign of a deadly disease since I’m being sent to Florida so often in my dreams, I wish I could lose interest altogether in nail polish. Maybe if I come back a man or a butch in the next life I won’t have a damn bit of interest in the stuff. But in this life, muscular or not, I’m all fem – heels, flashy jewelry, dresses, perfume, nail polish and makeup. Not as much makeup, though, as when I was younger. I don’t think makeup looks as good on older people, and especially not the elderly. It makes them look clownish in a ghoulish sort of way.

Tom tells me I’m not fat, yes he will be a permanent employee someday, and yes, we will be insured (for less than $40 a week) before we’re old. Not sure I believe him on the first two. I still need a dentist, I still need a doctor who specializes in congenital atresia, and I might have to see a doctor for a prescription if I can’t clear this nail thing up on my own.

Except for just a couple of days over the last two weeks, my ear has been much better. I don’t expect it to last, though. The rain seems to be stirring it up as it is. We got some rain yesterday but today we’re really getting slammed. It’s really sheeting down hard against the windows so much so that if they were open we’d be soaked in here. I had hoped that Jesse would stay in tonight so I could enjoy the sounds of the rain and the wind chimes instead of barking and I got my way with that one at least for tonight. I threw on the dehumidifier for a while since I’ve now got wet clothes hanging on the inside lines.

It kind of sucks that I’m on nights now and not up to enjoy and take advantage of this rain making things quieter around here. Jesse still may run and gun that damn truck, but no one would be sawing or running around on ATVs, motorcycles or dirt bikes.

After spending the last 8 hours, cooking, cleaning and doing other odds and ends around the place, I’m going to waste time watching movies, reading, and neglecting my book. Well, after I do the grocery list I will.

I can waste time thinking and wondering, too. How about like why our moving to a retirement community this summer seems too “easy” and “too good to be true?” Oh, wait. Make that an adult community. Tom says a retirement community isn’t an appropriate thing to call them because that’s usually for those in need of assisted living.

But an 18-year-old is an “adult.”

Either way, moving to a – how about 55+ neighborhood? – seems sort of unrealish to me, like it ain’t gonna happen. I may be too young. Only one of you has to be 55 or up, but they like to keep their overall percentage of people at 55 and up, so we still may not be able to get in even if we can save up enough money, he’s still working, and they don’t mind taking us even though he’s just a temp. Maybe we could get around letting them know he’s just a temp, but hopefully they’ll understand that so are most people in Califuckedup. It would be just our shit luck that my age would be an issue since we’re not very good at getting what we want and our plans rarely go through. sighs Why do I have to be in my 40s? I want to be in my 50s right now! We could remain in the country, but it’s not only very hard to find a place on a piece of land that doesn’t have landlords or other tenants on it, but they’re usually over a grand a month in rent.

No Florida dreamin’ last night. Instead, I flew over a giant water slide and got it on with someone but I don’t know who. I don’t even know if it was a man or a woman, LOL.

It’s been almost two weeks since I heard from the pigs, real or not. Is it because they’re giving up on me or because they have something more sinister planned for me? Tom thinks that if I keep out of view they’ll let it die away. They better! There are no words in any language to describe what a big mistake it would be on their part if they messed with me. Some people really aren’t worth bothering with and I’m one of them. I just hope I won’t have to show them that. I have continued to pray them off every single day and by some miracle, something’s actually been listening to me so far.

We finally got some rain around here, though it hasn’t been much yet and it didn’t start till Jesse’s usually indoors anyway. I did hear him running around on the ATV for a few minutes, though, as the sun was setting. Oh well. I slept most of the day anyway.

I stood out on the porch at around 4pm waiting for Tom to come down the drive and breathing in that fresh mountain air. It was raining lightly at the time and the ground was barely saturated. It’s too cold here and it’s not as pretty as Florida but it’s still so peaceful and so beautiful when there’s no barking or loud vehicles running. Country living beats city life any day!

No scary meetings at work for Tom and no nightmares for me, so that’s good.

