Swapped emails with Marie and Andy. Marie is having trouble sending the pics from her trip. She’s now using Windows 7 so she’s still learning the ropes. Tom tried its beta version and says she’ll figure it out, and that it’s not that complicated.

So early yesterday morning as I was lying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, I thought of Andy and found myself wondering if I’d made a mistake in initiating the first round of contact over a year ago. I questioned whether or not what once was between us could ever be again, and wondered if perhaps we just weren’t meant to be friends again. I thought of how he basically chewed me out for so many things that had absolutely nothing to do with him over the last couple of weeks, and wondered if his goal was to simply take his anger out on me by lashing out at me with anything and everything he could possibly think of – how I handled my MIL, the crazy neighbors, my nieces, how Tom went about job hunting, etc.

Who the hell is he to tell me how to live my life and how I should handle things? I thought to myself. How would he like it if I told him I was appalled by the way he’s still living in Arizona and that I thought it was a dumb idea? How could he want to live there as crazy as that state and its laws are? After all, you gotta be crazy – and definitely brave – to live in a state that will practically execute someone for stealing a newspaper. Just what kind of human being would want to live in Arizona? Huh?

But I never said any such thing to him. Just because I wouldn’t want to live there again doesn’t mean he shouldn’t, and who the hell would I be to tell him otherwise, right?

So I wasn’t sure what to do just yet. I didn’t want to dump him, but associating with someone who likes to judge and condemn me on issues they either don’t know all the facts about or that aren’t their business isn’t my idea of a friendship either. When he defended our neighbors when the only victim, in that case, was me and my husband, I said to myself, “This is what a rape victim must feel like who’s made to feel like she’s the one to blame for getting raped.” Had she just worn a skirt that was just a little longer… Had her shirt been just a little less lower-cut… Had she worn just a little less makeup… Had she not been where she was at the time…

I vowed to continue to have the self-respect I always try to have for myself by not associating with those who bring me down, but wanted to give things a little more time before I made any decisions I knew I might later regret.

But then later I awoke to a message that put a smile on my face and that I appreciated very much. VERY much. He basically told me in his own words he would mind his own business unless I asked for his advice. And I probably will ask his advice at times too, though not so much his advice but rather his opinion. Like does he think a retirement community would have just as much barking as the mainstream? I figured it would, being in a culture where dogs aren’t pets, but instead of most people having 2-3 large dogs that were outside 24/7, they’d probably have just one small dog that was only out during the daytime.

He promised Stevie’s mother he would never post the pics of her and him online, but hopes I believe that he really does have these pictures.

I do. If he could become friends with her mother, why not her? I always figured it was just a matter of time before they met. And as I’m sure he knows, he has nothing to gain by lying to me to try to impress me.

He asked that I be patient about his living situation and I assured him he doesn’t have to tell me anything he doesn’t want to. Ever.

Anyway, he’s back east right now. I wonder if Charlotte still has a cottage there (Jim is dead). I asked him, so he’ll probably let me know later.

So do I think he only came back into my life to get even with me for dumping him and to “punish” me for it? No, I don’t. I think he was hurt and he was angry and he had every right to be, but I don’t think he’s out to even the score. I started to think that, and if he was still critiquing me for hanging our toilet paper so it flows away from the wall instead of toward it, then yeah, I would think that was the name of the game.

In the meantime, if he can stick to what pertains to us unless one of us asks the other for advice or opinions, I see no reason we can’t resume our friendship. It will just basically be a cyber one instead of a phone and an in-person one. We may never see each other again, but like I said, if we can get along and respect each other’s wishes as to what we discuss, why not keep in touch? I just wouldn’t want to do email every day as busy as I am, but he knows that if I can’t get to email right away, I do still eventually get to it.