I’m pretty tired today because I slept shitty, waking up hot a lot. So this tells me it might not have been the Diflucan or the vitamin D causing this. My dose is probably still too high, but unless my HR starts doing triple digits, I’m going to be stubborn and not cut back, even though I wasn’t feeling great last night emotionally. I ended up taking the other half of the hydroxyzine and it was only a temporary fix. All it did was make me tired, for the most part. I’m just gonna have to accept the fact that I’m gonna have these spells and I simply have to wait them out. And no, they’re never going away completely. I’m not entirely sure what’s causing them, but it’s just part of the older side of me. Tough them out and wait them out. That’s all I can do along with hoping I get longer breaks in between.

When I awoke early in the afternoon, I found a note from someone in another country I had tried befriending on PB because she was a good writer and we seemed to have enough in common. She seemed to be pretty intelligent too. The note said not to take it personally, but that she wasn’t writing to make friends but just as a form of expression. I told her I totally understood and then I thought about it and reminded myself that that’s exactly what I should be doing…focusing 100% on my writing just like I did before there was any such thing as the Internet. I need to write for myself only and make friends elsewhere if that’s what I choose to do. Just like it’s best not to mix business with pleasure, it isn’t really ideal to mix writing with friendship anyway because then you’re less likely to write totally for yourself and more likely to filter this and filter that as I did when Aly was alive, perhaps without even realizing you’re doing it.