Tammy got her address labels today. She liked them a lot and I just realized the second order of mine could be out front so I’d better go check.

Nope. It’s not, but I might get it tomorrow.

Got the package from Mom yesterday of one huge stuffed cheetah, leopard, or whatever. Tom and I aren’t sure, but it’s cute.

I went for a very quick swim in the Jacuzzi today. The pig did too. Early this morning the water temp was 76º and it was almost 80º an hour ago. I may go for another swim after I finish writing.

I got 1 letter from Kim and 2 from Bob. Bob’s artwork is really improving. Kim also sent me 3 letters she’d gotten from Bob. I typed them letters and quickly chatted with Fran. They’re about to turn his phone off. His bill’s currently $1,500. Ha, ha!

Now I think I will go, after all, and see what the pool’s like now.

Later...

I changed my mind about going swimming. I could, as it’s far from freezing, but it’s very windy. I only like it windy when it’s 100º or higher.

I’m watching Donoghue now. God, guys are so horny and so easy. I can bet you that 99% of guys hit on by a woman will jump to the opportunity right then and there. There’s nothing wrong with being a whore if your partners are willing, but guys are such major whores.

Yesterday I managed to stay up till 2 PM and I got as close to midnight.

Also yesterday, Tom did yard work. I even helped saw off a tree branch.

Tom brought up a very important subject. He said, “I don’t want you to feel controlled or like I’m picking your friends, but I don’t think it’s wise to be pen pals with anyone else in prison.”

He brought up some other things to consider, too. The guy lived in Arizona for 5 years, knows the area, knows people here, and is in for involuntary manslaughter which is a common plea bargain for murder. He’s right, and that’d be all I’d need is for him to get released, come out here and stalk me. Usually, the only way to rid yourself of a stalker is to kill them. I certainly don’t feel like having to go out, learn to shoot, then kill this guy. Or anyone else.

I’ll explain all this to Bob, but I think he’s just been transferred. In the letter I got today from him he says he’d like to call collect to let me know the new address. As I was falling asleep I forgot to ask Tom if he could accept his call, if he did call. He did call, but Tom refused. Oh well. He also left me a message saying Andy, Fran and Kim called, too.

In a half-hour he should be getting up, then after he leaves I’ll dust and vacuum.

Later...

I’m so tired now. Just exhausted, but I don’t want to go to bed just yet. Let’s see… what can I write about? Well, for starters, Bob called and gave me his new address in Gardner. He says it’s so much better there than in Concord. Easier for Kim to visit here and there, too, cuz Gardner’s an hour away, whereas Concord’s a little over two hours. Any mail already on its way to Concord will be transferred to Gardner. I went to the computer and opened his address file, typed in his new address (now that I know this is his last transfer) and printed out a sheet of labels.

Speaking of labels, got my cactus labels. When I’m officially married, there’ll still be plenty of the old ones left to use as entry headers.

I have so much to write about, but I am temporarily all written out. I’ll do a quick rundown on things.

I got all psyched up last night for nothing, but Tom said he’ll show me what I’m doing wrong with printing pictures.

I got 2 letters from Kim, 2 from Bob and 1 from David. He’s an inmate where Bob is and the letter he sent was nice. I have another pen pal possibly.

BOL #9 has 38 pages done already.

I’m printing out shots of Andy and I performing at the Pub and Frontier. I hope it comes out OK. Andy’s going to love it and I’ll send copies to my parents, Tammy, Bob and Kim too, eventually. This will be so much fun, but right now I’ve got to go see how it’s printing out. It takes forever and I’ve got sooo many scenes of sooo many different things that I want to print out.

Later...

Picture #1 came out so-so. Parts of it were either too light or too dark. People’s faces were one big white blob. You couldn’t see much detail. We need a new ribbon. Also, Tom said he’d show me how to lighten and darken things. How to change picture sizes, too.

I wonder if my package from my folks will arrive today. I hope so if she mailed it last Tuesday or Wednesday.

The journal Tom got me is so cute. It’s so sweet of him too, and he said he finally wanted to buy me a journal without me there.

I’ll have to ask for Andy’s help in mid-June or so, to take me somewhere to get something for Tom’s birthday.

Well, let me go check on how picture #2 is making progress.

Later...

Picture #2 came out lousy, but we’ll see how #3 comes out. I definitely have lots of questions for Tom. I’m going to try to print a Gloria picture as I’m curious to see how that comes out. I’ll try more of Norah, too.

Later...

Yay! I’m so psyched. I showed Tom how shitty the pictures came out and he said it was cuz I was starting with the picture too small on the screen. He also said he’d show me how to fix it sometime. Well, guess what? I figured out how to fix it for myself. So, this is what I’ll be doing for a while, then maybe I will go for a swim.

