Without saying a word, I called Kevin to see if he’d say anything. He did. He said, “So, you’re gonna move to the Hamden East condos, huh?”

This is in response to my mentioning that during my little phone games. Anyway, the little asshole sounded nervous as all hell, breathing heavily.

Ma called this morning at 9:30 to say Daddy was fine and that they were able to do a triple bypass on him.

I was pissed last night cuz Tammy went down there without me, but Philip said if God forbid anything happens he’ll take me down to Florida. Uncle Marty was pissed at Ma cuz she never called him about dad. They found out by me cuz yesterday I tried to reach Tammy in Salem and I found out through Bill’s parents.

I almost missed Ma’s call last night cuz Crystal keeps turning off the ringer on my pink phone and forgetting to turn it on again, so this morning I told Crystal not to shut the ringer off if she couldn’t remember to turn it back on.

At 2:30, I have to see Dr. Franklin. I’ll walk there. In fact, I’ll start walking now.

Today is my usual appointment with Rose at 3:00 but I doubt Community Care is open today because it’s Washington’s birthday. I called PCS and they said the buses are running.

I also called Emily, but she was a bitch cuz she just woke up so I didn’t even waste my time talking to her.

Crystal is still asleep as I thought she’d be. She goes to sleep late like I used to.

It looks like she did get fired from McDonald’s. I don’t think she ever gave a damn about the job and I don’t think she wants to work. What with all the money she owes her old landlord for rent, the gas company, the phone company, the electric company - she’s up shit’s creek. All I know is I better get my rent money.

I guess she’s never gonna get the garbage bags she said she’d get. Looks like I’m gonna have to get them, but the bitch is gonna pay me back. She’s gonna buy her share of household needs and do her share of chores or she can pack her shit and go.

I’m so pissed at myself! I bought 2 packs of cigarettes. It seems I can never quit. I’m so pissed! I can’t breathe, and I wanted to save the money.

Tuesday I must remember to go to my sign language class. I was so pissed off at myself for forgetting last week. Nervioso was so jealous he couldn’t take me to my classes. I haven’t seen him in 4 days and I never felt better.

Crystal came home early with a bad ulcer. She said she went to the ER. She can’t work tomorrow or the day after. I hope she doesn’t get fired.

I have smoked only 4 cigarettes today, but it pisses me off that I just can’t cut it out for good.

Got some books in the mail today. I was pissed that they sent me a book I already have. I wonder when I’ll get my books for getting Crystal in as a member.

Later...

I didn’t do too much today but tomorrow I am going to go down to welfare to pick up my photo ID. I’m also going to call the bank to see if my other check came and pick up a few things at Food Mart.

Crystal is listening to the radio now. Earlier I was teaching her some signs.

It’s been quite pleasant not seeing Nervioso for a few days. I really want nothing more to do with him.

Today I woke up at 9am. I went to get that Nicorette gum the doctor gave me a prescription for yesterday to try to help me quit smoking. He said my lungs were so bad and that I needed to quit. I think I’ve had 9 cigarettes altogether today, but a few hours ago I became deadly determined. I’m only 22, so it’s now or never. Better to get it over with and to have smoked for 8 years rather than for 40. Besides, singers shouldn’t smoke, and I could save $80 - $100 a month.

Later...

Just a little while ago the urge to smoke was quite bad but I didn’t touch it! I chewed the gum.

I’m so damn pissed, though. I forgot all about my sign class tonight!

I’m downtown now and I have been for almost 4 hours. At 9am, I walked down here and went to SIS, my bank. It looks like I have gotten my checks. Thank God!

Afterward, I went to Friendly’s, then saw Rose. Personally, I think she sucks!

I’m now on Chestnut St. waiting to see the doctor. What much can he do? I need to quit smoking, but it is just so damn hard!

The nurse just weighed me at 118 pounds. I’m so fat! I sure as hell hope I lose it this spring like I usually do.

I am still wide awake, and I probably will be for quite a while. I thought Crystal was at work, and I wondered why she wasn’t home yet, so I called and was told that today was her day off. She’s probably with Mike.

Nothing much happened in court yesterday. The other party never even showed up.

