We’re back to the not-a-cloud-in-the-sky routine. It’s been way hot and dry.

I finally got a letter from Mary, who started off by admitting she’s been neglecting me, which was nice. She told me I could spank her ass and I said okay, then we can move on, but not without my stressing for the millionth time how much it bugs me when she doesn’t answer my questions.

Now she’s finally getting worried she’s been ripped off by Buffy and company. Again she says she’ll send money to me in August, and I was like, don’t do it. Not by inmate’s associates or else I’ll never see it, and yes, she’d like to have me type for her when she gets out and she’ll pay me really well. She also wants to be a victim’s advocate and a paralegal.

I sent Mary and Bob my corrected, edited book which they should get by Monday.

She says the searching there’s been horrible with searches twice a week in the middle of the night. She said she hates it when they paw through her shit, like my letters. Have they just pawed through them or taken any? I wonder though I’m not worried about it if they did. It’s just that I know they love to take just to be taking like a klepto will steal things even if they don’t need or want them.

I’m still wondering why she hasn’t mentioned my telling her to call me.

Buffy continues to be a real split chick. She still hasn’t told me why she’s there or when she goes to prison.

She sent me the photo of Gretchen she wants on her book cover which I was pleased to see she hasn’t given up on after all (she sent a 5-page draft).

I’m flattered to know she thinks I’m good-looking. She said I’d probably meet interested women if I were sociable. Perhaps I would, but I don’t choose to be sociable, something that would be rather difficult to be from where I live anyway. Plus, I wouldn’t want to meet just any woman just because she’s gay or bi, too. If I “accidentally” met someone I liked and was attracted to, who knows? If I ever did get it on with a woman, it’d be just for fun. I’d never leave Tom for her no matter how much I liked or even loved her. I’d rather be with Tom and be celibate forever than not have him and have flings with various women throughout my life.

She says she isn’t going to have kids when she gets out because she’ll want to work. It will be up to her to choose between life and kids when she gets out, I told her, but if she chooses kids, I recommend she raise them alone if she can’t find a decent man (or doesn’t want one). It’s a fact that most men do not want kids. Even if they’re not abusive to them, their hearts are just not in it. I guess it’s just a woman’s thing, like it or not. Some of them, like Tom, won’t admit it, though. I still believe that while Tom would’ve been a fine dad had I gotten pregnant, deep down he’s just as glad as I am that I never did. I don’t think he’ll ever admit this, any more than he’ll admit his lack of desire to get it on with me.

The blondes dig her, she says. Boring! Blondes are my least favorite. Maybe that’s why my Shelley Hack and Carol Kane crush only lasted 5 minutes.

Rather than go through it all again as far as what I told her pertaining to José, I’m going to copy and paste a section of my letter to her.

Okay, now let’s get on with José. I’m only going to say this once more unless you ever ask my opinion or something like that because you have to be you and I don’t want to sound like your mom. It’s just that I feel that keeping my mouth shut would be like saying I don’t give a damn about you, and of course, we know that’s not true so I must speak up. Well, it’s simple Mary, and that’s that I’m virtually certain that Jose’s not innocent and that he is bad news. The signs are everywhere, and I’m surprised you can’t see them as smart as you are. Being pen pals is okay, but you’re crazy to get together with him on the outs. Totally. Just his tats and his nickname alone tells me bad things. Tats are almost always associated with bad character traits such as violence, jealousy, insecurity, immaturity, etc. The nickname Caliber is also a sign of aggression. You do know that a caliber is the size of a bullet, don’t you? There are a few more things. Well, going by statistics alone, most inmates truly are guilty. Also, the fact that he’s not open and upfront with you about his case and that you’ve got to “pry” information from him makes me think he has something to hide, and lastly, I worry about his jealousy. That’s a very bad sign right there. Any guy who’s jealous of past lovers, current friends – anyone - has a major insecurity problem. I mean, that is so immature of him to get all bent out of shape over Clarence after you insisted he’s nothing to you. Think about it, Mary. I’d just hate to have you one day say you wish you’d listened to me and that you mistook lust for love.

