Anxiety update first. My anxiety was minimal yesterday. The morning started off a bit shaky, but improved with time, and so far I’m okay today. Thus far I have skipped two doses since the anxiety returned, and that might be all it takes periodically to take the edge off my anxiety. I agree with Tom and my doctors… it’s not coming from just one thing. I think most of it is the perimenopause and my medication, since it is a stimulant and I’m as sensitive to stimulants as I am to the sun.

Speaking of the sun, I went out running yesterday but only for about 15 minutes. The air was cool but the sun was warm. I want to try to get myself a little more used to the sun, although I understand that there’s only so much I can acclimate to it, and that too much sun is actually bad for us. After 40+ years in the desert, Tom can take all the sun in the world. I still tolerate heat better than cold, but I don’t want to overdo the heat and risk inviting hot flashes.

We had to kick on the AC late in the afternoon yesterday. I hate spring and fall in climates that are predominately dry because you have huge hi/lo fluctuations. At this time of year, it’s chilly in the morning and warm in the afternoon where you can literally need heat in the morning and the AC in the afternoon. I really prefer it to be just warm or just cold.

The other day I was telling Tom that I really, really hope there is no God that picks and chooses our life’s experiences. What better way to torture someone than to give them a disease that requires them to take a medication that gives them anxiety… the absolute worst feeling in the world?

Yesterday the motorcycles drove me fucking crazy. Again I’m not hearing that really loud car as much, but the motorcycles were tearing in and out of here at least half a dozen times yesterday and it was absolutely maddening. I fell asleep early in the evening and was woken up twice. This is utterly fucking ridiculous, and even though I don’t expect it to do me any good other than to vent, I’m calling the office today when they open. I can’t be the only one bothered by them allowing them in here, and I think that the more we speak up, the more they might consider if not banning them then at least denying the louder ones in here or at least telling them to come and go once instead of 50 times a day. They’re totally taking away what a retirement community is supposed to be all about, just like Jesse and his mutts took away what country living is supposed to be all about.

IDK, maybe we should skip mainstream Florida and do rural Nevada when he retires. We’d be trading in loud vehicles for barking, but barking is easier to drown out with fans and sound machines than motorcycles that blast by just 10 feet away from the house. Maybe a small 1 or 2-acre parcel of land is something we can consider, although I don’t miss the hardships of country living. Wells crap out, Internet service is shitty, etc. It’s way too soon to even think about where we might go from here. For now, I just wish these people would SHUT THE FUCK UP! The nights aren’t bad, but almost every day I’m annoyed and distracted with some shit that’s much more extreme than it should be for a gated adult luxury community. As much as this place costs, the people running this park really ought to do something to control the daytime noise. I don’t care if it’s “regular daytime hours” or “normal times.” It’s excessive noise and it’s annoying. Period. It drives me crazy when I’m awake, and it drives me just as crazy when health issues cause me to sometimes sleep during the daytime and I get woken up. Doesn’t the perimenopause wake me up enough as it is? So I don’t need people’s shit on top of that. I don’t wake them up with anything of mine. Why can I get the same respect and consideration? Just saying, you know? At this point, listening to Bob sawing and hammering would be a blessing compared to some of these ferociously loud vehicles.

So that’s my rant for the day. In other news, I’ve been very busy and doing more things offline. I can’t stand to sit still at a computer all day, so when I am I’m usually either in Word writing or on Prosebox. Other social media doesn’t appeal to me, and I like to get out and move around. When I’m not outdoors I like to do other things around the house.

I rearranged my drawers the other day, and using the 3-D printer, we printed out 3”x3” cubes to make compartments with. This is for things like bras and underwear.

Began watching Rectify and it’s okay so far.

For now, I am enjoying the peace while I can still hear myself think. Another few hours and the park will be alive with the sound of landscapers and loud vehicles.

I’m even going to remove the soundproofing material we put in the master bedroom windows. Why block the light and make those windows harder to open when I want to air the place out if they’re not going to do me any good? I just think it’s pretty sad that I go to sleep with soundproofing material in the window, a sound machine on to create white noise, and those thunderous things still wake me up. I also think it’s pretty sad that for some reason I never could adapt to sleeping in noisy environments. I have never in my life lived in a quiet place except as a kid. So why is it that I can adapt to some things so easily, while other things are totally out of the question? Getting used to this shit would be like trying to get used to not breathing. So today I begin seeing what action I can take to get something done about it.

One pattern I’ve noticed is that every place I’ve lived in gets progressively noisier. Sure seems to, anyway. It was never peaceful here, but we didn’t have all these motorcycles for the first couple of years or so. Once the assholes allowed them in, I didn’t think there would be that many because I just didn’t think that many older people would have them. But they do. In this state every 20-30 households have them and there are over 500 houses in the park. There are a few that are quiet, but most of them are just OMFG. The houses here are set at ground level with a crawlspace dugout below them. Sometimes I wonder if it would make a difference for the better if we were elevated like most manufactured homes are, but Tom doesn’t think so. He thinks the sound would bounce around under the house more that way. Well, I can feel the vibration under my feet plenty well enough sometimes, not just hear it. Depends on where I am in the house, though.

The house a few houses down sold, the corner one is no doubt going to go on the market, so there’s a good chance of two more motorcycles joining the mix. I’m surprised the damn things weren’t everywhere in Arizona, but maybe they’re common there now, too.

What worries me about them allowing motorcycles is that it’s going to pave the way for other shit. Next thing you know people will be allowed to leave their dogs outside 24/7 to bark up a storm and loud car stereos will be welcome. I hear those at night blasting down the freeway, and yes, they’re annoying, but they’re not nearly as close to the house as the motorcycles.

Got a busy week ahead… doctors, shopping, dining, errands and more.