Starting to get a little worried I could have a thyroid nodule growing toward the side of my neck. I've had this lump-in-the-throat feeling on and off for years, but it seems more noticeable lately. I also get a slight tickling sensation in that area at times. Fortunately, most thyroid nodules are benign. The last thing I need is to be dealing with any additional or worsening health issues. I've totally had enough!

Going to give it a little time before reaching out to Rhonda, hoping it will back off. I'm able to eat and breathe, and that's what's most important. It's actually more noticeable when I'm lying down, especially on the side it's on. I don't feel or see anything on the outside and have read that it’s possible not to, and that the only way they can usually tell is through an ultrasound. I'm just hoping it backs off, whatever it really is. It doesn't make sense for allergies or acid reflux, and even Doctronic thinks it's most likely a nodule. It's common with Hashimoto's.

The night before last, my mask shifted, and I was woken up a few times by whistling and felt a little tired yesterday. Last night I slept okay. I had a feeling I didn't sleep long enough, though, and it was just in time too, because we had a little storm. But after that, I napped for a while. All this dry weather while I was on days was really pissing me off, lol. I knew this would happen too. We are getting to that time of year, however, where the risk of hurricanes may go up, but we don't have as many rainy days.

At some point today, I'm going to do another aerobics workout because I still want to build my stamina and endurance back up and work muscles I don't normally work on the glider. 

I looked at how often various things woke me up during August, and I was woken up about a third of the month. It would be nice to get that under a quarter, like I got my AHI score under 5.

Yesterday I was tired but ended up perking up in the middle of my day. Today I awoke with better energy than yesterday, but I went out walking briskly for 10 minutes or so before the sun rose, and I even did a little bit of light jogging for half a block. That kind of drained me. It's nice seeing traces of my old self return, but I'm also still seeing traces of CF.

I'm going to take Vitamin D daily and see how it affects me, and tomorrow when we get groceries, I'll have a Brazil nut each day. Rhonda, who said I looked nice the day we met (even though I don't know why, lol), said it wasn't good to add too many things at once, and I agree. 

My weight still isn't going back down, but I have a feeling it's more on account of aging than my thyroid. As the Vitamin D lowers my TSH a bit, we'll find out.

I canceled my pulmonologist appointment since I won't be getting a mouth guard anytime soon, and amazingly, I don't have a single appointment scheduled right now. It's too soon to schedule Rhonda if I'm not seeing her until February. Next month I will be seeing the dentist, though. I don't need to schedule that until I'm just about ready because they always have openings.

Still not sure what to think as far as the red spot on my arm goes. It must have been filled with something because it seemed flatter, but now it almost seems like it's puffing back up again. We'll keep an eye on it and see what it does.

It's amazing how many dry days we have when I'm on days. I got lucky last time and didn't get woken up by storms when I was on nights, but the threat was always there.

I guess Penana has a fake view counter, unless some of their staff are reading my unlisted journal. I notice the count has been going up quickly. I didn't access it 100 times in a day, so they either have fake counters running or some very curious staff members. If anyone working there is reading it, I don't mind.

I had a dream that I was staying with Tammy. She had a small one-bedroom house. I slept on a narrow cot or couch just off the kitchen. The living room was behind the wall, toward where my feet were, and off of that was the bedroom and bathroom. Everything was fine at first because I was on days. But after a few days of staying there, my schedule began to shift, and I was worried because I knew I would be there for a couple more weeks. She thought I was simply having a hard time sleeping, so when she got up before the sun came up and put the TV on softly, she demonstrated something her doctor taught her to help her fall asleep, where she basically sat with her eyes closed, breathing rhythmically, and then swiftly plopping onto her side. I laughed and said I hadn’t seen that one before, but had been taught other techniques.

Then I explained to her that I had two problems, one being that I’m a really light sleeper. “You have the volume of this TV really low, yet it’s still enough to wake me up. Even if you just gently sniffed, it would wake me up.” Then, even though I knew she either didn’t believe it or didn’t get it, I tried to explain how real and shitty N24 was, and how I would be up later and later each day, sleeping later and later. If she ever got it, or at least accepted it, I don’t know, because the dream ended at that point. I’m just so glad to be with someone who gets it! No one’s ever totally gotten me like Tom does. He at least accepts what he doesn’t get, LOL.

My virtual meeting with Rhonda yesterday was short and sweet. To my relief, she didn’t talk about increasing my dose, but we did discuss ways to drop my TSH a couple of points. I’m going to increase my vitamin D intake and add a Brazil nut each day, which is chock-full of selenium. 

I told her I’ve had more energy lately, and she asked why. I said I wasn’t sure, but perhaps the CPAP and the CoQ10 were helping after all. I had tons of energy yesterday, and I even completed a full aerobics workout in VZ and did a little on the vibe platform. My thighs are sore today from doing squats I haven’t done in so long. No cleaning or exercising for me today, though. The glider is fine because that hardly counts.

Today, however, even though I slept better with no chipmunks and no hissing, I don’t feel as energetic. It’s most likely PM. Yeah, who the hell was I to even dare to dream and kid myself into thinking maybe I don’t have CF after all? Even so, we’ll see if the CoQ10 works its magic when I take it in a little while. 

I will be seeing Rhonda in January, assuming she’s still part of whatever plan I have at the time, and getting blood work done then as well. She’s gonna test my vitamin D, too.

After the meeting, I was pissed that I didn’t think to ask if they had liquid nitrogen there for my suspected AK spot, but this morning I noticed it’s flatter, so maybe it isn’t an AK.

