Irish homeowners now have the right to shoot intruders, so I just saw someone posted on Facebook.

But that’s the way it should have always been in every house, condo and apartment all over the world. Better later than never as far as doing what’s fair and what’s right, but I can tell you one thing for sure and that’s that I’ll never allow any law to dictate how I can and can’t handle intruders. I’ll handle them my way no matter what any law says, and while I don’t have a gun, you can bet your ass I’m going to do all I can to kill them. Not scare them off, not hurt them, but kill them. Even so, I’d rather not have to do so in the first place.

Heard the usual slew of barks, chainsaws and loud vehicles, but nothing got to the point of making me want to strangle anyone even though I’m in the perfect PMS mood to do a little ass-kicking to anyone deserving of it.

Yesterday’s hunger pangs sucked. Why does my body need closer to 2000 calories and not the usual 1500 before periods??? I managed to stop myself at around 1600 yesterday but today I think I’ll just let it have the 2 million damn calories. I’ve already had 700 in the 4 hours I’ve been up and I’m still hungry. Maiale cazzo!

I’m pissed off for Andy now and the way some of these fucking cocks are playing with his head much like women used to do with me when I was last single and still sometimes do online. Really, what the fuck do some of these bitches expect when either in person or electronically they send me kisses, hugs, phone numbers that just might not be bogus, and then shower me with flirtatious words – for me not to think they like me? Some of them really didn’t but that was part of their sick, strange and totally unnecessary games. Unfortunately, this is quite common amongst both gays and straights. Not sure what the point is in making someone think you like them when you don’t or hiding the fact that you really do like them, but it’s still a common occurrence.

I had a dream I told some guy on the phone in German that I hoped Nane got into a car accident. I could never hate her that much to wish that upon her. I know she was attracted to me and had feelings for me. No doubt about that much. She spelled it out enough times for me. It was the up and down and going back and forth that got to me and had she not dumped me, sooner or later I’d have dumped her.

If someone who never claimed to like me one day fessed that they did or vice versa – fine. But don’t like me and dislike me and like me and dislike me and back and forth!

But Andy’s getting it worse than just some occasional online games because he is lonely, single and horny and doesn’t have a soul mate that loves him unconditionally when the online fun isn’t so fun anymore. I just wish, like he does, that they wouldn’t lead him on and play games. Like it was 20 years ago, sex is in, relationships are out. But must you say you’ll get together with someone you have absolutely no intentions whatsoever of getting together with? Really, what’s the point of that? It doesn’t make you money. It doesn’t guarantee you a longer life. So what’s the point???

At the same time, one can’t make be what simply isn’t to be. I hope that’s not the case for Andy, though, and that he just wasn’t meant to meet Mr. Right till later in life.

I’m also concerned about how perverted he’s become. Not that he’s literally any kind of pervert but all he seems to want to talk about is sex and it gets old. So do the disgustingly dirty pictures he loves to post. IMO these aren’t the least bit sexy or classy in any way. They’re perverted and gross. Why didn’t his appetite dwindle with age like most people’s?

I wonder if perhaps he’s coming on a bit too strong and that’s scaring people off. If people suspect you want a relationship and not just sex they tend to run. Same with if you come across as desperate and like you live, breathe and eat nothing but sex. Either way, that’s no excuse for their games. However, we can’t control other people’s feelings and behavior. We can make them not like us but we can’t make them like us. We can do things we think will make them happy and we can tell them jokes we think will make them laugh, but we can’t make them love us or lust for us. Maliheh wasn’t attracted to me 20 years ago. She isn’t now. And she never will be in another 20 years either. Give a sane hottie like her a brain tumor or disfigure their faces, then they’d be all over me and making me wish to hell they’d just go away and leave me the hell alone. There’s bad luck and then there are clear and evident patterns. I hate to say it. So much so that I’ll be sure to cut this part out of his journal copy, but I think he’s meant to spend the rest of his life alone. I just don’t know why. When I know why I wasn’t meant to be with a woman (not that I regret Tom) and when I know why we’re meant to struggle most of our lives, then maybe I’ll know why he’s meant to be alone.

Another troll-free day so far. She deleted all her Blogger blogs and her Thoughts blog and made one post apologizing for the things she said. Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.

I went Florida dreaming again last night but it made no sense. I hope that just the fact that I dreamed of living there is what means something other than just wishful thinking because some of the details made no sense at all. For one, we were sitting on a tiny dock overlooking a man-made inlet. This dock was apparently ours and only ours but in reality, we could never afford to live on or by the ocean or any kind of an inlet like that where people have their own docks.