Got a letter from Bob and got a letter from Kim today.

I’m certainly going to have a lot of movies taped. Six of them, and in 40 minutes or so, I’m going to watch another. One is about ice skaters trying for gold and falling in love while they're at it.

I got up at 6 PM and could’ve easily gone to Tom’s parents' house tomorrow morning. Guess why I’m not, though? Cuz Tom says there’ll be some cousins, “ants” and uncles who are jerks. Don’t I know all too well about that one?

It was 101º today. I went out back a couple of times in the early evening and guess who I could hear? It pisses me off and it’s also very depressing. Except for dogs, it used to be so quiet and peaceful back there. I still hang onto the hope that as the temperature gets hotter and hotter, they’ll shut their fucking door. Better yet, leave. It’s better than having them right outside my bedroom, though, and during the winter they oughta have their doors shut. I never could really hear them in the back till recently.

Well, it’s nice to know the music’s quiet across the street, their dog’s quiet next door and the dog across the street has been long gone.

Also, not one spider since we bombed. That’s just great cuz by now I’d have found about 20 more.

The more I think about it I realize that it doesn’t matter if they leave next door cuz if they do, God will send someone else to irk me.

Later...

I know I’ve bitched and bitched, but I guess I just always have something to whine about with life’s many ups and downs and changes. However, next door, for example, really hits me hard cuz of the NHA. Also, the VV and CC, but especially the NHA.

I’m bummed now cuz I want to go swimming today. Well, I might want to. We’ll have to see how tired I am. The point is that I live in a house that will sound like an apartment complex out back.

Again I ask God why He insists on doing this to me. What does He want from me? No matter when I may think about having a kid, I know it is not meant to be. There are more reasons for it not to be meant to be, than for it to be meant to be, so why does He insist on exposing me to kids’ noise so much? I don’t care that it’s a fraction of the NHA’s noise, either. I want to know what the point is. What did I ever do to any child for Him to use them against me? Is it cuz I pissed off adults when I was a child? Every child does, so why me? There are enough people in this world, you know, who don’t have to put up with having their own backyards screamed out. Especially in a house.

It would ease my mind right now if I knew for sure they were going to Idaho or would shut their fucking doors.

Tom’s up now, so I’ll continue this later. He’s up early. I thought he’d sleep in today.

Later...

Last night I went through a catalog for work at home. Sending mailing lists, stuffing envelopes, etc.

I slept from 10 AM to 7:30 PM and feel so much better. Today’s the last day of my antibiotics.

Tomorrow oughta be a great day. It’ll be Monday, and too hot for them to have their doors open.

Tom said he was glad I didn’t go to his parent’s house today. He said there were 4 kids and 20 adults. All in a house half the size of ours.

He surprised me today with a teddy bear journal (#74) that was only $2.49.

I am so fucking pissed! There’s nothing like having everything break down on you at once. God just insists for whatever reason that I don’t do any computer work right now. The printer’s fucked up, so I can’t print out Bob’s and Fran’s letters. The VCR keeps flashing that the timer’s on and I can’t turn it off! I swear I’m on the verge of handwriting all my letters again! And fuck working with the video blaster!

The good news that I amazingly have is that I got one letter each from Bob and Kim today and BOL #8 is done.

Kim sent Tom a check for $15. That was nice of her. I thought she said she was sending $10.

Fran called and we talked for two hours. We got Andy on the line at one point and he had Fran call his friend Mary who’s also in Springfield. We called Nervous and Crystal a few times and they only spoke briefly and hung up. I couldn’t get Crystal to go off like I wanted her to. Nervous was drunker than hell. Lastly, we ordered them a pizza, but who knows if they’ll get it? You can’t get into their front door with no key.

Tomorrow we’re going grocery shopping. I mean today (early this morning).

I’ll probably be too tired to swim today, but who cares when I’m sure all they’re going to do is scream all day next door.

Don’t they ever go anywhere? I swear these people are home more than I am. When did they move in? November or December? Maybe even October? I’d have to look it up, but my point is that they’ve spent a total of no more than 4 days out. Tom says that if they really do go to Idaho, it’s tradition to go on Memorial weekend. So many people talk but never do, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. And also hope that if they do split, God won’t stick me with someone else’s noise. It didn’t sound like anyone would be renting cuz the guy’s going to stay there the bulk of the time and fly up on weekends. That’s what she said.

Later...

I just did some typing on #4, the only thing I can do tonight on the computer that works.

My waterbed sheets have been staying on a hell of a lot better since I cut the corners at the headboard, making straps. It’s a very hard thing to describe in writing, but it works.

