Another day of getting all junk mail, magazines, or bills. Something must be up with Bob, but I hope not. Yesterday Tammy’s CDs came. I just mailed them out to her. Tom mailed a check for $1.86 to the same club. I hope there’s no problem. If there is, we can do one of two things. Tell them we never got Tammy’s CDs, as they can’t prove we did. They weren’t sent by certified mail. If that doesn’t work, there’s another club.

I spoke to her earlier to tell her I was mailing them to her and to see if she got my Chanukah card and check. She did. I wasn’t sure, as the mail system’s slower now due to the holidays. Chanukah starts tomorrow night at sundown.

Remember how I said Tom ordered something for me in the mail? Well, I got it. It was an adorable two-year planner, calendar/address book/notepad with a teddy bear cover. I put the notepad and address book away for now for future use, but the calendar is on the refrigerator. I also cut out the part with the teddy bears and glued them on the back cover of the next journal.

Tom’s picking me up The Guardian video today. Great - I’m looking forward to it.

Well, I’m gonna go see a movie I taped.

Later...

I typed 5 letters today. To Tammy, Fran, Kim, Bob and Alex. I had the front and back doors open to air the place out. The phone rang at one point with some guy doing a radio survey when there was a knock on the front door. I knew right away it was Tom’s brother David from having seen pictures of him. He came to check out the pool. I was somewhat embarrassed as I was wearing a workout outfit. Now he can see his brother’s lover is all hair, eyes, belly, and legs. Oh well. Although, my measurements have gone down an inch while my weight has gone up to 103.

I surprised Tom by making him two sandwiches for when he comes home. Guess I could use some food myself now.

I fell asleep yesterday afternoon at 4:30 after taking two Pre-Sym pills, as I was so bloated. That shit knocked me on my ass. I awoke to the phone ringing at 6:30, then Andy arrived at 7:30 shortly after Tom did. I was too tired to go to Tower Records with him, so we’re gonna go next week. He brought back my Bonnie Raitt CD and the pants with the torn pocket I’m gonna sew. The 3 of us sat and chatted for a while and he left at 8:30.

I watched some TV, then fell asleep at 10:00 along with Tom. I got up at 4:15. I am still a bit tired.

When Tom got up this morning, he printed out The Guardian movie guide. Not only does it have a write-up about the movie, but it also has the cast, sound effects person, director, copyright, etc.

Oh, my fucking God! I just don’t believe it! Larry just called me. I was so caught off guard. I didn’t know what to say. He wished me a happy birthday. He drives a tractor-trailer and is constantly in Phoenix and California. He’s been to the clubs I’ve danced at. He said Dad told him, but he didn’t think ma knew.

Ha! She knew.

His son Larry is 13 and Jennifer is 10.

I simply told him all’s been great since I got here and got my life together. He said he did not want to get involved in any family problems, he has his own family and life.

I said that is fine, but to remember how me and Tammy went through the same shit he did.

He said he only called Tammy to make mom and dad happy. I said, “Don’t you think that’s deceiving?” Then, he said he didn’t mind calling her, he just doesn’t want to get in the middle of things. Fine, but now I wonder… did he really want to call me? Or was it just to make mom and dad happy?

Well, I have very mixed emotions about meeting with him. A part of me wants to tell him to fuck off, and the other part’s curious. Tammy did bring up a point. She said how we both know how much I’ve changed, therefore, what’s to say he hasn’t changed too? Oh, I just don’t know what to make of all this right now. Tammy mentioned being hopeful that there could be a way to get along without the anger of the past getting in the way. Well, here’s where I stand on that one - I’m a firm believer in letting dead dogs lay. I try not to hold grudges, but this guy abandoned me. Me, who also went through the same abuse. I was young and naïve, but he couldn’t stand by me. He took his anger on mom and dad out on me. There was no emotion at all in his voice. How do I know he’ll take me for face value and not judge me by my past? I’m not about to explain or defend myself to him or anyone. Maybe we will have to meet face-to-face to decide if I want to associate with him or not. All Tammy told him was I became a very happy, stable person here and engaged to be married in a year. Well, I don’t even want to think about him now.

After a cigarette, I’ll write about my other beautiful caller, then get on with all the many good things going on.

Later...

This day still’s getting weirder and weirder. I just spoke to my mother and believe it or not that went pretty well. They moved to Palm City and they have a 2-bedroom condo. She’s working in an office on computers as a secretary. She said something about dad taking care of some storage thing. He’d just gone out when I called. She left a message yesterday wishing me a happy birthday, so I figured I’d get it over with and call, as she’ll only call again here. I told her I was not dancing now, but was working on the computer and was engaged to be married in a year. She said she was very very happy for me. I also told her a little about Tom and all he did for me yesterday, which I’ll soon get into. I said I’d send pictures of the house and she could send pictures of the new condo. Lastly, I told her of my very mixed emotions regarding Larry.

Later...

Well, now I shall update the 3rd and 4th. Tom was gonna fire up the Jacuzzi but the filter’s broken. It’ll soon be fixed, though.

On Tuesday he’s picking me up the video of The Guardian. Eventually, we’ll also rent Local Hero. If I like how she looks in it, I’ll buy it.

Let’s just say I made out yesterday really well.

