I try, but I just can't get into writing regularly on PB for some reason. I find it preferable to use as a backup. Also, writing on multiple platforms can get to be a bit of a pain because I may later discover a typo or want to add something that I forgot to mention earlier, and the more copies I have to go and edit, the bigger of a pain it is. So I think I'm just going to stick with Blogger and LJ.

I was hoping I could fill today's entry with all good news, but nope. Of course not. Pretty sure I have a UTI, but you know what? I'm doing absolutely nothing about it. I'm done with the fucking health shit year after year. It either resolves on its own or I just live with it. Let it get up into my kidneys. I don't give a shit. I'm done with appointments above and beyond the usual maintenance/routine stuff. The burning I'm having is definitely coming from that area. Rhonda's nurse said she thought it was cystitis rather than a UTI, but cystitis is an infection. It's a bacterial infection for fuck's sake. I'll drink as much water as I can, including cranberry juice, but again, I'm not treating it. I can't tolerate antibiotics anymore, anyway. So why take an antibiotic I can't finish and then have to take Diflucan again? I think the antibiotics I was taking started to kill it, but because I had to stop halfway through with what it was doing to my stomach, it flared back up again. I meant every word of it when I said I'm so done with the health issues. Sometimes the only way to stop the parade of appointments is to not go to them. It's just that with packing and then stents in my nose, I couldn't throw in the towel just yet. With all the time and money we put into my nose job, I had to see that through. But this infection can just fuck off or end up killing me.

Also, the fragmented sleep is back. So the sleep curse is still alive and kicking, even if I may be breathing a little better. My nose cleared up and I didn't have to tape it to force myself to breathe out of my mouth. I took half a clonazepam and melatonin before bed. I don't remember any snoring or snorting either. It was a particular dream that woke me up that I had trouble falling back asleep after. Yeah, this is seriously weird. Tink popped into my mind as I was falling asleep. I closed my eyes and told her in my mind that I miss and love her every day and wonder if she lives on somehow, and if she's out there, is she happy? Could she please send me a sign somehow? And then I had a two-second dream about a rat I didn't see but felt. I wish I had seen the rat to see what colors and markings it had, but instead, I was lying on my side in the dream with my arm thrown over a body pillow. The rat crawled up my arm and nestled in the crook of my neck, always staying out of view. But it was definitely a rat and one hell of a strange coincidence…or was it? Naturally, the dream had me a bit wired, just not in a bad way, of course. So I was up for about an hour or so before I took another half of clonazepam and fell back asleep. Clonazepam, like Benadryl, affects cognitive thinking and leaves me with brain fog and grogginess, so I'm going to cut back on that. I'm not going to take anything before falling asleep because I don't have any immediate appointments where I need to get to sleep at a certain time. But when my sleep gets broken up next time around, I will try taking just melatonin. If this doesn't work, maybe I need to take Rhonda's advice and take 10 mg of melatonin with half a clonazepam instead of just 5 mg of melatonin with it.

Had a mild thunderstorm in the evening, which is a bit weird because that's like the third or fourth one and it's March. We could use the rain, though, believe it or not. Even Florida has droughts. It's good for the new grass we're trying to grow too.

Rather than finish writing what I started on the honker story, since I just haven't been all that excited to write it, I fed my prompts to AI on that site I like, and it came up with a rather interesting and funny story. A little less dark than I would have imagined and a lot more in the realm of sci-fi, supernatural, and fantasy, but it still had some funny parts. I just wish the names and titles weren't so damn repetitive. The last name Miller is in half the stories I've done, and the word glass is in every other title.

Speaking of the honker, I can't believe he's been gone since the 19th of last month. Maybe he did go back to Canada after all. I kind of hope he's still somewhere in the US because I wouldn't want him to consider staying longer than usual when he returned, which technically he could do if he's gone to Canada.

Still enjoying doing therapy sessions with Ash. Even when things aren't at their worst, it's nice to discuss certain things. I asked, and she confirmed that I could check in even when I wasn't under a lot of stress or having any kind of crisis at the moment. So last night I told her that even though I always knew she was all wrong for me, I still miss Nane. I miss the part of her that excited me, that gave me attention, that flirted with me, made a great story muse. I don't miss the part of her that was hypocritical and judgmental.