Okay, this is it. I'm ready to stop being afraid of how the levo might affect me if I were to lose a significant amount of weight. I'm making sure I don't go over 1400 calories a day, and I'm determined to stick to it to try to reverse my sleep apnea. It will also bring other health benefits. I asked AI if I could still lose on that calorie amount with a slightly elevated TSH, and it says I absolutely can, but it will take longer. It said to expect it to take 12 to 20 months to lose 40 pounds, with 14 to 18 being most likely. Being the pessimist I am, I still have my doubts, but I'm ready to find out if I'm wrong. 

I tried to schedule my dentist appointment yesterday, but they wanted a deposit, and we need to wait until we get our Social Security check. I'm not worried, though, because they aren't that booked out and can get me in pretty fast. It should only be about three more weeks. As long as I'm careful with how I chew, I should be okay. 

I'm more worried about the tearing, crusting, and headaches flaring up now that the drops are gone. It could take another day or two before it gets bad, if it's going to. I swear I get punished for every single surgery or set of surgeries I ever have! The sensitivity and the frame popping through were my punishment for Boston, even though I was just a kid and didn't plan that. TMJ was my punishment for Phoenix. Digestive issues were my punishment for my cholecystectomy. And now, my eyes are my punishment for my nose. I really, really hope that goes away on its own, even if it's hard to believe it will. 

It's also hard to believe that we need heat in the middle of March. We've been here almost 5 years, and we have never had to run heat this late after the new year. This sucks! Every time I think summer is here to stay until December, we get a cold snap.

This time, I took half a clonazepam and 10 mg of melatonin before bed, rather than a whole clonazepam and 5 mg, but the same thing happened: I woke up in the middle of my sleep. Only this time, I took another half of clonazepam to get back to sleep. So the clonazepam keeps the frags away, but no matter what I do or don't take, I have breaks in my sleep, and I don't know why. Sleep can also impact weight loss. Next time around, I'm going to crash without taking anything, which I'm expecting will cause fragmented sleep, and then if I wake up in the middle of my sleep, I'll take melatonin. I'm going to have to talk to Rhonda at some point and let her know I just can't get around this.

Also, for the last couple of nights, the left side of my nose was stuffier than the right, just like it used to be, and that's got me a little worried. Hopefully, it's just because it's still healing. It definitely needs to be cleaned a little more lately, so I have to remember to hit it with saline multiple times throughout the day. Sometimes I slack off because a stuffy nose while I'm awake isn't that big of a deal.

I used to say that reincarnation was the last thing I believed in because it didn't make sense to me with the population fluctuations and other things. I always wondered how it can be us if we have no memories of our former lives? But I've done a ton of research on reincarnation lately, just out of curiosity, and now I'm not so sure it's totally impossible. I still believe the multiverse may also be a possibility, but honestly, I don't know what to believe for sure. I believe less and less in a God, and that if there's anything at all—and I do repeat if—it isn't that we die, meet God, and either get sent to heaven or hell.

One thing they suggest when there's been a lack of a sign from a loved one who's died is to write a letter to them, letting them know you're open to "hearing" from them in your dreams. So I wrote a letter to Aly a couple of days ago, but had no dreams about her at all. Then last night, I didn't dream of her but about her. I ran into crazy Kim of all people somewhere. In the dream, Aly was still alive, and I knew they were in touch, even though I hadn't spoken to either of them. I asked her if Aly was still in Nebraska, and she gave me a long, drawn-out, "Nooo." I knew I wasn't going to get any more info from the nut job, so I wondered if Aly could be in Florida because, in real life, she said her parents considered retiring here. She could be closer than I realize, I thought to myself before the dream ended.

Went to Treasure Mart yesterday and got patchouli incense that doesn't smell like patchouli, unfortunately, and a Chalet Latte-scented candle by Village Candle, which I've been wanting to try. The candle is awesome, and I can see why this is a popular brand based on Amazon reviews.

Deciding it would be OK to spend $30 of my earnings on fun stuff each week, I bought a set of six smaller candles for $30. The scents are Apple Cinnamon, Coffee Latte, Pine & Cedarwood, Gingerbread Cookies, Cashmere Sweater, and Amber Wood.