I also did some exercises.

I hope Andy didn’t get killed or something when he went for his walk after Fran and I talked to him. He said he’d call back, but I’m sure he fell asleep. I still have a keen enough 6th sense and I’d have a lousy feeling in my gut if there was anything wrong.

I’ve got 8 hours’ worth of movies taped. This will be good for those days when I don’t feel like doing anything at all. That’s usually only 1-2 times a month, but it’s good for those kinds of days.

In about 4 hours we’ll be going grocery shopping.

Got up at 2:30 PM yesterday. Got 6 hours of sleep, but I’m not tired. Woke up with my period, too.

I went swimming at 6 PM. It was nice and within the next week, the temperature will be climbing. Tomorrow will be 93º, and for Saturday, 97º. Sunday & Monday, 100º. Who knows if I’ll be lucky enough to have a peaceful swim this weekend? I’ll probably get screamed out by the lovely animals next door. Will they really ever go to Idaho? Who knows, but I’m definitely going to Vegas from June 14-17. We’ll be married on the 15th. Can’t wait!

Fran called earlier all upset about that girl Annette. Tom thought it was really neat how I calmed him down and got his mind off of it.

Yesterday Tammy brought Bill home from the hospital, so that’s cool.

I wrote letters to Bob and Kim. Got 2 letters today from Bob and I should hear from Kim tomorrow. I’m sending out my letter to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf, so we’ll see where that goes.

I exercised and will continue to regardless of where my weight goes.

Wanna go for a swim right now, but I’m sure it’s too chilly now.

Well, now I’m going to go start typing up more of #4.

I sure did lots of typing on #4 tonight. I typed 10 pages, which only took 5 on the computer. I made some spaghetti, and wonder if BOL #8 will be finished tomorrow?

I gotta take a break and lay down for a while, so I’ll see ya.

Later...

I forgot to mention that yesterday I got a call from Dr. Wilcox’s office. My white blood cell count has improved. In 3 weeks I gotta get blood drawn again, though.

I did even more typing on #4. I typed a total of 8 pages through the night. There are 53 lines per page. I think that’s 505 lines altogether. That’s a lot. Most of the shit I’m typing is either way off the wall or shit I really don’t care to remember.

Spoke to Tam and gave her our wedding date. She said she wished she could be there. Me too, but what can anyone do?

Tom just turned the shower off and will soon be off to work. Poor guy. He’s running late, too.

Well, gotta go set the VCR.

They say when one falls in love (or thinks they are), they’re compensated with weight gain. Well, they were right as I continue to get bigger. The sooner I stop worrying about it and trying to change it, the better I’ll feel. So, let the fat come! This also happened with Brenda and Kacey. Yeah, well, no chance of me leaving Tom, so God can pile all the pounds on me he wants.

I finished watching the movie I taped.

I was typing letters earlier to my parents and to Tammy and I figured out how to insert symbols and special characters.

I had another idea about my weight. Why don’t I try to get fat? Cuz, you know that the harder you try for something, the less likely you are to get it. That rule didn’t apply to me with women, though. Even when I wasn’t looking I never got approached by anything spectacular.

Tomorrow I will have my period. That’ll only make my tummy a little flatter for 24-48 hours or so, so I’ll just go with the flow, do whatever my body’s going to do and not try to resist it. By August I’ll probably be 106-110 on our scale here. I’ll keep a regular log of it. Earlier the scale said 102 and my waist was a sickening 27”. The last time I had a 27” waist, I weighed 110-115. Someday I could weigh 100 and have a 29” waist. It feels like I get way more inches for the pounds. Tom keeps insisting I’m skinny and that’s fine and that’s his opinion, but what’s really important is how I feel. That’s what really counts and I no longer can as easily look in the mirror. That is unless I’m not nude.

Yesterday I fell asleep at 8 AM and got up at 2:30 PM. I’m surprised I didn’t sleep till 4:00 or 5:00 and that I wasn’t tired all day. Especially with the rain too, cuz that usually makes me tired.

Now I finally have time to update. Yesterday me and Tom broke a record. He went down on me and I came twice. No one else has ever been able to make me cum twice.

I spoke to Ma a couple of days ago and she tried to call us too on Mother’s Day, but we both missed each other’s calls. Oh well. Better luck next time.

Got a Bob letter two days in a row and Kim called yesterday, too. She had me play a joke on Phil, her very much ex. He placed a personal ad on a 900-voicemail system and I called with a bogus Northampton number and name, saying I was very interested in meeting him. She’s going to reimburse us and wrote a check to Tom for $10.

She’d also like to visit again in the summer or fall and maybe go to Vegas. Tom said he’d like to go, too. That’s cool. I thought he’d want to avoid Kim.