Earlier tonight, I finally got around to changing the bedroom around. I dusted and rearranged the walls. I also did some work in the kitchen. Tomorrow I’ll need to change the pig’s cage, vacuum, and mop. Crystal can finish the rest of the dusting.

I was up all last night and didn’t get to bed until around 5 am, so I slept all day today.

I was pissed off over Crystal’s refusal to do any cleaning. I’ll just up her rent.

She should be home any minute. I hope. I could use the company, despite her laziness.

Mary D fucking set me up tonight (a gay girl I met through Crystal). She said she was gonna come and get me at 10:30, and she never showed up. I was told a million different excuses for that. She’s out of my book. She’s just not worth it, and she does that every time she owes me something, and she’s also ugly as hell, so what’s the point?

I think I’ll go see Emily tomorrow. I spoke to her tonight. She said for me to call her first because she doesn’t know exactly what she has planned for tomorrow. Hope I can see her. I haven’t for a while.

I ran out of smokes, and that’s it! I quit! I’m not spending the fortune you have to pay for cigarettes. I can’t even fucking breathe and shit if I’m gonna lose the voice I worked so hard to get to sing with.

Yesterday, Tammy came in from Salem with Lisa and Rebecca. We met at Friendly’s. After Tammy and I left Friendly’s, we went to see her doctor, who had to explain to her about the dental surgery she is to have. Then after that, we returned to Friendly’s, where we met Tera, Bill S’s daughter. Bill is a lawyer whom Tammy once liked. Finally, before she made the trip back home, she came to my place for a little while and met Crystal.

Lisa was so thrilled to see the pigs, as usual.

I spoke on the phone to Mary, Stuart, Fran and Kevin. When I tried to call Jenny, she said she’d call me back some other time cuz she said she was in the shittiest mood she’s ever been in. A few hours later, I tried to call her, but she was asleep.

Wednesday, I walked up to the deli for a bite to eat, then took the bus downtown. There, I bought a Laura Branigan 45, some musk lotion, Charlie perfume, and a checkered wool mini skirt for only $5.

Tuesday, I had a great time in my sign language class at the Willie Ross. The class was all in sign. No voices were used at all. The teacher tested us with fingerspelling, signs, and numbers.

First of all, at the beginning of the class, we signed with no voice and stated our names, our weaknesses, and our strengths. I said that I could sign very well but that my receptive skills were weak.

I think I have lost 3 or 4 pounds. Tomorrow I’m going to try to avoid eating if I can. I’d like to get down to 95-100 pounds. Crystal was up to 101. Now she’s back to 97. Lucky bitch. She has no muscle, though, and is nowhere near as solid as I am. I did some exercises tonight. I’m a little sore, but I hope to lose more weight.

Crystal damn well better start helping out with chores. I told her she’d better vacuum tomorrow and said I’d mop.

I got a tote bag and a mug from the book clubs. I also have 14 more books coming. I’ve been getting them in exchange for signing up others for the clubs. I think I’ll definitely need to set up more shelves. The gold plastic ones. I just don’t know where. Maybe in the hall where the wooden stand and fern plant are. Or in the bedroom where the chair is. Maybe I’ll set them up side by side with the other shelves out in the hallway where the door release is.

There’s also this book service (not a book club) that sends you 6 romance novels every month for $12.50. No obligation and you can cancel at any time. It’s just that romance isn’t really my thing. I like suspense, but I may try it anyway.

Rose called from Community Care. She’s to be my new therapist. Rose also does intake. She’s fat and ugly, too. I miss Trisha. I want her back. Rose and I are to meet on Sundays at 3 pm.

Today I am going downtown. I am going to buy a pair of shoes, a record of Laura Branigan’s, and just basically browse around and kill time. First, I think I’ll walk up to the deli and get my coffee. Then I’ll take the bus downtown.

The new doctor I saw yesterday really seems to make sense, and I think he knows what he’s talking about. He agrees with me about there being no way I could be bipolar. He thinks I’m hyperactive, which is true.

Kevin is here now and I just called Crystal. She wants him here when she gets home so we can both play with his head. I told Kevin she had a crush on him, but of course, she doesn’t.

I have finally found a shorthand book and have learned some, though it’s not a beginner’s book.

