I’m feeling a little off today. I’m tired because I haven’t been sleeping well lately. We had more storms last night and a clap of thunder woke me up at fucking 4:00. I couldn’t get back to sleep for a couple of hours and when I finally dragged myself out of bed at 11:00, I was still pretty beat. Lately, I either haven’t been sleeping enough or I’m waking up every hour or two. I’m beginning to wonder when I’ll get a good night’s sleep.

I’m still spotting and so far, the one thing that has been faithful and consistent (a full flow) hasn’t happened yet. I’m stuck, though, which may be a good sign. It’s common to be stuck before your period, so maybe I’ll have a flow tomorrow. My tits certainly feel like I’m in for a real period. I had Tom look up my spotting symptoms online and he said they mentioned birth control doing that or menopause, but this can happen 10 years before menopause. Well, I am about 10 years from menopause, but I’m more convinced that my hormones have gone awry.

Earlier, when I stepped outside to feed the animals, I could hear someone playing a live bass somewhere towards the front of the house. At least it can’t be heard in the house with all the appliances running.

Later...

We had a 5-minute rain shower. It cleaned our dusty skylight off nicely and even sheeted down the back windows, but the front and side windows are still a bit dirty.

Later...

Now the rain is hitting the front windows after I’ve gone out to wash them myself with the squeegee. I can’t believe all this rain! And in June, too. I’m sure it’ll thunder on and off for the next 12 hours, so I can forget about a peaceful night’s sleep tonight, too. It’s better than some rude shitfuck waking me up with its stereo, though.

I tried getting a shot of a rainbow, but it wouldn’t come out. Both of us took some beautiful cloud formation pictures. I also took a few pics of him raking the mound of dirt in the back that was built up from when they dug the septic, to make room for the trailer to come in. Tom found somebody to haul it that’s registered with the BBB. We’ve learned our lesson about checking people out before hiring them, although either way, I’m sure they’ll fuck up somehow, some way, cuz 95% of the population is stupid and incompetent. And besides, that’s just our shit luck for you. Anyway, one of the pictures of Tom working looks really cool. It looks like there’s a ghost behind him when it’s really the powdery dirt he stirred up.

It looks like we won’t be screwing today because of the aches and pains he’s acquired from raking the dirt. I know it’s hard work what he did, and he hasn’t worked out for a week, but I wonder – is this guy really in such shit shape? I work out every day and do strenuous, rigorous exercises, yet I’m not sore. So I wonder – is he using that as an excuse for a lack of interest in sex, or what? If he’s not interested, that’s fine, cuz I’m not either. Neither of us has shown any desire all weekend long. I also wonder – does he buy me the things he buys me out of the goodness of his heart only? Or is it to make up for his lies and controlling ways? The last time I bitched about how I didn’t appreciate knowing he wouldn’t do his part to support me should I ever decide to have invitro, he said he’d “try to do better.” No thanks. I don’t want him to try to do better to support me with anything. He either supports me or he doesn’t, but he can’t try.

He bullshitted me about cleaning his office this weekend like he said he would and like I knew he would. Why is my husband such a liar? When he says he’s going to do something, it’s hit or miss. He faithfully sticks to burning trash on weekends, but hell if he’ll clean his fucking office! And he never intended to in the first place when he told me not to bother and said he’d do it himself. He knew he wasn’t ever going to do it. Why couldn’t he just come out and tell me he wanted to trash the place? He wants it trashed with clutter. That’s all he wants. He doesn’t want it dusted, vacuumed, neatened or uncluttered. But yet he couldn’t just come out and say so if he wasn’t up to doing me the favor of having to live with an uncluttered office for the sake of my allergies.