Andy called me on midnight the 4th and sang me a happy birthday. Today he may be over at 6 PM. He’s getting me a CD and I need to sew another pocket for him.

On the 6th & 7th, he’s going to Laughlin with Velma.

After I spoke to him, I called Gina at 12:30 AM on the 4th. She wished me happy birthday live on-air and played the song, They Say It’s Your Birthday. Stan was on again too, and I left Andy a few messages. She got the letter and my picture and thanked me for sending it. She also used the promo tape of me, Stan and Tammy last Tuesday from 9 AM-noon. That’s cool.

One more thing I forgot to mention about mom - she’s sending me a package and their new address will be on it.

Later...

I just spoke to Nervous for a few minutes.

Now let me finally get into all I did and got yesterday. I got up at 11:30 PM on the 3rd. I fell asleep again at 6 AM till I heard Tom open the cake at 8:30. He got a nice chocolate cake that said, “Happy Birthday, Jodi.” There were two candles, unlike anything I’d ever seen before. They were two tall, skinny candles. A pink one and a purple one. He said the reason why there were two was cuz there are two of us. How sweet.

I gave him his Chanukah card and he gave me a birthday card. What it says really hits the nail on the head. Here’s what it says: We share a very special kind of love because we share so many other things, too – happy memories, precious dreams, little everyday discoveries, private jokes that no one else would understand. We even think alike in a lot of ways, but not about everything....just enough to make life interesting. It’s no wonder I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything in the world.

Tammy called too, and said she didn’t send anything cuz she’s sending a family portrait. Believe me, I want this more than a check. This way I can put it in the living room, or somewhere here and bring them closer to me.

This is when I told Tammy about Tom and I and she congratulated me and said she was happy for me. She also asked how old he was cuz she always wanted an older brother. They’re the same age, but Tom’s almost two months older. Good enough.

Enclosed in my birthday card were the stickers in this book. They’re also on the covers of the previous and next journals.

Tom took me to Red Lobster where I got a combo of shrimp, lobster and crab legs. It was great and he got steak.

I then went to withdraw $20 and we went to Target’s department store. I bought a journal with a little girl on it. A real one, not a drawing. I got a white satin G-string and a purple one, too. Got 4 overcolor markers and 4 undercolor markers. I used them a few pages back, as well as on the back cover of this book for the entry dates. Lastly, I got 5 neon-colored poster boards to paint on with neon paint that glows in the dark.

It is absolutely beautiful out now, but I wish I could go swimming!

Well, guess I’ll lie down for a while till I hear from Andy.

Well, I’m 28 now. 

We left early to do a humongous shopping order. It came to around $127. I also got 3 Chanukah cards. One for Tammy and Andy that I wrote with my calligraphy markers. I sent Tammy a check for 20. I have yet to do up Tom’s card. I will real soon after I get caught up in here. Now’s a good time to do Tom’s card as he’s asleep.

Later...

I just quickly did Tom’s Chanukah card. His first-ever, I’m sure.

Yesterday at the store I won a 25¢ little teddy bear. It’s one of those games where you try to grab it with this claw-like thing, and I got it. Then, I tried 3 more times, but my luck had run out.

Let’s see… what else did we get? Oh, a red light bulb that is on in the hall now. It’s neat.

I got two letters from Kim today and in each one, she enclosed a letter she’d gotten from Bob. Tomorrow, I feel a Bob letter coming.

I put one of Bob’s letters in a no-postage-necessary envelope and the other one I still have. The two letters from Kim are on their way to Fran. I typed Bob and Fran both a letter tonight.

I did the dishes and now the fucking sink is all backed up.

I slept yesterday from 2 PM - 9 PM and Tom was to fire up the spa for last night. Well, that was out of the question as it turns out that the filter, or something like that, is broken. Great. So now he isn’t sure we can get the dishwasher cuz this may be an expensive repair. He says he’ll look at it more closely in the daylight.

I taped and watched Amityville 1992: It’s About Time. It was really nothing spectacular at all.

Andy left a message all bummed out about taking a really hard test, but now not even sure there’ll be an opening for him at AT&T. They are laying off people.

He also said that midnight was my birthday. Hee, hee. He’ll never remember it’s the 4th.

Either later this morning or tonight, Tom and I will go food shopping.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but Beauty’s definitely pregnant. Tom had a dream too, that he walked in one day and there were babies. I’ll either see if Tom knows anyone who’ll want the babies, or trade them in for store credit at the pet store. You can do this where I got her.

Next door’s dog had been much much quieter lately. I figured someone either killed it, or someone really complained. I knew my luck would run out, as I heard it at 4 AM yesterday for an hour. I had to listen to the radio for an hour which I wasn’t in the mood for, but it beat listening to that damn dog. The fucker sounds like it’s two feet outside my window. I’ve heard no kids, though, thankfully. The last time next door was noisy was when they were moving in.

God sent me a new thing that goes on 3-4 days a week for about 3 weeks now and I swear it feels as if I’m in apartments. The house across the street has a band and a really kick-ass stereo. I’m surprised no one’s complained, but I don’t know if anyone has. Especially the pig across the street two houses away. The bass and drums are sooo annoying. Especially when I’m trying to watch TV or just enjoy total peace and quiet. When I got up last night, Tom was on his way to bed and he said, “I’m surprised they didn’t wake you up across the street. They’ve been blasting their music all night long.” I slept with my music on cuz I figured I’d be woken up by that or a dog.

