Just shared some parmesan pasta with my rat. Haha, this is one seriously spoiled rat. Not even the famous New York pizza rat got to eat this well.

Another funny thing was that when Tom got up at 5:00 in the morning yesterday, he looked at Alexa’s clock all confused and wondering why it was 2:00 in the morning when it was really a timer I had set, LOL.

I was up forever last night so my schedule made a two-and-a-half-hour jump and I didn’t get up until 3:00. It does that some days and some days it holds.

I hate the cold but love how it’s been keeping things quiet. No one’s been interested in their motorcycles. at least no one in the park. But Florida is going to be back to being Florida with highs around 80 and lows around 65 so that’s about to change. I don’t doubt for a minute that today or tomorrow I’ll be hearing from the Honker and the bitch behind him.

Tom and I decided to be bad the day before yesterday and get some more candy that was on sale for Valentine’s Day, even though it’s not even February yet. Carol, an English woman who’s a cashier at Walgreens that we’ve come to know well, was laughing her ass off when I said that the ONLY good thing in having hypothyroidism is that you can eat all you want because your weight isn’t going anywhere anyway.

I’m glad my shoulder is a little better today. I slept on it wrong the day before so it was sore all day. Today, I’m just very tired from being up so long.

Looks like the Zinnia project is a bust. The few that started to sprout are withering away. They never even bloomed. In a few weeks, I'll plant some outside and see if I have better luck out there.

There’s no easy way to say this but I decided that I’ve had definitely had enough of Andy. I swear to God that from now on if I ever dump someone for any reason or they dump me, that’s it! No more do-overs just because I miss the positive times and wish people could change simply because I explained to them what annoys and even offends me. Better to miss the good times than to deal with the toxicity. People are people and they don’t change. I think that because I’ve chosen to change more than most people (mostly by being less mischievous and vengeful), I incorrectly assumed that most others did the same. Well, they don’t.

I love Andy and hope he gets everything he wants in life from permanent weight loss to the man of his dreams to lots of money but I can’t deal with what’s basically the same old shit I’ve always had to deal with. He thinks he knows it all and everyone else is always making excuses or doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Yet he’ll go into this whole spiel explaining whatever about something HE has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about even though he obviously believes he does. He still doesn’t seem to understand that there’s a difference between an opinion and a fact. We all may have opinions but that doesn’t mean they’re always correct facts.

And oh how he loves to argue! When I was dumb enough to reconnect with him in 2010, he just had to point out over and over again that it wasn’t the wildlife of Maricopa living with us, it was us living with them. Yeah, whatever.

He was telling me that I could lose weight with Hashimoto’s because he can lose it with edema after being told he couldn’t yet he’s obviously not smart enough to realize that you can’t compare the two. They’re two totally different things and while I acknowledge that doctors aren’t always perfect I can’t believe they’re all lying when they told me that it hinders weight loss. He sure thinks so, though, and said not to listen to them because one doctor told him to lose weight and then said that he would need vein surgery in his 70s. This pissed him off and he went to someone else who told him that the doctor shouldn’t have said that because he couldn’t possibly know this. So according to him, this is supposed to be why the doctors are lying about me being able to lose weight when it’s a proven medical fact that if the metabolism is slow, the body can’t burn nearly as many calories. Really, it’s an obvious no-brainer but this guy is so stupid at times and doesn’t even know it. I have heard that idiots don’t realize that they’re idiots because they’re just not smart enough to be capable of realizing it and hearing how ridiculous they sound. If doctors are lying to me about how Hashimoto’s affects weight loss, are doctors lying to him about his edema, diabetes and sleep apnea?

He was telling me things like how I could look up in a handbook what my insurance company has to offer and find out if a nutritionist is covered as if I wouldn’t know these things. At one point I laughed and said you must think I’m really stupid and he said no you’re not stupid at all. You’re very smart with all the languages you’ve learned. Then why was he telling me things that pretty much everyone knows?

Anyway, he was a bit contradicting when he said his nutritionist is wonderful and smart but then she’s not very smart because she recommended the wrong snacks or something like that. Oh, and she’s my type too, he says, because she’s tall thin and dark. I told myself I wasn't even going to bother to try to explain to a guy on testosterone treatment that a menopausal woman refusing to even think of HRT doesn’t have a “type.” Beautiful women to me these days are beautiful in the way a flower or a butterfly is. Also, not that he did this of course, but if you go to see a doctor because of how they look, as Tom said, you’ve got a problem. His mentioning this woman being my type is a classic example of how he lives as if we're both still 25 years old. Being young at heart is one thing, but being immature is another.

He continued to chew in my ear when leaving me audios even though he knows damn well that annoys me and no, it’s not something he forgot despite his shitty memory because he acknowledged that he’s always known it annoys me but didn’t think I would “notice” him eating a strawberry. Eating is eating, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what’s in your mouth if you’re making these gross smacking sounds. He’s just a die-hard opposite-doer. Always has been.

