I hope the fact that I had two visits from a Connecticut business was just a coincidence and not connected to Lisa, who didn’t post any kind of response to my “comment.” It probably was, though, because one came from Comcast Business in New Haven and another came from some educational place in Granby and they’re not near each other. They both used Windows 10 but different versions of it. I would be really, really surprised if any of the termites had my PB profile link because they’re just not smart enough to remember or find it.

Anyway, I’m really worried about Aly even though my gut instinct says she’ll pull through. The latest is a perforated bowel that she had to have surgery on yesterday. I haven’t heard from her yet so I’m guessing she’s still pretty out of it. But damn! It’s just one thing after another with the poor girl.

The black cohosh tablets don’t seem to be helping with hot flashes but I’m not surprised. I’ve learned that with me, if I get something, I get it because something wants me to suffer from it. Not to be able to treat it or fix it. I just dread the inevitable return of that God-awful anxiety!

My ear or TMJ or whatever the fuck it is has been bothering me lately. I prefer pain over anxiety but it would be nice if I could get a break even if I don’t need it nearly as much as Aly does.

Blitz has now been at the SPCA for a month, and nothing’s happened next door. Makes me wonder if they’re duking it out in probate court or something even though the family doesn’t seem like the fighting kind.

Looking forward to the light pad I’m getting today. It should definitely help me be able to see the harder-to-read numbers, letters, and symbols when doing diamond paintings. The one I’m doing for Andy is especially hard to read because some of the symbols look similar and others are obscure.

I’m also going to try a set of clay-free drills. The tips are made of wax so you don’t need to add any of the waxy gel clay.

I had a dream that everyone was younger except for me. I don’t know if I knew Tom or just hadn’t seen him in a while but I was living with my parents of all people who were in their 60s. My father was still working but when he died of a sudden heart attack, my mother showed me a stack of overdue bills and I knew there was a serious risk of losing the house.

I also knew they had an unloaded gun that they kept in the house and I suggested that she loaded for protection even though the real reason I wanted her to put bullets in it was to kill myself so I wouldn’t have to be homeless.

I was sending an email to Aly while my mother slept in her room saying that it was too bad she couldn’t move in with us because then we could all pool our money.

I stepped out of my bedroom which was next to Mom’s and eyed her closed door sadly, wishing she was up so we could chat. When she did get up later, I asked her if we could afford an apartment and she said, “Easily.”

I said, “Well, I’m not noisy anymore because I don’t blast music anymore, and I’ll just deal with other people’s noise if you want to move to one.”

Without answering, she went back to her room and I began taking pictures of the place. It was modern, attractively decorated, and I thought it would be nice to have pictures to remember the place in case we did lose it. At the opposite end of the house from our bedrooms, was a room with a double bed and a small child’s bed beyond it. I knew that was where Tammy and Lisa stayed for a while when Lisa was still a toddler.

In real life, Daddy dearest’s urn is now buried between the bedroom and next door’s garage.