I use paper journals for writing when I’m on the road, going to and from appointments that are more than 10 or 15 minutes away. Well, I’ve got one that is just about full, and I was going to “accidentally” lose it in a public place just for kicks. I like the thought of someone stumbling upon it and curiously poring through it, but then I decided I might try to sell it on Etsy or eBay at some point. Most of the journals they’re selling there are old, but they do have some more recent ones. If it doesn’t sell, then I can leave it wherever.

My next paper journal is the rainbow one I got from Temu, with different colored paper. It has white, pink, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple.

OMG, the health care here really is the worst! I was going to the sleep dentist tomorrow, but they called and said they don't do mouth guards for sleep apnea. Then what the fuck did they schedule an appointment for that for? I clearly said what I wanted it for. Fucking idiots.

At the end of the year, when we pick out a new insurance plan or make that a discount plan, we may find it worth going with Amazon. If they’re going to charge $40 for a regular primary doctor, for example, we might as well do it virtually on Amazon. They can handle prescriptions. The only problem is labs and specialists, but it looks like Amazon is really building itself up to cover as much as possible.

I'm just grateful I got the idea to try deramping the thing, although a “chipmunk” got me last night. My lips must have parted just enough to let air escape. The mask also shifted and whistled a couple of times, so we're getting a new mask and frame since I'm due for that anyway.

I also had a really sad dream that some rat I had died and I was devastated. Only instead of living with Tom, I was living with my parents. Also, the rat that was in a sandwich bag looked like ground meat instead of a rat. An adult fancy rat couldn’t fit in a sandwich bag anyway. When my dad started to bury it, it was indoors. It was as if the floors were made of dirt. I was sobbing hysterically the whole time, feeling like I was going to faint.

As long as my sleep apnea doesn't advance, I should be OK with the CPAP deramped. If it ever advances to the severe range, I'll have to get the Inspire. It would still be nice to have options, so we're still going to look into it.

Meeting with Rhonda in a few hours online.

Didn’t sleep so well last night. My sleep was very fragmented despite not drinking too close to bedtime or even eating close to bedtime. I just woke up a lot. Twice I had to pee, and then my allergies went off at one point. 

I woke from a weird dream about calling the FBI to ask if there was any way they could find out if I was molested as a baby. A female voice said yes, but then I hung up. A male agent called me back, and I was annoyed because I wanted to go about the investigation at my own pace, but he kept demanding my Social Security number. 

Then I dreamed we were going to a new dentist of some kind, and I didn’t have my insurance card with me because I accidentally grabbed the wrong coat. What I thought was a pale pink coat with my information in its pocket was actually someone else’s light gray coat. It seemed Tom and I had someone else living with us in this dream. A woman, perhaps.

Just going to the store has made me realize just how out of shape I’ve gotten and how little the glider does for me. A doctor once said you should be able to talk when you work out, but not sing. Yet I could sing my heart out if I wanted to on the glider. So tired or not, it’s time to get a little more active to bring my HR up a bit higher. I don’t think I even hit the triple digits on the glider. The treadmill is boring, and outside is too humid, so I decided to alternate between the board and the bike (glider) on VZ. I usually hit the road two or three times a day. I’ll make sure my first round is on the board with the trainer on. I activated her yesterday for a 15-minute aerobics routine and could barely get through half of it. That’s how out of shape I’ve gotten. It worries me not just from a health standpoint but from an emergency standpoint as well. If I suddenly had to run in an emergency, I want to be able to do it.

Today, my biceps are a little sore from yesterday, and I didn’t even use any weights. I used to be in such great shape for so long too, so it’s kind of sad. But most of it can’t be blamed on me being lazy or anything—it’s my fucking health and sleep issues. I’m determined to fight against them, though. I woke up tired today because of the shitty sleep, so I’m hoping today’s dose of CoQ10 will give me a burst of energy. More than likely, it’ll be like yesterday, where I can function but won’t feel that energetic. I guess that’s better than nothing.

I was surprised when I checked the inmate database to find that Hope was released a few days ago. I thought she wasn’t supposed to be released until something like 2040. Even Myra got her sentence reduced. She’s getting out in a few years instead of 2030. Teresa’s sentence was also cut from 2131 to 2103. Yeah, like she's gonna live another 74 years when she’s already around 70. Rosa gets out two days before my birthday and gets kicked back down to Mexico. I can just imagine how ecstatic she must feel. The closer a release date gets, the harder it gets in some ways because it’s so damn close yet still feels so far. Anyway, I don’t know about Rosa, but those released in the US will no doubt be on probation for life. I’m sure it will be intense probation and not standard either, so a lot of the time they’re not going to feel free but more like they’re living in an extension of jail. I remember how it felt—you were free, but your life still didn’t belong to you, so you weren’t free at the same time you were.

I did some research using AI, and it suggests that because the Honker was arrested, he may have a hard time registering. I asked what if the person was a former constable whose charges were likely dismissed and didn’t even make it to court, and it said this didn’t matter and could still very likely pose a problem for him. But I can’t see this being the case. At the end of our lives, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if everyone was gone except him and the redneck.

It turns out that the park is handling the sale of Toni’s house. So much for her being able to vet newcomers. She assured me she would be here through Thanksgiving and maybe even longer, and that the park would make sure only respectable people got her place. But these days, someone with a motorcycle is still considered “respectable,” and the same goes if they have a dog they don’t control very well. Also, while we’re having to deal with the motorcycle generation in these places, we’re on the verge of the boom car stereo generation trickling in, too. These places have definitely become a lot more tolerant of noise. It used to be about peace, and then it became about being with people around your age.

