Someone asked if I like sweet or salty snacks. I suppose that could be from anyone.

The people on MyOpera sure are pretty rude at times, but rather than waste time lecturing these collectors about sending friend requests that I specifically said I won’t accept, I’ll just start ignoring them. No matter how much you try to tell these dumb shits you don’t like being “collected” and don’t have time (or the desire) for new friends, they’re just too stupid to get it. Even the ones who seem to speak English.

Andy’s been having lots of luck lately as far as getting together with guys. It’s just for sex, though, as is usually the case with most people. I was thinking back to the dozen or so men and women I was with (mostly for just one night) before meeting Tom, and I regret nearly every one of them. I just didn’t know how to say “no” to those my heart just wasn’t into and that I just wasn’t attracted to. Although numbers didn’t matter to me nearly as much as quality, that’s what basically kept me from playing around more than I did. I tried and tried to get into the idea of sex with those that were either ugly or just there and that I felt absolutely zero spark for, but I just couldn’t do it. No matter how nice they were or how many times I tried to close my eyes and imagine a gorgeous woman or something, it just wasn’t the same. But I was just so, so damn picky that getting someone I found to be attractive wasn’t easy. Especially since I was a turn-off in the lesbian world with my femininity and not turned on by many of them. It seemed the only ones into me were guys and butches. But I finally put my foot down with my new rule and said, “If I’m not attracted to you, the answer’s no. Period.”

I didn’t care how much I came off as not being very nice, and I didn’t care how guilty I may’ve felt for turning an offer down. It was important to me to stop saying “yes” just because it was there hitting on me and probably all I could get at the moment.

So, often feeling as if I were a 250-pound ugly bitch with acne and horns sticking up on my head or something grotesque like that, I got “no’s” from what I considered hot and returned them to those propositioning me that I didn’t consider hot at all. Year after year we exchanged our “no’s” with just a few small exceptions in between until I met Tom.

Then sure enough, as is the case with most people once they are committed to someone, they suddenly came crawling out of the woodwork. Both men and women I found attractive were attracted to me as well. Not very often, though. I still find a lot of one-sidedness where I’ll be hot for someone that isn’t hot for me or vice versa, but it’s true that when you’re not looking and you least expect it, the more opportunities there are, not that I think I could ever get brave enough to act on any of them without feeling guilty, and not that there have been as many since being out here in these woods. If Andy can get so much fun by looking, imagine what would come his way if he stopped looking altogether!