Later...

I just got done relabeling the outside boxes of my tapes. Remember how Tom gave me these silver foil labels? Well, they’re great for numbering tapes, but not their boxes, as it’s a little hard to see. He brought a few neon orange-colored labels from work and I used those for numbering the boxes. They’re much easier to read.

Yesterday I fell asleep at noon and I got up around 8:30. I got no mail, but there was a message from Andy. He wanted me to let him know if I wanted the Christmas Through Your Eyes CD by Gloria. I left him a message not to get that or Mi Tierra by her as I’ll get it through the record club (I hope). I named some old albums of Linda’s he may want to get on CD. Speaking of Linda, guess she got a new album out now in English. She previously released another Spanish album I have yet to get. There are tons of CDs I want. She’s also on The Jay Leno Show tonight which I taped. I haven’t seen it yet, but I saw a quick clip on a commercial, and oh my God! She’s gotten so fat, her hair looks pitiful and she’s really aging. How sad. The poor woman was once so drop-dead beautiful.

I also taped Unsolved Mysteries, Now, Law & Order and Tales of the Crypt on HBO.

I typed Kim a letter and who knows what I’m gonna do now? When Tom gets up, which I don’t think will be for several hours, I’ll have to have him put my clothes out in the dryer. I don’t have a key for this door, and I hate that room. It’s sort of a part of the garage. Who knows what spiders may be in there?

Also, I blasted the fan and opened the doors when he left for work to air the place out. I think I blew out the pilot light on the living room wall heater. It’s freezing in there!

I also finally got around to sending Tammy a message. I told her all about the pig and our “tentative” date to get married.

That’s all for now. I guess I will go see the shows I taped.

Later...

I just had to wake Tom up a few minutes ago to relight the pilot light on the wall heater. It was absolutely freezing in here.

At 10:00 he’s taking his parents to the racetrack. Instead of him taking them there every Saturday, he will be taking them every Thursday due to his schedule changing.

Later...

If Andy can find the Lush Life CD, that’d be nice cuz I sing most of the songs on that album. I still haven’t seen Linda yet on Jay Leno, but I will when I’m more awake. I’m starting to get pretty tired.

I hope I get a letter from Bob today. I love getting letters from him and anyone else who writes me.

I asked Kim to let me know in her next letter to me if she’s had any developments in being able to get my tapes back that the fucking pigs took. You know, I’ve lost all respect for cops and pretty much most people of authority. Yes, there are some good cops, but you hear story after story of those whose badges have gone to their heads and are on a big power kick. It’s just like at Brattleboro, Valleyhead, and most places like that. A few care and play it fair, but very few. Most are on power-play at high speed. I never want another cop friend again. I’d never have a one-nighter with a Lisa S or a Laurie H if it were possible either.

Later...

Tom just went out to get us breakfast from Jack-n-the-Box. I’m so hungry. I’m up to 101 pounds, too, and probably more like 105 on an accurate scale. Oh well.

Tom’s been really good at predicting my mail for me. He feels one letter, probably from Bob.

So anyway, when I wake up, if he’s up too, we’re gonna go out to the grocery store. I still have to get Chanukah cards. We also need a few things around here like milk and some TV dinners as well as munchies. You know me and my popcorn.

Tom already got his first Christmas card yesterday from his brother that lived here and his wife. They sent wedding pictures, too. I’m gonna be getting 3 Chanukah cards, as I mentioned before. One for Tammy and the girls, Andy, and Tom.

I was so sure I’d begin this paper journal before the 1st, but I ended up getting sick. I had already dated it for Nov. 30th, so I covered it up with an address label. I fell asleep yesterday at noon and I woke up wheezing my ass off at 6:30. My attack lasted nearly two hours. I’m fine now, but very tired. I did fall back asleep from 10 PM - 12:30 AM, but I’m not trying to go to sleep right now. That gets boring and frustrating. Tom was a big help when I was wheezing. He made me coffee and rubbed my back.

Andy left a funny message. He forgot if my birthday was on the 1st or the 3rd and to call him and let him know which one it is and what I wanted to do. I called to let him know it was the 4th and that Tom was gonna heat up the Jacuzzi.

Later...

I can’t sleep so I figured I’d write some more for now.

Tom should be getting up at 6:00. After he takes a shower, I’ll take one. I certainly could use one and my hair is a mess.

What will I do today? I haven’t a clue. Perhaps some serious letter writing. I still have to send a message to Tammy. I got no mail yesterday which is odd. Hopefully, I’ll get a letter from Bob today and maybe one from Kim and Alex, too. Tom wrote almost halfway into this book. It’s amazing how much his handwriting looks like Bob’s.

Later...

Tom’s up making those disgusting chomping and slurping sounds while he eats his sandwiches. In an hour he’ll be off to work and I’m gonna open up the doors and air the place out. He’s got a cold, but I was gonna air it out anyway. Cigarette smoke’s been building up in here now that the EC has been off.

I took a bath about an hour ago and I feel a bit better. Still tired and tight in the chest, though. To feel better, and also cuz I get sick of looking like a geek, I put on makeup and did my hair.

Later...

I am watching Little House on the Prairie now and next is Charlie’s Angels, then Geraldo.