Been showered with all kinds of comments, hugs, kisses, and pictures from Irene, LOL. I guess she realizes that yes, Nane, whom she herself warned me about, and I are really done. Totally history. I don’t mind attention from her as opposed to some of the others on Facebook like Lori. Lori’s nice but the poor girl is so damn ugly. Not sure how with it she is either, but I don’t think she’s too far out in left field. Just ugly enough to shower me with even more attention. :(

Irene doesn’t get carried away and make me feel smothered or overwhelmed in any kind of way and she’s not bad looking. She’s one of those that’s ugly but she isn’t if that makes any sense. She probably attracts more women than men. She’s overweight and has short hair, but she has a pleasant face and a great personality. She seems to be very friendly and open-minded. I had to laugh that time she said she wondered if I were in love with Nane. No, not in love, but I definitely had feelings for her. I don’t know if Irene is bi like Nane, but that’s the impression I get based on some things she’s said.

The drama queen hasn’t been around much. Have I been making her nose bleed too hard or something? Molly had all kinds of aches, pains, nosebleeds, and illnesses when she was fucking with me and my friends and really pissing me the hell off, LOL. The drama queen hasn’t done anything lately, but that anger over the past still lingers. I think it always will to a degree.

Been thinking of shutting down my Yahoo account. Tom and I have been thinking of shutting down a few of our email accounts and we’ll decide what to get rid of this weekend. I use my mail.com addy occasionally and it’s not overwhelmed with spam yet, so I’ll probably keep that even though it’s a bitch to get into. But I never use my Gmail account anymore and the Yahoo account gets spammed to hell and back every day. I just can’t get it all to hit my spam box. Like I said, I really think someone used it to sign me up for all kinds of shit. The scammers are harder to get rid of than the spammers because they keep coming at me from different email addies that just won’t get filtered out. I’ve had the Ratgirl account for 12 years, though, so I’ll have to think about it. When I go back to sweeping in about a year or so I would want to use a whole new addy for it anyway. Rather than try to struggle to remember which sites I’m already registered at and update all my Robo passcards, it’s easier to just start anew with a fresh address even if it means re-registering for everything.

All but my mail.com addy has been hacked. My Gmail, Yahoo and a Hotmail account I once had 5 years ago were all hacked. The thing is that when I reported being unable to log into my Hotmail account they never even had the decency to respond let alone help me in any way. I never heard from MSN and never got that account back. Because of it, I don’t think I would want to bother with Hotmail, and Gmail’s not good either because Google has lousy security lately for some reason. I would probably create another Yahoo account if I was going to do anything at all.

Tom said to be sure I don’t go to the sites that have been signing me up for their newsletters and sign anyone up for them myself, pointing out that while he thinks it’s probably just spam, it could also be the pigs trying to bait me.

Yeah, I know that. Believe me, the pigs are the first to come to mind when anything suspicious happens, but I agree with him in that it’s most likely spam. The whole world has this email addy, thanks to my sweeping days and all the sites that sold my main email addy and the sites that were hacked like Sony and other big-name sites.

Later...

Made another book sale which is good, but still not able to get in the mood to work on my current book. When I’m not working around the house or working out, lately I’ve been watching movies, reading books, and writing in my journal. I’ve got to get off this lazy trend I’ve been on.

I keep telling myself I should also try to make at least $5 every weekday on MT to help ward off the next “poor” spell, but I can’t seem to do that either. Is it because he makes a lot of money and because I don’t like working so long for slave wages? Probably. But I also think I pretty much figure that fate is fate. If we’re meant to suffer again we will no matter what I do to try to prevent it or make it easier. But I am helping in other ways like by not overspending. I’m not very materialistic anyway these days and I haven’t been for a few years now. I get a few things here and there but nothing extravagant like I did for about a decade until around 2008.

Gotta wonder what it is with me at times, though, when half the time I gotta push myself to write stories even when I’ve got tons of ideas, yet I just can’t stop writing in my journal. Hope I’m not overwhelming my email recipients.