Also, Tom was saying that the last person he showed the house to (I assume in Cali) was this bitchy woman who complained about everything. I guess I wasn’t around when he showed the house. This is still another thing that doesn’t make sense. If we own a house it means we had enough money to buy it outright. Well, if we had that kind of money I doubt we’d buy a place in this state.

I just liked the fact that we were there:) I also like the record number of dreams I’ve been having about living there and that I hope isn’t just a reflection of wishful thinking. Do I think the dreams mean something? Yeah, I do. If I weren’t psychic and had never had experiences with things like dream premonitions, then I wouldn’t know what to think. But while I’d prefer the ones where I called my folks to tell them we made it safely across the country and nothing out of the ordinary happens, Florida dreamin’ is still Florida dreamin’ and – OMG, Ft. Lauderdale! I swear one of us mentioned Ft. Lauderdale!

Just looked on Google Maps. What a coincidence that it’s right above Miami. It’s closer to Miami than Naples where Aly said she might go, but there’s a road that shoots straight across the lower peninsula from Ft. Lauderdale to Naples.

Wouldn’t it be funny if we ended up in a Miami hotel while we looked into a Ft. Lauderdale senior rental?! Actually, it doesn’t really matter where in the state we end up if we get there. I just might not like it up by the panhandle where the weather may not be as nice or too far inland even though it’d be safer there.

Anyway, the best part of the last Florida dream was the sense of contentment I felt sitting on that dock. I sat Indian-style next to Tom who sat in a chair. There was a beautiful breeze and I marveled over the fact that I could throw on a bikini and go tanning if I wanted to even though it was the dead of winter and Miss Pale As Hell was never very good at tanning.

In another split-second scene, I was standing in front of what I guess was where we lived. I can’t describe the house I “saw” but the walkway seemed to have many flowering bushes flanking it. I was relieved to know the sun was setting so the bees hovering about them would soon fuck off.

I would really like to know who’s been signing me up for every newsletter in the world. Just last night I got a message from some company saying, “Welcome to so and so,” as if I’d just signed up.

Still no shit from the haters, pigs or anything connected to them and I hope it stays that way. I realized, for whatever it’s worth, that regardless of what they did to set me up and make me look bad enough for a “case,” there are two things they had last time that they don’t have this time – no phone call, no physical evidence.

Later…

Ever had an idea that’s so good but also so bad at the same time? Well, there’s this scummy trailer park not far from here. We’ll never have 100K to buy a house with, but I bet it wouldn’t take nearly as much to buy an old shit trailer (maybe even smaller and dumpier than this one) and buy a lot in one of these dumpy parks. Maybe 10-20 grand? Where it would be so good and so bad is that it would be good in that it would be ours to do as we pleased when we wanted to without having to have our schedules revolve around some pesky landlord. It would also be good in that we wouldn’t have any payments to have to make if we owned it outright, other than for utilities.

Where it would be bad is that I’d be absolutely miserable in some “cheap” trailer park. The noise levels would be so insane to the point that it made the noisiest moments here seem rather comatose. I would never be able to get any peace while I was awake and I doubt I’d get much sleep there either. Oh, the welfare bums that would be crammed like sardines into the place! We would also still be cramped into a tiny place, one that may even be smaller and older than this one, and we’d have to pay to fix whatever broke.

Tom had quite a scare at work yesterday. They called a bunch of people in for a meeting, and although I haven’t had any nightmares of a particular kind – the kind that spells trouble ahead for us – he thought they were gonna be told that they lost their contract and that they would all be laid off. Instead, it was just about changing bosses. I guess they shuffled them around from certain areas or something like that. Tom now works in two different departments. We just gotta hope they don’t slow down before the next 4-5 weeks or so! Not being able to move would be one thing, but not being able to get unemployment if they do lay him off is another.

Obviously, he’s never going to get a permanent job as long as we remain in this state. It’s all temps here. If you can come to Cali and get a permanent job, something up there really loves you! But as I told Andy, if those Florida dreams mean anything, then we’re moving there anywhere from soon to 11 years when he retires. However, I can’t believe I’d start having these dreams 11 years in advance. I would think we’d be 5 years or less away from moving there if we really do end up doing that.

Yesterday I didn’t sleep any better than I would have had I been in that dumpy trailer park, a motel or some of the apartments I’ve lived in. I kept waking up every few minutes, it seemed, but I never sleep as well in the daytime anyway. On the positive side, the less I’m up during the day, the less I hear of Jesse.