When I was checking out the islands of Long Island Sound that I could just make out along the horizon from the beach we spent our summers at as a kid, one of them was Little Gull Island. It’s only an acre from what I read and the only thing I could see on it from Google Maps was a lighthouse. I remember the foghorn we would hear from time to time. I wonder if it was coming from there. Can the sound of a foghorn travel seven or eight miles? From the looks of it, that’s how far that Island is from Old Colony Beach.

I saw a 30-minute video shot by someone who I guess was rowing toward the island and was surprised to see several seals on the island’s rocky shores. I was like, seals? Seals? I don’t remember ever seeing a single seal at the beach but maybe they avoid people and stick to the islands that are out of the way and uninhabited. They’re so cute either way.

Thank you, God, for continuing to curse my sleep, if You even exist. And why? Because I don’t have to get up to an alarm 5 days a week? Is this your compensation for not having to do that?

Yeah, I pulled the earbuds out in the late afternoon because my ear was irritated again. I would feel this sharp cramp-like sensation, maybe due to the pressure or something. It was okay when not lying on that ear but I tend to do that quite a bit. Over the years I got in the habit of not lying on my bad ear, thanks to my parents who I wish I could resurrect long enough to beat the shit out of for having the so-called “professionals” mess with that ear so they could have a “normal” daughter. Really, why did the doctors agree to such a thing? How could they have possibly felt it would help me as they claimed? Well, it’s done anything but that because I’m also feeling these intermittent sharp cramp-like sensations on that side too, only it’s on the outside. What’s left of the outside has been a little more sensitive lately and I don’t know why. I guess too much nerve damage from all the surgery I was forced to have as a kid. It looks horrible and is definitely noticeable. It’s changed shape as the lower part of it “withered” and “sunk” after the frame was removed there’s no way I can wear earrings because that lobe is higher than the other one and they make earrings look lopsided. Some of the dangling ones aren’t as noticeable but for the most part, earrings are out of the question.

Anyway, that fucking car woke me up and shorted my sleep by about an hour or so. I’m not overly tired but I am going to take the day off from working out, anyway. Can’t swear that it really was that car since there are tons of loud vehicles these days, but I’d say it’s a pretty good guess. It’s insanely loud and has a very distinct sound.

sighs with frustration How much longer can I just shrug and tell myself that that’s just life? Sooner or later I’m going to get fed up enough to do something about some of these people who feel the need to get attention at my expense whether they realize they’re doing it or not. Okay, so the damn cock can’t possibly know he’s waking up a light sleeper who can’t keep a schedule. But does that really make it okay? Does he being the norm and me being the exception make it acceptable?

While I’m slowly getting more and more fed up and unable to adapt for whatever reason, I can’t help but wonder…is this bastard also compensation of sorts? Has something up there increased his visits since the commercial planes have backed off? Well, I would rather the planes even though they were way more frequent because they didn’t wake me up. This fucker is going to shorten the number of days/nights I can go without the earbuds since he’s apparently stopping in for breakfast and then dinner at the end of the day. I don’t get this at all either. It’s working now but it can’t afford to buy its own food and cook its own fucking meals?

When I would go to bed at around midnight, I could go without the earbuds because traffic didn’t usually get loud until around 8 at which time I would usually be up by having crashed around midnight. But with this fucker coming in at a quarter to 6 in the morning and leaving between 8 and 9 at night, this means I have to sleep with the earbuds more often and irritate my ear some more. It’s either suffer the pain or get woken up. Again, it’s like something up there is causing the pain and may as well yank the earbud out of my ear and shout, “No! If I wanted you to sleep, I wouldn’t have made you such a light sleeper and curse you further with CRD!”

So today I’m a little tired and trying not to beat my head in the wall over the fact that this is the way it’s always going to be. It’s just not likely to get any quieter anytime soon. Probably not in our lifetime anyway, and I can’t beat the shit out of every driver of every loud vehicle. Also, if we ever do have a place on a less traveled street with a bedroom further from that street, since all it takes is one vehicle to ruin a good night’s sleep, that’s years away from now.

Yesterday my lungs were tight enough to have to use my inhaler and for a moment I worried it was related to my medication even though I knew it wasn’t and that it was due to all the rain. I also worried I wouldn’t be able to handle Florida with how much it rains there but Tom thinks I’d be okay because it doesn’t go back and forth so much there like it does here in the winter. I hope he’s right and that it’s not the pigs either! I also doubt it’s the meds because I don’t have other symptoms along with it like I would in the past. No “mindfuckers,” jitteriness, runs, or weight loss. Oh no, just the opposite. I’m up a couple of pounds and hoping it’s just water. My boobs aren’t as sore but I still feel PMSy. Backaches and a little water retention. I’m hungrier, too.

Tom says that since he can’t cut back he’s going to start working out big time to see if he can lose weight that way. The only problem is, as I told him, there aren’t enough minutes in the day for him to work out that much! LOL

I burn about 200 calories if I walk an hour. Therefore, I would have to walk 2-6 hours a day to “trick” my body into thinking I had only 1000 calories. Not going to happen. Besides, it doesn’t quite work that way. When we first moved in here, I was doing those 90-minute HIIT routines that are supposed to burn 1000 calories and that didn’t do me any good. So since I can’t cut back either or spend half the day on the treadmill even if it did work that way, I realize my only hope is to “play the scale.” My average daily gain is 2-3 pounds but I have to be up no more than 1 pound in order to be down the next day. My average sleep loss is just over a pound. So I would have to eat when I was ready to as usual at the beginning of my day but then I couldn’t eat again until the scale fell back to where I was only up 1 pound since getting up which can take many hours. The only tricky part is knowing when to stop eating for the day so I have enough time for my weight to fall to where I’m only up a pound when I crash. I doubt I’ll do this, though, as it still requires going hungry most of the time and ending up lightheaded and grumpy. Besides, extra weight goes with most older mammals as does gray hair, worsening vision and a whole lot of other bullshit. Exercising is still a good thing no matter what we weigh.

I’ve been having more sodium lately and it’s reflecting in my blood pressure numbers so I’m definitely going to focus on that, which is much more doable.

Because I sometimes still use the skier even though I don’t use it nearly as often as the treadmill, we might get this flexible phone holder that you attach to the edge of a table or a shelf. The desk is right by it so I could attach it to that or part of the skier itself for when I want to go ski blogging. It would also be good for in bed as I could attach it to the headboard shelf. The skier is what I mostly want it for, though.

Also found a blood pressure monitor wrist cuff that also detects irregular heartbeats. I’m curious to see if it ever detects one these days.