She’s got letters on their way to me, too.

So, it didn’t take long for the blood work, then we went to get cash, then to KFC, then to Jack-n-the-Box, then home. We were gone for about two hours.

Upon getting home, we opened the place up and turned the EC on. No more spiders!

When Tom woke me up yesterday, damn was he horny! Unfortunately, I was too tired to respond.

I printed address labels for the people I write to a lot except for Bob since he may be moved out to Gardner.

Speaking of address labels, a Veteran company sent me about 90 of them on a sheet. Right before I get married, huh? That’s OK, though, cuz I’ll use them for Fran, as well as entry separators. They weren’t overly impressive. Just so-so. They had 4 different things preceding the address. Eagles, flags, rainbows and fireworks. I put the labels in the front cover of my journal.

I’m mailing Nerv tons of computer catalogs. Yup, Tom gave me lots of NPN cards for catalogs I know he didn’t get yet. I printed out 2 sheets, each of 14, so that totals 28 labels of Nerv’s name and address, so I only had to write 4 by hand. So, he should get 32 catalogs, all from different states.

Later...

Tom’s home from work now, eating dinner and getting the basketball scores on the TV in the back room.

In the living room, I’m recording Friday the 13th. They’re having about 5 episodes from Wednesday-Friday.

Within an hour or so, he’ll be going to bed, seeing how he’s been up since 5 AM. After he’s in bed, I’ll probably do some typing. Last night I used all those free labels I got, plus some of the ones I already had.

Later...

I was about to expand on my labels, but Tom and I got to talking, then he crashed.

I had several journals, especially the earlier ones, with calendars, and other little things here and there, taped in the front and back covers. I had written stupid stuff like numbers on the back and front covers, making it look confusing and unorganized. That’s the original purpose of covering them with pictures of flowers from calendars and whatever the hell else. I took off the pictures I had taped on and re-covered the confusing mess back up with address labels.

I have several things to write about, but then again, maybe I should wait till tomorrow.

Tomorrow we’re bombing this place, thank fucking God. I’m sick of finding at least 3 spiders a day.

I’m getting blood drawn again tomorrow to see if my white blood cell count is normal again. Of course, we’re taking the pig with us. Getting blood drawn won’t take 2-3 hours, so what else we’ll do and where else we’ll go, who knows? I’ll save the rest of my news for either later or tomorrow.

Later...

I am at the doctor’s now waiting to be stuck. She said it won’t be too long, but we’ll see.

Before we left we set off the bombs. Piggy’s in the car with Tom.

I hope Tom hurries up and gets home. Last night we agreed we’d call my parents. For two reasons. One’s cuz it’s Mother’s Day and the other’s so they can talk with Tom. I have a feeling he may have an excuse not to call. Does he really want to talk to them or even meet them? I wonder about this, but we’ll see what he says when he gets in.

Next Sunday I’ll be meeting his parents, but now I wonder if I’ll be able to be up at a decent hour. I didn’t get up till 2:30 today.

I talked to Tammy who says Bill’s doing better. She’s got a cold, though, or something. She said Larry called her. They only spoke for two minutes. He was in Missouri.

They made it sound like it was going to be very chilly today. Well, it’s not hot, but it’s not chilly either.

The pool doesn’t feel too bad, but it is very windy out. They say we may have T-storms tonight or tomorrow.

I’m very hungry now, so I think I’ll go cook some chicken wings.

Later...

I just threw in a few chicken wings and did the dishes.

I think I just heard Tom. If he isn’t back in an hour then, I’m not going to call my mom. If we don’t call my mom I’ll keep my mouth shut for a few days and see if he mentions it. If he doesn’t, I’ll remind him that he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to and he can tell me so up front.

Later...

Tom got home about 20 minutes ago and we did try calling my parents, but there was no answer.

I ate and now he’s eating.

I also talked to Andy for a few minutes. Between both of us, we’ve got lots of mail to go out tomorrow. He’s got his bills, book club and whatever computer stuff. I’ve got letters to Fran, Bob, Kim, Tammy, Bill, my nieces and my parents.

God, my face has been so greasy. Guess that’s better than it being all dry and flaky, though.

I just printed out 3 pictures from tapes but they’re too light. Time for a new color ribbon. That video thing’s so fun. When we get a new ribbon, I’m going to do some of Gloria. I’m going to do different stuff for Tom, and I have a real surprise for him and Andy both. I’m going to take the video of me and Andy performing at the pub and the Frontier and print some of those out.

Later...

That guy Eldon gave Tom an old VCR for working for him today. He just sprayed electrical spray on it, so I’m in my room now till the smell goes away. Later on tonight, I may use whichever VCR to print out some pictures.

