Last night M Dorm sounded like A Tower. Nancy was pounding on the door and everyone was yelling through the vents. Nancy finally got her way this morning and was sent back to A.

I saw a loudmouth go out of that cell and out of the pod last night and was thinking – oh, no! Not another loudmouth! We need to get rid of the one next door as it is. Miss I-don’t-talk-much was screaming up a storm on her hour out.

I have no pity for Maria or Julia, but I feel bad for Mary and Marilyn. Ever since last night, their toilet’s been plugged up. Can you believe they’ve left them in there this long (it’s noon now) and that no one’s been by to fix it?! They should be shipped to A Tower. Or better yet, they should ship just the spitter and move them into that cell. Mary’s been having to piss in the sink, and God knows what old Julia’s been doing.

Temple was on last night. As usual, she was very nice to me, but Ida’s not so sure about her. She came in right after breakfast and searched her bunk. She didn’t search mine. Just what was she looking for anyway, I wonder?

I woke up half a dozen times before I got up. I woke up before Miss Are-You-OK made her rounds, and LaBorde yelling for medical tanks right before the nurse hit the floor. Doesn’t she know we know when to put those things in the door?

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Now that people have stopped yelling at each other, I can write a little more. You learn to tune that shit out for the most part, but every now and then it really plays on your nerves.

Myra and I weren’t happy with Marilyn. She’s leaving 4 days after Ida. She had poor Mary, who’s very sensitive, all upset because she was telling her she was crazy. Mary’s starting to take it personally and is wondering if it’s true.

LaBorde let Mary use our toilet and moved Marilyn downstairs.

I walked with Ida around the dayroom during our time out.

Later I’ll be washing my hair in the sink in the ice-cold water. My scalp will be numb when I’m done.

I have a nasty cavity brewing and I wonder if I can make it till I go to the dentist. The state’s cheap and they don’t fix problem teeth. They just pull them. I may have to let them, then get the rest pulled on the outs and get dentures. I’m sick of all the problems real teeth bring! I should be able to do my whole mouth for under a thousand; less than the braces.

Ida says you can buy pink hair tape to keep your hair from drying funny. I could tape my bangs down so they didn’t dry up curly. I’ll have to check it out. I’ve got 83 days left.

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Johnson’s on again. I like her a lot. She’s definitely one of my favorites. She’s like a breath of fresh air around here and she treats us like people. She doesn’t act like she’s better than us just because we’re inmates and she’s a DO. She calls people by their first names, too.

Ida and I were laughing our asses off earlier. We’re wondering if Julia’s really as deaf as she says she is, or if she’s choosing to hear only what she wants to hear. This is because Mary says she’s been shaking Marilyn to stop her from snoring.

Anyway, the dense thing comes in to use our toilet and Ida’s like, “Oh, God! I don’t even want to see her face! Hurry up and get out!” Julia put her glasses, ID card and wrist wrap down (she supposedly has carpal tunnel) and asked us to turn away. I put her glasses on and was mimicking some of the things she said when she was in here, laughing my ass off real loud. Then she asked me to please not laugh because she couldn’t go, but as soon as I heard her peeing, I laughed my ass off real loud. But the stupid biddy didn’t get it and she kept right on smiling joyously. As she was heading out the door I chased her and she still kept smiling dumbly at me, the hunchbacked dork!

Earlier I was crying tears of mixed emotions. Anger, frustration, homesickness. Knowing my life is going to be what others say it has to be and being forced to just roll with the punches, like it or not. Fucking mother-fucking freeloaders for legally ruining my life! I’ve been a victim of these sick fucks since ‘96 and wonder if I’ll always be victimized by them simply because I’m both white and Jewish and cuz they’re the ones with the legal connections. And all because they just couldn’t shut up when we asked them too nicely, forcing us to complain to the city so we could get some peace within our own 4 walls. People get more and more sensitive in the wrong kind of way.

The good side of it, though, is that I don’t think I’m going to come out of this as traumatized as I originally thought I would. I’ve met some interesting people and have had some good laughs here. In most ways, the so-called private school I was in as a kid was worse than this place, and can I really say I’m sorry I met Ida? Or Rosa? Or Palma? Or Johnson? No, but I’d gladly never see them again as of right this second as much as I’d miss them to go home and have my old life back. Nonetheless, although the first couple of months were the hardest, it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be. Yes, the food sucks, the showers are cold a lot and I miss home, but if you can get in with decent enough cellies, it isn’t that bad. Just boring as all hell and depressing, too.

I still can’t stand to think too much of Tom, the animals, the house, my dolls, the stereo, the computer, and other stuff because it only depresses me more. The closer I get to my release date, then I can think more of those things. Right now it’s still too soon. I still have an eternity to go in this place.

Johnson opened the door to chat with us for a sec. Ida commented on how much she likes to chat with me. Yeah, Johnson and I always seem to have things to chat about. I guess she’s going on break now to eat her dinner.

Hey Johnson, you can have me for dessert!

I asked Johnson if she’ll miss me when I’m gone and she said, “Yeah, you’re the kind that keeps me on my toes.”

I am? I wonder how?

Ida says she’s not going to teach me any German swears till she leaves because if she teaches me now, people will know who I learned them from, not that I can see why they’d give a fuck. So, she’s going to sign her letter: Fuck you, Sylvia, in German.

I was shooting baskets from up on my bunk. I was making little round wads of toilet paper and throwing them into the toilet. What do I care if I waste Joe’s money and toilet paper?

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It’s almost 9:30. Where’s the damn commissary?!

Maria moved in with the spitter because of the toilet situation and now only Mary and Julia are over there. That toilet’s been clogged for nearly 24 hours now. At least the hot water, once again, is temporarily “fixed.”

Mary and Julia have been using our toilet. I’m going to be pissed if they wake me up to use it. I got enough shit waking me up around here as it is.

I know it’s childish, but I couldn’t help but torture Julia a second time. That time she couldn’t even go, and the next couple of times she brought Mary over as her little guard dog. I just don’t like how she lied to Ida and so rudely stabbed her in the back. And after all Ida did to try to help her, too. Julia’s nothing but a selfish, lying hypochondriac who can hear just as well as most people. She can hear better than I can, and I do all right for being half deaf.