Strange how Maliheh hasn’t picked up the message I left her yesterday afternoon on Facebook. Is she just busy? Not in the mood? Sick? Dealing with naughty blacks who like to terrorize anyone that dares to make perfectly reasonable requests of them like keeping their damn racket to themselves?

Waking up to forty-fucking-two messages on MO wasn’t exactly a thrilling thing to do. I figured it was either trolls or spam, but most likely spam and I was right. Some shithead in Ghana left spam on nearly a third of my fucking blog

Why are some sites more susceptible to spam than others? Thanks to this fucker and a growing number of them on MO, I’ve had to disable anonymous commenting. Once is bad enough, but to have to take the time to go around and delete dozens of these same “comments” gets old. Sorry to those who received auto-alerts when commented after on account of this shithead.

Wish MO would also allow us to block friend requests!

And who the hell had nursing training info sent to me via postal mail? Tammy? I just wonder this cuz A, one of her mistakes got into nursing training, and B, she knows I was hesitant to give her my address for fear of her abusing it. Whoever it was, I’ll stick to writing. I prefer my line of work not to include piss, puke, poop, blood and needles unless it’s part of a story I’m writing.

In Citrus Heights there’s a 1981 3-bed, 2-bath triple-wide for 10K (the lot is $765 a month). It’s 1870 square feet and in an ideal location cuz it’s at the end of a cul de sac and no one parks alongside the place. It doesn’t have a garage, though, and has its pros and cons as with any place. It’d be 12 miles to and from work. Here it’s 18 miles.

But why do I have a feeling this is just a dream just like the “octangle” house in Roseville? Oh, maybe because something up there doesn’t like to see us get what we really want. So it’s either settle or stay here longer to save for what we want. sighs This may not be the worst place to be and the dogs may not bark every day, but man do I get sick of being so cramped in here! I’m constantly bumping and banging myself trying to make the bed in such a tiny space and other things. I can’t imagine a huge person living here. They’d be lucky enough to fit through the hallway and bedroom doorway. I can’t wait to not have to move 20 things just to get to 1. I can’t wait to be able to walk up to a full-size washer that’s always hooked up and ready to go and be able to do things like my comforter anytime I want to. I can’t wait to have a dryer instead of having to hang things. Clothes come out so much softer in the dryer. Fabric softener helps keep hang-dried clothes from being overly stiff, but still, just to be able to have a normal washer and dryer setup would be so nice!

So far this house in Roseville with an octangle-shaped bathroom window and garage and the Citrus Heights triple-wide, are the best two we’ve seen so far as park places go where you always rent the spot it’s on even after the thing is paid for. Again, though, the problem isn’t the down payment or affording the monthly lot fees, it’s paying off the house on top of all these things. Especially if it’s thousands a month till it’s all paid for. But with our bad credit, it’s unlikely we could get a loan or anyone willing to work with us. Not a realtor, that is, which is who’s selling the triple-wide. The octangle house may be through the park itself, but we can’t tell that from just looking online. If it were financed through the park that may make it easier for us. Right now, due to the way the checks fall and his getting paid every other week, we have enough for a down payment, but not enough for food, gas, closing costs, and other initial fees. So we won’t know much more till next month. Until we’re in a position to talk to people, we won’t know what’s the best deal for us.

There are also other types of parks to consider like that one where everyone owns a percentage of it, plus another where you own the land it’s on. This way the payments are either super low or nothing at all after the place is paid for. It’s just that these places are usually tiny dumps or super ritzy.

If worse comes to worst and we can’t get what we want, we’ll then have to decide if we want to pay off the $400 or so in bullshit “bills,” and settle for something that’s borderline (meaning it’s cheap enough that we could afford to make it what we wanted, or stay here and save more money). I can tell you right now that staying here won’t be our first choice. So it looks like we’ll still be out of here sometime this year. Just don’t know when or where to. There are so many options and so much more research to do.

Tom figured out why so many cars were parked in the driveways of that place in Roseville; because the garages are too short for many of these newer cars, and Andy figured out that “chirping” sound we heard at IHOP. It was the low battery indicator on the smoke detector.

Decided to put up the new shower curtain even though the butterfly curtain wasn’t in bad shape or anything like that. It’s just that from the looks of things, chances are we’ll have shower doors in the next place. So I figured that even if we’re only here a few more months, why not enjoy our new colorful neon curtain until then? It’s gorgeous! Love the new metal hooks I also got that you just hang it on, instead of those tough-to-use brittle snap-hooks that break so easily.

