What happened to Charlotte? She just disappeared into thin air. Usually, if someone deletes their account the name associated with past comments exchanged with them says “deleted user.” Also, if someone blocks us we can still search their name and pull up their account; we just can’t access it. After so many years it’s hard to believe she would suddenly disappear. We always got along well too, so it’s strange.

I asked in today’s entry if anyone knew anything, and while I got tons of views, only one person said they hate it when someone they’ve been reading for a while suddenly disappears, and that she hopes she’s okay.

Went on a nice walk with Tom this morning who is now at work, and had fun playing with Burke and Dumbo, especially Burke because he’s the friendliest and the most playful. The others prefer to play with each other, but Burke likes to include me in some of their games and will run over to give me his version of a hug and kiss every now and then to remind me he loves me. As usual, they all ignore poor Tom, haha.

Simon rarely comes out and we don’t think he’s very healthy. He’s not dying or anything like that, but it’s like he doesn’t have much energy. He’s not very playful. He spends most of his time either eating or sleeping.

We’re supposed to get a big storm today, even if our definition of “big storm” is a bit laughable compared to some places.

First I was laughing at how the rain this weekend would cancel Oktoberfest, but instead, they’re just going to postpone it. sighs with frustration So they’re determined to force it on those of us who would rather not be invited to this event anyway. They will hear from me anonymously about it. I know it won’t change anything but I feel like I have to do something. If I never say a word about the things that get to me in life, I’ll only end up exploding.

Last night I dreamed that we had somewhat of a backyard wherever it was we were living. There was a body of water that was green and you couldn’t see through it at all. I’m not sure if it was a pool or a natural body of water.

Then there was what looked like this large shiny silver hubcap that I decided to move somewhere else within the yard.

Later…

Did a little more digging and found that Charlotte blocked me after all. I was just unable to pull up her account at first because I was spelling her username wrong, duh. Either way, I’m not hurt or angry but I am curious, so I asked her from my other account what her reasons were and promised I would accept them and not contact her again. I actually sent it from “Black Onyx’s” account, saying that my friend copied and pasted the message for me.

She is yet another reminder that any friendship can end at any time, and no friendship is sacred. Meanwhile, I’ve switched to members-only and now I write on Prosebox just for the old lady in Texas and Rachel in Florida… Until we dump each other, of course.

Later…

So Charlotte blocked Black Onyx. Yeah, I’m not surprised. She did me a favor actually because her entries were always so damn long. Yet I felt obligated to at least skim them so I could comment because she would do the same for me.

While I don’t regret some of the cyber friendships I’ve had, and I’ve certainly had some interesting moments, I have become more private and have really withdrawn into my own little shell to protect my ass. Fewer people = fewer headaches. It’s always safer not to be sociable. It may be boring this way at times, but it’s definitely safer. I will admit that sometimes I miss certain people and even playing with the trolls despite that kind of “fun” being negative, immature and toxic. It really did put more stress on me than anything else after all, and while I may not regret the time I had with Aly or Nane, I definitely regret the crazies like Kim and Molly. I’m not sure if I can say I regret Maliheh, but I think at this point I definitely regret reuniting with Andy in 2010. He just caused me so much grief and frustration.

The good thing is that if any of these people were to come to me asking to be a part of my life again, I now know that I have the strength to say “no” without hesitation. I probably wouldn’t even do that much but would simply ignore them instead. Regardless of the fact that most people are very unforgiving, that is definitely the best policy for me personally. Forgiving people and giving friendships another chance almost always backfires on me. I could kick myself for a lot of the shit I’ve forgiven, especially since the people I forgave would never forgive me or anybody else for the same things. Just getting involved with people in the first place isn’t a good idea.

I don’t think I could say “no” to Stacey, though, should she ever surprise me with wanting to get together. That much I still want if it’s in my cards, though I’m pretty sure it’s not. Even though I was surprised when I realized that this prominent psychologist liked me as well, I’m 90-something percent sure of what will happen… I’ll call her on Valentine’s Day if my schedule permits (or close to that time), and we’ll chat but will never see each other again.

I gotta wonder though… was Charlotte karma for my thoughts? When Aly dumped me I almost dumped my current friends with Charlotte and Rachel being top of the list just to keep this very thing from happening to me again. Then again, I’d rather be dumped than stalked relentlessly. But still… if you don’t have friends then you can’t be dumped or given a reason to dump them. Also, if you’re not sociable, you can’t get trolls latching onto you so easily.