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Franklin, the new shrink that’s replacing Dr. Heronimo. I’m sure he’s just like the others. Maybe I can find out how long it’s going to be before I see a new therapist.

I am at the X doing my laundry. Kevin drove me here. My clothes are still in the washer and I am sitting down next to Nervioso writing in this journal. I just finished a cigarette.

Yesterday was my bastard brother Larry’s birthday. Hope he eats shit and dies. Haven’t seen him for a couple of years. Not since he and the roommate (Michelle) I had in my first apartment on Locust St. used the hell out of me. This was before Larry threatened me. I even filed charges against him in court till he sweet-talked me into dropping them before going our separate ways.

Today I got my temporary ID from welfare, and they took my picture. It will be ready any day after February 5th. I got $20 in food stamps.

I went looking for a beginner’s book on shorthand but couldn’t find one. I was surprised.

I went to Shoppers Drug and got 5mg of Navane, and guess what? According to Monte, they come even lower than 5mg!

Crystal went to get her kids. She was supposed to come back here to get me, but she hasn’t shown up yet.

I also cannot get a hold of Kevin. Who knows where he is or what errands he’s doing?

I want to go look for that book on shorthand, which looks like it’d be a fun thing to learn, and I also need to redeem my food stamps. Then I’m going to see if I can get a 5mg refill. I’m hesitant about taking 10mg anymore.

My niece Lisa’s birthday is the 20th. She’ll be 5. I must get her a gift. I don’t know what.

Stuart just called to say he is on his way over for a visit.

I haven’t written since Monday. I’ve wanted to but I got lazy.

Got 6 more books today. Now my shelves are jam-packed.

Later...

Stuart left, thank God. He seemed quite aggravated about something.

I got up at 10 am today and chatted with Crystal for a while, then Mike came over and took us out to do errands.

Crystal was going to have a tooth pulled, but forgot her Medicaid card. I had her scared for a while too, telling her they ran out of Novocain and that their tools broke. I said she’d have to have it pulled with a pair of pliers and no Novocain. She fell for it for a while, the gullible geek!

I got fried shrimp at the Eastfield Mall. She got pizza. Then Mike got gas and drove us home.

The nervous bastard called all aggravated about God knows what, and then I pulled my little game of crossed call-waiting.

I should’ve received more books today, but I guess not. Maybe tomorrow.

Stuart came over for a visit. He’s a gay guy I knew from Longmeadow High. We are having dinner together. I am cooking chicken wings, noodles, and peas. He says I am a good cook, yet I am asking him question after question.

I am going to go over to Stuart’s for spaghetti and meatballs one of these nights.

I need someone to trim my bangs. They’re quite uneven as usual.

Ma called today from Florida. She didn’t have much to say. Just that it’s been raining since I left. True or not, I don’t know. I said hi to Dad briefly. He didn’t say much, either.

José is outside begging Nellie to open the door, but it doesn’t seem like she wants to.

I tried to sleep but couldn’t. Earlier this evening, I managed to track down Diane, Kevin’s ex-wife, out of curiosity. According to her, Kevin used to beat the shit out of her, and he knocked 3 teeth out of his son Eddie. He was very jealous of Diane and the boys’ friends, too. He owes about $10,000 in child support. I believe everything she told me, too.

I’m tempted not to let him know where I’m moving, but the problem is he can always find me. Not that I’m afraid of him, but he’s smart enough to go to the post office or the registry of motor vehicles and get a forwarding address. I could kill those agencies! That’s my private business, but they say it’s a matter of public record under the Freedom of Information Act. Fuck that shit! What about the freedom of privacy?

The weather is so bad! There’s almost a foot of snow out there and trying to drive out there is miserable. I wanted to do grocery shopping but I couldn’t because it was so bad out there and the nervous bastard was getting quite nervous.

I found out some interesting news from Cathy at the office. Apparently, Crystal had her kids over here, and she is going to pay me $15 for the broken picture frame I just discovered, too. If she doesn’t, she can get the hell out.

I tried to call Mary yesterday and she was more interested in her goddamn shows than my vacation and she never called back. So to hell with her.

