The anxiety has definitely backed off quite a bit for nearly a week now. What a relief! Don’t know what the future may hold where that’s concerned, but right now I’m enjoying every moment that isn’t so damn heart-pounding. 

It was someone else’s turn to annoy me with having their carpet cleaned as the cleaning truck is OMG kind of loud, but I’d rather deal with the weekday noise than have anxiety attacks. 

I could’ve kicked myself for getting a soft bed for mice instead of for rats. I really should’ve read the dimensions! So now it’s their chew toy instead of a bed. They have the hammock bed, plastic tubes and soda boxes, so they’re not without a variety of places to sleep. 

Filled out the paperwork Dana gave me the last time I saw her, and was it ever extensive! I should’ve just insisted she read my blog, haha. 

Anyway, in the chilly 54° night, I walked nearly a mile and my heart, which sometimes still seems to beat a little too hard and too fast for comfort, didn’t go freaking out on me. I forgot my new beanie, but oh well. I warmed up soon enough. If I can ever get back on my bike, though, I’m not sure I’d want to ride at night in the winter. It’s just too damn cold! This may be California but it isn’t San Diego. 

Later… 

“Memories take us back. Dreams move us forward.” 

Finally decided on The Other Side of the Nightmare for the title of my next book. At least I think it’s pretty catchy. Really wish NaNoWriMo started today! I’m ready to get writing. 

As most people who know me know, I don’t believe in prayer. Nonetheless, I was asked what kinds of things I’d pray for if I did believe in it. Well, I’d never pray for anything unnecessary or unrealistic. I’d never pray to never get another cold again in my life. I’d never pray to find or win a million dollars. I’d never pray for Bob next door to never annoy me with his projects. 

I would only pray for things that were necessary and very much desired. Not that I don’t desire a million bucks, but that’s not as realistic to hope for as it is to hope that A, Hot Doc not only receives the friend request I’ll probably send her and B, she accepts it. I don’t have to be friends with her and it certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world if we weren’t, but it would be nice and it’s a lot more likely to happen than it is for me to find or win a huge sum of money. 

But… time has shown me that I don’t have to pray for what’s meant to be and that I cannot pray for what isn’t meant to be. Are things meant to be or not meant to be because some unearthly source has decided they should/shouldn’t be? Or is it all chance? These questions I cannot answer. I only know that if I’m meant to have something, I’ll get it. No need to ask anything non-human for it. 

Last night I had a dream of living in a place with a super huge living room. I mean SUPER huge. It was bigger than this entire house. I wonder if it might’ve been attached to others, though. In the dream, it was either really late at night or really early. Tom and I were both up and it was dark out. I was playing music and I suddenly realized that others might hear it, so I ran to turn it down.