Once again a male (those things that usually don’t want kids to begin with) has decided what women can/can’t do with their reproductive systems, this time by banning abortion of Down Syndrome babies in Ohio. It’s sad. Just totally sick. I feel bad for women in that situation who not only don’t have the financial resources and other means necessary to bring a special needs child up but who don’t want to bring a child into the world that’s likely going to suffer. I fear that it’s only a matter of time before abortion is illegal nationwide. I really think it will be in my lifetime.

Even though the Caddy is getting old, he hopes to hang on to it till 2020 and then get what he also hopes will be our last car. We’re both hoping that by the time he’s in his 80s, we’ll be able to use an app that can call for self-driving cars to take us wherever we need to go, wherever we’re living at that time. We’ll pretty much only need to go to stores or doctors by then anyway.

I’m afraid I might have a cavity brewing in one of my upper i-teeth. Really wish I could get knocked out and have the rest of them crowned but that would cost a fortune. It’s only a matter of time before I lose the rest of them anyway no matter how well I care for them. My enamel is just too soft.

Skipped my meds today because I felt a touch anxious yesterday.

Been exchanging messages with Aly just like old times. Sometimes I wonder what made her change her mind but something tells me it’s best that I don’t ask. Some things are better not questioned anyway and just enjoyed for what they are. I don’t even know why I changed mine. Anyone who knows me knows that I almost never take back anyone that’s either cut ties with me or that I cut ties with.

She said Kim says she doesn’t know what disability she has. There’s got to be some fancy label for it as she can’t be on disability for shits and giggles, but I agree with Aly the more I talk to Kim that she probably doesn’t have multiple personality disorders. Whatever it is, it gives her memory issues that make Andy’s seem like nothing. She’s asked me 20 times already if I get up at the same time every day. I was surprised when she said she wasn’t on any medication but maybe she is and just doesn’t want to say so. She never did admit to and apologize for the way she stalked and harassed me five years ago and sometimes I wonder if she even remembers doing it. Who knows? The words “I’m sorry” just aren’t in some people’s dictionaries, especially those who tend to be emotionally weak and fragile.

For now, I don’t mind being Kim’s sounding board when it comes to her living situation and all that. Yes, I know there’s a chance she may flip into a rage on me for something real or imagined as we both know she’s very capable of doing with little to no provocation, but I’m not worried about it. Threats are meaningless without the actions to back them up anyway. Also, I know how to block people I don’t want to associate with and how to ignore emails and phone calls. If I don’t want anything to do with you, as soon as I realize a message is from you, I don’t even read/listen to it.

Ever heard of the parallel lives concept? The more I learn about it, coupled with my own personal experiences with dreams and several hours of research, the more I wonder if there could actually be some truth to it.

The book I’m currently listening to is a story based on parallel lives. While I don’t know if there is a God governing all these infinite numbers of lives or if all these lives go on to some kind of afterlife when they die, the fact that I have so many detailed dreams definitely makes me wonder if there really is many other me’s and I’m just good at catching glimpses of these other me’s in my dreams. It may very well be connected to the fact that I’ve been prone to dream premonitions, particularly in the early and late 00s. Some people are just better at this sort of thing than others, I guess, just like other psychics are better at doing certain things that I could never do.

Tom, who is agnostic like I am, doesn’t buy the parallel lives theory but that may be because he rarely remembers his dreams. Those who dream like I do may feel differently. Just like some people are good with languages, I may have a “talent” when it comes to accessing that portal that gives us a glimpse into our other selves.

I read some stories about those claiming to have either been involved in or witnesses to other dimensions. One of the most fascinating cases was this guy supposedly from the country of Taured. He had an authentic passport and spoke an authentic language, but nobody had ever heard of the country of Taured which he claimed was in the middle of Europe and 3000 years old. So if there’s any truth to this, Taured may very well be out there and exist, it’s just not in this dimension.

From a scientific standpoint, parallel lives seem more likely than reincarnation and things like that. I realize, however, that it may not just be one way and one way only. Maybe some people are reincarnated while others stay in the afterlife. And maybe dead is dead for some people as well.

I’m not 100% convinced that we do live parallel lives. Right now I’m leaning towards there being a 50-60% chance. It’s the vivid dreams that make me wonder. Not only are the layouts of some of the houses in my dreams incredibly detailed but I can see and remember every single object in the rooms as clearly as can be. I can think of dozens of dreams with details like that which I’ve had over the years. It isn’t just the images I see in my dreams but also about the atmosphere and the deep sense of familiarity I seem to feel. If it’s true that I can access these portals easier than most then this could mean that I’m more at risk of actually being sucked into another dimension even though I can’t imagine that for the life of me. I think if that really does happen that it’s very rare and I would probably have a better chance of winning the lottery a hundred times over before I got sucked into another dimension.

The human brain may be mysterious and amazing but they’re not machines. Meaning that while we’re awake we can’t usually just imagine some whole new place in a split second and in such amazing detail. We can do that in our dreams, though, and that’s part of what makes me wonder if it could be more than just a dream. Sure, some of our dreams can be little more than just reflections of what’s on our minds, but others definitely make me wonder.

The only thing that doesn’t make sense is that my other “selves” are almost always between 20 and my actual age. If we’re supposed to have an infinite number of selves with an infinite number of possible outcomes, then why am I never a little kid in any of these dreams or an old lady? And why is my life often similar to here? I may be able to keep a schedule in a lot of these dreams and I may sometimes be thinner than I am and not know Tom, but the basic idea is the same. I never have six kids or anything radically different than in this life. I’m not a celebrity, a cop, a lawyer, a doctor, etc. The only real variation besides my age is my location and relationship status. Sometimes I’m in the city and sometimes I’m out in the country. I live in houses and at other times I live in condos or apartments. Sometimes I’m on the coast and sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m single, with Tom, with some other guy, or with another woman. Even the rats vary. In some dreams I’m playing with rats I’ve had or do have while in others only my dream self seems to know them.

Many of the dreams are negative in that I’m sometimes homeless or I’m in jail without knowing what my charges are or I’m charged with killing someone I don’t even know.

Another thing that’s a bit disturbing is that Tom’s died in something like half a dozen dreams. Tammy usually comes to the rescue, but it’s still a possible scary indication that he may die first. He doesn’t think so because he’s healthier than me, but then he is 8.5 years older than me and women live longer than men.

I think that for the most part, our other selves are pretty similar to this self, but at a different point in time. You may not even know your husband in some of these dimensions and your deceased parents may still be alive.

I have been murdered and witnessed murder a few times in my dreams, though, so losing Tom in some of my dreams probably has nothing to do with this life. I sure hope it isn’t a sign anyway because we do get signs in our dreams as well. You just have to learn how to read them and not all of them can be read very easily no matter what. Sometimes I’ll have a dream and know it means something, then something happens to prove me correct. But other times I’ll have a dream and not know that it means anything until a particular event happens.

The only dream I remember from the last round of shitty sleep disrupted by garbage trucks and other loud vehicles was living in this large house with a basement (basements are rare in the West) and my parents were still alive. On a couple of different floors were these pull-string lights and I found myself unable to turn them on. So I ran toward this guy standing in the doorway of one of the rooms thinking it was my dad, but it was some other guy telling me my dad was over there (he pointed in that direction).

Then in another dream, I was also living in a large house but this one might have been with Tom. It seemed like again I was down in a basement of some kind, eyes skimming a bunch of furniture and other things piled up around me. I glanced at one huge L-shaped table and thought it might be a good thing to set up in my office because I could put more stuff on it.

Were these other me’s in other lives? Hmm…