Got caught up on sleep last night, and the thunder was kind enough to wait until after I got up. It was great to finally feel energized. It was raining pretty hard on our way down to the GYN. I was just glad I wasn’t feeling as shitty as I did yesterday when I was tired and breathless and my heart felt like it was racing a bit. I was surprisingly calm too.

I had almost no waiting time and met with the same nurse. They were going to charge us $50 because I came in with a problem. But since it was time for my well-woman exam anyway, we will be reimbursed. So she did a pap and a quick breast exam.

Sure enough, the yeast infection is back so the pap was painful, thanks to the irritation, although only for a few seconds. She called in Diflucan and I wish I had waited until bedtime to take it because it’s making me drowsy. I definitely enjoyed those hours of energy while they lasted!

I really hope I’m not looking at regular yeast infections just like with nail fungus! I told her I had a Monistat kit at home but she said to just take the pill.

She gave me an order for a mammogram, which I’m not looking forward to.

She said she wants to hold off on talking about estrogen cream for down there until the results of my pap come back but she did give me a sample of inserts you shove up there to help with dryness.

His biopsy results came in yesterday. It’s not squamous but basal cell carcinoma. That’s potentially less serious but still needs to be dealt with. Or maybe not. They might have got enough of it out when they did the biopsy. No one has called him about it yet, so it can’t be urgent.

Had quite a powerful session with Helen yesterday. Since 2014, fear and anxiety have been overriding any anger I’ve felt throughout the years. Therefore, she thought it would be best to start the EMDR there. When Stacey did it, she was focusing on the panic attacks I was having back then. This is basically to help with fear and anxiety. Ironically, it was on the 9th anniversary of the event, too. Eventually, we’ll branch over to the shit with my mother. The main idea is to help deal with any negative emotions.

She gave me a link to a site in which a long, skinny bar stretched across the top of the screen. In it was a circle that moved back and forth and made a little beeping sound as it reached the end of each side. I followed this motion with my eyes when instructed to.

During the first run, I was to recall the scariest moments during that time. That was definitely when my heart first started pounding and I ran down the hall to call for help with my fingers shaking and feeling horrible and totally terrified that I was going to die.

For the next run, I was to tell myself what I didn’t know then…that I was going through perimenopause, sensitive to my medication, but that I was safe and would be all right, even though I had a long road ahead of me.

I asked her if it was a bad sign that I was still teary-eyed when remembering that day in such vivid detail after all these years, and she said that it was simply a sign of it being a traumatic event. She had me visit Rainbow Beach in between.

The Summer Slam challenge has begun. It consists of four coastal rides in Mexico, Turkey, Spain, and Oregon. They total about 320 miles. I’m in Baja, Mexico right now.

The AI thought Chris was a guy, so I changed that to her full name; Christiane. I know a lot of writers aren’t happy about this awesome tool but I find it incredibly useful. It’s both educational and motivating. I was hesitant to use it to assist me with stories at first, fearing it wouldn’t really be my story in that case but it is. I still have to edit, add, and change many things. So with that and the fact that I feed it keywords and names, it’s still a bit of work and it’s definitely my story. After all, it’s not like the AI came up with everything all on its own and pulled stuff out of thin air. It just gives me a skeleton that I have to slowly flesh out.

This rat is a major little devil. She can get underneath the dishwasher, Tom found, so now he has to block that too. For now, she has plenty of room in the bedroom to run around.