Why can’t it ever rain when people are more likely to take their motorcycles out? The honker came back quietly, but I couldn’t even meditate because the fuckers behind him went on a couple of revving sprees. Really wish someone would step up and complain, but maybe they did and it got them nowhere. So far, today has been quieter.

Now for my good and bad news. The good news is that I’m back in the 150s for the first time in ages. 159.9.

The bad news is that the only reason I’m here is because my thyroid medication is accumulating in my system and pushing my TSH too low for my personal comfort. My heart isn’t pounding but it’s a little elevated. What I’m mostly noticing is that I’m very warm, having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, and my weight is dropping steadily without effort. Yes, I’ve been watching my portions but I haven’t cut enough calories out to lose weight. Even when I was younger and had a healthy thyroid, it went much slower than this and I would typically zigzag down the scale and not make a steady drop. Certainly not so fast either. I would still rather be cold, fat, tired, and calm than lose weight and feel anxious and overheated.

The worst part is that yesterday I got “stabbed.” Waves of adrenaline were stabbing in and out of my chest. It wasn’t extreme but it was noticeable enough. All symptoms that smack of being over-medicated. It’s lucky I don’t have the runs.

Since I don’t have 75s to throw one in each week, although if worse comes to worst I could take one of the 100s and cut them in half and cut one of the halves in half, I’m going to start by dropping the vitamin D from every 3 days to once a week. I also cut my waiting time before coffee to 10 minutes.

I read that the Diflucan can make you feel warm and flushed as well as cause sleep issues and some anxiety but that doesn’t explain the weight loss. Believe me, I’ve been through this shit with the thyroid medication enough times to know the symptoms of when it’s too much.

I still miss the sense of convenience and security that came with having Galileo but Tom thinks they were bad for me because they were pulling me in different directions and I was getting addicted to it. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say I was addicted but I see where he’s coming from, especially with being pulled in different directions. That was the one negative about them…there were so many doctors that I would often be talking to someone who didn’t know all the details of a particular health issue of mine.

So now it’s mostly back to the traditional doctor-patient setup but it’s cheaper. Not as convenient and it doesn’t give me the same kind of peace of mind but it’s better than nothing and it’s what we can afford. Tomorrow I will be setting up the portal for my new PCP. I have so many fucking portals now for so many different doctors!

I’m not 100% sure whether or not I’m going to schedule an appointment with my GYN but I likely will because despite feeling noticeably better as of the middle of my day yesterday, I still have traces of burning. I just have a feeling that as soon as the Diflucan wears off, the symptoms are going to come back, and I still think I have more than one thing going on. I just don’t know for sure what everything is that I’ve had or that I currently have besides menopausal dryness.

Anyway, if I get anxious again today, it’s too soon to safely take hydroxyzine for it. I can at least meditate and do little things like that. Liminal VR gives some free experiences For different things like focus, energy, sleep, calm, etc. They had a beautiful 9-minute video you do lying down. I just tipped my head back, though. It looks like it would if you were lying on your back in a canoe or paddleboat, slowly going down a stream with a forest flanking it. You see the treetops and the sky in between. It starts off in the daytime, and then a starry sky appears with shooting stars and colorful Aurora Borealis lights flickering.

Then it was up in the sky in a luxury blimp.

That stomach cramp is back too, in the area where my gallbladder used to be. It’s faint but noticeable. and hopefully no big deal. If it is, it will get worse and worse like my gallbladder did. I hope not because I need everything left in that area.

Tom isn’t going to give plasma today because he still has bruising so he’s hoping for tomorrow. He bruises so easily that I don’t know if he’s going to be able to do it twice a week like he used to. In the end, he may still have to get a regular job.

Yesterday I noticed one of the zinnias sprouting and today there are about half a dozen.