I’m also tired of the projections. He projects so much of himself onto others and assumes they’re just like him or at least can and should be at the same time bragging about how much he loves being unique.

Then there’s the fact that he just doesn’t get a lot of what I say and that’s only the parts he can actually remember. The memory issues are real but so are the stupidity and stubbornness.

He gets too pushy at times and it had a way of making me feel like I wasn’t good enough as I was. I don’t think he realizes or is smart enough to recognize or understand these traits of his but rather than not accept him as he is and waste my time trying to explain myself and try to change him, I just ghosted. Yes, Karma will get me for it but that’s just the price I’ll have to pay for someone I feel is more of a toxic than a positive influence on me.

Sure, we’ve have had our share of laughs together but I was finding myself annoyed and even offended much more often than I was laughing. The fact that I feel a sense of freedom and relief knowing he’s once again out of my life, this time for good, tells me something right there. I was just as stupid to let him back into my life as I was with Termite Tammy. Toxic is toxic.

At first I didn’t want to do anything that would signify he was dumped. But then I realized that if I simply ghosted him and left it at that, I would have to make it look like I abandoned my Facebook account and I didn’t want him to think anything was wrong either and possibly waste some poor cop’s time coming out doing a wellness check if he has this address. I’m not sure if he does, though. I have sent him mail from this place, but I don’t know if he saved the address. Either way, I would be making an awful lot of work for myself having to tweak this setting and tweak that setting to make it look like the account wasn’t in use and I didn’t think it was necessary to go that far. But I didn’t block him either. I simply blocked messages and his phone number, although I realize he could call from another number. I can avoid anything from that area code, though, and if it’s a different one and a voice message is left, I can delete it as soon as I hear his voice if he goes that far. As I said, the last thing I wanted to do was tell him why I’d had enough because I knew 100% of it would go right over his head, and 50% of it would be totally forgotten within a day. So that was out of the question because it would be a waste of my time.

Hashimoto’s or not, I’ll try almost anything once, and I’m not going to let it stop me from talking to a nutritionist when I get a referral to one next month. The only thing that makes me a little nervous about potential weight loss is how it may affect how my thyroid and BP meds affect me. Meanwhile, I’m tired of the false truths. I’m tired of him telling me things he doesn’t know a damn thing about. No one knows my own body as well as I do. Yes, I definitely do need to eat healthier but if your metabolism is slow, you can’t burn calories like a normal person. I would have thought anyone with half a brain would be capable of understanding this but apparently not.

I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if even though doctors have officially diagnosed my N24 and it became obvious to Tom and me what it was before I even saw a doctor about it, he still thinks it’s some grand excuse because I’m supposedly afraid to admit I don’t want to work. Yes, Andy acknowledged years ago that it “hit him like a bell in the night” that no one wants to start their day at three in the morning and that I do have a sleep disorder but he probably only said that to win me back when I dumped him in the past.

The point is the same. The guy doesn’t realize that not everybody can do everything he can do just like he can’t do everything others can do. That’s where the self-projection comes in. If he’s obsessed with his weight then so am I. I most certainly was in my teens and twenties (mostly thanks to my mother) and that’s the Jodi he remembers and is judging me by. If I remained as obsessed with it as I used to be, I probably never would have gotten this big because I would have starved myself. If you’re that obsessed with weight, you don’t care about the hunger that not eating brings. But the truth is that for many years I haven’t given a shit. I do now, though, in a non-obsessive way, not for appearance’s sake but to get healthier and put myself at less risk of becoming diabetic in the future along with acquiring other health problems that can come from obesity. I would also like to be able to get around easier and regain some of my flexibility.

Do I think I’ll ever really lose weight even if I see a nutritionist? No, I don’t. I think the best I’ll get from it is a healthier diet and that’s fine if that’s the case. If I don’t lose weight, then without Andy the expert know-it-all around I won’t have to be told I was still eating the wrong foods and making “excuses.” I don’t need people like that in my life. That’s not being a supportive friend. That’s basically the same as being called a lazy liar.

Again, I know I’ll be punished for this. The last time I walked away from Andy, Aly ended up dumping me for 17 months. So I’m sure something will happen but I’m willing to take that chance because I think it’s okay to pick and choose our friends and to cleanse our lives of toxicity whenever possible. Sometimes one really does have to look out for themselves.

Luckily he doesn’t know any of my email addresses and I don’t think he knows where any of my blogs are. So I did something right the day I decided to stop mixing friends with my journals and keep that separate so that only strangers or other writers who don’t know who I am read me. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he knew about the blogs, though. I can ignore emails and he can read my blogs all he wants if he finds them because I’m not changing my mind in the future.