Again no dolls. I hope it was sent by parcel post cuz if it wasn’t that means the seller either wrote our address wrong or some illiterate shit at the PO screwed up. I’m going to take Tom’s advice about giving it a week before I contact the seller. If it was sent by parcel post, I should have it by Saturday.

I can tell we’re getting close to the end of the really hot days, but where is everybody? I stood outside on the steps for a few minutes and saw not one prairie dog or rabbit.

Later…

So far I’ve earned $3.90 and once I get up to $20, they’ll send me a check. It may cost me a few bucks out of that $20, though, in the end in order to get the $20 check. They pay you for signing up for the offers they have available. Some cost a lot and some are just a few bucks. Tom’s going to go through and pick out the best ones this weekend.

I really do hope I make more and more money the more I get established with these companies because when I think of all the people I’ve either made or saved money for, quite against my will, of course, I see a very scary pattern there! Yes, I make money for others really well. Just look at what a financial asset I was to the Arizona Republic alone without even trying. Then I go and do the idiot thing of sending Paula over $400 worth of dolls and I can’t even get her to send me the damn form and money towards things she herself said she was interested in so I can get that $30 certificate. I can’t get shit in return. It’s not that I always expect to receive upon giving, but still, keeping true to her word was the least she could’ve done.

I’m so pissed I sent her those dolls and didn’t sell them! I may sell Samantha and Amelia, though, since they’re really not all that great. Especially with the wire skeleton versus a loc-tite armature. I may also sell the Alex and Eve fashion dolls. If I do, I’ll sell those nude, but the porcelain dolls will be dressed. Tom may sell old computer and TV equipment, too.

I know it’s a complete waste of time to dwell on the past which can’t be changed, but I just can’t seem to help myself. I realize that if I’m still pissed off at the way I let the black bitch run off at the mouth at our door, for example, then the thought of it is likely to always enrage me. As funny as this may sound, I almost wish someone would come to my door and to my face and threaten me just so I could “do it right” this time. Then, after I beat them beyond recognition, I could never look back on it and feel like a coward who didn’t fight back. Someday, though, someday. People don’t just like to use me, they like to threaten me too, so I know it’s only a matter of time. Hey, at my size, why not? No one believes someone smaller than them can hurt them, but I’ll be much obliged to show them otherwise just as soon as the next dumb and sorry person makes the next threat. It may land me in jail for years, but I don’t care. It’s about time I put my damn foot down, fought back, and stopped turning the other cheek and sending the wrong message. I learned the hard way a long time ago that if you either forgive or cower from someone who’s screwed you over or who’s threatened you, you will be taken advantage of.

So dare to threaten me, whoever you are, and I shall gladly take my next perp down a peg or two. Normally, I’m not one who feels she needs to prove herself, but if need be I wouldn’t mind teaching someone that smaller doesn’t always mean weaker. The way I’m now looking at it is this: God can protect my next perp from the law, but he can’t protect them from me. It helps to keep telling myself that. I mean, that’s my “positive” thinking, my inspiration, so to speak because he will protect them. Well, telling myself he can’t protect them from me makes it easier to deal with. I don’t know why he’d ever want to see me hurt or threatened by so many people, but to hell with destiny, fate, patterns – I’m fighting back. I owe it to myself.

Anyway, I ordered a few magazines from Memolink to earn extra points. All I have to do is cancel the subscription once I get the first free trial issue.

Also, a Lonnie P is going to get me 7 hardback books from the Doubleday Book Club. Yes, I got a little magazine with books to buy, and it couldn’t have been any more perfect because the card attached had that name on it.