Definitely not impressed with Hulu’s player. It doesn’t remember where we left off and the buffering bar doesn’t go away unless I minimize the window after backing up a few seconds if I miss something or want to see something again. So we’re probably going to drop Hulu after the 30 days is up. I’ll make sure I finish Law & Order by then.

Really getting sick of all these memory issues. Like forgetting to empty the dryer’s lint trap.

Since the cock had to wake me up in the middle of a dream, I remember it. I was living in an apartment building and watching TV. Some kind of documentary. I was surprised to find a guy who lived in the building featured on one of the episodes, though I don’t know what it was about. I then realized it explained why he hadn’t been home as much lately.

Then I was listening to music and it was like I was a kid again even though I wasn’t. I was thinking of the second house we had in Longmeadow and I was tired of circumstances coming up to yank me out of it. I guess I was stuck somewhere else for some reason and was beginning to feel like something didn’t want me in the house.

As I continued to sway back and forth to the music with my eyes shut, tears threatening to squeeze through my lids, and a fan blowing on me (I guess it was summer), I imagined I was back in the house and not wherever I was.

Ended up feeling okay yesterday and waited the required half-hour before having coffee after taking my meds. Hopefully, I’ll stay okay today and the tightness in my lungs is only because of all the wind-driven rain we’ve had which certainly sprouts mold. Been a little worried about the roof but so far so good.

The earbud was irritating my ear again so I removed it just to get woken up by what was probably that loud car. That’s when I put it back in and was fine until I got up at 8:30.

Cock isn’t living here again, after all. By some miracle, maybe while I was watching a show, they slipped in unnoticed early Tuesday morning. They didn’t go by the bedroom, so that was probably why. When I did hear and see them leave a short while later, I thought they were here overnight because it was so early. They might as well live here if they’re going to come and go 2-3 times a day as they do.

Yesterday they came in at 5:50 in the morning and left 40 minutes later. Until I’m on days, I won’t be able to get a sense of if they’re working or not. It’s hard to believe they would get up that early if they didn’t have to, though. When they lived here they didn’t usually leave until after 9:30. If that was them that woke me up, then they can’t be working full time unless they woke me up at the end of the day. I didn’t look at the clock so I don’t know.

Just like I hate it when Tom makes excuses for and defends anyone I complain about, I really wish he would stop playing down and denying the noise here. This place seriously and totally makes Phoenix seem comatose. No joke! No exaggeration. He tried to tell me the other day that I’m just more “sensitive” now. Oh, come on! Like I wouldn’t have noticed if traffic was this loud in the past even if we weren’t so close to the street. Never before has there been this many muscle cars and other loud vehicles on the road, nor have I ever lived where there were so many motorcycles. The traffic issues in the past were loud car stereos and engine gunning. We can still hear some of that here but 90% of the traffic we hear in here are loud motors.

Set up my new jewelry holder and it’s much better! It’s a much more efficient and versatile holder and I don’t know why I didn’t get this particular design to begin with. The only thing I would have to do is maybe remove some necklaces to get at the ones closest to the stems off the T’s but that’s no big deal. It has a white base and a nickel finish. The gold looked nicer online but it was twice as expensive so I went with nickel which is still pleasant enough. Tom can use the copper carousel to hang wires on or whatever else he might think of.

Really hope the rash cream that should be coming today helps because it’s itchy and spreading!

Here we go again with another migrant caravan. When I read that I said, “Oh no, not again!”

Do some people actually want to make trouble for themselves as well as for others? Do some people actually like being tear-gassed? Defiant little fucks like this that will literally harm themselves and even die to spite others are the scariest kinds of people of all. These are the kinds of people who have no limits and will go to any extreme possible to make their fucking point.

There are numerous people who have come from other countries, including my bestie’s BF, in a perfectly legal manner with nothing but good intentions, and that’s fine. But if there’s one thing and one thing only that I agree with the orange nutjob on it’s that most illegals are up to no good and we’re the ones that have to pay for it. Why would you come here illegally if you had good intentions in the end? Illegals do nothing but burden our resources, drive the crime rate up, and steal jobs from those who are from here. Enough is enough! I wish the Border Patrol agents could replace their tear gas with bullets but as I said, some people will stop at nothing. If they suddenly knew they would be shot, they would still defy our laws just to piss people off and make a point.

I just dread the day we break down and start paying for their needs, including housing them in jail. Our tax dollars shouldn’t go to criminals (and you are one if you come here illegally). What about our needs and expenses? Who pays for those?

Sooner or later, though, we’re going to start letting them in and footing the bill. That’s just how this bleeding-heart country is. :-(

When I heard the loud car leave at 6:30 in the morning I said to myself, “Oh no! Just oh fucking no. They’re living here again!”

But I knew damn well they would be back sooner or later. I know how these manipulating rule-breakers work. The Phoenix freeloaders taught me well. They get caught at something, they behave for a while, then they see if they can get away with something a second time around and hope that no one will notice or bother reporting them.

The only positive to the cock leaving that early in the morning is that it could be a sign they’re working again. The 2 or 3 months I knew them to work when they last lived here, they’d leave at 6:30, return in the afternoon, and then go out again for 2 or 3 hours. On weekends it would come and go at least 3 times.

Then tonight, as I was finishing up on the treadmill, I saw it leave at quarter to ten. Using one of my old paper journals to start a car log. On days I’m sleeping on weekends I’ll leave it in the kitchen for Tom to log whenever he sees it. Leaving that late could mean they didn’t really move back in, but this car has been active anywhere at almost all hours of the day and night. Could return any second but I’ll know if it does. If I see that they are in fact living here, I’ll complain after a month. I just wish they’d stop coming and going so fucking much either way! Ironically enough, my earbuds started working again so I was protected from anything that went on while I slept. Who knows how many times they were in and out today?

My groin rash is a contagious fungus that I could have gotten from the fungus that’s been in my toenails forever now or from several other causes. I’m sure being fat doesn’t help. When I ordered groceries, I got antifungal cream for both my groin and my toenails. I didn’t realize this thing was contagious so I’ve set aside a hand towel for drying my groin which I’m applying alcohol to periodically. Could also be caused by friction from working out as much as I do.

Now for my worst news. I did okay until the end of my day when the anxiety really kicked up. If this really isn’t the medication, and experiments have shown it isn’t despite the coincidental timing of how it started after starting the medication, then I either have the worst case of perimenopause in the history of womankind or something really went wrong with my brain chemistry. I would still like to think that if worse comes to absolute worse, it will go away when he retires in half a decade but each year that I have this, I lose hope even though some things really can last for many years before they go away. The facial muscle twitches I had from the Navane lasted for decades. It’s been way better for the last few years or so. The thing is I don’t have that many decades left in the first place, which to me is kind of a good thing with all the problems I’m racking up.

