Still out of it. This may be another one of those entries I'll have to do in chunks. Right now, it's just after 10:00 a.m. Eastern time.

It's hot and humid, but still no rain here. This is just too weird. Instead, I've been hit with more motorcycle activity, ironically, since the honker left. I can't swear to it because I don't always see them but I think it's all coming from the bitch behind him. She and her little buddy are riding more and more. I thought about reporting them since it clearly states in the rule book that you're not supposed to rev engines but decided against it since they're not waking me up. Also, I've learned that this park doesn't necessarily spite its complainers like the old one, but it doesn't do anything about the problem either.

It also has a twisted sense of priority. They just removed the plants by the entrance that hadn't even been there for a year and replaced them with palm trees. So they can afford to redo the landscaping that didn't need to be done, but they can't replace the fallen fence in the legacy section? Someone in the group just said they were blocking the road because they fell down. LOL.

More to come later...

And now it’s coming up on 2:00 p.m. Most of the pain has subsided, but I’m still pretty out of it. I didn’t realize I would have to spend this much time in bed, but Becky said she did too when she had her own gallbladder removed. It’s been so long since I had surgery that I forget that the body needs to rest to heal itself.

I at least managed to polish my nails hot pink.

Ordered another pair of shorts, too. The XXL shorts are big on me but comfortable so I decided to keep them. I’ll have a pair in black as well as gray.

I also got some developer for the dye I got and a hair-dyeing kit.

Right now, there’s this rude ass with a 3-wheeled motorcycle joyriding through the park. It’s not as loud as your average motorcycle, but it’s loud enough. They just made the fourth pass. Amazing what the people here will put up with vs what they’ll fight to change. Of course, I’ve had to hear from the bitch a couple of times too. I think her buddy just left.

Tom and I talked about it and we’re pretty sure I don’t have pulmonary hypertension, even though we’re going to get it checked out. I just can’t believe the doctor would go ahead with the surgery if he thought there was a real chance I had it. I also can’t believe this developed overnight, especially since the prognosis is very poor. About three years without treatment and seven with treatment.

Tomorrow, I meet with Helen on what would have been Aly’s 42nd birthday. I’m feeling sad over that and very overwhelmed at the moment. Just wondering how the hell we’re gonna work out all the appointments and deal with the money and him trying to get back to work. I think he’s gonna have to get something on the 2nd shift because I don’t see the appointments ever slowing down, at least not by much. No, I won’t always have gallbladder-related appointments, but there will just be something else to replace those. It's not in my cards to ever have a place that I truly love. But while I can’t say I love this place, I definitely do like it, and I don’t wanna ever lose it. Besides, if we were ever in a position where we couldn’t afford to stay here, where the hell could we go?

There they go again for the sixth or seventh time. I’ve lost count of how many. I don’t think it’s an actual motorcycle. It’s some kind of tricked-out cart. Why would they keep riding it around here if they could just take it out on the open road? Tom just said he saw it and that it can go on the road. He said he thinks they’re just showing it off. If that’s something you feel the need to do, then why not go to the city?

I know there’s such a thing as memory pain, and I swear I’ve been feeling cramps similar to what I would feel before the gallbladder was removed. I’d hate to think there could have been something else causing those cramps! I’m already regretting this surgery as it is.

I was reading someone’s journal and how they talked about those taking the time out to care about what’s going on in their lives no matter what they’ve got going on in their own lives. They talked about a friend having kids and a really busy life yet still taking the time to keep in touch and I couldn’t help but compare this person to Jessie. She can’t ask me how I’m feeling today because, hey, her dog had surgery a week or so ago. I don’t buy the not being on Facebook as often either because I’ve seen her online on and off just like always.

I get it. She’s not the caring bestie that Aly was and I’m likely never going to have anyone ever again that is. Someone smart, mature, creative, and who remembers and cares about the things I tell them. Someone that shares what’s going on with them with me as well. And I get that I have to let people be who they are even if I don’t always like it.

Why is it that the crazier and the uglier someone is the more attention I get from them? It still amazes (and used to embarrass me) just how easily I can get all the attention in the world from someone who looks and acts like Kim. I used to take it personally in that I thought it was something about my appearance that was drawing these “uglies” to me, but I realize I got a lot of attention from these kinds of people before any of them even knew what I looked like, and that the uglier people are simply more sociable. I’m not sure why this is, but that’s just the way it seems to be. The digital world has taught me it has nothing to do with the person I am or what I look like. I just wish I could have Aly back no matter what the hell she looked like! Personality is way more important to me than appearance.

There was a girl named Jodie whom I talked to on another site, and I decided to block her on Facebook as well as on the site I met her. I hope she won’t notice because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m just looking out for myself, is all, and following the instinct I should have followed earlier.

Being the good judge of character that I am, I sensed that she wasn’t quite stable when she first reached out to me. She asked to connect on Facebook, and my too-nice self came out and agreed. Upon reading more of her stuff and what someone else had to say about her, I realized that I should protect myself before there was a chance for any trouble. I’m not saying there would be, but why take that chance? Why not go with what my gut instinct is telling me? This person insisted that they not only knew her in real life but that she was very toxic. The kind that will spite you if you piss her off. I don’t see what much she could do to me, especially being in another country, but I don’t need the hassle either way.

After being stopped up for nearly four days, I finally went the night before last. There was no pain but I did start burning again right after I went. That made me wonder if something was wrong with my poo and never in my UT. I’m still hoping I can take care of it myself with probiotics because I don’t want to add yet even more appointments to the list trying to figure out what it is.