The nervous bastard went home after dropping me off. I’m still playing my little game with him where I call him and then I hit the receiver quickly, so he hears a click. Then I tell him I’ve got a call on the other line, then click it again and talk to the so-called caller knowing he can hear me. Oh, the things I say!

Fran is going to drop by tomorrow to see me and also give me the books I ordered through his introductory offer from the Mystery Guild. Speaking of books, I got 8 of them from the account I set up under Toby G and 4 of my own for joining new members. I still have 16 more coming and 3 from Fran. That’s 31 books! Plus, I have more coming from other people like Crystal.

That Troll book club I joined also owes me an introductory offer.

I sure was surprised yesterday at how happy Nellie and Hank were to see me back.

I called Anna and Julia, the two elderly sisters next door, to tell them where I’d been. They were worried, but are glad I’m back and had a good time. We chatted for quite a while.

I haven’t been able to reach Jenny yet. I hope she’s been ok.

At 8 PM, all my shows go on but of course, I’ll have to watch in the living room. If this TV conks out then I’ll be without a TV until my parents sell their house and give me theirs.

Nellie says she’s moving in February. Let’s hope so, although at this point it really doesn’t matter too much. Sometimes I wish she’d get the hell out and sometimes I just don’t care. But either way, I’m gonna get my money and she knows it. She says on the 13th or 14th she’ll give me $30. She better!

Right now I am watching Rags to Riches, and afterward, I shall watch Miami Vice.

Later...

Crystal is here now and she is trying on the clothes I gave her. She is so skinny. I’m so envious. I am a fucking whale compared to her.

Now she’s talking on the phone to Fran. She was pissed as all hell at him about him calling her at work, but now they’re chatting quite happily.

I’m home now, and I’m so tired! I’m starving too, so I’m gonna eat, then go to bed. I plan to write a lot tomorrow, and I also want to do some laundry. I’m not even about to begin to do the rest of the unpacking.

I’m surprised I haven’t heard from the bastard downstairs. He’s quite lucky I haven’t, though.

Crystal, who’s out at the moment, left the place nice and neat. She’s quite lucky, too. Just a few minor things out of place. I knew, though, that she would never dust or vacuum. Too lazy to.

2:19 PM

Got up at noon. I am so depressed now. I hate it here! I would rather be back in Florida with my parents, despite our differences. I totally hate it here!

I called Philip but got his girlfriend, Angie. She says she’ll talk to Philip, though I don’t see what he can do.

Crystal is singing like shit as I wait for Kevin to come and take me grocery shopping. After that, I need to do laundry. I hate to think of seeing Kevin. I’m so sick of him. I explained to Crystal how he gets all nervous. Especially when he disagrees with something you’ve said.

So far today, the weather has been awful. I fly back to Springfield tomorrow. I guess I’m ready because there’s not much to do here, and I miss my pigs and my stereo. I hope everything is ok at home. I’ll have to catch up on my singing. I’ve missed it, although I sang a little today. Very softly. My mom would get pissed if I sang louder than a whisper.

We all agreed that as soon as the house in Longmeadow sells (my folks want to move down here permanently), I will be moving. That should be within 4-6 months. I sure as hell can’t wait! Mom is going to be giving both Tammy and me the furniture. I shall be moving to a better area and into something that’ll hopefully have a dishwasher and an AC. Mom is going to start looking when she returns in April.

When I get home, I’ll be looking forward to seeing Crystal, Jenny, and Mary. Emily won’t be back from her own trip until the 12th. That was originally when I was supposed to return, but it’ll be tomorrow, the 6th.

This morning, I woke up a little after 6:00 after a series of strange dreams. Then I fell back asleep and woke up to my mother’s voice at 9:00. She and Dad were sitting at the table right outside the sliding glass door. Ma came over and teased me playfully for a while, then I got up and had a cup of coffee, made my bed, and packed up. Right now, my clothes are in the dryer. Ma washed them all for me. She’s in a good mood. I’m sure that’s cuz I’m leaving.

Ma and I are going to have lunch together today, then at 6:00, I’ll take off. My cousin Philip will be picking me up at Bradley.

I intend to have a chat with Nellie about my money, and I just dare the bastard downstairs to open his mouth. One minute he’s civilized, the next he’s off on some drunken tangent. At least I know I won’t be there much longer.