I just read that researchers now believe that the brain firing too many neurons is what causes anxiety. But so late in life? That’s the part that seems the weirdest to me. Don’t you usually develop these things a lot younger? Depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, multiple personalities… Don’t those things usually start in the teens and 20s?

Placebo effect or not, an effect is an effect, so I compromised with myself. Instead of skipping my meds, I skipped the waiting time.

Anyway, I said there wasn’t a single good thing about aging other than the wisdom and maturity we acquire. Well, I was wrong. There is something good in it and that’s that each year that I live puts me one year closer to no longer having to deal with life’s bullshit. Can’t know if anything worse may be waiting for me on the other side if that other side exists, though.

I managed to sleep well last time around and dreamed of watching squirrels hatch from these eggs. I thought they were adorably cute and was telling Tom that I wanted to hug them.

Next thing I knew we were standing by the edge of a pond. There were several scattered ponds around us with gently sloping grassy fields running in between. There may have been a couple of other people around as well.

I watched how one of the squirrels jumped from the edge of the pond and flew into the middle of it.

Then I either thought of retiring or how we actually were retired. Not sure on that one but I think I was looking forward to when it would happen.

Good to know Christiane wasn’t swallowed up by the Austrian avalanche after I messaged her, primarily in German. She said those people were “off the track.” She heard about the fires, too. Must’ve been an unwanted reminder of my existence for Nane, LOL.

Interestingly enough, my boobs aren’t as sore as they were before. It’s almost like my PMS is reversing itself. I still think I’ll get another period sooner or later, though.

My groin rash is driving me crazy. It’s definitely not connected to the LS. It’s more fungal or heat-related. They say body size doesn’t matter but somehow I get the feeling being so fucking fat doesn’t help. There’s simply no way I could ever lose weight and keep it off, though. I’m way past those days at this point. I would have to be seriously ill or have a disease with the opposite effect of Hashimoto’s.

Pussy itches every day, too. Without Tucks, I’d be clawing myself to death. Trying that on the groin but doubt it will help. Only hydrocortisone seems to really help but you’re not supposed to use that long-term. If I could, I could kill it and keep it away. As soon as I stop treating it, it worsens. How bad would it get, I wonder, if I never treated it at all?

Ended up being more anxious than usual yesterday but today I’m fine, thank God. I guess it was just because I hate that time of week. I hope that’s all it was, anyway!

I wish I could come up with fresh story ideas. I have the time for them and great tools at my fingertips yet no ideas come. The few that do, don’t last long and they’re basically spinoffs of the same old shit I usually write. Maybe I ought to take the beginnings of some of my stories and give them different endings.

I’m amazed that I slept well because my earbuds broke. Ordered a couple of cheap pairs for sleeping, one from the same company in red, and one from a different company in pink. They were both $12.

The only dream I remember was returning to a beach with Tom, Christine and maybe someone else. It seemed like we lived in the area. As I was walking from the car down to the beach, a boy of around 10 walked by and I thought he looked pretty tough for his age. I wondered if he could take me despite being shorter.

Then I headed toward the shore and stuck my toes in the water. I thought to myself how it had really warmed up in just the few days we were gone. I dove into a wave and found I didn’t surface as fast as I expected too, assuming I had gotten “caught in a swell.” Pretty sure I eventually broke through the surface. I seem to have a lot of dreams like that where I dive into a pool or an ocean and I can’t get back up. Or at least not when I think I will.

My bestie finished The Wrong Sister and liked it. :-) It’s always a pleasure to have her read my stories and I appreciate her pointing out some of the stupid mistakes I make too, LOL. Just sent her Renting Ginny. That was written once upon a time when I didn’t know the true meaning of the word anxiety.

When I feel borderline, I mark the calendar with a hollow circle which will be filled in solid on days I’m more than just borderline. I’m a little borderline now but I’m hoping that it’s just because it’s coming up to the start of the week. Sunday nights and Monday mornings are definitely my most hated time of the week.

Felt a little better after some pork chops and wine. I may need daily wine indefinitely. According to my research, a glass of wine a day shouldn’t hurt me. It can actually have benefits, especially red wine. It’s only if you drink heavily every day for a long time that you risk damaging your liver. I’ve never been drunk and I’ve never wanted to be. Just getting a buzz on is enough for me.

They raised the fairy I was going to get with my Bing points by $5 so I decided to hold off on it and see if they lower the price later on. For now, I’m going to get a few envelope openers since ours is getting blunt, and a new jewelry holder that will be more efficient. It consists of three separate T’s made of nickel and the tallest one is 19” high. What I like about this design is that I’d have a handy place for bracelets as well as necklaces. My carousel one is basically only good for necklaces. Some of the bracelets are too wide for the hooks.

Tom cut and placed pieces of cardboard around the sides and back of the guinea pigs’ cage to keep them from kicking shit out, and secured them with zip ties after punching holes in the tops of them. He also printed a couple of mini rakes to rake up anything they kick out in front so it doesn’t have to be vacuumed every day. We didn’t want to box them in too much because then we couldn’t see them and it would prevent good air circulation as well.

They’re definitely warming up to us more even though they’re still pretty skittish being prey animals as they are. They’re now taking food out of our hands. Blitz also seems to be growing faster than Rockefeller and now they seem similar in size. Even so, Rockefeller has been nibbling on Blitz’s ears, something they do to establish dominance like rats do their boxing thing that almost looks like they’re playing patty-cake.

Planes are moderately annoying tonight and Tom said that on and off there was loud traffic while I slept. Yeah, I don’t doubt it. Seems I might have heard something when either the earbuds slipped a bit or I had just gotten back into bed after getting up to pee.

This may look weird as hell but I took a spare pair of pantyhose and cut the legs off after tying a knot by the crotch. I’m going to use the top part of it as a hairnet, not only for my hair of course but for the MP3 player, too. Maybe if I bundle the wires and the player on the top of my head and then secure it with a net, I won’t get wrapped up in the wires so easily.

Starting to get a little crampy but I’m still not seeing red. Wish I would and just get the damn period over with so I can relieve the soreness in my boobies!

Had a dream where we lived in a house in which there were other identical homes along the street we lived on. We were getting ready to sell ours and I was worried that the outside sidewall just above a lower level (maybe above a garage?) was too damaged. I was at a neighboring house when I stepped back to see over the lower roof at the sidewall in that section which looked a lot like brown floorboards and said, “Beautiful,” as theirs was smooth and unmarked with nothing attached to it.

In another dream, I saw about half a dozen people I knew in a restaurant I was just “passing through”, including Becky H. I told them I wasn’t hungry and started to leave after greeting them until a waitress approached me saying they left me a meal as they too, left in the other direction. I sat down surprised and appreciative, gazing down at a plate of Alfredo and cheesy broccoli. I immediately suspected it was a present from Becky because she’s always been a real foodie.