Some people worry that when I bitch about certain things like some personality traits I dislike in others and when I promised to dump the next person to betray me in certain ways that it’s directed at them. It’s not! I just wanted to set the record straight on that one. If I have a problem with you I promise I’ll let you know it. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I’m very outspoken and not afraid to say what’s on my mind. If you upset me in any way, you’ll be the first to know it. You can count on it. :)

I’ve always been one who likes to not only write down what’s going on but also random thoughts, plans and desires that don’t necessarily have anything to do with what’s going on at the moment. I’m just an observant kind of person. I notice things. I feel things. I think things. And I like to express them whether they do or don’t seem to have any sense of order or connection to me or my life.

The other day I said I would dump anyone else who can’t accept my word about whatever, but that was just stating a fact. I wasn’t implying that I’m planning to dump anyone in particular. I’m not. In cases like that, I don’t plan, I just do. So why tell you I’m going to dump you when I can just do it? But I will tell you what offends me and what I don’t consider a true friend. I don’t care if you don’t see God for the evil, cruel, unfair being that I see Him as. I don’t care if you don’t see pink as a lovely color. I don’t care if you think fried chicken sucks. It was never about having a problem with someone disagreeing with me. But when I’m called a liar for disclosing a disorder I may have, or I’m made to feel that my way of doing things is wrong while yours is the only acceptable and correct way, then I have a problem. Especially if it’s done over and over again after I’ve expressed my feelings to you about it.

Anger after the fact won’t cut it with me either, and no, I’m not presently pissed at anyone who later on down the road told me something I said or did pissed them off when they could’ve told me when I supposedly said or did this offense. It’s merely a fact I’m stating and nothing that’s aimed at anyone in particular. I’m not dropping any hints and trying to tell someone something in a roundabout way.

If I say I believe some of my “friends” may not really be true friends if they would leave me to starve on the streets instead of helping me only to end up saying that I just “didn’t try hard enough” after I was dead, that does not mean I’m talking to whoever may be reading this. It’s just a fact same as if I said I was chewing gum right now.

The rich get picked on just like the poor do, only not as badly. Another observation. People have picked on me for my “poorer” moments in life and the dingy little trailer we live in. I, like many others, am often blamed for circumstances beyond our control. If you’re poor it’s automatically assumed it’s your fault, you asked for it, and you must be lazy. Well, either that or a drunken druggie.

But the rich get their share of shit, too. Rich people are automatically assumed to be selfish, stingy, insensitive little snobs who only give a shit about themselves. Sometimes that may be true, especially if they never knew what it was like to struggle, but they still have their own stigmas as well.

Did I settle for Tom and give up on women? Someone asked me this and it was accidentally deleted when trying to get all that spam out of my blog. Definitely didn’t settle for Tom but I did give up on women. You can’t make be what isn’t meant to be, but I believed I was going to be alone because I’m not a settler. So when I met Tom it was an unexpected surprise. I settled a few times when I was young and felt bad for it. Solitude is better than second best. At least to me, it is. But sure enough, once I stopped trying and was taken, out of the woodwork came the women. There were a few in-person I could’ve had just for casuals and almost did have till whatever’s up there that decided it wasn’t meant to be for whatever reason came in and interfered. Either they moved away, I moved away, they were online and too far away, or whatever. It still goes to prove those right who say they come around when you least expect it and when you’re not looking. Seek and you shall not find.

It’s been so hot I’ve wished we had a pool! Soon enough we will even if it won’t literally be “ours.” I just don’t know if we’ll have it before it starts cooling down. Then again, it doesn’t cool down till November here and where we’re going is likely to be a little warmer than here.

The house we want most is both in and out of reach. We could make the down payment and we could afford the $800 a month for the lot. That’s not the problem. The problem is that until the place is paid for, things may be a bit tight. We could probably afford the mortgage, assuming they’d let us have the place, but there wouldn’t be much room for savings and that’s how you end up in risky situations. I like how they dropped the price from 42K to 24K, though.

I hope nothing’s wrong with Andy. I haven’t heard much from him. I suppose he’s just busy catching up on work after being on vacation. I hope that’s all it is. He’s usually as free as I am busy on weekends, so if I don’t hear anything over the weekend I’m going to be a bit concerned. Maybe he just met the love of his life. :)

Facebook added a really cool feature. One that MySpace has that I wished for so long Facebook would add and that’s the ability to tell when someone’s read your message that might not have time to reply to it. No more wondering if they got the message or if FB is screwed up.

How nice (and a bit surprising) it was to hear from Christiane again. We’ve been talking about various climates and how we both want to live in a tropical climate someday.

