Wow, someone looked for me? I’m amazed, even if it’s not a Stacey. It was a fellow Proseboxer in England. Not sure what her real name is, but when I changed accounts I totally forgot her username (this opinion of mine) and then I saw her on the front page the other day. I friended and followed her and explained my disappearance. Then I was sure to block her from my MO account.

She said she was sad when I disappeared and that she tried to find me.

It’s a shame that Aly won’t also miss me enough to be sad enough to look for me, not that I would be hard to find. But hey, I’m totally refusing to allow myself to feel an ounce of sympathy for her. She made her own misery.

Her saying that I was too confusing for her… what a joke! How does she think I felt when she was kind to my face and then I caught her saying such horrible things about me in an account she never thought I’d find? That was confusing.

Yesterday she tweeted: When I know a friend is going through a hard time, I’ll make the time to check in with them. Wish I had someone who’d do that for me.

But she did have someone who did that for her only she chose to throw her away because that friend felt that honesty was the best policy and she warned her against those who were phony and self-centered.

An hour later she tweeted: Really feel like giving up on everything right now. I keep reaching out to people hoping for a friend but all I get is silence.

Hard to feel sorry for someone who keeps reaching out to virtual strangers or virtual nutjobs who lack empathy. In that case, she kind of deserves the silence she gets. She has been playing the same old game for years now, and like I said, I’ve lost the desire to try to work things out with someone you just can’t reason with. It isn’t just her clinginess and guilt trips that were the problem, as I said before, it’s the lies, too. So yeah, Alison, if you ever read online this I hope this clears up your “confusion.” Think about it the next time you unfairly and wrongly blame me for your depression. You’re like Molly… born to be miserable no matter what. You two deserve each other. Two honest-to-God true peas in a pod.

I totally give myself permission to give up on those who have given up on me. If you don’t give a shit about me, I don’t give a shit about you.

Later…

I hate it when my health prevents me from living life. For the first time in a while, I am horribly lightheaded. I really wanted to enjoy a nice walk this morning but I just didn’t feel comfortable going out there myself, even though I highly doubt I would’ve passed out or anything. As always, I can never know for sure what’s causing it; only speculate.

Since walking is out of the question today, maybe I’ll at least have the energy to work on the Bowflex. It doesn’t feel like I’m just lightheaded when I get lightheaded but fatigued as well. It’s like all I want to do is just lie around yet I really want to get on with my usual routine.

I’m almost finished with my story and I have a potential idea for November’s NaNoWriMo if I can just get the energy to finish this book and put the new idea together. It’s actually a little different. It’s not really a novel. Instead, I thought it would be cool to write about the people who have had the most impact, or at least somewhat of an impression on me, excluding family. In order to win you have to write 50,000 words. I’ve lived in 5 states and was thinking of maybe picking 10 people per state. So I was thinking 5 states, 50 people, 1000 words each.

The fucking park is going to turn our water off AGAIN tomorrow from 8am – 2pm. This time I called and blasted them out but got what I expected… that when the pipes break they have to fix it.

“Did you guys ever think of maybe lowering the space rent as often as this happens or compensating the residents somehow?” I asked.

Of course not. Instead, they turn our water off every month, force loud music on us even if they don’t do it often, drive some of us crazy with the daily landscaping sounds, allow motorcycles to spoil the peace even more… and to hell with what we have to say about it.

Since we’re not in a position to move right now with all the debt we’re in, we’re thinking of getting a little reservoir that goes in the bathroom that would allow us to flush the toilets when the water’s off. This is something that’s obviously never going to stop, especially since, as Virginia said, it’s been going on since 1988. So if they can’t fix the problem in over three decades, they never will.

We still have a shitload of dirt in our hot water tank to get rid of too, plus we need to put a filter on the place if I ever want to take a bath again and feel like I’m not in a lake or the ocean.

This weekend I also want to scale back from Sierra to El Capitan. This OS is too buggy. It’s just that Tom never has the time to do these things with me, and understandably, is exhausted on weekends with all the hours he works.

Later…

Ugh. So now there are two motorcycles living on this circle alone. “Coincidently” they live at a couple of the houses that recently sold. There are currently four houses for sale on this circle. Let me guess… they’ll just “happen” to be bought by motorcycle lovers, right? Right?

This ugly orange one that lives on the other side of the circle went out and then came back a half-hour later. For a while, I’ve been hearing one idling. At least I think that’s what I’m hearing. I figured the warm spell we’re having would bring the fuckers out. What I didn’t count on was there being so damn many in a retirement community. So much traffic, so much activity, so much noise… all where older people live… WTF? I just never would have guessed it, but it’s still better than the mainstream. I would be hearing nonstop barking and God knows how many screaming kids if I were there now. I dread the day Bob and Virginia die. Really worry we’ll get the worst over there if we’re still here, and I still worry about Jon getting a motorcycle, too.

That thing is still idling. It’s been about an hour now. Would someone really leave a motorcycle idling that long? Maybe that’s not what I’ve been hearing. I’d like it to stop now, whatever it is. I’ve really come to hate just about any and all sounds in this world. It could be an ATV or a golf cart. While it made me feel a bit better to bitch to the office about the motorcycles when I bitched about the water, I realized that the park is going to do whatever they’re going to do regardless. If 80% of the residents called and bitched about it, they still won’t re-ban the fucking things. Just damn whoever allowed them in. Damn them to hell and back! I mean come on, they had to have known that every 10-15 households would have them. That’s about 50 of them in this park and that doesn’t include those that visit on them!

So Cassie… she’s the one that was sad when I disappeared and that was looking for me. If I’ve got my facts straight she’s in her late 20s and she lives in London. Right now I consider her my closest cyber friend. She knows what happened with Aly, and while no one can ever replace her (at least the good traits that she had) it’s nice to know she cares more than I thought she did, and we even connected on Twitter which I made public. I figured what the hell, even though I’m sure the spammers will be quick to follow me. I just won’t follow them back. That way they can’t message me with their bullshit.

I don’t know if Cassie is all that smart and mature, but she seems to be a decent, honest person. I will just enjoy our friendship while it lasts. The only real negative I can say about her is that as she herself admitted, she’s insensitive when it comes to those who have tried to commit suicide. I don’t know her overly well, but we’ve exchanged comments on and off for quite a while now.