Wish my final entry could be a good one, but I'm afraid it's not. Yeah, you guessed it—another night of absolutely horrible sleep. My nose is having another bad spell, so I'm snoring and woke up having to pee, and at one point, I had a foot cramp as well. There's always something no matter what I do. Honestly, I'm just about ready to give up trying to break this curse I've been under for the last 12 years because everything I've tried seems like it might work at first only to end up failing. The longer this goes on, the more obvious it is a curse.

Come on, it's quiet here, and I still can't sleep! If this happened every now and then, that would be one thing, but this is a regular thing. I'll be even more convinced it's a curse if I get my nose dealt with and get a CPAP and adjust to that and still have issues. They would just be different ones. Before 2013, I would usually get woken up a few times a month, with the exception of when I was in the projects. But it's like the last place put a curse on me because ever since 2013, a few times a month became a few times to every day each week.

I might also need medicine to help me sleep straight through if I can tolerate it and if the CPAP fails to help with that. I just don't know yet. I'm just frustrated with the poor sleep quality and having to wait month after month to get help. I could kick myself for giving up the CPAP the first time around! I really could. I still fear that whatever's cursing my sleep is just going to get around it, though, when I get it back. I'm the new traffic, so if the ENT fixes my nose and the CPAP takes care of the sleep apnea, it will just do something else to fuck with my sleep. There's just no winning. It's like I've been fighting a losing battle year after year. That's how I once felt with the anxiety, though, so maybe one day I'll be pleasantly surprised, even though it means swapping in an old problem for a new long-term problem. That seems to be how it works for me anyway.

The polyps swelling up could be partly my fault because I got some food and drinks that aren't good for that. I'm gonna have to be more careful when it comes to what I eat, but I swear everything is somehow bad for me. It's bad for cholesterol, sodium, blood sugar, thyroid, polyps... something.

Other than that, I am excited to ring in 2025 because I still believe that 4 is a very unlucky number. I've had a lot of negativity associated with that number, and again, could it all really be a coincidence?