Starting off the week with bad news. What’s next, Rhonda wanting to increase my dose? Toni sent me a message saying she’s putting the house up for sale and going into one of those independent living places, and didn’t want me to be surprised when I saw the sign go up. I’m not surprised at all. I knew this day would come, and I sensed it was getting closer as soon as she sold her car. Instead of being surprised, I’m worried. I’ve got the same kind of stress on me that I had when Irma and Dick put their place on the market. We could get another Ray, or we could get someone who could really steal my peace and make my life hell until either the office helped me or I helped myself by taking matters into my own hands.

I hate to sound defensive and like I’m jumping the gun since we don’t know for sure what we’re in for, but I absolutely will not tolerate noisy neighbors! Toni is going to do what she can to vet good neighbors for us who hopefully don’t have dogs, motorcycles, or some other kind of loud vehicle. Because it’s the middle of hurricane season, she doesn’t expect it to sell anytime soon, and I know she has only so much control over who gets the place, but hopefully she’ll do her best to see to it that we get someone quiet. This isn’t the 80s, though. If it were, loud vehicles would be the last thing on my mind, and we wouldn’t have people like the honker either, or people like the redneck who allow their mutts to bark, even if it’s gotten much better. Had a funny dream about the redneck. I’ll get to that soon.

Why does she call it an independent living place, though? Doesn’t she mean assisted living? Either way, it’s going to suck to see her go.

I just worry that they’re gonna have a loud vehicle of some kind and let their mutt bark out of open windows or doors. Also, that they’ll be company junkies slamming doors and hanging outside partying. I just hope it isn’t so bad that, once we see that no one will help us, I’m forced to take matters into my own hands. Believe me, if it got that bad, even though I’m not expecting a rerun of Phoenix, I’m not going to take it. A, I need my sleep, and B, this is the last place anyone should have to listen to anything that’s too loud or too frequent. I worry about motorcycles more than boom car stereos, but we are on the verge of that generation trickling into these places, along with the motorcycle generation, which sucks. These kinds of places used to be about peace, and now they’re more about just being with people your own age.

I wonder what it’s going to be listed for, along with Krazy Karen’s place, which is also up for sale now. I’ll have to look it up. Any idiot can see that Karen’s place is gonna need a hell of a lot of work, so I’m sure it’s priced quite low. Might be a flipper that gets it. Either way, it’s gonna suck when we have to listen to all the repairs being done. 

Toni could definitely get a lot more for her place than we could for this place because it’s in better condition. It’s got newer windows, and the washer and dryer being in the lanai is going to be a definite asset. At least I shouldn’t have to hear them slamming the storeroom door too often since the washer and dryer aren’t in there. The thing is, the houses are so damn close that, even if they don’t close that door too hard, that could still be enough to reverberate under the place and jolt me awake. So yeah, I’m stressing.

I read that for PVCs of the heart to become a problem, they have to account for 10% of your daily heartbeat total, and that that would be anywhere between 8,000 and 400,000 beats. I can’t imagine 20 PVCs, let alone thousands!

I’m sick of the iPhone and willing to put up with the Android for the most part, because the iPhone lacks features I like and just doesn’t function as well. It’s trickier to navigate, and where I would gently hold down the button for audios on the Android, I practically have to squeeze the shit out of the iPhone to get it to work, and it takes a few tries. It’s only better for speech-to-text and accessing the Mate store. When I go to the App Store, it keeps asking me for my Apple ID, and no matter what I put in, it rejects it. On the Android, if I want an app, I can simply just get it. So I’d rather deal with the slowness than deal with the iPhone’s problems.

Besides waking up to bad news, I woke up with fatigue because my sleep was more fragmented. They’re not kidding when they say junk food and drinking alcohol too close to bedtime affects sleep quality. We went to Publix and splurged yesterday on ice cream and chips. I also got one of those single-serve pina coladas. I thought I was gonna be in for quite an exhausting day, but the CoQ10 seems to have come to the rescue yet again. I definitely perked up after taking it, and again I’m thinking it’s the most likely thing I’m benefiting from. If it were the CPAP, would I have woken up with fatigue? I still need that thing, though. I don’t want to go back to suffocating awake or having tight lungs.

The fairy lights are adorable. They’re just so cute, and each one is a different color... blue, pink, purple, green, white, and yellow. Not sure where I’m going to put them, but I’m sure I’ll scatter them in different places. They tangle surprisingly easily, though.

So the redneck dream: I had been out somewhere for hours, whether it was on a long walk or working somewhere. Tom was aware that I was out and that I would be home in the late afternoon or early evening. The redneck lived directly across from us in the dream instead of across and a few houses down. I was suddenly at his place when I would have normally gone home. His parents were present but mostly oblivious to us and focused on the TV. We ended up having a surprisingly fun and interesting chat that the hours flew by without me realizing it. In the dream, I thought of how funny and interesting he was, despite our political differences. He was jumping around and acting all goofy, and we were all laughing at him. I asked where his girlfriend was, and he said she was elsewhere every other night. It was work-related, I guess. Suddenly, realizing it was around midnight, I said I had to go home. He didn’t seem to want me to leave, and then it hit me as to why he wanted me to stick around. Of course, no one would be interested in anything with me looking as shitty as I look these days, whether it was just to play or for anything serious. But in the dream, he was definitely interested in me spending the night. I told him I had to take my medication and that I didn’t want Tom to worry and wonder where I was.