In real life, she’s heavier than me and she definitely doesn’t work out or count calories, LOL. She doesn’t mind, though. She’s one of those who would rather live it up even if she may not live as long and may be inviting health problems along the way because of it.

I try to find a happy medium. I’m not going to stop exercising because I like the way it makes me feel and I like being as fit as I can be for my size and age. I’m also not going to stuff myself because I don’t like heartburn or want to open myself up to diabetes and higher cholesterol/blood pressure, but I’m also not going to set unrealistic goals and expect to get skinny and stay that way. I’m 53, not 23.

The dream I didn’t like was where I was thrown in some Mexican jail after mouthing off to some cop down there. Not sure what I said or how long I was to be in jail, but knowing that the wheels of justice likely turned much lower down there than they do here, I figured I would be there indefinitely. Therefore, I was contemplating not eating or drinking so I would die in just a couple of days or so. Not a fun dream at all. :-(

Decided to post a random picture on my Twitter health account every time I take my vitamins so I know I’m not taking them too soon. If I forget if I’ve taken them, I can see if there’s a pic for the day and the time it was posted as well.

Went to Rite Aid for a few things and then we changed the pig’s cage and cleaned the fish’s filter and heater. The guinea pigs don’t have a circadian rhythm and will sleep a little, then get up, and back and forth. The fish definitely tends to be more active during the daytime, though.

It was a nice day today at 61° so we went for a brief walk when we got back from the store.

I haven’t had any chrome nail polish for centuries so I got a few bottles at Rite Aid in pink, blue and silver.

Now that they finally added some sound files to the Hawaiian course, I’ve taken three or four lessons so far and haven’t gotten any wrong yet. :-)

I also did Duolingo Stories in Spanish last night and German tonight and was surprised to beat my Spanish score if only by a little. Really didn’t think I would do that well with the German! Did I really learn that much of the ugly stuff? I guess I did, mostly thanks to Nane and a few others.

It’s been a surprisingly quiet day and night so far. Last night the planes were back to getting on my nerves. Not as bad as they were last year but they were getting there.

I don’t remember much in the way of dreams lately but it seems I woke up to a woman’s voice telling me something about great suffering ahead. She wasn’t speaking in a concerned tone either. She sounded menacing and evil. It creeped me out enough that it woke me up and I really hope it doesn’t mean anything. Haven’t had any anxiety today or yesterday so that’s good. I’m a little worried I might have a cavity by my bridge up top. No more crowns, though! If there is and she tells me it can’t be filled, I’m going to tell her to just pull the damn thing.

Signed up for a free month of Hulu and was glad to find two additional seasons of Law & Order SVU that I haven’t seen yet.

YES!!! Just got a message from my PCP saying that at this point she prefers me to continue with lifestyle changes instead of starting blood pressure medications. She said my blood pressure readings are good in the morning and she’s afraid with medication it may get too low and I may get dizzy. She concluded by telling me to just continue to check my blood pressure 2-3 times a week and bring the readings with my machine to my next visit.

I have absolutely NO problem with being told I DON’T need medication. NO problem, LOL.

I think I’ve now gone the longest I’ve ever gone without feeling even remotely horny. I miss those days. But they’re never coming back any more than my old figure or vision is so I suppose there’s no point in thinking much about it. It’s just part of aging. I think I’m just one of the few that would be more honest about it. I think women tend to be more open about these things while guys will tend to kid themselves and others. Or at least try to.

My tits are getting sore and I know I’m going to get a period any minute now. Tits don’t lie. Been having backaches as well.

On the bright side, I’m happy to say I haven’t felt anxious today. I don’t know if this means anything or not, but when I first got up, I thought I might be in for a bad day. Shortly afterward, I sat down in a chair and after I did my tapping routine I said, “I don’t know if there’s a God up there but if you think you’re going to torture me with my own mind and body because there’s nothing else going on at the moment to whip my ass with, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. I’m done with this shit and I’m not going to take it anymore.”

Since then I’ve been fine. Is it good or bad, though, this nightly ritual where I have a little wine? And when I say “nightly ritual” I mean whenever I happen to be at the end of my day. I guess it can’t hurt. It’s just sparkling water spiked with hints of flavored wine. Only 5% alcohol as are wine coolers and spritzers. At least the ones I’ve had, anyway.

I’m also happy to say that they finally added some sound files to the Hawaiian course on Duolingo, although the course is still far from complete.

I slept shitty last night. Coincidentally or not, I forgot to put the bamboo plant on the headboard shelf before crashing. First I woke up just because and then the MP3 player died which I forgot to charge. So traffic woke me up several times, mostly the fucking garbage and green waste trucks. My ear was getting irritated from the earbud as well and to think that traffic is going to affect so much of my life for the next 20-something years makes me want to scream. Car stereos, yes, but traffic, for the most part, has never been an issue until I came to this fucking state.

Why do I always have to end up in the noisiest places and always get the flukes and extremes? What were the odds in Arizona that the house next door would be city-owned and rented to welfare bums? What were the odds that the duplex in Oregon would face the back of a duplex with a mother and daughter team going back and forth at all hours of the day and night? These are just a couple of examples, too. We just couldn’t have happened to end up on the other side of the circle or on a dead-end, could we? It wouldn’t exactly be peaceful there but it would be better than where we are.

My groin rash seems to be virtually immortal. Fortunately, it doesn’t itch that much because as soon as I get it under control it flares right back up. I’m tired of all these rashes I just can’t kill! The question is whether or not it’s lichen or fungal. It seems to be common regardless of body size. I know stress can make it worse and I was definitely stressed out yesterday and the day before when I learned my numbers.

Just when I was regretting the pigs and wondering how much of my lung tightness they could be responsible for, which I’m now pretty sure is connected to the weather changes and me being stressed out yesterday, they’re definitely warming up to me. Still probably always gonna give me a run for my money when I go to handle them but they’re definitely more comfortable sitting with me and don’t struggle as much as I’m picking them up.

What’s a little strange is how Rockefeller does all the talking. He was funny because as soon as he heard me come out of the bedroom when I got up early this afternoon, off he went. Blitz, on the other hand, is still pretty quiet. He’s not as brave as Rockefeller but he’s not as timid as he was before. These are probably the only noisy animals I enjoy and they don’t drive me crazy with their squeals and squeaks.

Along with cleaning the fish filter and heater which gets bits and pieces of debris trapped in the suction cups and other parts of them, we’re going to cut cardboard pieces to place at the sides and back of the pig cage so they can’t keep kicking out so much bedding and making a mess.

