Decided to throw myself on the Special K diet to see if I can still lose weight or not. If not, I will go to the doctor I go to find out why. It’s starting to get to the point where having an “aw, fuck it” attitude isn’t so easy when you find it’s getting harder just to bend over to trim your damn toenails. I’ve slacked off before, so I’ve been there before. I know what to do too, it just won’t be easy. Lots and lots of hunger. But my comfort and flexibility are more important to me than my looks. The older I get the less I give a shit what others think although I would still rather have my picture taken at 120 pounds rather than 150.

I chose the Special K diet because it’s what I lost 30 pounds on a few years ago, and it’s a happy medium taste-wise. Zone, Atkins and Slim-Fast are too tasty. So much so that I’m more likely to get a little too snack-happy with their products. But I also didn’t want anything so nasty that it’d up my cravings and desire to step out of line. The most important thing is a high protein intake. That’s what helps with cravings, hunger and regularity, though the ends of my days are still the toughest.

They shut us down for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening, so I’m hurrying through this entry before the assholes cut our connection. They seem to love to turn us off from 6am – 8am. At night they start at around 7:20. I have a bad feeling we’ll be here another 4-6 months, but it’s better than forever. Still, it’s nothing I like to remind myself of too often, as I know we can’t possibly go that long without something serious breaking. Maybe someday we’ll get to live where I don’t have to exhale a sigh of relief when I jump in the shower or start a load of laundry and find there’s enough water.

Yesterday I organized our huge but dark and creepy closet. I thought all kinds of things would jump out at me, but the few spiders I did find were small and dead. This place has been surprisingly good with its lack of spiders for an old dump that sits in the woods.

Later…

Sure enough, the person who seems to be following me on MD quite regularly wasted no time on Ask asking that I reopen it. I did, though this time I asked to know who they were or at least a little hint as to who they were and where they were. Not surprisingly I didn’t get an answer. Makes me think it’s someone I know who’s going there cuz it’s trackless. Molly, who’s been visiting my blogs more and more, obviously isn’t afraid of being tracked, so I’m wondering if it’s Kim.

Kathy said Kim hasn’t mentioned me to her and that she rarely speaks to her. She keeps her at a distance and that’s it after I told her how she went wacko on me.

I first thought Aly deactivated her newest Facebook account. But then when Kathy gave me the link saying she’d added her there, I thought she blocked me. I was stunned. I said to myself, “Aly? Aly!?” She’s the last person I’d have thought would ever dump me! I’d let her go if that’s what she wanted, as I’m not in the habit of forcing my existence on those who don’t want it, but it would’ve been nice to have at least been told why. Turns out, though, that she blocked me by accident. So now we’re connected there, but the fact that I can’t see her friend list makes me wonder if Kim’s on it and she’s not as done with the skitzo as she said she was.

Then Aly emailed me. She said she was really sorry and that Molly got a hold of her cell phone number and wouldn’t leave her alone. Worse is that she tried to kill herself. She’s been battling severe depression, but this is the first time I’ve actually known her to be suicidal. She cut herself and was hospitalized for a few days.

God just won’t give that poor girl a break!

Later…

Now I’m more convinced than ever that it’s Kim who’s been asking me to keep MD open. She came out as if nothing had happened and we were all buddies and said on Ask to both Andy and I, “This is Kim. How are you doing?”

I asked both Andy and Aly what they thought I should do. Ignore her? Be nice? Play dumb? I don’t want to be rude, as Tom and Aly agreed, cuz that’ll cause her to go ballistic on me. But I also don’t want her to think we’re going to be buddies ever again. We’re not. Even if I could forgive her, she’s just too damn crazy. People like her don’t usually change and if they do they don’t do it in 4 months.

I haven’t heard back from Andy yet, but Aly suggested I could go funny on her and be like, “Kim Kardashian? Wow!” But that idea doesn’t really appeal to me. It seems – IDK – too childish I guess.

Aly was also saying that she had hoped that her new life at her group home would help her to move on and let go of the past and the people in it. It’s scary and strange how one can hold onto the past year after year after year. Those who can’t let go of old friends must not be able to make new ones. They’re that unlikable! I wonder if she’ll still be pestering or at least looking in on us 30 years from now. So far she hasn’t crossed the line from peeping tom to annoying or harassing and I hope it stays that way! She hasn’t commented on my blogs or tried to friend me there or on FB, so that’s good.

Really, though, I wish the people of my past would stop returning to haunt me! Especially the bad ones. But no matter how rude I might be to them, they just won’t go away. Any normal, sane person with any self-respect wouldn’t put up with the kind of abuse I’d love to dish at them, yet they would. Why do some people thrive on abuse, and what is it about me that people just can’t let go of? I don’t know what annoys me more. People who think they can waltz back into my life as if nothing ever happened, or people who try to buddy up to my friends as a means of either trying to win me over or annoy the hell out of me. I think they figure that if they can’t remind me of their existence directly, they can do it through my friends. Thank God I cracked down on my Facebook privacy.

Finally, I decided to play dumb. I figured that since being mean would only set Kim off and ignoring her would only make her more determined to get my attention, why not go with dumb? So I said I didn’t know anyone named Kim. No reaction of any kind yet.

Molly created a new blog at MO. What a surprise, huh? So far there are just two quick entries about her group home and her weight.

Got a Harlingen, TX visitor and my first thought was Mommy Dearest. But the location was wrong and so was the provider. They’ve always had Road Runner but this person has AT&T. Their browser was always FF but this one’s Chrome. Both have Win7, though.