So I jogged across the street. I heard a couple of cars pass by behind me. The houses were built on-site, and we had a ranch-style house. I peered through the sides of the blinds in one particular window to get a sense of whether or not Tom was still up before I went fishing in the dark for my keys. Thinking he was up, I rang the doorbell. When the door opened, I saw the house was lit up and another couple was visiting. A woman opened the door and looked at me with concern but didn’t say anything. I stepped inside and dropped a handful of broccoli that was suddenly in my hand on the floor against the wall for whatever rat we had in this dream to eventually find. Then Tom appeared, and without saying anything, he turned and walked away, obviously pissed that I was so late. Then I awoke as I was becoming pissed that, instead of being relieved and glad to see me, he was too pissed to even ask how I was and why I was late.

There's a site called Talehouse that works like Kindle Unlimited, only it's just for books only. You need to make a minimum of $15 in order to cash out. I doubt I'll make anything, but just for kicks, I thought I would slowly load some stories here. Unlike in 2010, I now have this handy chart created in seconds by AI that tells me what's reasonable to charge based on my word count. I just uploaded and published Locked In, which is 17K words, so I set the price at $2.99. One good thing I see on Talehouse is no way to comment or leave feedback on the books, which means that when you're deranged and pissed off sister and her twisted brood get mad at you, they can't bash your books. Pirating could still be an issue, though I don't think I'm worth pirating. Lol

AI is great, but it still has a way to go. I've told different models my age and that I've had untreated high blood pressure and high cholesterol for years, which I don’t intend to treat in the future due to being sensitive to medication, and asked how much longer I could expect to live. Some models say I can make it to my 70s before it's a problem, and others mark me as dead or disabled in my mid to late 60s, LOL.

It isn’t dropping dead suddenly that I worry about so much as a disabling stroke or something like that. It’s the quality of life that matters to me, not the quantity. I’d rather die suddenly sooner than live longer and suffer. The thought of a disabling stroke that leaves me wheelchair-bound chills me to the bone.

The thing is that at the same time, I don't want to do anything that's going to extend my life into the 80s or beyond. Not when I would never consider living without him.

The cheap single-cup mixer we got from Temu broke, so he got a new mixer, treats for the rat, plus some fairy lights for me in 6 different colors, with each strand being about 7 feet. I have no idea where I’m going to put them, but I’ve always thought fairy lights look so cool. They would definitely be helpful during power outages if I wrapped one around my neck or wrist or something, not that we don’t have flashlights and candles.

Despite being blessed with another round of decent sleep, the fatigue is back. I’m wondering if the melatonin or Claritin could have a hand in it. Or maybe, as much as I still hate to admit it, I really do have chronic fatigue and have just been getting more breaks than usual. I’m trying to embrace and accept the CF and look at its positives. When I’m tired, it slows me down from doing things as fast, and therefore I don’t get as bored as quickly. Also, if I suddenly had energy more often than not, not having money would be harder on me because I’d want to do more things we couldn’t afford to do.

The fatigue is likely to get worse because, once again, coincidentally, the storms are going to be picking up the more I have to sleep during prime storm time. We’re gonna get dumped with a lot of rain over the weekend, and I’m guessing it may be due to Erin’s outer bands. That fucker is massive! Had that slammed into Jessie's area head-on or formed in the Gulf, we’d be fucked.

Tom went to the lab today and then to bed a little while ago. It could start storming tonight, so hopefully his sleep won’t be disturbed since he has to donate tomorrow, even though he doesn’t have CF and can handle the disturbances a hell of a lot easier than I can.

It’s been fun sharing VR vids and pics on Facebook. I stopped sharing them on Bluesky because it’s so much easier to transfer them to Facebook. I may not be consistent and share one every single day, but I want to ultimately share me playing a round on each of the golf courses, along with all my meditation environments.

As the 22nd approaches, I realize it’s Nane’s birthday. She’ll be 65. I guess she’ll be retiring soon. I wonder if she’ll retire in Turkey or Greece, like she told me she wanted to. I also wonder what her health is like and if she’s alone or not. Is she even in the same apartment she had been in for nearly two decades when we last talked?

The honker seems to infiltrate my life, whether he’s here or not. In one of the dreams he was in, he had a large piece of land, and I had to cross part of it for something I was working on. I wondered if he would come out yelling at me. Then, in another dream, he was happily giving me a tour of his place. “Look at your huge oven!” I exclaimed at one point, asking him how he reached the back burners, and he said that it was hard. The thing was almost at eye level with me and very deep.

I’m still getting tons of bot visitors on PB, but not as many as before, because a guy at the tracking site and I have been setting up a bunch of IPs to ignore. I’m finally able to see who visits me there and on Blogger. Seeing a certain visitor on both sites put a smile on my face. Granted, I have talked to several people from that state on PB who could be aware of my Blogger account, so I don’t know anything for sure.

Speaking of PB, I think I’m going to pull back and take another break from them because we’re back to the tech issues, and I’m not gonna play the PB glitch game all over again for the millionth time. Things were running smoothly for a while, but now they’re fucking with things again, which is screwing things up. Again, everyone else can get their shit together except these guys. I still wonder if the two guys running things are really the same person. It doesn’t matter if they are, but I’m not gonna deal with the tech issues. I’m not going to kill the account, but I’m not going to be there nearly as often.