I have doubts that Tom will ever be a permanent employee anywhere and I have doubts about an adult community at times, too. Oh, I still hope to rent in one someday so I’ll know for sure what it’s like. But sometimes what I think will be the case ends up not being the case at all. We came to Cali thinking we would have better lives. We were wrong. Life is certainly getting better and in some ways, it’s finally better than it was in Oregon. We don’t have to pay utilities here other than propane. Tom doesn’t lose a buck an hour for insurance he’ll never use. The taxes aren’t nearly as high here. People get paid time and a half for every day they work overtime even if they haven’t worked 40 hours yet for that week. The climate is better. The area is quieter. But look how long it took for things to get this way and there’s no saying how much longer it will last.

Your average temp job is 3-5 months according to what I just read, and temps, which are used by 90% of the companies out there, are fast becoming the norm. The temp craze isn’t just about a shaky economy but also a great way to get out of having to pay benefits as well, just as I figured was the case. Few temps become permanent these days. Some people are temps at the same place for years.

Maybe Tom should think of skipping the temp companies and look for a permanent job on his own if he wants benefits we could afford and the vacation and holiday time he deserves. Especially if he’s still a temp past March. The only problem is - where do you find a permanent job in Cali??? And when are there going to be laws to protect temps or at least a means of giving them affordable insurance and at least some vacation time, especially if the healthcare thing falls through?

Having so many things not turn out to be as I expected or at least hoped they would be is what makes me have doubts and concerns about an adult community. I know without a doubt I would never want to return to the mainstream part of the city or any kind of attached living. Apartments and condos simply aren’t me. But what if adult communities aren’t as peaceful as I’m told they are? We also don’t want to be stuck in a tiny old trailer forever either, so as Tom said, we’ll just have to really do our homework if and when the time ever comes when the opportunity to do so is there. I really hope we get to live in a real house again someday with adequate space. I miss it so much!

I also have my doubts about ever again winning up a storm like I used to, psychic or not. I was 1 of 7K entrants to win the Caribbean cruise I won in 2006. Well, I didn’t enter for it but there’s this trip on Facebook where all you have to do to be entered is “like” them, a very common way to enter sweeps. But they have over 51K likes! :( That’s why I don’t think I can ever win like I once did. From 2005-2008 not nearly as many people entered sweeps or had FB accounts and not many sweeps were run through them. The whole world enters sweeps these days! sighs But all good things do come to an end.

Saw a movie that took place on a cruise ship and made me wish we were cruising again. Especially after learning that its toughest moments were nothing compared to semi-smooth days at the extended-stay motel. Swimming in what seemed like a wave pool due to the ship’s movements was so much fun. I also want to read and write on the private veranda we had where I’m safe from bees and spiders, LOL. I miss the ocean mist blowing on my face like when it was storming and we’d kind of hang over the railing. Hell, it was even fun waving goodbye to all the people too, when we disembarked from that Fort Lauderdale port, right where “the dream people” are hinting we might one day end up. As it is I don’t think we’re gonna make the Italy trip, something I have mixed emotions about. I still hate to travel. It’s a pain in the ass and when you have a sleep disorder, can’t take your sound machine with you, and wake up to every little sound, you tend to be dragging during the daytime. They also seem pretty hateful in Italy, too. On the flip side, the language is beautiful, I know enough of it to get by, and a change if only for a week might do us good. A week would be about all I could stand anyway. I don’t know how many other entrants I beat out on this trip; I only know I won it by accident. I wanted the runner-up’s $1200 necklace to sell on eBay.

When the treadmill breaks or we sell it like maybe for a lighter move to Florida, Ft. Lauderdale or not, I want an elliptical machine for sure. They were doing that on the cruise in the movie, too. I like how it doesn’t need electricity and there is no impact on the joints. Also, I didn’t realize this but I like the handles that you sort of pull back and forth while you’re using it sort of like you’re skiing. It would help work the arms even more. Or maybe after we get moved if it looks like we’re gonna stick around a while and we have the space and the treadmill stays alive, I’ll get it anyway. Both would be nice to have for variety, but it’s way in the future unless this thing does crap out anytime soon.