Tom left at 7:30 and for about 45 minutes I played with Beauty.

I’m looking forward to getting a video of The Guardian. I’m hopeful that there’ll be a nice picture of her on the video box. I’d also like to try to hunt down the other movie she did in 1983. The one called Local Hero. I wonder how she looked back then.

In this episode of Charlie’s Angels, a Las Vegas dancer gets killed. Kelly (Jaclyn Smith) goes and dances in a chorus line to catch the killer. Kate’s always been my favorite angel. I used to have a huge crush on her. Damn! The clothes back then were absolutely pitiful.

Oh, fuck! Kate Jackson’s not in this one. Some other girl is on with Cheryl Ladd and Jaclyn. Not that disgusting Shelley Hack, though, thankfully. I like Farrah better than Cheryl, too.

Well, it’s only 52º now. Kind of chilly.

Geraldo’s going on now but during commercials, I’m gonna log onto Prodigy to see if I got any mail.

Talk about weird sleeping habits! At least I’m well-rested and my asthma has been much better. I fell asleep yesterday at 7 AM, got up at 1 PM to take my meds, then fell back asleep till 4 PM. Then at 6:30 PM, I fell asleep till 10 PM. Guess it’s cuz of my period and I was flowing quite heavily.

I heard Tom go to bed at 8:00 last night. He has to leave for work at 7:15. He’s decided he’s gonna like working days better. He says 10-hour shifts will be better than 12. That’s for sure. Also, he used to put himself on days when he wasn’t working, so, he says, why not be on nights when he’s off? This way we can still see each other.

I have 4 envelopes to go out in today’s mail. One to Nervous, Nervous’s mother, Fran, Alex, Gina, and 3 to Kim. Tom gave me neon orange round stickers he got at work. I numbered all 3 of Kim’s envelopes. This way she can read them in the order I typed them. I’m also sending Gina a quick letter to the radio station, as well as my picture in The Beat. She kept asking what I look like, so soon she’ll see. The letter’s really short saying how fun she is to chat with different fonts.

Believe it or not, last night I gave her a reading which was fairly accurate, seeing how dead my vibes have been lately.

While Gina was on the air, I left a message for Andy of me talking with Tammy, Glen, and some funny drunk guy named Larry. He loved it and thought it was so funny.

Later...

I just did my legs again with the hair removal thing. A few hairs grew back, but they were much lighter and finer.

Tom accidentally erased the movie The Guardian, but now I’m glad he did. He’s buying the movie for me and this way I can get the uncut version and see more nudity! Plus, I accidentally hit the record button and erased a few seconds during two different parts.

Tom looked the movie up through Prodigy and it turns out she was in some other movie called Local Hero. This was back in 1983. Wonder what she looked like then?

Later...

Tom’s taking a shower now and soon he’ll be off to work.

In a little while, I have to go put my mail out.

Tom made us tater tots and garlic bread. It was good.

I’ve run out of things to say for now, so I guess I’ll write later when I think of more stuff to write.

Later...

I just got done watching Charlie’s Angels. It was a two-parter. So, tomorrow I’ll try to remember to see the second part, even though I’ve seen every single episode.

I have a two-page picture of Gloria from one of her tour books, but she takes up very little space. Therefore, I’ve glued on 6 tiny ones, so, I now have sort of a collage.

Later...

Well, I fell asleep at noon and I got up shortly after 7:00.

Tom had just gotten in from work. He said it wasn’t very fun at all. The poor guy. He also said he may go look somewhere else for a job. Lastly, he says he may be getting a cold. I sure hope not. Especially now that my period’s pretty much over.

Beauty’s doing fine. She basically only eats her lettuce if I feed it to her by hand, but this is cuz she’s still a baby. She’ll eat more independently as she gets older. She eats the pellets with no problem, though. She’s so loving and always gives me kisses.

I wish it were summer! I wanna go swimming! At least I only have to wait for 4 more months or so, rather than 7. I miss being able to be outside constantly. The daytime weather’s usually nice, but it’s more fun when you can swim.

When Tom looked up the movie The Guardian through Prodigy, there was a 26-page write-up all about the movie. He’s gonna print it out and maybe I’ll copy it into my journal. That is, whatever one I’m on when he’s able to find the time to print the thing out.

Later...

Boy, Michael Jackson’s certainly in some serious hot water. Guess he’s about to be charged with molesting young boys. At first I believed he was innocent cuz everyone always wants to bring down a star. People want to gain publicity and power. They want to challenge those who are successful. Now, I wonder if maybe he’s guilty, as there are lots of sickos in this world. Plus, most cops and superstars feel they’re above the law. If he’s brought to trial, he’ll win. He’s famous and he’s male.

Later...

I just turned on the radio so I can hear what DJ is on tonight. Gina’s on weekends and I guess she’s also a fill-in. She hopes to go on full-time soon and I hope she does too. It’s cool to be able to chat with her and others on the party line when everyone else I know is working or asleep. I’ll bet that guy Magic is on now. I haven’t heard yet, as sometimes they don’t speak till after several songs have played.

My period’s over, thankfully. It sure is weird that I’ve shit 4 times today when all I’ve eaten is a cupcake and a bowl of popcorn.

