I keep telling myself that I really should write these entries and not rely on dictation due to all the typos it makes, but it gets addicting after a while. It’s just so fun and convenient to use.

Still feeling great. Lots of energy, sleeping better, and even had a funny dream, though I did wake up sweating once.

Walmart decided for the fourth time that we were new customers for online orders, haha, so this bag of freebies contained a small bag of chips and a small bag of granola, which I shared with the rats. There was also another small bottle of water and a tube of Vaseline lotion. I swear I have a lifetime supply of lotion! Got a couple more packets of Splenda, too.

Picked a great day for treasure hunting at Goodwill. Doll restoration, as you may know, is one of my hobbies. I always loved some of the fancy gowns on those 38” Barbies but hated the faces. Way up high on a shelf in the back corner of the store I found a pretty decent one for just $6. Great price for a doll that goes for over $100, and sometimes even over $200.

This one is a blue-eyed blond with straight but somewhat fuzzy hair almost to the waist. She wears a lovely purple gown. The top is deep violet velvet with a flower just under one shoulder. The bottom has a purple satin liner with 3 layers of purple and white chiffon with hints of glitter. A purple sash is tied around her waist and it too, has a flower on it. She has a “pearl” necklace but no shoes. I polished her fingernails and toenails royal purple.

Then I was lucky enough to spot another doll from the BFC Ink. collection for $4. This is the Noelle doll with black hair and brown eyes. Her pink jeans and white blouse are in good condition, but her shoes were missing. I’ll grab some shoes for them on Amazon sometime. These dolls usually go for $100 or more.

I polished the BFC doll’s fingernails but didn’t bother with the toes. Noelle’s are blue, Yuko’s purple, Calista’s neon yellow, and Gianna’s are hot pink.

Tammy and I were remembering that it was a year ago that we saw each other. We miss each other, and as I told her, we won’t let another 25 years go by without seeing each other this time. I appreciate and am grateful to those family members who care about me enough to include me in their lives, though I do wish I’d hear from Becky and Sarah a little more often. I do get the age difference thing, though.

As for those who have proven not to care, they can continue to stay away because they will never be forgiven. It isn’t a matter of forgiveness at this point, though. It’s a matter of me simply not giving a shit any more than they do. I’ll never admit to any wrongdoings I didn’t do just to make them happy, but I will and have admitted to what I actually was guilty of. But it’s all irrelevant in this day and age. I don’t forgive, neither do they, and this is the way it stays! :) I wish some of them luck, but they aren’t welcome in my life. I’m simply getting too old for any toxic drama.

Wanting to avoid trouble is why a part of me doesn’t want to move to Florida. The last thing I want is to get caught up in any drama involving Lisa. Or any of them for that matter. Not saying that would happen, but you never know with aggressive, vengeful people who get pissed easily and have no problem spiting people and getting revenge on them. Being on the other side of the country is one thing, but being in the same town is another. I’m also not so sure I want to hear about Lisa, Bill and God every single fucking time I got together with Tammy.

So the funny dream was about being asked to sing for hundreds of people somewhere. I absentmindedly agreed at first without giving it much thought. Then I realized I didn’t have many songs memorized these days since I don’t sing regularly anymore. I tried to tell this to the lady who asked me to sing that night and she said, “Oh, no problem. I’ll just play CDs and you can lip-sync. Then you can learn some fresh stuff and sing for real another time.”

Before I could point out that I could never sing for real since people would realize that I sounded a lot different from whoever’s stuff I was lip-syncing that night, I was on stage trying to sync my lips to shit I’d never heard before.

“You’re a perfect 10!” someone told me after the “concert.”

“No, I’m not.” I wanted to tell them. “I’m only a 7 or 8. Swear it. I really am.”