He’s going to be going to Sam’s Club tomorrow morning like he does every other Saturday. Sunday we’ll probably go out and pick up some things from Safeway. If not, we might go to Walgreens or Rite Aid or who knows where.

Watching a Netflix mini-series called Haunting. They’re said to be true stories but I have to wonder how they prove this. Either way, it still makes for good entertainment.

Been hearing way more planes tonight than I’ve heard so far this year. Please, please don’t tell me we’re going to go back to that shit! Just let me have my nights!

“You don’t think you’re fake?” someone asked me on Ask.

Hmm… Someone I’ve talked to that’s two-facing me? Someone who knows of me? Totally random?

I hope my friends really are my friends. Just can’t help but wonder if I blocked that person, would “that” person be Aly? She suspects Jase has been trolling her there so maybe it was him. People connected to Aly tend to be trouble. That’s why I hesitated to associate with Cam at first. They could turn on each other tomorrow and I could be trolled the next day. These days, though, it’d be much easier to shake him (or anyone else) off as I’m not nearly as public as I used to be.

His Family:

Marge (the queen), his mother. She married Raymond who died in the mid-90s.

Ray, her oldest son has been dead for just over a decade. His wife was Nora. Kids: Pam, Jackie and Ryan. Grandkids: Jennifer.

David, her second child whom I forgot to mention in my VM. He’s married to Evie and they have a son and daughter, Parker and Nickolena.

Mary (Miss Perfect), her only daughter, married Dave.

Steven, her youngest. He married Carol and lives in the Fresno area. They have 2 sons, Matt and Chris.

Other relatives, mostly cousins, are Cindy, Johnny, Maria, Opal, Neva, Sandra, April, Bonita…

Find A Grave. It hit me all of a sudden yesterday that there was such a site and so I ran his mother’s name and found that Tom was right in suspecting she died years ago. Bitch died in February 2015 at the age of 91.

I finally decided it was time to give a few of his family members, without telling him about it, a piece of my mind. I was unable to locate Steven, Miss Perfect and Dave but I found several others, including David and Evie and their kids as well as Ryan and Jennifer. I sent them all the same message. I spoke from the heart and everything I said was 100% true too.

Here’s where it got strange. I immediately got a friend request from Jennifer and then Ryan. LOL. Jennifer and I even exchanged a few messages. I don’t think she had time to read my message before she replied but I don’t know how with it she is to begin with. She was just a little kid when we last saw her. Ryan is definitely mentally ill and has been on disability all his life.

Anyway, Jennifer asked where we were living now and I told her. Then she sent a friend request, saying she has a son now. Like I care? rolls eyes I told her no disrespect to her whatsoever (she didn’t do anything to us after all, and the only point of sending messages to multiple family members was to up my odds in at least one of them seeing it), but I couldn’t add her. I didn’t think to look up Sandra J, but I also found Cindy, Pam, Jackie, April and a few others that I’m pretty sure are related. The point is that once one sees it, the whole damn family will hear about it which is what I want. I especially want Miss Perfect to hear about it.

I went and blocked everyone I messaged.

The fact that no one in the family, especially Mary, never took the time to look us up and at least tell him that his shit of a mother died, tells me enough about them right there and stamps out any chance of me feeling any guilt for speaking my mind. He may not be reachable but I’m easy to Google and anyone can look me up on Facebook. All these years they could’ve reached out to us just to say, “Hello. How are you two doing?” but they never gave a shit. Ever.

I am seriously considering deactivating on Facebook for a number of reasons. I mostly have no need for it. There are only two more people I wouldn’t mind finding. But I don’t know Rosemarie’s last name, and if I haven’t found Steve by now, I’m not likely to ever find him. So what’s the point of keeping my account? To keep on seeing the same old political bullshit and food posts that only make me want to eat?

At the same time, I’m not sure I want to abandon everyone because I do have my cousin there and some Valleyhead sisters as well as a few good longtime cyber friends that might worry if I were to disappear.

I thought about telling Tom about the messages but I don’t want to worry him. I know how paranoid he gets at times. Personally, even if they all apologized, not that all of them owe us an apology, what would be the point in reconnecting? Tom doesn’t do social media and it would only be a matter of time before I would think they would want us to visit. Of course we would never step foot back in the state that did the horrible things it did to me, among other reasons.

The part in quotes is the message I sent.

“So Queen Marjorie died four years ago, I just learned, huh? The old me would wish her final moments were anything but kind to her but the present-day me feels nothing but contempt, disgust and even pity for a mother who chose to abandon her own son simply because he needed help one too many times. And after he did so, SO much for her while the rest of the family, excluding Mary and Dave, sat on their booties and did absolutely nothing. We lost thousands of dollars buying parts for all the projects Tom did for that woman at HIS expense. She always promised to “get him later” for it but later never came. The way that woman so easily and casually used anyone she could and then dumped them when she found them a “burden” or that she couldn’t benefit from them was utterly APPALLING but not nearly as appalling as her apparent conditional love and concern for her own son and his wife.”

Truly Spiked & Sparkling alcoholic beverages don’t taste that great but they warm me up and relax me. At least somewhat. I’ve really been on edge since learning my numbers that a part of me wishes I didn’t know what they were. Ignorance really can be bliss at times.

My lungs have been tight and I don’t know if it’s connected to the medication, the guinea pigs, the weather, or what. I just know I’ve been a bit more on edge these last couple of days and I worry that I’m on the verge of another vicious cycle of anxiety and will be at its mercy with absolutely no defense whatsoever. Once the adrenaline kicks up in my chest, I have never been able to find anything yet that will stop it. Not anything I do, take, eat or drink helps. I can calm a racing heart but I can’t kill those waves of anxiety once they start stabbing in and out of my chest. That’s when my thoughts tend to get dark and I start to feel hopeless. Like I said a million times, if there is any God up there that plans what happens to us or at least allows it to, what a cruel, torturous thing to do to someone!

Oddly enough, though, I felt better after 20 minutes of “ski blogging.” Plus, I’m having a little wine. Decided to ski blog since it’s been a while since I’ve skied and that way I don’t have to speak louder over the hum of the treadmill. Tom had just gone to bed, even though I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Especially lying close to an air cleaner that’s always running which would drown me out.

I’m also not happy that after being delayed a day - ONTRAC is always late probably because they couldn’t get in the gate - the guinea pigs are too small for the playpen. Fucking Rockefeller busted right through one of the squares. I forget that they’re skinnier than they look. All that thick soft fur makes them look fuller than they are. Rats can collapse their rib cages and maybe that extends to guinea pigs as well. Hopefully, when they’re full-grown it won’t be an issue. It’s a nice pen otherwise. Cut my hand setting it up, but am wearing the highest quality Band-Aid I’ve ever worn, LOL. It totally fits like a second layer of skin.