I must’ve jinxed myself when I wrote how glad I was that the troll hasn’t been playing peeping Tom on me or pestering me, cuz she was in my blog last night. :( The fact that she landed on a post that starts off welcoming Aly back to MO (remember, Aly’s the root of her obsession) leads me to believe she jumped in from Facebook. I’m not surprised. The nutjob creates new FB accounts faster than we can block them. So for the sake of protecting my friends who she can link to through their comments on my posts, it’s back to friends of friends on Facebook instead of public. I’m not saying she’s going to go back to pestering my friends. But she’s done it many times before so I didn’t think it would hurt to take precautions. I’m not changing settings on any other site, though. Anonymous comments on my blog and Ask are still allowed.

Tom saw a fire that looked like the mountainside was ablaze on his way home from work yesterday. Fortunately, it’s not too close (though it is somewhat close) and we shouldn’t be in danger but man does this place reek of smoke! It’s been that way since last night when the winds picked up. I just hope to hell they get the damn thing under control before it can spread any further! Not even incense is masking the damn smokiness. I haven’t had any nightmares signaling impending danger ahead, so hopefully we’ll be ok.

Tom and I didn’t “go home” last night in my dreams but we did go cruising.

Finally busted a nail when housecleaning yesterday, so I cut that, plus the one next to it that had a snag in it. I almost hacked them all off but decided to wait.

Later...

I can see him. I can see my dad as clearly as if he were here in this room with me even though I haven’t seen him since 1997. The tanned, weathered skin from the Florida sun sprinkled with age spots. The rings and bracelets he regularly wore. His warm smile, gray hair, and the hazel eyes I myself once had till the damn things went green on me in my early 20s.

It still blows my mind at times to know I can never see him again. Never hear his voice. Never receive any cards or notes from him, even though he was like most people and not into writing. I’ll never call him up to share good news with him or cry on his shoulder when times get tough. He is forever gone until and if we meet again in the afterlife that may or may not exist. None of us can know for sure till our own time comes.

The smoke has cleared so I’m assuming either the wind has shifted or they got the fire under control. I’m just glad, whatever the reason.

I chatted with most of my usual online buddies today and hung my wind chimes back up. I kind of missed hearing them, and if we’re not gonna get out of here for a few months since we’re not willing to settle, why miss out on hearing them? Maybe it will help “jinx” speeding up the process a bit, though I’m not really sure we can take them with us. There are several of them and they can get kind of loud. If our next neighbor’s going to be an arm’s length away, they may not appreciate them very much. I don’t know that the park even allows them. Come to think of it I don’t remember seeing them hanging anywhere in any of the places we’ve seen either on or offline. So if we can’t take them we might as well leave them here for the next people to enjoy when the dogs aren’t barking.

Tom found a site that tells what ages are accepted into the various adult communities. We just learned that one of the ones we recently looked at is all-55 and up. So that rules out the Country Villa. The Diamond K Estates requires just one of you to be 55. This really ideal community that’s too far away requires one to be 55 and the other at least 47. So it varies from community to community. What I don’t like is that all the best deals on both homes for sale and for rent (I’m still open to renting so long as the landlord didn’t live with us and we didn’t have to share the lot with anyone) just happen to be too far away. Why is it I suspect that’s not a coincidence and it’s just something up there working against us as usual?

Another cool setup we discovered is where you don’t continue to pay to rent the lot your home is on after the home is paid for. Instead, everyone who lives there owns the park. You pay 10K for your share of the land, then for your home. After your home is paid for you only pay $397 a month in Homeowner’s Association fees, plus your utilities, of course. Talk about saving money! We’d save over a grand a month that way. jumps for joy at all the nail polish, perfume and lobsters she could get Then if he were laid off before he retires, no problem. With something this cheap I totally wouldn’t mind something that was dumpy on the inside because we’d have plenty of money to make it what we wanted it to be, pink champagne carpet and all. It may be fun, and then we’d get to pick out the exact styles and colors we wanted.

Our best bet, however, is probably going to be finding a park that does its own financing so we don’t have to deal with banks and loans and all that fun stuff. The problem is while there are plenty of them out there, they don’t advertise online. They prefer people to learn of them via word of mouth. So we’re gonna have to get back out there and get the phone numbers off some of those for sale signs we saw, and now we’ll know which places not to waste time on since we can now look up the specific age requirements per park/community.

sighs That’s twice I had to yell up at the fucking mutts to shut the hell up. Really don’t want to have to put the sound machines on now. At any given moment there are dozens of pistols and shotguns within a 1-mile radius of us and hundreds of bullets yet not one of them can make my day by ending up in these mutts’ heads? Then again, why bother? The “lawn ornaments” would just be replaced in a matter of days.