I really did have a nice little vacation, although I wish the weather had been nicer.

11:47 AM

Dad just went to get turkey club sandwiches for him and Ma and a cheeseburger for me. I’ve never eaten so much or been so hungry since I’ve been here. According to the scale where I was working out at the club, I weigh 116 pounds. Getting quite chunky. Oh well. I’ll lose it this summer like I usually do.

Now the sun’s out. Of course, it is. I’m leaving. If I stayed, it would storm.

Dad put gas in the car so it’s ready for Ma and me.

I had run inside for a few minutes only to find Max, their poodle, playing with my socks.

I feel like I’m getting burned, but Mom wants me out here. She said it was good for me before she gave me a pair of sunglasses that are way too big. I believe she only wants me out here cuz she doesn’t like having me around. She had me visit out of a sense of duty, but I doubt her heart was really into the idea of it.

2:05 PM

I just went for a bike ride, and now I’m bored again.

I’ll miss Mom and Dad. I won’t be seeing them again till April.

6:50 PM

I’m on the plane again. It doesn’t seem as bad as the other flight, though. Yes, it’s loud, but not as loud. I am on a smaller plane. A D-C9. The last plane was a 727. I’d like to fly a 747. My ear is blocked, as usual, but not as badly as the last time.

I hope they come around soon with coffee. God knows I could use some. I’ll be on this plane for hours.

You can barely see out the window because it’s dark and cloudy.

The noise and vibration of the engine sure are a pain in the ass, but up front, you can’t smoke, so I have to put up with it if I want to smoke.

Wow! Now I have a nice view down below. The clouds must’ve cleared. I can’t see too much in detail, though. Only the lights of the roads and houses. I can’t make out cars moving as I can flying in the daytime. The captain just said we’re over Orlando and we’re at 33,000 feet. Says it’s cold where we’re going.

Well, I guess I’ll continue writing in the other book. I’ve just about completed this one.

7:20 PM

In this book, I’m still on the plane. It’s Wednesday, and I won’t be arriving till 10:33. In 15 minutes, it will be 8:00. We were supposed to take off at 6:15, but we didn’t till 6:30. I guess we'll arrive in Philly at 8:30 or so.

We do not get dinner, although they said so on the ticket. All we get is a snack. Here it comes now, and boy, does that coffee smell good.

The pilot just said we’re at 10,000 feet right over Dover, Delaware, and it’s 15º!!! Yuck! No more warm weather for me. We’ll be landing in 15 minutes.

When I tell Kevin about my trip to Florida, I’m sure he won’t be interested and will interrupt me to yak only about himself, like he usually does.

9:08 PM

We are on the ground in Philly. It is freezing! It sucks! Now I have to wait till 9:40 before we take off again. I just asked the stewardess, and she said the flight to Bradley is 52 minutes. Call it an hour, she said.

I look forward to seeing Philip. He’s like a big brother, and I love him dearly.

10 PM

Here I am flying again, although we will not be going up so high because it is a very short flight. I hope we get there shortly after 10:30. The captain says we’re at 19,000 feet and we’ll land in half an hour. It’s 12º at Bradley. Shit! I could see the snow as we landed.

They are getting ready to serve coffee now.

This is not a crowded flight, but the last one was from West Palm Beach.

So, in Florida, I visited Stuart, Jensen Beach, St. Lucie, and other places.

Today is much cooler and breezier than yesterday. It looks like it’s been wanting to rain, but it hasn’t yet.

Mom and Dad are now watching TV, something they do 90% of the time. Later, I guess we’ll be going out to dinner.

About 9:30 this morning, I went to the pool. There was a cool breeze at that time, so when I got out of the water, I was chilled.

At lunchtime, I drove us all to the clubhouse for a hamburger and some fries.

When the mail came an hour after we ate, I drove Dad up to get it and to put my postcards and their mail in the mailbox. The funniest thing happened when I was preparing to drive us there, though. I stepped on the gas to release the hill brake. Without realizing it, I kept my foot on it and turned it on, put it in reverse, and man, did we go flying out of that driveway! Dad was pissed, but I laughed my ass off.