I love how they squeak when they hear me coming or they want lettuce, but I’m just sick of the scaredy crap I’ve had to deal with for the most part for over a decade now. When are we going to have a pet that runs to us instead of away from us? When??? The only one here that seems to truly like having me around is Butterboy. I totally believe without a doubt that if he could breathe the air and walk on four legs, he would definitely be happy to see me. He would probably follow me around the house and gladly sit with me. He’s a surprisingly friendly, alert and intelligent fish. He just has that air about him that says, “Hello there. Nice to see you” when I walk into the room.

The guinea pigs don’t mind being held but not without a fight first. From my experience and from what I’ve read in pet forums, it’s common for guinea pigs to run when you go to pick them up. But once you’ve got them securely held, they’re fine.

Still nothing from Campbell’s and now I wonder why they really wanted my address. I definitely don’t need coupons for their cans of plastic anxiety soup, so I wonder what they really had in mind. To try to sue me for bashing them? Good luck with that, Campbell’s.

I was browsing YouTube when I randomly stumbled across a video on water fasting. This woman claims she did it for 21 days and that the first couple of days she was hungry as hell and felt weak and cold. It’s not only supposed to be a quick way to lose weight but is supposed to be good for your skin and hair and detox your digestive system and things like that.

But I still see the same problem I see with any other diet. Once you start eating again, the weight returns. You pretty much have to live a good part of your life on a diet if you want to lose weight and keep it off. If you can do that, you’re amazing. If you can’t, you’re human.

The Revenge series was going slow, so I moved on to something else. Watched the movie The Strangers on Netflix and it was great.

Amazingly, I didn’t hear the loud car at all yesterday but just after dark it came in and left a few minutes later. Probably to pick up rent money or food from its enabling parents. So, so glad that at least the planes haven’t been driving me as crazy!

I was going to use my first Bubbly account for generic things and the second one for things I would rather Aly not hear if she’s checking every now and then but was unable to log into my original account. Personally, I’m not finding Bubbly much fun anymore, so I don’t know that I’m going to bother using either account.

Went to the lab yesterday and was able to request Shannon. Took her a minute to remember me, but I slowly came trickling back into her memory as we chatted. She had no trouble drawing a vial from the crook of my elbow since I hadn’t just gotten out of bed with not enough time to guzzle water beforehand.

When I got up at 10:30, I took my meds, fed my pretty fishy and piggies, then found my lab results had been sent just 4 hours ago.

T4 - 1.4 (normal)
TSH - 7.50 (slightly high)
T3 - 3.2 (normal)

Call me emotional, dramatic and a bit immature, but I couldn’t help but burst into tears of both delight and dread when I saw the 1.4. I was surprised. I was expecting 1.3 and a TSH around 11.

It’s pouring now as we await the playpen.

LOL! I just got up, stepped into the hallway to comment to Tom in his office about how hard it’s pouring now, and Rockefeller heard me and “called” for me. At least I think it was him. Blitz is still quite reserved.

Ah, rain stopped as suddenly as it started but I can hear it rolling off the carport and patio roof now. Oh, here it goes again, just not as hard.

And that damn car? It came and went yesterday morning around 10, returning just minutes later to spend the entire day here. Didn’t leave till 8. Haven’t heard it since getting up so it’s probably here.

Just got called for a second serving. Damn, these things are serious lettuce whores! I forget just how much of the stuff they can inhale. Gotta double up on greens. They eat way more than rats.

Anyway, other than trying not to think about the inevitable return of my anxiety, even though the particular type that’s been plaguing me on and off for the last couple of years is now looking like it’s not connected to the medication, I messaged both doctors at 1 with my results. It didn’t take long for Dr. A’s to appear as “reviewed,” but Doc O hasn’t gotten to hers yet.

Was reading someone’s journal on Prosebox that mentioned shopping online at Cannabis Cowboys. They’re in Canada and so is the site. They seem to have all kinds of things for all kinds of physical and emotional ailments, and while some of them seem interesting, I’m not sure I would have the guts to experiment with any of them. A glass of wine before bed is one thing but I would see this as medication with potential side effects. Plus, I can never know what may not be good to take with the medication I’m on although there really isn’t much that can’t be taken with Levothyroxine; just usually not at the same time.

I’ve also seen in Andy just how bad marijuana can fuck up one’s brain. If I think I have memory issues now…

Going to the lab in the late afternoon and worried about my results. Today was one of those days I woke up deciding my skin and hair were too soft for me to be that hypo. But then there are times I worry my TSH is still high because of how good I’ve been feeling with absolutely no skips in just over six weeks. I worry also because of the way 50s usually brings my TSH down to 16, not 33. So I’m afraid my thyroid might have died off some more which would mean that if it was in the teens I would have to up my dose which would absolutely terrify me. I have suffered so, so much on and off these last four and a half years that I don’t want to do anything that might rock the boat.

Each week that I go without anxiety, I wonder a little more if the Amberen may have had more of a hand in it than I realized. I only tried it because they claim it has no side effects and I only found one or two complaints of increased anxiety.

My HR spiked to 110 yesterday morning, but it was likely because I’d just gotten out of a hot shower. It’s been averaging between the high 70s and low 80s which is wonderful. :-)

I don’t think I’ve ever had pigs this timid before and I’m really starting to believe there is as much of a pet curse on me as there is a noise curse. Ever since losing Tinkerbell. I’m not sure I believe in the afterlife but it’s like she’s out there and she knew she was queen and is jealous of any furry pet that might steal my heart.

Ah, but Tinkerbell, sweetie, if you’re out there, you will always be my number one!

Seriously, this is just ridiculous! I’m surprised I haven’t been pissed or shit on as is common when rats get scared. Rockefeller does make happy talk when Tom reaches into the cage and pats him, so he definitely likes him. He’s getting a little easier to handle but they still act like we’re going to kill them when we reach for them be it to pat them or to handle them. At least they’re eating well. Tom said they were playing this morning before he left for work.

We ordered a playpen for them and some lattice balls with bells in them that cats play with. I’ve seen videos with guinea pigs playing with them and it definitely seems like something they would like if they could ever loosen up and get more playful. The playpen has panels to create a walled-off area. There is no floor to it. But this way they can have more space to run around an hour or so each day. It wouldn’t work for rats because a rat could just climb or jump right out of it. I thought this would be a good place to sit with them since I’m small and where they could play with the balls. Even though they have a good-sized cage, the balls would roll easier on the carpet than on their bedding in the cage.

We also restarted the bedding subscription but we’re only going to get one bail a month.

