I have a lot to update on, so, as exhausted as I am, I figured I would get it done while he's out donating. I was on track for a decent night's sleep and to sleep as long as necessary, until I had to wake up twice because my fucking mask slipped and started hissing, and then my stomach hurt. There was absolutely no reason my stomach should have acted up. Now that I got up about two hours earlier than I would have, I'm gonna have to crash earlier, which means I have to try to sleep through today's storms as well. I had just beaten them yesterday and thought I was home free. I should have known whatever was cursing my sleep would simply do something else.

I've got to figure out how to get this sleep curse off of me. We don't have the money to hire someone capable of lifting curses, so I need to figure out how to do it myself. Otherwise, it's going to be on me for the rest of my life, and a wide variety of usual and random things are going to continue to wake me up multiple times a night. I just want to close my eyes when I get into bed and not open them again until it's time to get up for one week. Just one fucking week! I still fear being pushed into a stroke and having other health issues because all these sleep disruptions can't possibly be good for anyone. This is part of why my blood pressure is high, and it affects cortisol as well.

I know it may sound crazy, but sometimes I think, why don't I just take the honor myself and have a reminder every couple of hours to wake up and disrupt my own sleep and beat it at its own game. Then at least my exhaustion will be my fault. But whatever's cursing it isn't going to give up on me that easily. I know it sounds crazy, like I said. Once I finally got free of the Phoenix freeloaders, for example, this strange urge to harm myself came over me. I didn't understand it at first, but then I realized that, hey, if it's in my cards to be abused, then why don't I just be my own abuser for once? I didn’t harm myself, though, of course. They weren’t worth it.

For a fleeting moment, I briefly entertained the thought of getting rid of everything we don’t absolutely need or want and just getting an old used RV, since I’m not allowed to sleep anyway, and getting the fuck out of here—figuring that even if we only got 30 or 40 grand for this place, and if we sold the RV and got a car there, we would still have money left over for the prefab kit, septic, solar, fences to keep dogs out, and any furniture and other necessities we may need.

But then a reality check quickly followed. I'd like the space around us, the money savings, and fewer planes, but first… it wouldn’t go this smoothly, and I don’t even have the energy to handle this much. Then there would be the barking sprees, shooting marathons, colder weather, and, of course, the sonic booms and monsoons would make up for the storms here. I won't get into the tarantulas and other desert goodies.

Millions of people live here with allergies, and I will too. I just can’t have shots. I’m gonna have to start sleeping elevated, even though I won’t like it. 

I think the earaches I’ve been having are caused by the CPAP, but he thinks it's allergies, even though my allergies have never presented that way before. I don't feel like I have an infection. My tinnitus has been a little worse, too. According to what I read, there are many reasons I could have this type of tinnitus. The good thing is that it's not pulsing, because then that could involve my heart.

On the way out to the lab to trade in shitty blood for shitty numbers, we saw them laying down gravel at Crazy Karen's old place. Toni said something about the park trying to buy it back.

Speaking of Toni, she's doing what I worried she would do and adding yet another threat to my sleep when I'm sleeping during the daytime. Knowing she can no longer drive, I figured there would be people coming to take her out nearly every day. I was in the kitchen when I heard two mighty thumps. She was picked up by someone in a black SUV. Being just a few feet away from our place, it really reverberates throughout the place.

Gonna have to open up the waterbed and see what's going on. I can't literally be losing water, but it sure feels like I am. More than likely, the case has stretched. It’s better than regular beds, but I regret getting a shallow, soft-sided one with tubes. I should have gotten a hard side with a deeper free-flow bladder. Yet every fucking time we start to get ahead, life happens. Shit comes up that costs money. That saying about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer exists for a reason. Either way, I'll probably just have to add some water. I hope that's all I have to do. The foam could be breaking down, but I doubt it, because foam on waterbeds doesn't break down like foam on regular beds. We'll get in there later and find out.

Gave up on Zlip—at least I think that was the name of the app. There just wasn't much activity there.