Sure enough, I’m starting to get quite bored. I wish I could listen to my stereo! I live for listening to music several times a day. And I wish I had my guitar or keyboard, too.

I can’t believe it hasn’t rained yet. It sure looks like it will any minute.

They’re all so engrossed now in that stupid Discovery Channel where they’re showing a special on India with this sickening music. How can anyone watch something so boring?

I should have brought my Spanish books, but I didn’t think to. Now would’ve been a great time to study.

I’m here now and it is gorgeous! The weather is perfect. Not too hot, cool or humid. There’s one hell of a breeze here on Nettle’s Island where my parents live in a manufactured home. All the people here are around my parents' age. I don’t think anyone here is under 55. There are no kids, either.

My mom just came out asking me to excuse her for being short cuz she’s had a really bad migraine. She has been kind of a nag, that’s for sure. You just can’t be yourself around her. Shit, I can’t even breathe around her.

My parents' home is beautiful! Outside the back door is a canal, bringing the ocean right up to within just a few feet of the house. I’m sitting out on the dock right now, actually, as I write this.

Dad has an electric car. I drove it and it’s pretty cool. He and I went swimming today.

Later...

I am still enjoying myself, although my mother is quite a pain in the ass and very bossy.

We went to a really nice buffet with everything - fish, chicken, macaroni, all kinds of veggies, salad, and soups. They had Mexican, Italian and American foods. You can make your own sundae, too.

After dinner, Dad took a little nap while Mom and I watched some TV. Then we went to a different pool in the electric car. It was so nice! There was a Jacuzzi, too. Then we all took showers, came home and watched Crocodile Dundee on the VCR. Now I am going to read before crashing for the night.

I’m finally on the plane now. At first, we didn’t think I’d make it here. Eastern was canceled. I’m now flying Continental, but we’re delayed by an hour. The last time I was in Florida, I was just a baby; therefore, this is really like my first time. It’s hard to write neatly when the plane hits air pockets. It’s dark out there, so I can’t really see too much. I have been flying since 1:30. The stewardess says we won’t arrive in West Palm Beach until 7:30. I know I will be exhausted, as I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning. I’m sitting right next to the engine, and it’s so damn loud that my ear will be ringing all night.

Tomorrow I’m gone! I can’t wait to get the hell away. Crystal and Kevin are going to take care of the pigs and the mail. Tomorrow I just have a few last-minute things to do then I’m gone!

Tonight’s New Year’s Eve. Another year has gone by.

I woke up early and straightened up a bit. I changed the pig’s cage. They’ll need more food and sawdust today. I think I’ll buy them cedarwood. It lasts longer and smells good. I’ll be gone 10 days so it has to last. Crystal will feed them and give them water while I’m gone.

Speaking of Crystal, she is one hell of a good roommate. I only wish she was a little neater.

Kevin is supposed to drive Crystal and I down to Salem to see Tammy, but Crystal never came home last night. She’s probably with her abusive boyfriend, Mike.

We have a lot of fun together, Crystal and me. Last night she said, “I feel like I’ve known you for years.” I feel that way too. I just hope to hell she shows up to go to Tammy’s. I have a feeling she’ll forget. Maybe I’ll just go with Kevin, although I really want Crystal to go, too.

I wonder if 1988 will be my lucky year. I know, however, that this is the year I am going to hear out of both ears.

Crystal has finally moved in. She just finished unpacking. We met at Dunkin’ Donuts and got to discussing my wanting a roommate.

Now she’s singing. Personally, I think Crystal has just about the worst voice I’ve ever heard.

I spoke to Jenny today. It’s her 23rd birthday. She told me of all the gifts she got from her family and friends.

I tried to get a hold of Mary, and there was no answer. She’s just as hard to get a hold of as Emily is.

At about 3:00, I went and did my laundry at the X, then came home at 6:00 and called Dad. He took me out to dinner at 7:00, then when he brought me home he came up here for about half an hour or so. I played Love Me Tender on the keyboard for him and made him coffee.

He weighed himself on my scale and said that it was definitely accurate and that there was no way I could possibly weigh 121 pounds. Then when I stepped on it, it said I was 111.