He’s on the phone now talking to David.

I have been running a mile a minute here and now I gotta slow down.

Tom was really tired so we didn’t have any fun tonight. That’s alright though as amazingly enough, I’m not all that horny for being 3 days away from my period.

I am sitting at the kitchen table now where it’s easier for me to write.

I just copied a drawing Bob sent of a horse. It was from the neck up. Mine was good, but most of his I liked better.

I’m getting sort of drowsy now and I also have to go take another antibiotic now. I’m going to veg out to music and lay down, so I’ll write another time.

Later...

Yup, I’m still up.

I killed 3 spiders and typed a letter to Boo and Max. Why? Oh just for the hell of it and to give them a life update since they last helped me out. Hopefully, they’re still in Longmeadow and will get the letter. I believe they only go to Florida during the winter.

I forgot to mention the lovely and unexpected surprise I got from Tom shortly after I got up yesterday morning. He went down on me on the couch, then later we played on the waterbed. This time wasn’t a clumsy disaster as he made it in there. I swear this guy’s getting closer and closer to cumming, but if he ever will, who knows?

He’s going shopping this morning for some stuff we need around here. We need silverware, margarine, water, and of course, food items, too. He’ll be up in 1-3 hours.

Gotta call Prodigy. I’m sure I have all kinds of junk mail to delete. Gotta shave, gotta polish my nails and whatever else I can think of.

Yesterday I gave my hair another mayonnaise treatment. It really does work well at getting the dryness out. Makes it softer. I topped it off with Infusium.

Later...

Today I got Andy’s 14-page letter. It’s pretty cool and funny. I also got a letter from Bob. I’m going to go type them up and use the disk labels to stick them in BOL #8.

Got myself an unexpected surprise today. I went swimming today and the water’s a little warmer. No noise next door.

Tom did some yard work and it really looks nice out there. He trimmed with the edger after he mowed and swept the grass away since tomorrow they say it’ll be not only windy but very much cooler.

He also brought out this little round raft which is perfect for my size. It’s actually intended for something other than a raft. It’s got 8 small spots for glasses around it and in the center, another bigger sunken spot for a thing of ice. The pig will love traveling around in that.

I typed up Bob’s 7-page letter and Andy’s 14-page letter. It’s printing out now.

Later...

I just jumped up to take my antibiotic. Don’t wanna be too late on it.

Amazingly enough, I got up at 12:30 today. Even after yesterday’s long nap.

Well, gotta go check the printer now. Later I’ll be back to write more.

Later...

I taped in my letters.

Tom’s cooking pork chops now while we’re watching the movie Police Academy.

Later...

OK, I’m back. Tom just went to bed. Dinner was good.

I cut another big baggy of lettuce for the pig.

Tomorrow Tom’s going to work on this guy Eldon’s (a friend of his) computer.

Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day and we’re both going to call my mom tomorrow night.

Next Sunday I’ll be meeting his parents (finally).

Tom went grocery shopping this morning and he picked up the vitamin E Dr. Wilcox recommended. Yup, it does help these tits of mine. Now I gotta get the water pills. Tom’s been having a hard time finding them. I think our best bet would be to go to a drugstore for them.

Hang on while I go potty.

Later...

I got an idea last night for the waterbed. I was thinking of taking the foam pad off the twin bed and sticking it on the side I sleep on. This will make the sheets cling to it better. You know how waterbed sheets are always slipping off.

After I try that, I will go look in the TV guide and see if there are any good movies on tonight or not. If not, I’ll type letters. I’ll do that anyway as I usually tape whatever I watch to zip through the commercials. That is unless I’m watching HBO or Cinemax.

I need to call Andy too, to let him know his letter arrived today.

Later...

I just typed letters to Fran, Bob and Kim. In a few minutes, I’m going to watch a movie.

I love my piggy, but sometimes I think it’d be nice to have a small poodle. Something you can run around with. Also, they have no dander, don’t shed, and don’t need to be declawed. No litter box, either.

Well, till later.

Later...

I know I’ve said this before, but I have to do something about my weight. I recognize the old, yet familiar pattern. It’s been 101-103 too much lately. I’ll keep gaining 2-3 pounds a month if I don’t stop it now. I must lose 2-3 inches all around. If my parents are coming within the next few months, I’d like for them to see I’m still thin. It’ll be fine with them and they’ll love me just the same if I’m chunky, but I prefer to be thin, regardless of what others want for me.

Late at night, they play all these commercials of sexy girls to call. That’s my idea of pictures for Tom. I’ll surprise him, but right now the VCR is in use, taping a movie.

I’m watching that movie now. It’s good so far.

