I hate it when I email people who ignore me. It’s frustrating! I mean, the lady answers my question as far as making dolls that aren’t pictured and asks if I’m interested in any particular doll, I tell her yes and ask its price, and she doesn’t even respond! And of course, the site I ordered the fairy from is ignoring me, too. I’m really starting to suspect they ripped me off.

They don’t have me nearly as irritated as Mary does. Now that’s someone who’s ignoring my questions. I made it clear to her today in my letter that I’m not going to be solely her messenger and that after all I’ve done for her, I don’t think answering my questions and responding to my mail is too much to ask for. Instead, all the mail I get is for him. She’s totally thrown her life away for this cock. She’s dropped her book completely and probably a lot of other things, too. She’s so damn naïve and trusting. It’s sad too, as she seems too intelligent to fall for con artists like Buffy and her boyfriend. She won’t admit she’s been taken. In her letter to José she says that while I insist she’s been ripped off, she’d like to think that hasn’t happened. Yeah, she’d like to, but it has. Why do so many people think that going into a state of denial will fix or make a problem go away?

Anyway, it’s her life and she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do, but I’m not going to be used. She hasn’t said anything about any pictures or Spanish I’ve sent. Nothing about her hernia, my story, nothing. It’s all just God, fantasy and smut to him.

I know, though, and I admitted this to Mary, that there’s always a chance that she has sent me letters that I never got. I already know that two books of stamps to me were stolen as were two letters by either the jail or the PO, probably the jail. In fact, that’s probably why they make them keep their envelopes open; so they can help themselves to anything like that. No one could prove they took whatever. They could just blame it on the PO or say they fell out.

Meanwhile, unless I do hear more about what the hell’s going on with Mary, like why she hasn’t called, for starters, she’ll be hearing from me less often. I’ll still send her my story and all that, but that’s about it for now. If it’s her ignoring my mail and not someone stealing it, then that’s really too bad as I’ve asked her to answer my questions countless times before and she said she’d do anything for me, so why can’t she do this? Is it really that much to ask for? Obviously so. You can’t ask people for shit. Not even the simplest little things, it’s obvious she’ll never change. Not till she realizes that Buffy’s fucked her over and what Jose’s really all about. But so what if she did? She’d just go and associate with others just like them. That’s what she likes. It’s way beyond obvious too, that she likes to hang with the wrong people. Why, I cannot fathom. Why would anyone want to put their trust in someone they’re smart enough to know is going to rip them off? Because they like feeling sorry for themselves or something in the end?

She’s so silly too, giving José her aunt and mother’s addresses in case of an emergency. I mean, that’s ridiculous! Just what can they do for him if he has an emergency?

She not only talks about sending him money but magazine subscriptions as well! How could she waste her time and money on this low-life cock?

In other mail, there were address labels and a calendar from the Humane Society. I sent a few pictures to Mary, though I’m sure I won’t hear about it.

As always, I lose. Meaning, I can’t get under 125 pounds. This is the 4th day in a row I awoke at that weight, so if I’ve been that weight this long, I’m obviously not going to lose anymore, stuck or not, and I am stuck. There once was a time when 120 was harder than hell to get under and now it’s 125 I can’t get under for more than 5 minutes, but I’m going to stick to this no eating or eating just a few hundred calories every other day routine as it’ll surely keep me from gaining. If I don’t, 130 will eventually be the new number I can’t get under, then 135, 140, and so on.

I gave myself a break today and enjoyed a breakfast buffet at JB’s.

Before that, he and I went to the DMV. It wasn’t nearly as crowded and as rowdy as I thought it would be and we were only there for about a half-hour. The building was pretty small, too. Casa Grande is such a small city, even smaller than Springfield. Anyway, I now have a photo ID and no license. I hope the jury selectors don’t pull from IDs, but they probably do.

We also stopped at a small bank, since we don’t trust Bank of America to handle our shit, to get the form notarized for the pension money, which is going out on overnight express to New Jersey. Once we get things with the bank settled, win or lose, we’ll switch banks. We may take a little of the pension money for fun which would be nice since I’m not getting shit from Mary. I don’t know if I’ll save up for a mannequin or not. I think I’d rather wait till we one day have enough money to buy one outright. For now, that’s a bit much to save up for.

This time around, we were smart enough to go across the parking lot to Office Max and get a couple of copies made. This is also where we mailed the forms. Airborne Express will pick it up this afternoon from the store and take it to their airport.

While we were there, I got a package of colored paper. All the sheets are pastel blue, but it was the best deal going at the time. I got 500 sheets for just $5. Some packages have 400-500 for $10 and others have just 100 sheets for $5.

I suppose I should go work out, but I just don’t like the idea of working out just to stay the same overweight weight. Why work out if I’m not going to lose any more weight? Oh, I guess I will if only to keep from gaining anymore, but you know, the thought of always having to starve myself just to keep from gaining 5-10 pounds a month really bums me out!

Tom just stepped in to tell me he called 4 lawyers so far. One doesn’t have appointments available, one wants $50 up front, one wants $200 up front, and another wants $250.

I told Tom he’s wasting his time. All God’s going to do is protect our perps just like he always does. It’s a complete waste of time to pay money to a lawyer who can’t prove/win his case, then lose even more money to this fucking bank. We’ve already lost enough for all the free work he’s done for them. It’s just asking to be ripped off, but he can go for it if he really wants to. I still say our best bet is to just let people fuck us over and learn to live with it. It always has happened throughout our lives and it always will. I learned a long time ago that trying to fight back against those who wrong us only makes matters worse for us. If God sees fit to protect those who fuck us over like he does, then there must be a reason for it. I can’t imagine what it could be. All I know is that I don’t want to go to jail or lose money because someone had to fuck us over and we tried fighting back. Meanwhile, we don’t have to live with these people, so why not just move on?

Tom was also questioning how he’d be able to tell an honest lawyer from one who tells pretty much everybody that he’ll consult with them for a fee, then automatically tells them they’ve got no case. He can’t, I told him. I know I’d never trust no lawyers for shit. It’s like with shrinks. Most automatically tell their patients they need drugs. It’s how they make money.