I don’t understand Tom’s love of OneDrive. It has been nothing but a nightmare for me! Pictures I’ve deleted are getting put back and now this year’s journal file has been scaled back to earlier in the year. I’ve had enough! I’ll only be using Word for backups and drafts. Google is plenty reliable for storing my journal in a blog, and I have other writing platforms with copies as well. I can just imagine how many of my doc files are messed up. I’m not even going to bother to check them all. So now I have the daunting task of copying entries from Blogger into my 2023 doc file, and hoping It stays put, all the while I continue to struggle with horrible fatigue.

Really think this is chronic fatigue that can’t be fixed, but part of it is Tom’s fault while another part is my fault. I wanted to get a good night’s sleep a couple of nights ago, so I took hydroxyzine. Then what does my dear husband do? He goes and cooks chicken nuggets with a horribly strong scent that woke me right up. Took me nearly an hour to fall back asleep, and I stupidly took melatonin to help get back to sleep. Well, these two drugs don’t mix well at all. It causes heavy grogginess, a fuzzy feeling in my head, and major confusion. I just couldn’t get my brain to work right to save my life. I was leaving the coffee creamer out and I put together Tink’s cage base all wrong after changing it, along with plenty of other things. I had trouble thinking of the right words for things too.

After 8 hours and some odd minutes of sleep, I awoke so damn tired that I ended up napping for 3-4 more hours. I still felt horrible after I got up, but managed to stay up for 8 hours before crashing again for 5.5 hours. I wasn’t as bad as yesterday, but I was still pretty tired when I got up the last time around and ended up napping for a couple of hours. So my sleep has been really erratic as hell and my energy levels are shit.

Again, I swear something up there wants me tired so I can’t live life to its fullest. It’s like it doesn’t want me to be more active and do the things I enjoy. I suppose it would just love me if I threw my life away to spend it in bed but I’m not about to do that other than the times I have no choice because I’m so beaten down with fatigue. I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to clean my own damn house. If I can only live life some of the time, then why don’t I just get something that kills me? This is just no way to live. My quality of life has gotten to be a joke. I can only do things when I have the energy, and that’s not very often. I just don’t see myself ever being healthy enough to tackle things like the home organization project I wanted to do now that I’m sure we’re going to be here for the rest of our lives.

Before I run out of energy again and have to get back into bed I’m going to hit the shower. I should be up until around noon. Then when I crash, whatever’s up there can give me nightmares or have me wake up just because or have a loud sound like fireworks override my sound machine or do something to disrupt my sleep so I can continue being exhausted. Maybe it’ll storm. Tom knows not to cook anything he hasn’t already been able to cook while I’m asleep. I mostly breathe through my nose in my sleep. So any odd smells I’ll notice and wake up.

Someone said something to the effect of how when one’s religious freedom trumps the basic civil rights of others, we’re no longer equal. This is so very true, and it seems like this fucked up country is getting less and less equal by the minute and more and more full of hate and control.