So what was I saying before they interrupted my train of thought? Oh yeah, the phone numbers. We’re going to have to get a hold of those, but in a week or two, we’ll probably enlist the help of a real estate agent who can hopefully point us in the right direction. The only reason we’ve been hesitant to tell them specifically what we want is that they will do what’s best for them and what makes them the most money, and not what’s necessarily the best deal for us. No one truly does for you unless they love you or have a crush on you.

Later...

Andy says he’s been busy and angry (not at me) and Kim is being her usual crazy self. Aly received a “question” on Ask saying: concerned tweeter here ur friend “kimball” no allow anonymous questions no mor so i ask u. y she hav so many profiles? rythemraindrops, russosgirl, wassgurlie, rainrythem, weatherchick101. sur shes got others 2. but she got issues or sumfin cuz iz lyk multiple personality n jus real weird.

I first wondered if it was Kim herself until Aly told me of her reaction when she shared the “question” with her. It doesn’t seem Molly’s style, so as Aly said, it’s probably someone who’s spent an awful lot of time studying Kim’s strange online behavior. Having multiple accounts is one thing, but having multiple accounts with different names and bios is another.

Nonetheless, Kim reacted the way she always does when she’s guilty of something – deny, delete, delude, disappear. This is why I think it may not be her that asked this question. Aly’s going to text her with: If it’s not you behind all these accounts, why did they all suddenly disappear?

LOL, that’ll piss the skitzomaniac off. She also deactivated on Ask cuz of that question. rolls eyes Really, how can anyone be so stupid as to be so obvious like that???

It could also be someone whose native language is Spanish. The way they say “no allow anonymous questions,” well, in Spanish, there is no equivalent for words like don’t and doesn’t. You simply use “no” for those kinds of negatives. Yo no se = I no know. Spanish has fewer sounds and words and many more words tend to have multiple meanings. There is no “it” either. You usually use “is” instead. Es aquí = Is here.

I still can’t believe she two-faced me like she did after I was so nice to her for so long. Yet the whole time she hated my guts and I’ll never know why. Maybe she’s too crazy herself to even know why. It’s just ironic that the harassment stopped as soon as I confronted her, even though she gave me her classic reaction and became very angry, and accusatory and denied it all the way before deactivating and running off. Again, is she crazy? Or is she just so damn unbelievably stupid?

Molly still checks in on Ask periodically to answer questions she asks herself, a few she doesn’t, and to ask Aly a few of her own. Although they’re anonymous, the “how are yous” are just very Mollyish.

What I don’t get is why Molly’s been so well-behaved lately. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I’m enjoying every single second of it while it lasts. But why hasn’t she shown up on TIP? She wouldn’t be smart enough to blind a tracker. Or would she? Her friend Sarah helped her beat my Tumblr block so you never know. But I don’t see why she’d want to hide from me. That was part of the fun for her; making her presence known to those she knows would rather not have anything to do with her. And why hasn’t she pestered me anonymously on Ask or Facebook?

For now, I’m loving the freedom of not being trolled by this shithead. I can post publically now on Facebook, allow for anonymous comments on my blog and Ask and more. Es ist Wunderbar!

Nane’s brother Toby “liked” one of my funny wall posts. No one enjoys them as much as Marie and Cindy but I’ve been posting half a dozen or so a day. Some of them are quite hilarious.

I chatted with Christiane a bit today too, though all we did was exchange messages. I complimented her new profile and cover photo, saying they were all nice as long as they didn’t have snow in them. She thanked me, then asked, “Why not snow? It can be so nice.”

LOL, not to me!

The battle of the bees still wages on and unfortunately, they’re winning. The good news is that where we were at a dollar a bee based on the cost of the trap and how many bees were in it, now we’re down to 50 cents a bee cuz there are about 20 bees in the trap now. Sunrise and sunset are when they’re most active since we’re having triple-digit temps. It’s just that some of them like to stop off and torment me in the bathroom before I give them their final send-off to the pearly gates.

Ok, now listen up, folks! Our internet connection has gotten so bad and no one will help us that I’m seriously contemplating shutting down and just using our cell or the library till we get out of here in the next – IDK – 3 to 6 months based on all the hurdles our lovely God (if there is one) has thrown our way to help hold up the move. I just hate paying full price for part-time service whether we were rich, poor, or in between. I’m going to make a point of being online less often and getting more into my writing because I’m so damn fed up with it being hit or miss when I want to go online. So I’ll basically check for messages when I get up, post journals, and then check in again before bed. I just didn’t want people to think anything was wrong if it ended up taking me a while to get back to them or that I’m ignoring them or anything like that.

