Lost half a pound on Day 1 of the Special K diet. Guess I can take the time to describe the diet I’m on. Well, I eat 6 times a day in 3-hour intervals. So if I get up at 9am, I eat then, and then again at noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, and midnight. I have approximately 1000-1200 calories a day and work out for 30 minutes on the treadmill. I also work my arms and abs. This takes an additional 15 minutes.

Yesterday I had 1 real meal (the pork dinner I made), 2 Special K meal supplements (1 bar, 1 cereal), and 3 Special K snacks (chips and a couple of snack bars).

I wasn’t as hungry or as sluggish as I expected to be. Especially since it’s the week before my period when I tend to experience more hunger and fatigue.

My ear - and yes it’s definitely my ear - is doing that familiar ache right behind the ear. There are two different ear pains I have, one’s right behind it, and one’s right in front of it. I am so, so dismayed but so not surprised. I figured it wasn’t all on account of my teeth. It saddens and frustrates me to know that having this canal made was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life and that I will forever have to live with the near-chronic pain it has caused me. At the same time, pain is all I know and is what I’m used to.

Random memories of my parents surfaced again last night. Once when I was in my early 20s and living in Springfield, MA in the late 80s Dad came over for a visit. I tried to talk to him about his shitty wife and her abuse and he said something to the effect of walking away if I kept it up cuz “that’s his wife I was talking about.” That really pissed the shit out of me to hear him basically admit he’d put his wife first and walk away from his kid while continuing to stand by such a cold, cruel abusive bitch. I always favored Dad over Mom. There was no comparison between the two. But I gotta wonder about a guy that could stand by a woman like that even if she’d ended up killing one of us.

The only thing abusive parents make “easier” for the kids they abuse is when they grow old and die. A friend of mine lost a parent recently and was/is just devastated. I can’t imagine being that close to my parents that I could possibly be that miserable.

The only thing I’m glad about is that my family was/is liberal. I guess you could say this is due to a combination of what part of the country they’re from and how they were. Also, Judaism tends to be a more open kind of religion that doesn’t see sin in everything from abortion to watching more than 5 minutes of TV. To come from an abusive family is bad enough, but an abusive and conservative family? OMG!

I remember when I told my folks I liked women. This was back in 1990 when I was still young and naïve and at a time most people would believe I was 1 in 1000 and not 1 in 10. Sometimes we don’t get certain things that happen until we’re older. Well, I expected them to go ballistic on me when I said that I liked women too, yet they just shrugged and were like whatever. I might as well have come out and said I had chicken last night for dinner. Well, later on in life I knew why, LOL. I hate the climate there but I’m kinda glad I come from MA, the most liberal state in the country.

Anyway, Mary’s 35 today, and I jinxed myself by writing about how “good” this place has been for its lack of spiders. There was a huge one in here yesterday.