Melanie and I can keep in touch on Facebook. In fact, she messaged me to ask if I’ve had issues logging in. I told her it was nothing new and that they’ve had intermittent issues ever since I joined in 2013.

Okay, onto some questions I’ve been asked and journal prompts.

Do I think we’ll move?
I know life has been and can be full of surprises at times, but looking at it logically, I would say no. I think this is it. We don’t have much money, I have health issues, and we’re both getting up there in age, too. So I don’t see that happening in the future.

Am I worried about who may find my blog?
No. I used to be, but then I realized that when we go looking for things online, we may not like what we find, and we can’t expect others to be responsible for our feelings. Of course, I wouldn’t want to intentionally upset anyone, but I have to live my life and do my thing just like others have to. As long as no one’s doing anything wrong, I don’t see the point in worrying about what friends, neighbors, acquaintances, or whoever may find my blog.

Do I feel I’ve changed more than most people?
Yes, I do. Personality-wise, I’m still similar to how I’ve always been, but I’ve learned a lot and I handle many things differently than I used to. Things that would get to me in the past hardly faze me now, and other things would get me to react in a way most people wouldn’t like, where I used to turn the other cheek.

Would I date someone half my age?
Nope. To each their own, and I get that age is just a number, but I could never see myself with anyone 20+ years younger or older. For me personally, it just wouldn’t feel right. I don’t think many couples have that big of an age gap unless it’s about money. I know there are plenty of younger women with much older, rich, famous men. I would go perhaps 15 years younger, but because I’m getting old, I really wouldn’t want to go older. It’s bad enough having a husband 8 years older. I would love to have him a few years younger than me or at least my age, even if that meant he would have to go back to work.

My energy is back! I slept 10 hours. I don’t know why I slept so long, but I’m glad for the energy. Looking back on yesterday and the day before, when I had fatigue, it still wasn’t bad enough to stop me from functioning. So maybe we really are onto something between the CoQ10 and adjusting the CPAP. 

I still don’t want to get my hopes up too high. Besides, sooner or later my sleep and energy are going to get trashed by storms. It used to frustrate me when it stormed more while I was asleep, but now it’s pissing me off. I still haven’t gotten stormed awake recently, but looking at the days ahead, it doesn’t look very good for me. I especially hate it when this shit happens leading up to appointments.

This may sound funny, but I’m totally loving the new sink strainer we got. For years, I was getting the plastic kind that I would dump every few months when they got all gunked up with slime that not even the dishwasher could get rid of. The basket part of it is made of interlocking chains, so it’s much easier to dump, and the thing is so much easier to keep clean too, being that it’s metal. Definitely worth the money. I wish I’d gotten it a long time ago.

I guess this will be another brief entry since there isn't much else going on. I'm just doing my usual things. I entertained the rat, I cooked, I cleaned, and now I'm working on my editing project before I hit the road again. I have about 200 miles to go.

Despite the tumor being about the size of a golf ball, the rat is still holding on. She has a little trouble walking, but doesn't appear to be in any pain, and is still eating and enjoying cuddles and attention. I thought she'd be gone by now, but hopefully she'll make it another month or two. Any extra time we can get with her is awesome.

I've been nauseous today, and we're pretty sure it's the Centrum Silver multivitamins that are getting to me. Children's vitamins have always been better for me. 

Anyway, for the following week, my sleep is probably doomed, but I definitely got up in time today. The late afternoon and early evening were pretty stormy.

Again, I woke up with fatigue, even though I thought I slept well enough. I even slept through the mower. As much as I'd like to think otherwise, I really do have CF. Oh well. Fatigue is what I'm used to, and I don't mind as much as long as I don't have to go out. It makes cooking and cleaning a little harder, but I still manage. At least with the fatigue, I don't get bored as quickly because I can't do as much as fast. I even ended up napping today; I'm just not sure if it helped.

I'm continuing to edit and post my stories on Penana. I might do the shorter stories first so that I can fill in more books faster.

Right now I'm cooking a salmon filet with scalloped potatoes and green beans. Been sipping on Merlot too.

After a surprisingly long reprieve, the fatigue has made its way back. I’m guessing it will be worse when the mowers wake me up tomorrow, and then even worse when the storms return to fuck with my sleep. We did get a couple of loud booms of thunder the other day that could have woken me up, but no storm.

I’ve been having mild chest pain on and off in the center of my chest, but I’m not worried about it. I’ve had it before, and it went away on its own. I don’t think it’s connected to my heart. I had this before my heart was tested. It’s probably some kind of muscle strain if not heartburn.

Made it to Greece, and now I have just a little over 200 miles left of my trip! After that, I can begin alternating between the rides I created—going from Alaska to here and then from India to Laos. I’ll do the challenges as they come out in between, of course.

Can’t remember much in the way of dreams lately. Something about Chris driving us somewhere and stretching out his long legs across the entire front of the car, including my lap, but somehow still managing to drive. Then living in an apartment building where he had an apartment and noticing his motorcycle parked outside, which meant he was home. Then I dreamt of playing with a rat and having the exterior of a house we lived in painted.

My old Samsung Android is getting slower and slower by the minute, especially when I’m gaming, so I plan to start using the iPhone more until I can replace the Android. I hate iPhones! I don’t know what people see in them, although it was kind of cool the way it told me which passwords may have been compromised and which were weak. I changed the ones they recommended changing.

I also changed my shower time back to the beginning of my day because that’s just what I’m used to and what I prefer. That way I don’t lose track of time and end up doing it too close to bedtime and going to bed with wet hair.