That loud car has come around every day without fail. Yesterday they were only here once and for 15 minutes but still, why can’t this loser visit his parents once a week like most people?

Just when I think the planes are going to start driving me crazy again, I only end up hearing a few. I wasn’t up that late last night, though, and I’m sleeping in the early mornings so they could be worse than I know. I’ll find out soon enough if they’re back to being as annoying as usual.

Started my 8th book since joining KU. Definitely going to stock up on Willow Rose books after reading the few I downloaded after catching up on the Jon Athan books I wanted to read.

Started Revenge last night which is an eight-book set and is estimated to take nearly 46 hours to read. It’s about a black girl (I guess I’m a hypocrite for pointing out her race, LOL, which I hate when others do) who gets gang-raped by 10 rich white guys. She goes to medical school so she can seek revenge without leaving a trace. Definitely my kind of book as I love revenge stories.

Last night I had another one of those Valleyhead reunion dreams. I was showering before dinner in a community bathroom with several toilet and shower stalls. I chatted with Marie briefly after getting dressed and placing a couple of strange dolls in a chest or a box. Then I quickly texted someone and headed in search of the dining room. I asked this guy for directions to the dining room and he started giving me a hard time about it. I said something like, “Yeah, yeah, just tell me where it is.”

But then I found it on my own. It looked like a nice restaurant more so than a dining room. They had large tables and long booths with regular waitresses.

I saw people I recognized, including Kate Jackson, who was still young and hot. On one side of the booth sat three or four people with fewer people being on the side Kate was on. Those on the more crowded side were figuring out how to make room for me when I said, “Maybe I just won’t eat.”

But then someone suggested I sit by Kate, so I happily slid in next to her. Kate hugged me and gave me a kiss on the top of my head and I thanked her for being there for me earlier. I guess we had a private chat and I was grateful to her for it.

Stumbled across an article on why the Keto Diet is worthless, and I agree. There are no magic foods or food combinations for weight loss, otherwise most people would be thin. It’s all about calories and I’m way past the point in life where my calorie intake has to be so low that I just couldn’t stand it short-term let alone indefinitely. Even if I could be 30 pounds lighter at the snap of my fingers, I’d never be able to keep it off. I’d rather just use common sense, keep active, and accept my aging body as it is and as it was meant to be. As long as I’m not severely obese, I’m okay with myself and with not trying to be something I’m not meant to be.

Finished watching Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons. While I’d hate to be in prison anywhere, Norway is the place to be if you have no choice. They’re single-man prison cells are like hotel rooms and the place isn’t filthy and overcrowded like in Costa Rica, for example. The prisons have no bars, have their own supermarket, you can’t get anything longer than a 21-year sentence, and the staff is encouraged to be friendly with the prisoners. Their attitude is that if you treat people like animals, you get an animal and that’s what you’ll be releasing back into society someday, and I totally agree. I mean sure, some people are born animals no matter how much dignity and respect you treat them with, and I personally wouldn’t like the idea of my murderer living in such a nice prison and being treated with the same kindness you’d treat a guest in a hotel with, but they definitely have a point. It’s why most abusers were abused, after all. People do tend to follow the examples set for them.

They also believe it’s pointless to make their punishment any rougher because being there in the first place is punishment. Right on again. Back when I was in jail I wished they would just let me do my damn time, even though I knew I didn’t deserve five minutes of it, and quit with all the bullshit along the way like the deliberately cold showers, cellmate shuffling, and barely edible food.

“We don’t want to make it fun for anyone,” one male DO had said.

Oh. You mean just being forced to be there and away from our homes, loved ones and pets were supposed to be “fun” by itself?

On the 4th episode of You and liking it very much. I was wondering when Joe was finally going to kill Benji and kind of hoping he would too, LOL. Didn’t care for the uncalled-for and unnecessary comment about Benji being the so-called “poster boy for white privilege.” You know, the one that doesn’t exist in 98% of the country? Do they realize just how offensive such comments are to those of us who have personally been victims of reverse discrimination? And yeah, there are more of us than anyone wants to believe.

Why do people have to refer to one’s color in the first place anyway? I’m tired of race always having to be pointed out whether it’s black or white. Can’t we just say “a person” or “a woman” or the person’s name and leave it at that? Really, enough with the race references! My husband’s name is Tom. Oh, he’s white, BTW. Now, did I really have to point that out? Is it necessary that people know that as if his color somehow defines who he is as a person?

Guinea pig update: The pigs are continuing to be super timid and I really hope I didn’t make the wrong choice when picking them out. I’m seriously coming to wonder if I’m meant to have timid animals as much as I’m meant to live in noisy places. It seems so. I just can’t catch a break when it comes to pets! The damn fish is way braver than they are for God’s sake, but the fish isn’t a warm, soft cuddly animal. In this state, only Tinkerboy and Sugar were friendly and sociable, then Sugar had a stroke. Hopefully, they’ll come around a little more, but I don’t know. Rockefeller was more curious today and started to come up to me, but he would quickly chicken out. They’re not quite taking food out of my hand but they started nibbling on some hay and lettuce as soon as I put it in the cage earlier today.

We had to run out and get a couple of roller bottles because these idiots were overdoing the swivel heads and wasting water when they’d get drinks.

Earlier we ran out to Safeway and got some things for them as well as stuff for us during what’s been a very wet and windy weekend. Let’s just say I haven’t had to deal with landscaping and motorcycles but just some loud traffic. Still, I wish I could jump in Butterboy’s tank and have my world be 78°, too!

Stage 1 is in the lead once again at 6 to 5. It might be a tie again when I do my end-of-the-day BP reading.

Aly’s other Twitter account is public again and Molly keeps changing handles.

After waking up feeling a bit PMSy based on a little bit of soreness in my boobs, a couple of extra pounds in what seems to be water, and increased hunger along with a few scattered backaches, two little piggies went home.

We arrived at Petco as soon as it opened to increase our chances of them having guinea pigs in stock. The first two we looked at appeared to be brave and full of pep. They were munching on hay while “popcorning,” something guinea pigs do when they’re happy. I liked their colors but didn’t like that they were mostly hairless. I’ve never liked hairless animals of any breed. Even though they seemed to have great personalities, no one wants to have an ugly pet. Or at least what they personally don’t find pleasing to the eye.

Nearby were a couple of much-shyer American guinea pigs with the short fur I wanted. They were hiding in their burrow and weren’t too thrilled to be fished out of their tank but I have had some guinea pigs start off on the shy side that warmed up to me within a week or so. So hopefully I didn’t make a mistake in choosing appearance over personality. They have nice soft fur and one is a little older than the other. One has a mix of brown and white while the other has black and white with some brindle mixed in. They’re both males and were $40 each.