Later...

I’m not sure which home calls to me more. Both are doublewides with 2 beds/2 baths, but one’s cheap, ugly and far from work while the other’s more expensive, beautiful and just a couple miles from work.

Tom sent an email asking to see inside that 6K home in W. Sac that looked beautiful on the outside. I would’ve been really damn worried had they not responded, as that’d make the fourth person to blow us off. Something up there is against us enough as it is. Tom said he had no idea our credit was this bad, and while I couldn’t have told him the specifics, I could’ve told him the logistics – nothing up there likes to see me get the things I really, really want in life, and when I do get them it isn’t without a huge fight. So nothing’s going to make it easy for us and pave the way home. We are right where it wants us – in someone else’s bummy old dive. Would we have spent the last 7 years cramped into these places if that wasn’t what was “right” for us and what was “meant to be?” Ah, but bad things do tend to run in 7-year cycles, don’t they? Well, our number’s up this year! It just might take 3-6 months to get over the hurdles currently facing us and it’s not just our credit (or lack of it). Tom hasn’t been at his job for over a year. There are things we can do to boost our credit but it’s not going to happen in 5 minutes.

Anyway, they emailed pictures of the inside of the home and it’s ugly as hell. Not beat up and broken; just downright ugly. The place is not only old but it was never upgraded in any way. It also not only doesn’t have a dishwasher but it doesn’t have a refrigerator either. Still, we could buy it pretty much outright right now if we had to. This is the place we’d save about a grand a month at having to pay just $500 for the lot. So we could remodel the entire place.

But… I’d still prefer to go for the gold, even if it may be forever out of reach, and for one of the nicer places with a garage.

A Facebook friend posted a picture of a billboard in New York suggesting abortion alternatives. She wondered why blacks and Hispanics were the only ones pictured on those types of billboards since whites often struggle with their kids’ expenses as well. Well, since there just seems to be no escaping topics like God and race, she’s right. Whites do struggle with supporting their children as well. But could she perhaps be seeing racism where there isn’t any? I ask this because I think she is on this billboard because non-whites are the new majority in most places these days. In fact, I’m waiting for the moment a white is shown on some kind of billboard and someone cries racism on their behalf. Oh yes, reverse discrimination is alive and well in America today, my friend. In the courts, in the job market, everywhere. It’s real, it’s sad, and it’s unfair. But we also perceive things differently. She sees racism in that billboard, I don’t. Most people don’t take offense to the term Native American, but I do because I was born and raised here. So if I’m not a “Native American,” what am I? These days I think too many people are seeing racism where it’s not and not seeing it where it is.

Welcome back to MyOpera, Aly! I missed you there.

So what is it with some people? Why is it some don’t mind you hating groups they hate as well, but if you hate a group they don’t hate they’ve got a problem with you? Just something I’ve noticed lately in observing various people interact with each other online.

Reading back on some of my old journals from the '90s, I wonder what I am more, amused or embarrassed. But hey, I guess we’re all silly and naïve when we’re young, right? I just thank God my dreams and goals of today aren’t what they were back then. And I also thank God that the dreams I had either came true or I ended up changing my mind.

Change.

It’s amazing how our beliefs, desires, lifestyles and personalities can change with age, mine probably a little more than average. It seems the only things I’m still into are music, languages and writing, and when it comes to music I prefer to mostly listen these days as opposed to singing. Haven’t touched a musical instrument in years either. But so, so much of what I think, do, feel, believe, like, communicate, dislike, want and don’t want has changed. I still have my evil laugh, I’m still short, and I still love lobster, bright colors and rodents, but it seems so much more has changed than has not. I almost cringe at the thought of reuniting with someone I knew 20 years ago, LOL, for it’s only human nature to see a person as you last knew them to be. Only they wouldn’t be seeing “me” at all.

The fact that I would even bother with people like Fran and “Nervous” goes to show how little self-respect I once had. I would put up with so much abuse from so many people for so long. Being too forgiving can be just as bad as being too non-forgiving. Ah, but I am totally way beyond fed up with the “disbelievers” out there and have totally run out of patience and tolerance for those who can’t trust me enough to take my word for whatever. Those who feel the need to challenge and contradict me with things like, “Yes, you would,” after I’ve answered with a “no” to something they or someone else who may be present asked me really irks the hell out of me. When you do that to someone you’re basically calling them a liar. At my age, I’m getting a little too old to deal with people like that, and again, it’s a matter of respecting myself and knowing there are better things to do than sticking around and explaining or defending my word to whoever. The next person who can’t take me for face value will be forever dumped in a heartbeat with no chance of being forgiven! Why waste time fighting with a bear when you can just shoot it, you know? Really, if you think I’m “joking” or just trying to impress you by saying I’m multilingual or something like that, then I’m not the right friend for you. If you think I’m using my deformed and half-deaf ear as an excuse not to clean the bathroom, go get yourself a friend whose word you feel you can trust.