I’d also be willing to bet that if you had Buffy or some other girl write smutty shit to him and urge him not to tell you, he’ll play right into it and take the bait in a heartbeat. I’d be willing to “test” him for you using a bogus name, but Tom’s all paranoid, saying I could be asking for all kinds of trouble sending fake names to government agencies, which is what jails and prisons are. They’re everything, actually – state, county, government. I’m sure you could find someone willing to do the test, though. Just have Buffy or some other chick say she read Jose’s address when you weren’t looking. Make sure you find someone you can trust, though, that will show you the letters he sends you. You know you can’t trust Buffy, so maybe there’s someone else there who’d be willing to do it, but I guarantee you José will flunk the test. You might be better off having someone on the outs do the test. Tell them to tell José that you mailed them copies of your most important addresses to hang onto in case the copies you have in jail get stolen. Make sure they tell José to “please don’t tell Mary I’m writing.”

Tom finished my story and said it was good, though there were still some inconsistencies to be worked out. He also liked my surprise ending.

He won us $3! We each got one number on our tickets and his was the Powerball. It’s funny how I’ve gotten more numbers, yet he wins us money.

I’m ready to move on to another story simply cuz it’s fun to write, I like to write, and I have the time, but I haven’t the desire to be a writer bad enough to try to perfect each story I may write.

I’m thinking of writing something really far out next time around. Or at least a little more far-out than my last story. Except for the jail arrangement, the story was pretty reality-based. Or maybe I’ll do something that really doesn’t have much drama in it that’s sort of soap opera-like, depicting average people in their day-to-day living. I know the main characters will be lesbians, but I don’t know much else yet.

It’s hard to break the first-person habit because of all the years I’ve written journals. I wish I could, though, as then I could portray what all the characters are thinking. Maybe I’ll do a little of both. After all, who says I have to stick to any rules?

Each day I don’t get my fairy, I suspect more and more that I got ripped off. They’re still ignoring my email, too. I’ll call them in the middle of the month, but the sucky thing about it is that I can’t make them send me the damn thing. If they’re gonna rip me, they’re gonna rip me. At least it’s only $12 I lost this time around.

I’m worried my spider curse may be failing, too. We’ve seen 4 of them in here so far this month, 2 last night. I’m afraid they’ll start coming regularly and I won’t be able to stop them, but if that’s the case, then we’ll just bomb them away.

Yesterday was another would-be freeloader day I got to skip out on! Instead, he went and got fertilizer spikes you drive into the ground beside your pants. We gave some of the olies some spikes, along with both palms and one of the mesquites. We still don’t know yet if the mesquites are going to amount to anything, but we ought to know soon.

We’re going to go to the nursery Tom went to in the fall and get more stuff to plant. I really want to have some colorful flowers, I told Tom, in which case I’d protect them with a chicken wire dome. One that’s several inches deep to deter the wildlife from digging under it. Tom thought that was a good idea and would be good practice for him for larger projects in the future.

The angelfish sure act weird with each other at times. They appear to be French kissing. I guess this making-out stuff is related to breeding, but of course, they’re eating whatever babies they may have as soon as they’re born.

I was surprised to wake up at 124 pounds. I think, though, since I ate the last couple of days, though not crazily, that it’s related more so to the water pill I took, than the vitamins or anything else. I’ve lost 5 pounds in 10 days which is great. I’m still going to do this diet and if my body wants to lose more weight, fine, and if not, that’s fine too, for at least I’ll never gain doing this. I just don’t get why I don’t lose weight while I’m awake. I have to go to sleep to lose weight. If I never slept again, I’d never lose weight for damn sure!

Instead of lifting lots of weight at fewer reps to pump and build large, bulky muscles, I decided to drop my weights and increase my reps to make my arms smaller. Big muscles on a chunky or fat person only makes them look bigger. If I ever do lose the fat, then I can pump them back up.