The people here are so noisy. I think I hear a garbage disposal running now.

Took a bath tonight, never straightening my hair. It looks ridiculous. Very curly.

I'm currently waiting to see the therapist. My dad picked me up earlier today to exchange some pants I received as a Hanukkah gift at the mall. I've noticed my weight has increased and I now weigh 121 pounds. Last night, I had a great time at Tammy's. She, Bill, and their daughters gifted me a sleep shirt for my upcoming Florida trip. Additionally, my parents gave me socks, underwear, a comfy sweatshirt dress, a purse, earrings, a watch, a bracelet, a miniskirt with a matching shirt, two pairs of pants, a coat, gloves, and a scarf.

Looks like I'll be pulling another all-nighter. My body always seems to prefer sleeping during the day instead of at night. Fran and Kevin came over earlier, and we watched a movie that was just average. Nothing too exciting. Tomorrow, I have plans to meet Jenny at Springfield Municipal Hospital where she works at 3:30. She's helping me with my grocery shopping, and I'll be giving her around 30 paperback books that I no longer want.

Last night I fell asleep at some time around 11:00. I woke up at 5:00 this morning. No noise woke me up. I just, for some reason, automatically woke up. Who knows why, but on weekdays when I have errands to do, it seems I sleep all day, but on the weekend, what do I do when there’s nothing to wake up for? Get up at 5 AM.

Hank from downstairs was up here twice today visiting. Once I asked him to come and look at the black and white TV. He says the transistors are gone.

Then he called up to me from his bedroom while I was dusting the bedroom, asking me for aspirin.

Tomorrow or Monday, I must get my Hanukkah cards and get my Christmas cards ready to go out in the mail. I also must mail Jo’s birthday card in a few days, too.

Last night I didn’t get to sleep until about 6am. Today I slept till 1pm, got up, put up with the nervous bastard for a while then went to therapy. Next week is my last week with Trisha.

I am currently at Dunkin Donuts and have had two cups of coffee, but nothing to eat. I have successfully lost three pounds. However, I have not consumed any food today, and I plan to continue this trend for the next three to five days. 

On Tuesday at 4 pm, my parents and I will be heading to Tammy's for a Hanukkah gathering. I hope the experience will be more enjoyable than Thanksgiving, as I sometimes find my family's behavior to be frustrating.

I had quite a long day today. I have been up since 5:15 this morning as the people upstairs on the 3rd floor were doing the 50-yard dash. I woke up to their footsteps.

At about 8:45 I left for the bus to go to the social security office. I also applied for food stamps.

At the federal building, I saw 3 deaf women signing and went up to join them. I also met a woman from Trinidad who has a deaf daughter. She wants me to teach her sign language. I gave her my number and she says she’ll call me.

As of right now, I am at Jenny’s keeping her company while she cuts carpet.

Jenny gave me a little scatter rug. She has some other carpet for me but she has to find out how much it costs before she sells it to me. I’d love some carpet for my bedroom and the hallway. I hope I can afford it though as I only get $474.49 a month between my two checks (Social Security and SSI). It’s so hard to afford to buy anything for myself other than just pay my rent and the bills because I get so little.

Jenny and Jim were over tonight for a little while. Jenny got me this candle and potpourri that smells really nice.

Earlier today I went to the mall to do some Chanukah shopping. I got Dad Wynonna and Naomi’s tape, mittens for Rebecca, a coloring book for Lisa, a cosmetic organizer for Jenny, and placemats for Tammy and Bill’s table, and last, a bracelet for Kevin. I still need to get something for me and Emily. In case I haven’t already said so, Tammy is my older sister, but no one in the family has been in touch with our older brother, Larry. Bill is Tammy’s husband whom I never really cared for. Lisa is her daughter which she had with some Mexican guy when she lived in Texas. She currently lives in Connecticut. Bill and Tammy had Becky together and both are lousy parents.

Later…

I’ll probably be up most of the night since I slept so late this morning, but I have to get up early tomorrow so I can go to STCC and the federal building. I also have to have some blood work done tomorrow. Right now I am making some fish cakes but after they’re done and I eat I’m going to go over that form for financial aid.

On January 2nd I’ll be flying down to Florida to visit my folks.