Later...

I called my mom and was glad to learn she was out of her cast and able to get around unassisted. No crutches or anything like that. She didn’t sound as depressed, but she didn’t sound happy either. She was just there, you know? Like she’s existing but not living. We didn’t have much to say to each other. I just wanted to let her know I was alive and see what was up, though sometimes I wonder why we bother. I mean, I feel sorry for the woman, but at the same time, I don’t. And does she really care about me? IDK, maybe it’s my imagination but sometimes I feel like she’s not happy to hear from me. Not mad or upset, just IDK. I really don’t know. Then again, the woman is 80 years old. Can one really be all that sure of an 80-year-old anymore than they can be sure of themselves?

One minute I’ll remember the physical but mostly emotional pain she caused me and be like, fuck it, and fuck her. Next, I’ll remember the good she’s done me, and Tammy if you see this and you mention this to mom I’ll put a nasty spell on you! I swear I will. I’ll make everything you eat turn into a cucumber for a whole month. Seriously, keep your lips sealed.

Because it’s been so hot lately, the bees are most active when the sun first comes up and when it sets. Right after Tom left for work I looked out and saw 5 newly caught bees buzzing around in the trap. That’s the most I ever saw in there at once! Just when I was thinking we weren’t getting our money’s worth. The trap was about 10 bucks, but there were only about 10 bees in the thing before today. That’s a buck a bee! Kind of a pricy trap.

But then I turned around and there is another one of them fuckers in the bathroom window. So much for spraying under the sink as we did from both inside and outside. Since we could still be here for a few more months, we should probably bomb again. That’ll back them off for a while.

The sad thing is that they can nest anywhere. Literally anywhere. In the ground, in trees, indoors, outdoors, in open spots, enclosed spots – anywhere.

Saw this incredibly cool nail polish at Sephora’s site that has iron particles in it. The cap has a magnet in it and you hold it over the nail and it creates this really cool pattern. They have a fishnet and a wave pattern, but the reviews on the fishnet weren’t good at all, so I’ll eventually try the wave.

What is it with my nail polish obsession lately? LOL, Most women would probably envy how long all my nails are right now. Not daggers but long enough. They’re getting to the point of being a bit annoying when I write, but they feel oh so good when I scratch an itch or my scalp.

I removed the Ice Queen earlier and threw on a coat of the Iceberg Lotus with stripes of Wedding Crashers over it. I don’t usually like dark colors but I really like OPI’s Play Till Midnight. It’s a deep dark satiny blue. I also like Nicole’s Cobalt Purple Passion and then there are a few neons I wouldn’t mind adding to my collection in pink, green and yellow. The one color that I’ve never had that I don’t see myself ever trying is orange, and I definitely won’t touch the gray and olive. Ew! Those two are the ugliest colors in the world!

Really getting worried about my weight. Am I simply not cutting back enough or is something wrong with me? On the one hand, most people are fat so it’s unreasonable to assume something’s wrong with them all, but on the other hand, most don’t bother to cut back and work out either. Yet here I am not just struggling to get weight off, but to keep more from coming on - WTF??? Every few weeks or so I seem to be up a few pounds. How long is this going to go on? Until I hit 150? 200? 250? It’s getting to be a bit of a scary thought.

“I’m the good Bill. I don’t come in the mail, I come in the female.” ~ Bill Clinton.

LMAO!

“You’re not going home, Jodi.” That was the message in the reoccurring dream I had for months back in Oregon. The “message” was delivered through half the damn town. I’d pass by Jan at her old store, she’d ask how I was, I’d answer, then she’d say, “I’m sorry, Jodi, but you’re not going home.”

I’d check out at the grocery store and hottie Liz would tell me to have a nice day, then, “You’re not going home, Jodi.”

Then Randy the mailman would bring me my mail, greet me with a friendly nod and smile and say, “Sorry Jodi, but you’re not going home.”

This was just a couple of years after losing our home and land in Arizona and then the land we had planned to build a home on in Oregon. It was also at a time when I was into entering sweepstakes and contests.