Next shower I’ll have to do some massive shaving downstairs. It hurt too much to use the hair removal thing down there, as well as under my arms. That’s fine, though, as it sure is nice to only have to do it under my arms and my pussy, rather than my calves and thighs, too.

Gina’s on! Great, I’m gonna give her a call after I go smoke a butt.

Later...

I just called in and she’s got me on hold now. It’s pretty weird hearing the same song playing on the phone that’s playing over the radio. What’s she doing? She must be extremely busy cuz this is the second song now that I’m holding through.

I just hung up and called back and said, “Did that reading scare you, or are you tremendously busy?” She said she was busy and to call back in a half-hour.

No problem. I understand. If she’s on tomorrow night too, then she’ll know what I look like before the weekend. I’ll call her in 10 minutes.

Gina just said, “I wish I could let you hear half the conversations we have here on the party line.” It sounds like the phone lines are quite busy. I wonder how many lines there are. No less than 10, I’d assume. I can see that being a lot for one DJ to handle. Sometimes there are two DJs.

Tammy’s on again. I just heard her. Some guy named Stan, too.

Later...

I’ve got to tell Andy to take his phone off the hook Fri. and Sat. nights. This way if I leave him any messages when we’re on the party line, his phone will only ring once. He said to leave him all the messages I want from the party line.

OK, I’m gonna call now.

She said she’s got everyone on hold, and she’s got Stan and Tammy on and wants to keep me on.

OK, whatever. I told her to take her time. Is she testing me to see if I really am a loyal fan? It’s fine by me, as I have nothing better to do anyway.

I never did get around to sending Tammy (my sister) a message, but I will within the next few days. I’ll type some more letters, too.

Now I’m on the line with Stan and Tammy. Gina’s sick with diarrhea and is in the bathroom. She just yelled, “I can’t get sick! I have too many jobs!”

Gina’s also a waitress at Tuchetti’s.

Now, I’m doing promotions stuff saying, “K-O-O-L F-M” in unison with Tammy and Stan. Gina’s singing is very loud, strange and funny. She still feels shitty. They’re talking about movies now. I hate Westerns, too. And old movies and science fiction.

Some woman from 7/11 named Sandy just called in, but I didn’t hear her request.

Later...

Gina may have to work tomorrow night too, as well as 10:30 this morning. Damn! That’s a long time. About a half-hour ago Tammy and Stan hung up. I asked Gina if I could come down this weekend if Tom will drive me. She said probably, but call her at 2 AM first.

I left Andy a message of all 4 of us. Also, I have me on tape doing a promo line.

Well, I didn’t get married last Friday, but I did get a guinea pig. Let me go in order of events.

I felt kind of foolish and Tom felt bad, but what he really meant by “Friday” was discussing a tentative date. We set a tentative date for next December. I just didn’t stop to realize that it’s not something you just do in 5 minutes.

I talked with Tom alone and with Andy alone and I think a year from now’s good. This will give us plenty of time, as it’s a big and scary commitment. I know, though, that life’s all about taking chances and I think that if all continues to go well, I’ll be brave enough to take this chance in a year. I am still a believer in the saying “nothing lasts forever,” but I’ll enjoy one day at a time. I won’t put a time frame in my mind for how long Tom and I live. An example of what I mean is, I hope I live a long life, but I could get run over and killed by a car tomorrow.

Andy still feels I should be with a woman and I understand this, but if I could’ve been I would’ve been. It’s not like I didn’t put in a few good years of trying so I’m not without a woman by choice.

Believe it or not, I fell asleep last night at around 9:00. I awoke at 10:00 to a car going by with a very loud muffler. Originally, I fell asleep on the living room couch. Tom went to bed at 10:00. Shortly before this car’s muffler woke me up. When I did wake up, I went and got into my bed and fell back asleep till a little after 1 AM.

Last night, though, Tom and I had lots of fun. Not sexual fun, but fun hanging out together and finally wrote in my next journal.

When I got up, I cleaned the stove, did dishes, straightened up, listened to music, and typed Kim a letter.

At 4:00 I dropped a bowl of creamed spinach and smashed it to smithereens all over the kitchen floor. I cut my foot, too, and woke Tom who was my savior. He washed my foot and put a Band-Aid on it and cleaned the kitchen floor. So, now I have a black and blue on one foot, from whacking it on the phone which was on the floor, a glass cut on the other foot and a paper cut on my thumb. The thumb is healing nicely, though.

I tried to get some more sleep. At least a few more hours, but it hasn’t worked. I’ll go try again.

Later...

I have been unable to go back to sleep. I typed Lisa, Becky and Sarah a letter, but then got knocked off when I tried to type Tammy a letter. I’ll try again later. Prodigy’s funny sometimes.

I also want to check Springfield’s weather so I can laugh. Unfortunately, they’ve had some mild days in the 50s. They’ll get theirs, as far as the bitter freezing cold goes.

I forgot to mention two calls I made early yesterday morning. One to Barbara, who I woke up. I insisted she left a message for me to call her. She very sleepily denied it, then hung up after two minutes.

I also called Jenny and yelled, “Knock it off, Jenny!” Then I slammed the phone down. I’ll bet she and the bastard brother are still buddies. They can have each other. I’m gonna tell Tammy that if she ever again speaks with Larry to tell him he didn’t want anything to do with me, so why should I want anything to do with him? My life’s way too cool now to have assholes like Larry, Art, or Dureen in it to screw things up. Or try to I should say, as in the end, I learned not to let it get to me. I know what I did and did not deserve.

