I’ve been feeling rather shitty, thanks to whatever has us trapped in this room. That’s part of it. See, I begged God to take it out on me and make me sick in order to spare Tom the misery of allergies if need be, so now I have a cold all over again, although this one’s easier. I’ve had more colds in the last year than in the last 12 years altogether! At first I was worried because while He was quick to let me be a sacrifice since we’ve always got to have something going on, He neglected to ease up on Tom’s allergies at first, but they’re now starting to get much better.

Since we very well could end up forced to pawn the TV, I’m almost embarrassed I praised God to my folks and urged them to pray, telling them it’d make things run smoother. Why has He answered most prayers, but not my pleas to be let out of this room? I’m constantly reminded of that line in that old Eagles song Hotel California where they say, “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.” It’s getting harder to pray to anything that would want us to be wrung through the wringer like this month after month. Why would God want us to suffer and live poorly? Why wouldn’t He have our best interests at heart? Same reason He doesn’t give a damn about millions of others with shitty lives, I suppose. Really, though, poverty is one hard life! The thought of scraping pennies for the rest of my life is enough to make me wonder if life is even worth living. Not being able to get the things you want is one thing, but having to pawn this and sell that just to survive is another. I actually miss some of our old problems. At least then our lives weren’t on the line. Not like they have been anyway. We could’ve been killed in Oregon, yes, but last October was no comparison. If I hadn’t remembered those phone numbers, or if my folks had refused to help us, we’d definitely be dead. I don’t see any other way we could’ve survived. Tom would’ve survived if he’d been by himself, but he wasn’t and he never will be.

Of course, a part of me still wonders if we haven’t been granted a reprieve, but just a little extension. Maybe what happened only happened to reunite my folks and I so that they could be notified of our impending deaths, and have our stuff. Maybe they would want to read the journals and stories after all, which is hard to believe. The drama queen would at least want the journals, but I highly doubt any of them would want the stories.

Last night I was so panicky, wondering if we’d ever live to see any of the money I’ve won, and we still may not as there are a million things that could go wrong along the way. But as Tom pointed out, and even though stranger things have happened, it’s hard to believe they would all let us down and fail to come through. Yeah, they probably will come through, but the question is when? How much more suffering will we have to do in the meantime?

So anyway, I was all bummed out when the check wasn’t at the mail place when he checked on Wednesday. Then, just as Tom was falling asleep, he swore he had a vibe about it being sent today, which means it would arrive Tuesday since Monday’s President’s Day (at least he’s been with the company long enough to get paid for this holiday whether he works it or not). What’s got us wondering if he may be turning psychic himself is because of the Netwinner dream that sort of came true. He emailed Nancy yesterday and she said she’d contact Rhino to see what was up, so hopefully – hopefully – she’ll email us today to say it’s been sent!

Best Buy finally admitted they were not going to have that printer, so they canceled the order. I don’t know if we’ll just get new ink for the inkjets we have, or get another new laser. If we live to escape this room, then I’m sure we’d do both at some point.

Another weekend he won’t be able to gamble, and again, is it because something’s trying to keep us from money we’d inevitably make? Or is it trying to tell us, “Hey, there’s no money for you here? Don’t waste your time.”

Even though we don’t qualify for housekeeping this week cuz it was cheaper to book the room in twos, Michelle was kind enough to put us on for today. I hope it’s Kissum, the motormouth since I’ve gotten used to her.

Speaking of Netwinner, I am sooo pissed at them! They cut us to just 100 spins per day on the money wheel and just 10 Banko cards. First it was unlimited spins, then 800 spins and 30 Bankos, now it’s just 100 spins and 10 Bankos. What comes next, 50 spins and 5 Bankos? Obviously, they need to save money, though I don’t know why. They’ve got their jackpot odds set high enough to keep people from ever hitting it. They’ve also taken down their forums. Guess they got tired of people bitching about how long they take to fulfill prizes, and all the damn changes they constantly gotta go and make.

Anyway, we’ve got one account in my name and two in his to help make up for the cutback.