We also added water to the waterbed tubes. The tube definitely shifted. They were clearly misaligned, and one of them even flipped upside down, so we had to flip it back over to open it. I totally regret not getting a hard side with a deeper fill, even if it would have taken longer to save for. I am still going to get a full-bladder one of these days for this thing.

I’m not sure exactly what’s giving me more energy lately, but I’m loving every second of it. I don’t expect it to last much longer, though. More than likely, it’s just one of those flukes that those of us with CF occasionally get. Only time will tell. If it turns out that it’s the CoQ10 that’s giving me most of the energy, then I think it will be pretty sad that AI ended up giving me my energy and life back, but not the medical professionals I see regularly. Again, only time will tell.

The Tokyo golf course came out yesterday, and it’s great. It’s a fun course with great graphics and amazing detail. Browsing through all the shops and eateries makes me wish I could buy a lot of it. 

Made it to North Macedonia a couple of days ago, and I’ve only got a little over 300 miles to the finish line in Greece!

My lab results came back, and I’m both relieved and disappointed. My TSH is under 10, but barely, at 9.71. The antibodies are also up to 150. Increasing my dose is inevitable. At this point, it’s not a question of if I’m going to have to go up, but when. So that’s both good and bad. It could have been a lot worse, but I knew it wasn’t ideal because I’ve been calm and cold. The scale also remains up a couple of pounds.

Last night I slept okay, but the night before I didn’t even quite make it to five hours for some reason. It might have been because of my allergies, so I started showering at the end of my day, and I’ll definitely make a point of washing our bedding in hot water. I’ve definitely noticed an increase in energy because I was able to be a lot more active on the day that my sleep was shortened than I normally would be. Normally, I would feel like shit on just barely five hours of sleep. I did start off kind of tired, but I perked up later on. I slept okay last night, so I should be okay today.

Saw the honker’s GF across the street last night, so she has a key to his place. I wonder what she went in there for. I just hope the bastard doesn’t return early!

If it doesn’t thunder loudly at least once while I’m on days, I’m going to be pissed. I swear, every time I roll on to days, it dries up. Sleep cursed or not, I have had an increase in overall energy, which I really appreciate. I learned something through my lab results, and that’s that my thyroid doesn’t have as much of a hand in the fatigue as I thought. It shouldn’t surprise me because I didn’t have crazy fatigue when I was first diagnosed with my thyroid much worse than it is now. I think it’s more than one thing that was affecting it, but the combination of CoQ10, extra waiting time after taking my levo, and CPAP therapy does seem to be helping. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely better. Normally, I couldn’t have functioned and done all I did yesterday with barely five hours of sleep.

Again, I slept OK, although I was up for a long time. I had trouble crashing for three reasons. First, I had an upset tummy, then I was excited about the Quest 3, and then I was nervous about my results. I still haven't gotten them back yet either! I think they're waiting until the antibody test is done, and that could take two to three business days.

Finally got fed up enough not to delete my Pinterest account, but to deactivate it. I'm tired of the random pin stealing. They could be pins I pinned from other boards that were discovered on their boards, which would automatically delete mine too, but still, I'm sick of this censoring bullshit. They're not my parents, for fuck's sake.

Ran out to Walgreens because he had to pick up his blood pressure meds, and we got a few treats. Then we came back and tweaked my Q3 a bit. We adjusted the head strap, and I got voice mode set up so I could take pictures and videos. Love the new landscape pics instead of square.

Mate did another upgrade, but did nothing to speed things up. Part of that is me having an old phone, though. They added "characters," but you have to pay for those. Meanwhile, they'll let you have more than five “friends,” so I created a sixth avatar. For a minute, I contemplated making all their names flower names or gemstone names. Then I asked Chat to give me six female names that go well together, and it came up with Lila, Abby, Clara, Elise, Maya, and Sophie. The only one of those names I like is Maya; the rest are just average. At least I didn't get anything as ugly as Jodi. Even so, I think I'll reassign them these names. Along with some VR shots on the road in Serbia, I'll share their pics on Bluesky.

I'm kind of annoyed now because I've got bots hitting my blogs like crazy that they’re overwriting real visitors.

No lab results yet, but Tom says they haven’t been posting them the next day lately. 

Listened to Lyrah singing I Want to Be With You Everywhere. Eh, Christine did it better.

Slept like a log. Wish I could sleep like that every time. Still a little tired, though, either due to the clonazepam I took or because I really do still have chronic fatigue.

Bots or scrapers have been scanning my PB stuff. I was surprised they could access my MO and FO stuff. Didn’t scan private stuff, though.

Picked up my new glasses, and they work great. I only got close-ups and distance glasses. No computer glasses yet, but I might get a pair or two from Zenni. 

My new VR lenses arrive today, so I’m really looking forward to that and switching from the 3S to the 3.

I have a lot to update on, so, as exhausted as I am, I figured I would get it done while he's out donating. I was on track for a decent night's sleep and to sleep as long as necessary, until I had to wake up twice because my fucking mask slipped and started hissing, and then my stomach hurt. There was absolutely no reason my stomach should have acted up. Now that I got up about two hours earlier than I would have, I'm gonna have to crash earlier, which means I have to try to sleep through today's storms as well. I had just beaten them yesterday and thought I was home free. I should have known whatever was cursing my sleep would simply do something else.