We got some vitamin C drops for their water as well as some chew toys, hay, and regular food. They’re on the top part of the cage. If they seem to be able to get up and down from the upper shelf, then I might open them to the lower level as well. Some reports say climbing ramps is good exercise for them while the guy in the store said that multi-levels aren’t good for them because they can’t bend their backs in the way rats can, and that much is true. They’re not nearly as flexible as rats. However, I think they can maneuver the ramps but definitely not climb the walls like rats can.

Unable to come up with names for them I picked their names using a random pet name generator. So the little guy is Blitz and the bigger guy is Rockefeller. I’m letting them get settled in while periodically going into the living room to pat them and sometimes pick them up. They’re still very timid and Rockefeller screamed at me once, LOL.

Lots of rain and wind today, especially wind. It’s just cold and miserable overall and I really wish we were someplace warm! We’re enjoying our time together, though, and just hanging out doing this and that. We replaced some of the betta’s water and now we’re doing our own thing.

I am so SO fucking sick of the loud Subaru visiting not once but twice a day. You may as well live here if you’ve got to see your parents that often. I wish to hell this attention whore of a cock would get in an accident and total the fucking thing! I really do. For 3 fucking years now I have listened to this thing come and go hundreds of times and I’ve had enough! I know, though, that no matter where I lived there would always be some source(s) of annoyance. For the 5-6 more years we’re here, there’s no way this little fuck will give up that car, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more motorcycles each year.

Another thing I was surprised to hear after so long was Bob sawing but fortunately, it didn’t last long. Really hope he doesn’t go back to that shit on a regular basis. Just because we’ve been neighbors for over half a decade and have come to know and like each other doesn’t mean I want his noise penetrating the walls of our place. I don’t push my noise on him.

Almost done watching the complete collection of Forensic Files. Think I’ll try this Bird Box next that everyone’s been raving about. Plus, there are new episodes of Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons and I want to get back to You as well.

My HR has been amazingly low whenever I take my blood pressure, ranging between 75-81. Usually, I’m 85 or higher. I asked Tom if I should be worried and he said that when I usually check my HR, it’s because it’s high, so I’m probably like this more often than I realize. I sure feel good! I dread the day the anxiety returns but it always does so I know this calmness won’t last forever.

BP and HR readings so far… Systolic, diastolic, HR:

Jan 03, 2019. 02:06 PM 132 83 77
Jan 03, 2019. 02:19 AM 122 85 77
Jan 02, 2019. 12:27 PM 135 85 78
Jan 02, 2019. 12:13 AM 129 90 80
Jan 01, 2019. 10:35 AM 145 83 81
Jan 01, 2019. 01:05 AM 129 81 76

Not liking how there’s a sticker on my new medication bottle saying it’s the same medication I’ve been taking. The last time I saw that sticker was when they gave me the JSP brand and a week later I was anxious as hell which was just too coincidental. Yet I don’t see anything different. Still looks like Sandoz. Same shape and I’m pretty sure it’s the same color too.

Last night’s guinea pig-hunting dream wasn’t very promising. I would prefer an American guinea pig for its short hair. But in the dream, I went to the bathroom in this pet store and then returned to find the guy who worked there chatting with Tom and holding a box with two Abyssinians that were very light gray in color with some white. I asked if he had any Americans and Tom said, “I asked him that.”

The guy said he did but I’m not sure what he said next.

The planes haven’t been bad this morning but the loud car has already made its first of 2 or 3 trips in. Who the hell not only visits their parents this often but at 7:15 in the morning? So yeah, I think they’re doing some work for them because how else can the cock support himself?

Later…

Turns out that Virginia did have a heart attack when they took her away in the wee hours of Christmas Eve. She’s been in rehab ever since and is expected back home Monday. Bob said a guy was coming to install handlebars in the shower.

Poor thing! How sad and scary. Makes me definitely rethink getting old once again.

Christiane replied to my message wishing her a happy New Year. She said she’s going skiing in the Austrian Alps. Now let’s see her surprise me with a message for once, but you know what? I’m sure I’ll never hear from her again as long as I don’t message her first, and I can’t see myself doing that again in the future. Like I said, my one and only New Year’s resolution is to ditch the one-sided friendships and ignore those who don’t want anything to do with me.

What else is going on in the neighborhood? Not as much landscaping today but the loud car was here for 3 hours and I’m guessing it’s going to return any minute. I really need to try my influencing thing or some kind of spell to get rid of them. While I certainly wouldn’t want it to kill them, they need to be incapacitated for a while. Totaling the car wouldn’t do much good because someone that desperate to be heard and noticed is just going to turn around and replace it with something just as loud. I’m sure their parents will be happy to help too, as they seem to enable them to live such a slacker lifestyle to begin with.

I was looking at affordable, or at least hopefully affordable, waterfront mobile homes along Florida’s coast. It’s definitely going to be hard to get something in our price range that isn’t too old, too small or both. I would prefer to look out over the ocean but there are other water views that would be pleasant to see from a lanai or something like that with canals and lakes. It’s Florida, so there’s water everywhere. Don’t know for sure that that’s the state we’ll end up in but that would be my guess.

Went through some of my collectibles today and will definitely be getting rid of some older pieces. Cheap little plastic pieces and pieces that are chipped or broken or that I’m just sick of. Twinkle, my 22” fairy elf is now in the trash as I’ve definitely had enough of her after 15 years or so. 17 years, to be exact. Just checked my old journals. Funny as I got her almost 17 years ago to the day. Definitely a cheap, poorly made doll but she served her purpose. I removed her outfit before dumping her which wasn’t her original one but something I got from the Goodwill. Hillary can wear it and probably a couple of other dolls too. Not sure I really want to get rid of much of my collection unless I had to but I don’t expect to display most of it in the next place, wherever it is. I’ll just store them in plastic bins.

Tom is going to prep the cage when he gets home in case we do find a guinea pig or two tomorrow, and I sure hope we do! The trays, which are a bit big and bulky for me to handle, need to be hosed down. I attached the water bottles and a spare hammock. At the store, we gotta get hay, GP food, vitamin C drops, and wood chews.

Whenever we find one, I really hope it’s friendly and not timid. The thing is that guinea pigs tend to run and try to hide when you go to pick them up from their cage even long after they’ve gotten to know you and seem to be quite comfortable when they’re hanging out with you. Piggles in Phoenix used to do that and I found it annoying, and as funny as this may sound, it was also a bit insulting. I couldn’t help but take it personally after treating him like a king. Same with the last trio of rats. They were constantly acting like I was regularly beating the shit out of them. I do miss some guinea pig traits, though, like their happy chatter when being patted, squeaking for food…