I saw a commercial for an exercise machine I’d really like to have. Now here goes all those girlie talk-line commercials.

God am I feeling like a blimp! It seems my gut goes in and out, in and out. I still have to get those water pills.

Boy, this movie’s good. Most movies are so predictable. This one keeps twisting and turning with lots of surprises. After the movie, I’ll set up the timer to record Andy’s soaps.

My tits are sore but I’m only 6 days away from relief and I’ll be getting that vitamin E the Doc recommended.

Later...

God, are my lungs tight. It could be worse, though.

I left a note to Tom with the idea I’m about to write. Remember how when I first got here I wrote a letter to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf requesting a deaf friend to sign with? This was when I lived next to the VV butch before she pulled her shit on me. I met one woman who was prejudiced against the fact that I was on disability. Well, now I think I’d like to try again and send in another letter.

Andy’s on his way over, so, be prepared for me to possibly be cut off.

Guess who’s playing? Yup, across the street, but at an acceptable volume. I can ever so barely hear it.

They’ve been great next door too, but during the next two days, we’ll see. I won’t mind cuz I’m not going swimming tomorrow. I also may very well be asleep.

I began my antibiotics today. Last night I slept 4 hours, waking up at 8 AM. No noise woke me up. I fell back asleep, though, from about noon to 5:00. I needed it, and the antibiotics have a way of making you drowsy.

Andy rented a TV today and is coming to get the soaps I recorded for him.

He’s also bringing 4-5 Mexican TV dinners. I probably won’t like them, but Tom will. He got them from a guy who drives a delivery truck with TV dinners.

Got a letter from Bob today. That makes my current total 175. BOL #8 is just past halfway.

I may also have another pen pal from where Bob is. I told Bob that as long as the guy’s no sex offender, it’s OK. I can deal with robbery or drug offenses, cuz you know I believe sex offenders can’t be rehabilitated and should be tortured and executed. Also, I’ll accept no sexual talk. I’m just not into that anymore. Those I’ll mark ‘return to sender.’

Tom thought it was a great idea for me to write to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf for a deaf friend to sign with.

I put my note I left him in a no-postage-necessary envelope. I sent Kim Bob’s letter and Bob a letter, too. Soon I’ll type my parents and maybe Fran, too.

Later...

Andy came and got his tape. He also brought about 6 Mexican TV dinners, which I hate, but Tom will like. He also brought some pies, but they were crushed.

Yuck! There was a spider crawling on the headboard of this bed. Thank God we’re going to bomb real soon.

I finished typing up #3 last night and began #4. Typed letters to Bob, Kim and my parents tonight.

Fran called and Ricky was with him. He says Sabrina’s letter is ready, but he’s having trouble finding someone to take a picture of him. Guess he’s still trying, though. He wants more and more to come out here and said it’s cold there now and they almost had a hurricane.

Ricky called Nervous and I was surprised he didn’t instantly recognize his voice and hang up. Ricky pulled some ticket scam on him and for a few minutes, he was dumbly going along. Then Crystal grabbed the phone and she was just getting heated up, but Ricky hung up cuz he thought I hung up.

Yesterday was quite a busy day. I got up at 12:30 PM and went for a swim. I also recorded my song and typed up ideas for the signing program.

At 6:30 Andy came and brought me to his place. I drew an Indian design to give it that real southwestern look. I also did his lampshade like I did mine.

He fed me well while I was there. He gave me cookies, crackers, a hot dog, and made me my coffee.

He also gave me tons of video labels, but I have yet to figure out what I’ll do with them.

Tom was in bed when I got home at 9:30. We left each other messages, though.

I talked to Tammy and Bill’s latest report isn’t good. He’s vomiting and has a fever.

My doctor called in antibiotics. I’ve been quite congested and yesterday they called to tell me my white blood cell count was too high. Next Tuesday I still gotta go back for a re-check. When I awoke today at 11:30, I was coughing up gallons of shit.

Went for another swim today. The water’s still chilly, but I managed to throw myself in.

What will the mailman bring me today? Another batch of Bob letters?

Later...

Yup, the mailman brought me 2 Bob letters which he stuck in one envelope.

Now for my cutest and funniest news of the day. I brought the pig out to the Jacuzzi and slowly lowered him down. I could tell right away that swimming would be one of his bags, cuz he remained totally relaxed. He swam around and around several times for a good 60 seconds or so and he loved it. Totally had a ball.

Andy’s TV’s dead and tomorrow I have to record 2 soaps for him. He says he’s getting a new TV tomorrow, but we’ll see. I have a feeling I may be doing this for him for a while. Guess he’s going to try getting a loan from his parents.

