Up and awake now and so is the troll. It seems to only sleep 3 hours a day, claiming it’s having flashbacks to the day she was supposedly attacked and wondering when there’ll ever be justice for what happened to her. That’s what I wonder as far as those in Arizona go.

Before being funny farmed she bitched that she was sleeping 12-15 hours a day. I wish she’d sleep 24 hours a day! She might’ve gone back to bed, though. She wouldn’t go 44 minutes without viewing my blog if she were home and awake.

A part of me wants to share the parts of yesterday’s entry where I talk about her, but another part doesn’t want to get her going again and fuel the fire when she does that herself enough of the time as it is for no reason and without provocation.

I asked Tammy if she’s hit menopause yet. The lucky bitch had a full hysterectomy in 2005. Right now she’s dealing with pain management doctors, I guess, for a better quality of life. She also says she’s glad we’re happy, she misses me and wishes I could visit, and has read some of my writing or journals, thinks they’re great, and is something she might look into. Compliments like that make the idea of dumping her a bit harder. I’m surprised she’d want to look into writing, though. I just never thought she had any interest in that any more than learning other languages.

It’s been so warm in here in the afternoons that I’ve had to run fans and open windows for a little while. I assumed we’d have a wetter spring to make up for the fall and winter drought, but at the rate we’re going I’m not so sure about that. It seems the whole country is having an easier winter.

Haven’t had any dreams about moving for the last two nights, and while I’m not really sure what my dreams were about, it seems they had a negative undertone to them. Nothing about money or jobs, but it seemed like I may have been running from something or someone.

Okay, time to go post an entry for her to vote down.

Later…

She did vote me down but others, including myself and the bogus account I created, voted me back up:) I’m picking on her from that other account too, and down-voting her in return. I’m trying to drive her off Thoughts and make her feel as unwelcome as she claims she feels, but she’s too obsessive to give up that easily. Hopefully, I can drive her crazy enough in ways that won’t get “Kate” in any trouble.

Later…

NOTE: This was a scam, as in fake email, fake detective, fake everything. Unfortunately, because I was legally screwed over in the past, I let my paranoia get the better of me. Yes, the same people that screwed me over in the past were likely involved, but there was no "case" made against me. This farce stemmed from me sending them some emails in which I said nothing they wanted to hear.

I wish I could say an engine-gunning landlord who seems to spend more and more time gunning his vehicles than riding them was my worst of problems, and no, Tom hasn’t been laid off or anything like that. But an Arizona PD made a case against me. So much for praying to God not to beat me over the head with my perps, old perps or not. It’s like He put them on this earth just to torture me! And this is right after I have dreams about running from someone or something. My first thought when I awoke from the dream was the black pig for some reason. It was just a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.

Oddly enough I’m not freaking out and having the runs like I did when Google first informed me they were snooping into my account (if it’s even real). And just maybe God will protect me this time around and my worst problem will be having a default warrant out on me that never amounts to anything. But if that warrant is for anything federal, I’m fucked and I may as well be in Arizona. Meaning, they can arrest me in any state if the charges are federal. If I knew it was a misdemeanor or non-federal then I wouldn’t worry.

The email was from a Det. Juan D in the Criminal Investigations Division saying a case had been made against me and to please contact him, but no information was given about the "case." The strange thing about it was that the email was not only sent to 3 of my email accounts, one of which hasn’t existed in years, and to Tom as well. It was also sent to what appears to be an invalid email as well as the pig that was involved in the last case and that O Group that held the contest for a grand of cash when we lived in Oregon. Tom said cops weren’t allowed to post their pics online in cases like that but after I entered I saw a picture of what I swear was the pig standing with his wife. After that, I contacted them, said who I was, and requested my name to be pulled from the contest. But what the hell do they have to do with anything???

I still think this has gotta be connected to the black bitch and the auto-sent blog posts, though I still don’t see how they can make a case out of that for spam or any kind of slander case. Nothing I’ve written isn’t already a matter of public information, nor did I write anything threatening or racist in any way short of expressing my opinion on reverse discrimination like a million others have done.

I didn’t want to forward the message to Tom, so I not only called him but sent him an email about it, though he got the same message. How rude of the pig to send it to 7 different addresses, but that’s just the pigs for you – can do no wrong/can do anything they want. Still, emailing Tom my two cents on the issue might’ve been a dumb idea if they were watching me. Then again, I probably would’ve had to be notified if they were reading my emails like Google had to notify me they were looking at my account.