I've got to figure out how to get this sleep curse off of me. We don't have the money to hire someone capable of lifting curses, so I need to figure out how to do it myself. Otherwise, it's going to be on me for the rest of my life, and a wide variety of usual and random things are going to continue to wake me up multiple times a night. I just want to close my eyes when I get into bed and not open them again until it's time to get up for one week. Just one fucking week! I still fear being pushed into a stroke and having other health issues because all these sleep disruptions can't possibly be good for anyone. This is part of why my blood pressure is high, and it affects cortisol as well.

I know it may sound crazy, but sometimes I think, why don't I just take the honor myself and have a reminder every couple of hours to wake up and disrupt my own sleep and beat it at its own game. Then at least my exhaustion will be my fault. But whatever's cursing it isn't going to give up on me that easily. I know it sounds crazy, like I said. Once I finally got free of the Phoenix freeloaders, for example, this strange urge to harm myself came over me. I didn't understand it at first, but then I realized that, hey, if it's in my cards to be abused, then why don't I just be my own abuser for once? I didn’t harm myself, though, of course. They weren’t worth it.

For a fleeting moment, I briefly entertained the thought of getting rid of everything we don’t absolutely need or want and just getting an old used RV, since I’m not allowed to sleep anyway, and getting the fuck out of here—figuring that even if we only got 30 or 40 grand for this place, and if we sold the RV and got a car there, we would still have money left over for the prefab kit, septic, solar, fences to keep dogs out, and any furniture and other necessities we may need.

But then a reality check quickly followed. I'd like the space around us, the money savings, and fewer planes, but first… it wouldn’t go this smoothly, and I don’t even have the energy to handle this much. Then there would be the barking sprees, shooting marathons, colder weather, and, of course, the sonic booms and monsoons would make up for the storms here. I won't get into the tarantulas and other desert goodies.

Millions of people live here with allergies, and I will too. I just can’t have shots. I’m gonna have to start sleeping elevated, even though I won’t like it. 

I think the earaches I’ve been having are caused by the CPAP, but he thinks it's allergies, even though my allergies have never presented that way before. I don't feel like I have an infection. My tinnitus has been a little worse, too. According to what I read, there are many reasons I could have this type of tinnitus. The good thing is that it's not pulsing, because then that could involve my heart.

On the way out to the lab to trade in shitty blood for shitty numbers, we saw them laying down gravel at Crazy Karen's old place. Toni said something about the park trying to buy it back.

Speaking of Toni, she's doing what I worried she would do and adding yet another threat to my sleep when I'm sleeping during the daytime. Knowing she can no longer drive, I figured there would be people coming to take her out nearly every day. I was in the kitchen when I heard two mighty thumps. She was picked up by someone in a black SUV. Being just a few feet away from our place, it really reverberates throughout the place.

Gonna have to open up the waterbed and see what's going on. I can't literally be losing water, but it sure feels like I am. More than likely, the case has stretched. It’s better than regular beds, but I regret getting a shallow, soft-sided one with tubes. I should have gotten a hard side with a deeper free-flow bladder. Yet every fucking time we start to get ahead, life happens. Shit comes up that costs money. That saying about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer exists for a reason. Either way, I'll probably just have to add some water. I hope that's all I have to do. The foam could be breaking down, but I doubt it, because foam on waterbeds doesn't break down like foam on regular beds. We'll get in there later and find out.

Gave up on Zlip—at least I think that was the name of the app. There just wasn't much activity there.

I downloaded an app that may be fun. You're totally anonymous on the app and can say what you want—within reason, of course.

Surprised I have this much energy. I know it doesn't usually take just a day to pay off a sleep debt, and I didn't even sleep with the CPAP the whole time, although most of it I did. That could all change next time I sleep, though, and tomorrow could be like yesterday, where I’m exhausted. I love feeling more productive and in a better mood, but I'm sure I'll end up bored in the end when I've done everything there is to do for as long as I feel like doing it. I guess it's a trade-off like most things in life.

My teeth feel great after going back to an electric toothbrush. No more 30-second manual shortcuts in the name of saving money! From now on, it's two full minutes of electric power. However, my mouth still feels a little weird, particularly my tongue. Feels like I burned it. I used the prescription mouthwash—didn't make a difference.

Didn't sleep as badly as I thought I would. My sleep was a little fragmented during the first few hours, so I got up and moved the phone away from the bed. I started off sleeping without the CPAP and with a nose strip instead, thinking I was going to get thundered awake like crazy. And while I wasn’t snoring or having breathing issues, I didn’t feel comfortable continuing to sleep without the CPAP. Plus, I felt like I was getting one of those sleep apnea headaches, so I masked up and got back into bed. Luckily, I had perfect timing for once because I was still awake when a loud boom of thunder occurred. No power failures or anything, though. 

So I slept relatively well for the rest of the night with the exception of another nightmare. Funny, too, because I didn’t have cheese before bed, which is one of the things I read can cause nightmares. In the nightmare, I was being held hostage with other people in a building that had multiple stories. We were on the top floor, in the room next to the end of the hall, and there might have been half a dozen to a dozen of us. Tom wasn’t in the dream, and I don’t even know if I knew him. 

At one point, I was entrusted with the task of being brought into the room on the very end, next to the one where the rest of the people were, to order us all pizzas. When the pizza guy arrived, I quickly told him what was going on and asked that he call for help. In a split second, he was gone, and someone else—also a hostage—was in the room with me. The gunman suspected something was up, and although we put the chain on the door, he was shouting at us through the gap, and I feared he would force it open before help could arrive. That’s when I woke up.