I also numbered all the journals on the top shelf of my bookcase. So, that’s 1-25. I’ll do more another time. I’ve got 2½ out of my 5 shelves filled up with journals. 1-25 on the first shelf. 26-54 on the second. 55-73 on the third.

I typed a letter to my folks today and I’ll do more typing later. Right now I’m a little bored. What else can I write about? I’m just trying to think. Have I forgotten anything? I said that yesterday and today I went for a swim, right?

Next door was quiet, thankfully, but I’m sure they’ll be ruling the weekend. That seems to be their thing lately till it gets over 100º. I say let them have this weekend cuz at 80º, the pool won’t be as nice and they say there’s a slight chance for rain Saturday - Monday.

Later...

Well, Tom will be delightfully pleased when he comes home which will be any second, cuz I have a spag dinner waiting for him.

I think I hear him now.

Later...

Guess Andy’s gone to bed. I just tried calling, but there’s no answer.

Guess what? I am now beginning the typing of #4. Amazing, huh? This is the furthest I’ve ever gone with typing them. It’s so much easier not to print them out. Also, it’s much easier using all caps and no fancy fonts.

Tom loved his spag dinner and we talked a lot to catch up since we didn’t see each other yesterday.

Will the pool be suitable for swimming tomorrow? I don’t know. We’ll just have to wait and see. Today was 97º and they say tomorrow it’ll be 94º, but hopefully that difference of a few degrees won’t matter. I’m not doing any swimming over the weekend. They say it’ll only be in the lower 80s, may rain, and they’ll be out back screaming next door.

No heavy metal concerts. They’ve been great. If they have been doing any playing, they’ve kept it quiet.

Tom’s going to pick up my antibiotics tomorrow. This will really help. He said he may drop them off at lunchtime if he can get the time.

Later...

I just went to the bathroom and got my regular meds.

In a half-hour, I’m going to watch a movie with Melissa Gilbert in it.

I saw something quite interesting on a news documentary show. Stalkers on Prodigy. But how the hell do they get people’s addresses unless they gave them to them? That must be it cuz there’s no way you can get this address from either Tom’s or my membership. I think it had to do with something like a bulletin. Where people are either pen pals or looking for dates.

Anyway, they just couldn’t get this one guy to stop. I am very against the sexual and threatening stuff he sent, but it seems like a fun way to send wacky stuff without getting caught. Then again, when Tammy sends me messages, a thing comes up giving me her name and her code. So, how in the hell are they sending mail without it being able to show where and who’s sending it? I’ll have to ask Tom tomorrow.

Andy said he finished that very long letter for me and Bob. Like 14 pages or so. When will he mail it here? Who knows? Fran’s full of shit, though, when he says he’s going to write to me and Sabrina. That’s OK, I get my fair share of letters from Bob.

Let’s see…what else is going on? Not much else. Can’t wait to watch the pig go swimming again. It’s so cute and so funny. I’ll wait, though, for when I’m in the pool with him. This will give us better peace of mind. Also, he shakes water all over me, so I may as well have a suit on, rather than regular clothes.

We fixed our sluggish toilet. No more having to flush number twos twice.

Last night I printed out tons of Norah pictures. Yes, I can do it all on my own now and it was so much fun. Going to do more of Gloria and others for Tom.

Sabrina and I still haven’t heard from Fran. Maybe a letter is on its way in the mail, but I doubt it very much.

We’re going to try to make and sell a computer program with me signing. First we’ll begin with those not serious about signing. Those who are usually going to school, but further on down the road, we may do an advanced one. We’ll start with simple everyday signs like in a foreign traveler’s guide for certain situations. Like if you have a deaf visitor or work in an office with deaf people.

I typed up a handful of letters. To Fran, Bob, Kim, Tammy and my parents.

Got lots of things to do. I want to clean the bathroom after the blue toilet water made quite a mess while Tom fixed it.

Gotta type up my signing ideas. Simple phrases and questions. He’s going to use the video blaster and the camera that’s on a tripod.

Gotta somehow turn that big Stevie dress from Andy into a skirt. Gotta record My Time Has Come. Gotta keep typing #3.

This is the last month of SS and SSI checks.

I was just thinking of all the shocking, unexpected, yet great things that have happened since I came here nearly two years ago between the dancing, getting a 2-bedroom apartment, meeting Tom, moving into a house, seeing Kim and Larry, learning computers, getting off SS and SSI and only having a few asthma attacks. I wish I could add quitting smoking to the list, but I just can’t.

In just a little while, I have to go see Dr. Wilcox. When I get there and have to wait 20 years I’ll write more.

Later...

I’m in one of the exam rooms waiting to be seen. It’ll be a while, I’m sure. God, I hate waiting!