In real life, Randy came around shortly after this dream and started off with, “Sorry Jodi.” Just when I went stiff as a board and no doubt pale as a ghost, he said, “But I don’t seem to have any wins for you today.”

Just the way he started off so similar to the dream was one helluva creepy, freaky experience!

Backing up to the series of dreams and what they meant. To me, they represented the obvious; that we wouldn’t be homeowners again anytime soon if ever again. Well, that’s the way it has been ever since we last owned a place in 2004 and that’s the way I thought it would always be. Although it took a little time, I grew accustomed to renting once again for the first time since 1993. I was even ok with it, liking the fact that we didn’t have to pay for anything that broke that wasn’t ours. The management company, although they ripped us off in the end by denying us our deposit despite the fact that we left the place spotless and undamaged, never bothered us. They didn’t show up unannounced on a regular basis and the place didn’t have a million problems despite its age.

Then we came here and things were just the opposite. Our landlord comes down anytime he feels like it, the place has regular problems, and it has made me miss owning a place and being the boss of what happens and when so long as it isn’t urgent. The number of times we’d have to pay to fix things could never compare to how many times I’m either annoyed by the landlord himself, his dogs, or worry that he’s going to wake me up depending on what my schedule is at the moment.

The economy has also knocked what are normally 100K - 200K houses and modulars down to 15K - 100K. For the first time in years, I saw possibilities that just weren’t there before and that I thought never would be there again.

If you read my blog yesterday, you’ll know we went and checked out a rather nice 55+ park. Well, now the question is, was last night’s dream a sign of something good to come, or was it merely a reflection of my wishful thinking? The dream certainly suggests we just may get into this place, but I’d rather not state the name of the estates in public or where it is.

The dream only lasted a few seconds. I asked some woman (someone in the sales office?) about plants, trees, or something to do with landscaping. The only part of her answer I remember was the last few words… “Because of the flower arrangements.”

We also apparently had a bird we kept outdoors because it was rather loud. LOL, nothing we’d ever have in real life. I’m not a bird person anyway. But I asked if we could keep it outside and she said, “Sorry, but you won’t be able to keep anything like that outside here.”

The thing about it is that in the dream I thought to myself that I would miss the bird but would be perfectly ok with giving it up. Like I knew we were going to live there.

Christiane did “poke” me back after all. I was wondering if she would. Thanks, good looking. :)

Later...

The road home has been a long one that has required tons of research and sightseeing. We drove past a senior park here in town and wouldn’t even go into it as we didn’t like how it looked from the road; all dumpy single-wides. We love the idea of saving money, but we want to find something we can live in comfortably for the next 10 years, too. Hopefully, we will be able to find a good balance and get something between dumpy and fancy. I don’t need to have the fanciest place anyway. Just one that isn’t so damn old and ugly.

So we headed into both Rocklin and Roseville. A park we checked out in Rocklin seemed in between the dumpy Auburn park and the nice Roseville park. It was beautiful, but nothing that would take your breath away. I like the Roseville park better as it had wider streets, garages, and a little more breathing space around the homes. The Rocklin park also had modulars and not trailers, but they didn’t have garages and the streets were so narrow it was hard to believe two cars could pass each other on them. It was still very well maintained with beautiful flowers everywhere.

Saw some old folks sitting outside their places, and one guy even said good morning to us as we were slowly cruising by, and you definitely had to go slow. Not only because the roads have many curves and turns, but also because there are speed bumps in the roads. Another thing is that there’s only room for one car to park in the narrow driveways. Forget being set close to the road, these places are practically right on the road. So excessive company would hardly be a worry there since there’s no on-street parking and no place else to park all their company. No room to leave dogs outside regularly either from what I could see. It too, was walled off, so there’d be no outsiders passing through it with blasting car stereos and shit like that.

So then we came home, jumped online and found a place in a park in West Sacramento for just 6K! The catch? Well, it’d be a bit of a drive to work for Tom, and the place, although beautiful looking from the outside, is probably a dump on the inside. Especially since they didn’t show any pictures of the inside other than the living room, and they mentioned it needing some TLC. The thing is estimated to be 30-40 years old. This place is 45 years old. It was well-shaded and appeared to have a little more space around it. Loved the pink flowerbed that ran along the front of it and the bright cheery sunny yellow color of the place itself. We estimate that we could comfortably save nearly a grand a month there, which would allow us to fix the place up, but we don’t exactly want to play fix it and we don’t want Tom to have such a long drive to work, though we also looked at getting a newer car that wouldn’t guzzle as much gas. Either way, it’s there as a possibility, though at that price it may sell fast. They already reduced it from 14K.