Later...

This is amazing, yet great. I’m still awake! Cuz I only napped a few hours last night, I didn’t think I was gonna hold out past noon. If I’d been more awake, I would’ve gone to Tom’s parent’s house, but I’m definitely not that awake. He said he’ll try to bring home leftovers.

I went and pulled $20 out of the ATM for cigarettes, then we went to Jack-n-the-Box where I got a breakfast platter.

I also typed two more letters. One to Nervous and the other to his mother telling her what an asshole her son is. I called him up politely to see how he is and I’m so sick of his moods. I don’t deserve his shit. I haven’t done anything to him in ages and any shit I ever did pull on him, he damn well asked for. The guy can fuck off and out of my life just like Dureen and Art. My sending a letter to his mom will surely heat the guy all up. Especially as it’ll shock the shit out of him and catch him off guard cuz I’ve never sent the mother mail before in the past. She’ll be surprised too, and I don’t give a rat’s ass if either of them calls my family.

Oh, before I end the subject of Nervous - his mom had no idea Crystal lived with him or who the fuck she even is. That is quite interesting. I’ve spoken to this girl, so I’m sure she exists, but I highly doubt she lives with him. Not if she’s got any real brains.

Tomorrow should be fun. Tom says that cuz he slept so many hours the last two days, he can go shopping tomorrow when I am awake. Depending on his paycheck we may get the pig tomorrow. Can’t wait! He says it’s a birthday present, but I told him to spare me for my birthday and Chanukah, as I wanted him to have money to buy his family Christmas presents. We’re also gonna look at prices of dishwashers and who knows what else tomorrow.

Remember the note we passed each other on the toy car? The one about us getting married Friday which is tomorrow? Well, he hasn’t said one more thing about it and I hope he wasn’t joking. I’d feel kind of foolish unless he meant next Friday. Maybe he thought I was joking. Well, I wasn’t joking. I wonder what’s really going on in his mind. Are we getting married tomorrow?

What else can I say? I’m in a writing mood, but I’ve run out of things to say. I just hope that whenever I do fall asleep that I stay asleep at least till 2 AM. This way, we can take off as soon as the stores open. It’ll be mobbed, though, being Fri. Plus, everyone’s begun to do all their Christmas shopping.

It’s been oh-so quiet next door, thank fucking God. Come to think of it, I haven’t even heard their dog. Only the one across the street, but it’s not as loud.

I wonder how much of all those letters Bob’s read so far? Is he done? Probably not. I sent an awful lot of stuff, but it’ll be good for him. He needs to fill his time and occupy his mind.

Well, the computer says it’s 28º in Springfield today and tonight will be 10º! It’s only 62º here today.

I talked to Tammy briefly. Apparently, Bill and the girls are very sick, so she canceled dinner. She’s still cooking dinner, but she canceled the company that was to be coming.

Boy, I’ve been having lots of fun playing Nintendo games for hours. Today’s the first time I’ve ever played. Tom set it up in the back room on my TV. There are these 2 games I’ve been playing. My favorite one is where you use a plastic gun to shoot ducks. You get 3 shots to go to the next round. I’ve gone as far as round 11. The other one’s very hard and I have yet to win one round. It’s where you shoot at two flying disks at once.

Now, here’s the most exciting news of the day. (now yesterday) Tom put batteries in a toy car. We were out back by the pool, then we came into the back room where we were sending the car back and forth to each other across the room. Finally, I took a tiny piece of paper and wrote: I love you and I will marry you. Then Tom wrote: When? I wrote: When do you want to, and be honest? He wrote: Friday. I wrote: It’s a deal!

Later...

I got bored with the Nintendo (for now) as well as the TV. So, I tried to call Nervous. The guy’s smart as no one ever even said hello. He just picked it up and pressed a button on the phone. Although, I wonder if that could’ve been Crystal. It seems her style but not his. His is to answer, swear, then unplug the phone. If Crystal’s still there, that is truly amazing.

I tried to call the radio station but kept getting a busy signal. That’s OK, as shortly after I tried I realized Gina isn’t even on tonight.

Tomorrow Nerv, Fran and Bob should get all their mail.

I did try to call Fran at nearly midnight his time, but he said he’d call me later. Or tomorrow. He was either asleep, drunk, or terribly depressed.

I know what I forgot to mention I did earlier. It sure was an unexpected, yet great surprise, too. Tom asked if I wanted to “fool around.” It was grand, alright. He sure does a fine job down there with his tongue. He knows I can cum way, way too fast (in a matter of seconds), so he knows how to make it last and keep it going so I can enjoy it. It won’t be long till I’m on the rag, so this is when I’m the horniest.

Later...

I’ve got to watch myself on the cigarettes. Been getting a bit carried away. I did better the last 3 days by smoking 11-14, but so far, I’ve had 16 since I’ve been up. In 2-3 more days, I’ll be done with the antibiotics. After that and my period, I’m gonna get working on the exercise videos. Been slacking off. I’m soooooooo fucking bloated! It’s absolutely pitiful! I can now feel myself “precramping,” so I don’t have long to wait.

I wish I could be there to personally see the looks on Bob, Fran and Nerv’s faces when they open their mailboxes to so much mail from me. Especially Bob’s face, as he’s the one who appreciates my mail the most.

Later...

I just took all the meds that I’m supposed to take. I think now I’ll go listen to music and then try to get some sleep. I don’t want my schedule to change too much just yet as I have stuff to do.

Tonight’s Tom’s last night at work. Sunday the poor guy’s on days.

Later...

I’m not exactly as sleepy as I had thought I was. I listened to music, though.

Earlier I came up with a very interesting way to improve my game aim which is naturally pretty good. There are 10 birds to kill in each round, so I came up with two rounds worth (20 people) I can’t stand. I imagine they’re the birds.

I may get another letter from Bob tomorrow or Fri. That’d be nice. I give up on waiting for Alex to send a letter. For now. I’m sure he has a reasonable excuse for not writing and is busy. Hopefully, Kim will send a letter too.

I’m kind of hungry now. Damn. I got a paper cut too. Fuck!

Later...

OK, I just put a Band-Aid on my paper cut.

Andy must’ve fallen asleep. He told me he’d call back when I spoke to him several hours ago.

Tom’s mom beeped in with a message for Tom that Thanksgiving dinner was to be at noon as Raymond, his brother, has to work early. She sounded nice and invited me, but I don’t know if I’ll be going.

Tomorrow Tom and I will probably be getting up at the same time for the first time in a while. This will be nice.

I think I’ll go see if Nervous will answer his phone now, although he may be at work. We’ll see if Crystal answers.

Later...

I am sitting at the living room table while Tom’s watching sports on TV. He made us tater tots which were really good.

Andy picked up his pants and the movie I taped him and he left me a blank tape. I spoke to him earlier and all’s well with him. While he was on the phone, I called Nervous. He got my mail and says Crystal’s still there. I’ve never heard the guy sound so relaxed before in my life. This is good for him.

I played Nintendo and did really well. Got some perfect scores and shot the disks through round 1.

Tom and I were discussing a trip to CA in February or March. A package deal to fly to Disneyland and stay at their hotel for 2 days and 1 night.

Well, Tom’s not going to recognize the back room when he goes in there. He’ll most certainly get up before I do, too.

I didn’t make it to my GYN appointment today. I really did plan to go as nervous as I was, but I was not able to fall asleep till 7 AM. My appointment was at 11 AM, and I would’ve had to get up at 9 AM. The place is 40 minutes away and there’d have been no way I could’ve functioned on only 2 hours of sleep. Plus, I only slept 4 hours yesterday. My referral expires on the 26th and I don’t know if I can reschedule by then. We’ll see. Guess I’ll have to call Dr. Wilcox. I’ll live whether or not I ever get there.

Lisa typed me a letter over Prodigy. She says she’s nervous about her solo and Becky and Sarah are sick. Within the next few days, I’ll call Tammy and the girls.

Yesterday I called Mary and guess what? About a month and a half ago, the butch moved out. Mary said she said she bought a house. Yeah, right! On her income? I don’t think so. Not unless she won the lottery or got a hefty inheritance. If she moved into a house, she rents it and probably shares it.

I still feel so bad for Mary as her nightmare isn’t over. She’s going through all I went through. Some guy moved in above her in the butch’s place and he has late-night wild parties with mucho company. She says she’s gonna call the office, but I know that’ll never do her any good.

I got a letter from Bob and one certain line had me cracking up. When he said, “I need your letters.” Oh, he’s got letters coming alright. If he only knew. He has 10 of them on their way right now. Fran has 11 and Nervous has 9. They’ll each get 50 pages in all, maybe more. Remember how I typed and printed out journals 1 through part of 4? Well, I decided I didn’t want to continue doing this and really had no purpose in keeping what I’d already typed. Therefore, I split the 150 pages or so I typed between Bob, Fran and Nervous. I never thought to send Alex any, but, oh well. He’ll get his fair share of mail from me.

We got HBO and Cinemax. I’ve already seen a few good movies on them both.

It seems each year that goes by I become more and hornier. Once or twice a month is no longer enough for me. Nor is it enough for it to be one-sided where only I cum. I always used to love this arrangement. I wouldn’t want Tom to always be all over me, but I give up. I can’t make him any hornier. This doesn’t change my love for Tom and what I feel emotionally for him and what’s in my heart. It still gets better and I feel surer all the time. I never thought I could be with someone this long, let alone live with them. I can’t believe I have more and more thoughts of marrying him. I won’t count on that happening, though. If and when he ever asks me - well - we’ll see.

I guess the only other not-too-cool news, besides me being the only horny one around here, is that I woke up yesterday really wheezing. Didn’t have to go to the ER, thank God, but I had to deal with it for an hour.

Tom and I had a nice talk when he came in from work. We talked more about getting a guinea pig.

My license expires on my birthday. I’ll have to renew it if I can pass the written test. Maybe I’ll just get a photo ID.

The back room was badly cluttered with boxes and books. Now it’s nice and organized. I also have the perfect spot for the pig.

I can hear Tom talking in his sleep now, but I have no idea what the fuck he just said.

Later...

Today was a great day. First of all, Andy left his pants on the front door handle for me to sew a ripped pocket of his work pants. He’ll come get it tomorrow and leave me a blank video. This is cuz I’m taping a movie for him on one of ours.

I called the GYN and rescheduled for 12/16. Tomorrow I’ll call Dr. Wilcox and explain why I need a new referral, and also a refill on my meds.

It was a gorgeous day today, but a cool spell is coming.

I spoke with Lisa today who’s still nervous about her solo. Tammy was pretty busy and Bill just returned from CA. It was a business trip and due to the drastic temperature change, he’s sick. I went through that bullshit those two times I went to Florida in the winter. I also spoke a little bit to Becky.

I’ll bet there’s a chance my parents are thinking I may call right before my birthday for a birthday present. (money) No way! Their money’s not worth it.

Well, lots of little things have happened since I last wrote. First, let me go do up a list of topics and smoke half a cigarette.

OK, I’m back. That only took a second. First of all, I changed my mind. Originally, I was gonna let Tom have the very last page of this book. Now I’m letting him write in the next journal (#51). This book has no lines on the pages, so, this way he can write as large or as small as he likes. He can also have as many pages as he needs.

Well, today the cat went back home. I cried as I’ll miss him. He was the best-behaved cat and so loving. I still have a new guinea pig to look forward to. Perhaps in 2-3 weeks.

Anyway, after he left, I vacuumed and aired the place out. It was a beautiful day at 78º and will be tomorrow, too. I did the dishes, but I hope to not be doing this too much longer. After the first of the month, we’re getting a dishwasher (I hope).

I ordered 2 CDs of Gloria’s through Columbia House and Tom ordered 6. I hope there are no problems with this, as I just realized Tammy’s got CDs coming to this address.

The tooth whitener Kim sent is really working. I noticed a huge difference after only one day.

This coming week Tom’s gonna pick up film and a flash for my camera.

I rearranged my tapes some more, and can you believe that after 4 years, I’ve finally completed my Gloria medley?! Finally, I do still have a few touch-ups to do and I will later.

Gotta go take my meds.

Later...

Well, I recorded a movie and now I’m recording two more shows.

I have 3 letters ready to go out. To Fran, Kim and Bob. I asked Bob if he wants a tape of the edits and some convos. Kim confused me in her postcard to me. She mentioned, “the pictures you just got.” But I never got any pictures. Maybe they’re on their way. I hope so, as that’d be nice. I pre-addressed and put my address labels on 25 envelopes. Kim, Bob, Fran, Nervous, and Alex got 5 each.

The biggest thing I’ve done is talk on the phone to Gina, the DJ at KOOL FM for two hours the last two nights. I was on the party line with a few other people. She is sooooo funny. She is a carbon copy of me and Andy. She’s got our kind of sense of humor. I played her some edits and I even edited her saying, “I think I’ve just lost my fucking mind!”

She sent me over the air saying, “Gina, I’m having fun with you this weekend with KOOL FM.”

She even dropped hints that she may be gay and asked me what I look like. Shall I send her a copy of me in The Beat? We’ll have to wait and see.

She also had me answer one of the party lines by saying, “Sunny 97.” That’s another oldie’s station. I said I punched her out cold, so I was taking over the airwaves.

She had me and 2-3 others singing live to a song, and we told jokes. There’s a really funny one I heard if you know that there’s a Thomas St. and a Grand Ave. here in Phoenix. The joke goes: What did the gay guy do when he got to Phoenix?

He went down on Thomas and thought it was Grand! (names of streets in Phoenix).

Later...

I just went to call Andy, but he’s playing Monopoly with someone, so he said he’ll call me back. I always hated that game.

Tom’s working now, trying to get as much overtime as possible. When he’ll be home, who knows? He’s kind of bummed cuz his job’s being eliminated and the poor guy has to work days next week. Permanently. I’d just want to die. At least he’ll have 10-hour shifts, rather than 12. He’s to be working Sunday – Wednesday from 8 AM - 6 PM.

Later...

Well, finally! The Gloria medley is finished! I just stuck in the last few songs. I did leave out a few slow boring songs, though.

Now, what do I have to edit? Well, as far as that goes everything’s all edited down. So, I’m gonna go through each convo one by one and edit stuff that way. I know that over half of all these convos combined have already been edited. I’ll go through them as who knows what great stuff I could’ve missed.

Finally! I finally got my package from Kim. It sure is great to have my very own camera. Soon, I’ll get film and flash for it. It’s a very small lightweight camera and it seems it’ll be easy enough to use. Luckily Tom knows cameras, so he can help me with it.

She also sent that tooth whitener and already it’s making a difference.

She sent a magazine called The Night Side she picked up in Las Vegas. It’s just like The Beat magazine I was in when I was at Favors. She enclosed a letter along with a letter she got from Bob. Some other time I’ll copy these into #44. I typed both Kim and Bob letters.

Kim mentioned Alex may have once again gone cross-country. Where the hell would he get the money to afford to do this?

Later...

I got a letter from Bob today. Also, a postcard from Kim. She had some left over with stamps on them, so she figured why not send one?

I spoke to Fran earlier and even his friend Sharon. I have a couple of minutes of her on tape, but she’s not nearly as funny as Ann or Melissa (CP lady).

I split that Vegas magazine between Nervous, Fran and Bob. They each got 4 pages.

I do suppose I could write more but I haven’t been in a writing mood.