Yesterday was lots of fun. Andy picked me up at 12:30 and I was there till 6 PM. Before that, I got 3 letters from Bob and 1 from Kim.

I also spoke to Tammy. They removed Bill’s spleen which was loaded with cancer. Luckily his liver’s OK and they hope he can resume light duties at work within 6 weeks if the chemo works. If not, they may have to do a bone marrow transplant.

When Andy picked me up he went to pay his cable bill. That took forever.

Oh, before I forget. I spoke to Mom yesterday. She’s sending a package, but she wouldn’t say what of. I should get it at the end of next week.

After the cable company, we went to the Abco grocery store where he got a 6-pack of Snickers bars and some milk.

I took my suit hoping that maybe his

Later...

I got cut off in mid-sentence cuz Dr. Wilcox came in. Luckily it didn’t drag on as long as I thought it might.

She thought my journal book was so beautiful and was astounded when I told her how many I had. She asked me how I got into it and I told her. I noticed she had the same pen I’m writing with now, but hers was black. She asked to try this pen, she did, liked it and I offered to swap, but we didn’t. I intend to get more of these pens for sure.

Anyway, my boobs are very sore. She recommended vitamin E. She also said my lungs were a little tight, but not that bad. Yup, they certainly could be worse. They took blood for my Theo level anyway and they’ll call only if there’s a problem.

So anyway, about yesterday. I took my suit over to Andy’s hoping the heat would still be on since there’s a huge Olympic-size pool there, but it was too cold.

Andy did his laundry and cleaned while I drew cactus and a pot of flowers. He was very happy with it.

He gave me some things, too. The picture Tom took of us with my cactus I drew in the living room here behind us. Also, some other pictures of him, a nice wall shelf and an old Stevie dress. A nice pair of sunglasses, too. This pair doesn’t bother my ear and when I blink, my eyelashes don’t hit the lens. I’m going to adjust the Stevie dress and make a nice skirt out of it for myself. The wall shelf’s up in my room. It has 3 spokes on it and I’ve got necklaces and hair stuff hanging off it.

I lent him my Bonnie Raitt CD again, gave him the tapes I dubbed, and also his tape with his messages from his voicemail. The tape’s not done yet. He just wants to hear what he has on it so far.

More later.

Earlier Tom showed me how to hook the VCR up to the computer and print out pictures. I was doing fine till he went to bed, but now I can’t get the damn thing to print.

So much for his wearing me out today like he said he would cuz he felt really lousy, but I truly understand. I couldn’t be horny if I had a cold.

I talked to Andy and I may very well go to his place tomorrow to do wall art.

I’ll be going to bed soon, and on my way there, I not only wish I were deaf, I still wonder what’s God’s motive, or whoever my maker is, behind throwing these kids next door at me? Of all the houses on the block, too. It just had to be me. Is he trying to tell me I’m to have a kid? Or just annoy me? I think if I were meant to have a kid, I’d be pregnant by now and not a DES daughter. As far as to annoy me; I haven’t been doing anything to really annoy, upset, or piss off anyone else for quite a while now, so I don’t know about that. What is the reason? There’s got to be a reason. These things just don’t constantly happen wherever one goes. This is no coincidence.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Just had a chat with Andy and I’m about to hit the sack.

I have a total of 167 letters so far.

Today I’m not in the best of moods. I blew my schedule. I couldn’t wake up till 11 PM.

Also, the little animals are screaming their heads off in the backyard next door so I sure as hell won’t get any peace in my backyard. It sounds like the pool at the apartment complex.

What’s God trying to tell me? Why, why, why?! Almost everyone else here’s quiet on this street. Why me? Will they all really go to Idaho for the summer? Will they stay inside when it’s very hot? Why me? God, what are you trying to tell me?

I just got the two stickers in the front cover of my journal from my box of Lucky Charms.

I’m very hungry now, so I think I’ll get a bite to eat and then do some typing.

Later...

I wish Tom was working nights just for tonight so I could go throw a bottle onto their roof next door. Oh, I wanna do something sooo bad.

I wish I was deaf. I really really do. Yes, I’d miss my music, but I’ve heard long enough to hear plenty of songs in my head and to keep singing. I really really wish I were deaf. This one ear of mine has heard too many sounds it didn’t want to hear.

I don’t know how long they were out there, but I can imagine it was a good 4-6 hours. People have no respect for those around them. People have no control over their own kids. I’m sure they won’t go away for the summer. God just wouldn’t bless me with that. If He did, there’d be some other problem till we live in a house someday far enough away from others.

I just want to be deaf so bad. It’s all I think about lately. It’s always on my mind. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf.