After being pleasantly surprised to lose a pound at the end of my day yesterday and going to bed at 126 (I had not one bite of food), I was both pissed and shocked to wake up at 125 and not 124 or even 123. And now I’m even more pissed to have gained a pound back after just 300 measly calories of food. I know something’s wrong with my thyroid, but I also know that God doesn’t want me losing weight or having any control over my own body, so it’d be pointless to get it checked out. All tests would show up negative. He’d make sure of it. Anything he doesn’t want fixed won’t show up as broken. I don’t care how old I am, no one should gain a pound on just a few hundred calories. Particularly after they just worked out for half an hour! This is when I’m tempted to say, “fuck it” and just eat whenever I’m hungry, but if I did that I’d steadily gain 5-10 pounds a month till I was hundreds of pounds. How I wish I could be like everyone else who doesn’t diet and just stay where I am! But nope. I’d just gain and gain indefinitely.

I really thought I’d lose 4 pounds on my non-eating days, two while I was awake and two in my sleep. And the shitty thing about it is that I’ll still have to starve myself often enough when I do get my weight down. It’ll only take a day or two to creep up a few pounds, which means that every 2-3 days I’ll have to not eat.

On the other hand, if I lost only 4-5 pounds a week, that’d still be pretty damn good, considering how I was losing only a few per month on the old diet. I’ll just have to keep reminding myself that it’s only for about a month and it’s only 10-15 more pounds I want to lose, though I shall prevail! I shall prevail this time as I know that God doesn’t help those who help themselves, but rather we ourselves help ourselves. Period. God may block us, but he never literally “helps” us, I don’t think. We can have other people influencing us, but we must do the work ourselves and I’m willing to do what needs to be done. As an added bonus to losing the weight I want to lose, I shall show whatever’s up there that no, it can’t always run my life/body. Anyway, for now I think I’ll go have some popcorn and gain another pound.

Later…

That’s interesting. Perhaps the scale sometimes gets a bit off-kilter. I just went and through 400 cals on me (a big bag of popcorn) and now I’m back to 125!

I asked Mary to let me know if Buffy gets sick at all since I don’t know if I can do long-distance cursing.

Tom’s going to start trying to make lottery ticket predictions too, to try to get an idea as to whether or not I can either influence the numbers or psych them out.

“I don’t know yet what the deal is, but I’d like you to try,” he told me.

Oh, you bet your ass I’m gonna try! Especially what with hitting two numbers like I did. That’s a lot of numbers involved, too. There are up to 53 numbers. Anyway, coincidence or not, time will tell.

As for the spiders, there’s now been a total of 4 in here since the daily visitors stopped nearly two months ago. The way we’ll know if it’s me influencing the tremendous drop in spiders coming in here will be by how often we have to bomb. We’ve always needed to on an average of every few months. Now is also their most active time of year.

We’ve had things like flies, gnats, moths and ants, but those don’t creep me out like spiders do. There was a little ant trail in the kitchen for the first time since we’ve lived here, but I sprayed them and they’re dead now. I’ll let them dry out a bit, then go vacuum up the casualties.

Later…

If someone hadn’t finally put their foot down like they did, I’d still have about 122 days left with the black sickos. Oh, how wonderful it is to live life without them involved in it in so many ways like they were for so many years! I just hope they don’t pop back into my life a year from now, but I know one thing for sure, and that’s that if they do, they ain’t gonna get me where they want me yet again. The English language would have to create a whole new meaning for the word sorry to describe just how sorry the stupid fools will be if I’m ever again made to know they exist.

Mary’s disgusting. She gets all smutty at one point in her last letter to José, telling him her clit gets all swollen when she stares at his picture and I’m like, ugh! What could anyone possibly see in a face like that? I certainly wouldn’t tell her this, though, as I know it’s a matter of to each their own, but Kate’s face, now that’s a face worth swelling up over (the younger version, of course)!

Anyway, yesterday at around 6 AM, we went out hunting for baby mesquites. Damn, their roots are long! But again, this is the desert, so they have to be. The roots on 2’ trees were at least 3’, so I can easily see how the roots on the big full-grown ones would be 100’ or more. I was amazed at how much work it was to dig up the two of them we dug up from the corner of our property, then to dig the trenches for the drip system, though Tom got most of that started the day before. It took 4 or 5 hours. By 8:30 it was getting too hot for me, so I went inside. I was getting dizzy working that hard on an empty stomach. The drip line connects from the half-grown mesquite we have on the close side of the front wash, to the two palms, and also to the two replanted baby mesquites.

Tom and I discussed possible plots for another story, but I don’t know yet exactly what the story will entail or what drama will unfold throughout it.

Later…

While I don’t think God helps us as much as we’d like to think, I think he does have a way of timing some events rather well. Imagine if I still had to report twice a month with him starting a new job. That wouldn’t look good at all; having to take off twice a month from work, assuming he got a day job, just to go play blackie.

My current vibes aren’t good, either. I think it’ll be a day shift in Casa Grande that will start around the 22nd which is okay, but I think it will be an $8-$9 an hour job, and I still think they’re going to fuck with our pension money, too. If it is just $8-$9 an hour, it really won’t be that much less since they’d take less in taxes. Someone who makes $16 an hour doesn’t literally make twice as much as someone who makes $8 an hour. The more you make, the more you lose. Had we won the $200,000,000 Powerball prize, we’d only see about $50,000,000 million of it, not that that’d be anything to complain about! We could live for hundreds of years on that.