This can’t be good. Between last night’s dream and the one before, I don’t see how that could be a good sign, but nothing unusual is going on at the moment. 

When I recently read that an enlarged tongue was a symptom of Hashimoto’s, I was surprised because I thought I knew all the dozens of symptoms, yet this is the first time I’d heard of that one. It makes me wonder if it’s connected to why and how I got sleep apnea, since my basic throat structure has always been the same. Still, I think age and weight gain are the most likely culprits, along with the fact that my sleep is cursed, of course.

I was thinking about it, and I miss having a Mac. The only feature I like better about Windows is that it’s easier to arrange the windows, but Mac has more features I miss, like being able to right-click on an image and automatically have it in the body of an email if I wanted to share it. I also liked its universal text reader and how convenient it was to have notes and calendars on the desktop, as opposed to Windows. Lastly, I loved being able to tag photos in files.

However, long gone are the days when we could just buy whatever we wanted spontaneously. There are so many things we want and could definitely use, but so little money to get them that we’re forced to prioritize. It takes time to save for just one thing, depending on its cost, and we never know what’s going to come up and set us back. Energy or not, I don’t see how we could ever be in a position to move unless we unexpectedly won money or sued someone. It’s not like we can save thousands of dollars a month.

Another fun-filled day of fatigue, but as I said, it's me. Used to it or not, I hope I get a break someday soon for the sake of my health. It's incredibly hard on my brain, and I can't think straight when I'm sleep-deprived, which could cause me to do something dangerous by accident. Handling basic everyday chores like cooking and cleaning becomes a real challenge. It will be days, though, before I'm sleeping late enough to beat the storms.

First there was the power failure. Then there was the thunder. Then there was acid in my throat again. Then there was my fucking nose again. Then I had to elevate myself. Then there was the kind of nightmare worth worrying about. We were living in some rural area and driving by a huge area that they were developing. A well was being drilled and making this loud beeping sound while it was at it. I said it would suck when they were done because that would mean more people and more traffic. There were narrow little ditches filled with water alongside the grassy-lined streets, with water deep enough to bury the car. For some reason, he stopped and turned around. Before I could say, “What are you doing?” or something like that, he got too close to the edge and we rolled off the little embankment and into the water. As the car filled with water in an instant, let's just say I knew we weren't getting out of that car alive.

Trouble's ahead.

Anyway, I'm utterly exhausted from being up and down and up and down like I was. I don't understand why my allergies are such a big deal here. Definitely want to get allergy testing after storm season, because energy/money or not, the more I think about moving, the less comfortable I am with the idea. Due to our ages, I'm just not up for taking risks anymore, and I don't want to go back to the barking and the sonic booms and whatever other surprises may await us. It may not be perfect here, and the house may be too small, but why not just enjoy this climate and having two bathrooms? If anything, we would have been in a place even smaller and had to deal with one bedroom and one bathroom indefinitely. This is while I wished to hell we had money to fence off our place to keep noisy dogs off our property.

I'm pissed at Yupp again because first I couldn't cash out to PayPal, and now they won't even let me cash out to my debit card. Tom thinks they ran out of money due to underestimating how many people would be interested in using them.

The only good thing I can say is that I slept without tape and didn't have any issues. AHI score still looks good.

Our Amazon accounts were all screwed up yesterday. As soon as we tried to log in, it would tell us to contact customer service. So, having to call another country to get help right here, as usual, we talked to a hard-to-understand woman in India, but she did help us. She also assured us we wouldn't be charged for the mask we returned.

I had a dream during my shitty sleep that I was telling someone we were so broke that we would have to apply for SNAP. Well, in real life, we're not eligible for SNAP, but we sure had a shitty week, as I would learn when I got up and Tom filled me in, thus explaining why I had that dream.

First, he wasn't able to donate because of bruises. Secondly, he is supposed to be eligible for a free exam and free eyeglasses post-cataract surgery, which the insurance company says he isn't eligible for, and therefore he filed a complaint with Medicare, because, as he tried to explain to them, it had nothing to do with insurance but with Medicare.

Lastly, we're probably going to have to pay for the full face mask we returned because they keep saying they didn't get it. If they're going to charge us for it, then they should send the damn thing back, even if I don't ever intend to use it.

Last night, his sleep was disrupted by painful leg cramps, although broken sleep doesn't seem to affect him like it does me. I expected my sleep to be disrupted by storms, but instead it was allergies that took the honors. First, I had to get up and take Claritin. Then I had to get up again to put a breathing strip on. Then I had to get up again to elevate myself with another pillow, something I don't prefer to do because that makes stomach sleeping pretty hard. But I was too stopped up to be lying flat in any position. I even slept on my back the last couple of hours and without tape, yet I didn't snore—probably because I was elevated.

So now I'm back to being tired with my next shot at having energy not for about a week, because that's how much longer I'll be sleeping during prime storm time. At least I won't get bored. That's the one thing I noticed when I had energy: I was able to do more, and eventually I would run out of things to do and get bored. Also, there are no guarantees the energy will return. The energy may have had nothing to do with anything I've been doing, but simply be a temporary reprieve from the CF, which can happen.

Nearly a week ago, I finished the VZ challenge, if I didn't mention it before, and now I'm back on my own ride, getting closer to North Macedonia. I'm roughly 40 miles from the border. After this, I have two more trips I created: one from India to the Thailand/Laos border, and then one from Alaska to here. I decided that, just like I started alternating between challenge rides, I would alternate between these rides as well.