It’s either got to be spam or slander they’re trying to nail me with if it’s not a scam of some kind. But how do you nail someone for spam that’s sent just a handful of messages as opposed to thousands? And how do you nail someone for slander when no last names are used and nothing I said wasn’t public info anyway? This makes me wonder if they’ve got something on me I don’t know about. Something they made up or altered. Like maybe they took the posts and added threats? Damn myself for ever sending them! Then again, the pigs should know to check for that unless they’re in on any alterations themselves. A non-white person’s word is automatically taken over a white person’s so that right there may cause them to skip looking into any wrongdoing on her part if this really has to do with her. I don’t see how it could be connected to the pig cuz he was in Phoenix. So was that O Group. I clearly remember looking at the address on the site when I thought I recognized the pig.

Tom called me back and said not to worry and that he’d find out what was going on when he got home and everything would be okay, and it’s likely just a scam.

Is it? Cuz I’m older now. I can’t handle jail like 12 years ago and even then it nearly killed me. But that was just the lack of sleep, cold showers, horrendous noise, inedible food and emotional stress. Now I can’t see without glasses which they’d never let me have. I also can’t go without lotion or lip balm of some kind, especially lip balm. Lastly, I now have an ear that is a regular problem and needs regular attention. Sorry, but they just won’t oil my ear in jail. Even if I could handle it, I won’t let myself be victimized by my perps all over again! I refuse to be humiliated like that all over again when my worst crime was daring to speak my mind in a legal and civilized way like a million other bloggers. If she didn’t want the entries (if that’s what this is about) all she had to do was mark them as spam. That’s what the “spam” button is for! And if it’s slander they’re trying to get me for, then somebody’s got a very guilty conscience somewhere. Why else would you worry about what people may say, especially if no last names are used? That’s why I wonder if something more is going on.

I don’t know if having the internet in Jesse’s name is a good thing or not. The thought of the pigs coming here is bad enough, but what if they get him involved? Then what? I would still think they could get both our addresses if they really want to. Cops wanting to talk to me and sending subpoenas isn’t my worst fear. It’s being sued or extradited. Whether or not I could handle jail itself, we can’t afford to have me extradited! And we also can’t afford any probation fees or to be sued! Tom said the pigs don’t get involved in lawsuits, so suing may not be likely, but I wonder if it would say something like “Federal Crimes Division” if it was federal. If it’s not federal or if it’s a misdemeanor then I’ve got nothing to worry about since I’m not in Arizona. It was a government email but it probably is for all pigs whether they’re investigating petty misdemeanors or murder.

The shitty thing is that whatever it is they’ve got, real, imagined or altered, it’s almost guaranteed to be a no-win situation for me. Not that I ever plan to go to court willingly, but if they’ve got a case on you, they’ve got a case on you. Period. Very seldom does anyone walk from it with just a slap on the wrist unless it’s something like petty phone calls like back East. No one gets off easy in Arizona and when a perp plays victim that isn’t white, that’s guaranteed to sink your ass right there. In other words, no matter what I did or said in court, I would never win. Not many people go to court on criminal charges just to get off. Lawsuits may be hit or miss but not this type of thing. They wouldn’t make a case without being 100% sure they could hang me, just like I feared they wouldn’t be investigating me if they didn’t think they had a case to begin with.

The only options I can see that this shit leaves us with is:

1. Carry on as if we never got the emails and hope for the best.

2. Go underground from the net and just let my friends and family think I’m dead.

3. Kill myself. I would kill myself before I let them wreak havoc on my life all over again for God knows how many years and how much freedom and money.

4. Run, even though we don’t have the money to run with.

I’d rather be homeless on the streets in freezing cold weather than in jail. Really, I can’t go through that again!!! Not even if it was just down the street much less in Arizona of all states! I’m too old now and we can’t afford it. Even if we could, how will we ever have a life and get out of here if our money’s tied up in jail/probation costs? I refuse to spend money on them by buying a lawyer and I refuse to use a public defender who would only make sure we did everything wrong and that would hurt me. I know that if I’m ever backed into a corner I’m going to deny whatever it is they’re accusing me of, guilty or not. I should’ve listened to the bonds lady who told me never to plea bargain. I’m just really worried about it being federal or that they set me up somehow. Damn myself for ever contacting them! I should’ve known I wouldn’t get the same protection others get that do much, much worse than I ever have.

I don’t want to give up any of my life for these sickos! They took so much from me before that I don’t want to give them anything else to take. Not my time, not my freedom, not money, not my online life, not our possessions, etc. Just because it was legal doesn’t make what they did to me right in any way, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let them fuck me over again! They will not get me this time! They will NOT! I will not let them have me! Not me, not Tom, not any part of our lives! If I’m going to give up anything in this case I would rather just give up my life altogether and kill myself.