No point in oiling my ear or taking ibuprofen. These things no longer help the pain. I pinched my nose and blew till it popped like the doctor in Oregon had me do and then it made a soft popping sound on its own a few times around. It’s never done that before. I usually have to move my jaw a certain way to get that popping, crackling sound. But it would make a little pop and then I’d feel “movement” of either air or fluid in what I’m guessing was my inner ear. This happened a few times before I oiled it. I wondered if I’d have panicked if I hadn’t been EMDRd.

Either way, I still don’t buy the damaged nerve theory because of how long after surgery it became a problem. That may be some of it, but I really think the problem somehow lies within my eardrum, inner tube or both. If the outside could change as it has over the years, then isn’t it safe to say the inside has as well? The question is how much worse will it continue to get over the years to come?

I also wonder if the fatigue and lightheadedness are more connected to my ear than I realized. Questions, questions, questions, but never any answers! What good are these specialists then? I’m frustrated and it’s making me depressed.

Same with my female issues. Sometimes I feel crampy, like my period’s starting. Only it doesn’t start. I’ll just have a spot here and there and that’s it. Again I wonder… perimenopause or a problem?

Really prefer problems that aren’t physical or emotional if I’ve got to have any problems at all.

It’s nights like this I kind of wish I had a friend like Aly, but I suppose I’m better off not having that if they’re only going to dump me or cause me to dump them somewhere down the road. It’s tough… do you take the good times while they last, or do you avoid the drama in the end by not bothering with people in the first place?