There is still so much research to be done as there are so many possibilities, each with its own set of pros and cons. So getting out of here next month is unlikely. It could take till the end of the year, but I’d rather take longer to get it right and make a smart move this time around than act in haste and end up regretting it. We’ve done stupid enough times in the past. Now it’s time to do right.

Been doing quiet, but that’s cuz of the heat. It’s going to be around 100° all week. I was surprised at how hot I felt when we were out this morning yet it wasn’t even that hot yet. Have I really grown that sensitive to heat since leaving the desert? Or am I just that fat?

I was surprised to wake up the same weight as yesterday despite how much I ate yesterday, but I think I might be up tomorrow. I did the math twice and I don’t think I went over 1500 calories today. Still, that’s a little high for a short middle-ager. I should take it down 200-300 cals. I just don’t know if I could stand the hunger and fatigue.

The internet is out (what else is new?) so I’ll have to post this later or tomorrow. What else can I say for now? Well, the best deal we actually saw so far, though only online, was a land/house deal for 74K where they finance it themselves and you don’t have to deal with banks or anything like that. The places were also laid out more like traditional houses, set short side to short side instead of long to long. I like that better as it gives you more space around you, but that also leaves more room for people to get more dogs and leave them outside.

Anyway, the net will probably be out for hours and by then I’ll be in bed, so I’ll just post this in the morning. I really hope we have a better connection wherever we end up! This is getting really ridiculous!

I feel so bad for my sister Maria. She’s not my biological sister, but she and I share a special kind of kinship that will forever bond us as sisters, and that was that we were both victims of Valleyhead. The so-called private school for girls that was run more like a prison. Everything we did, said, and ate, along with when was dictated to us, and that’s only the things that were allowed in the first place.

Today Maria is a victim of the economy much like we were. She’s staying with friends and while no one has asked her to leave, she’s only got a couple of weeks left of unemployment. After putting in zillions of applications only to be denied a lousy job, she’s about to journey elsewhere in hopes of someone allowing her to work. It’s not only tough to find work when you’re older, but when you’re female and white. These days it’s the so-called “minorities” that get first dibs on life’s opportunities. Like it or not, unfair or not, the young, male non-white is considered today’s favorite in society. This is why I damn near want to scream every time I hear them bitch about how rough they think they still have it in today’s world.

As Maria herself said, though, she’s teachable. She’s able-bodied, willing and ready. But the color of her skin and the date on her birth certificate has apparently held her back right along with her body parts. It’s sad. It really is. But it’s not only sad, it’s sick. Had I been magically cured of my sleep disorder and able to start job-hunting right along with Tom back when he was looking, I don’t doubt that I’d still be hunting today.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you, dear sis. I hope that someone somewhere soon enough will see past your age, color and gender and give you the chance you so richly deserve. I know you too, have nothing against the young and the not-so-white but are sick of the unfair treatment going on in order to “avenge” the past.

Later...

Tom’s in the shower now, then we’re FINALLY off to the IHOP, then to Walmart.

Except for a few yips and power tools that fortunately can only be heard outdoors, all’s been pretty quiet. It usually is quieter here in the summer anyway thanks to the heat. Wish it could be hot and dry all year long. Then all I would miss would be the rain.

I would have been down another pound for sure. No doubt about it. But with the combination of eating my last meal too early and being up for 18 hours, I had an extra 500 calories yesterday. I’m lucky I’m only up two-tenths of a pound and no more. I’m taking today off from the treadmill and the diet, though, like I usually do on Saturdays. Hey, IHOP alone is going to be like two days’ worth of food!

Later...

After a busy morning, I’m now kicking back and relaxing along with Tom. I probably won’t be online anymore today after I post this. Breakfast at the IHOP was great, although there was something making this strange sound every few minutes or so the entire time we were there. I’m not sure what it was. It was sort of in between a squeak and a chirp, like on someone’s gadget or something. It wasn’t that annoying, though, as opposed to screaming kids, but we were fortunate enough not to have to deal with any of those.

I was going to get a pitcher like the one on my desk to keep in the refrigerator so I could have a cold drink of water after my workouts. These pitchers hold about 4 cups. But then I saw these beverage dispensers that hold 6 cups and decided to keep that on my desk instead and throw the pitcher I had in the fridge.

I read online that nail polish remover with acetone was better for removing glitter nail polish, so I grabbed a jar of it, thinking it was like my non-acetone remover that had a sponge in it. This one’s so cool because you stick your finger in the center of it instead and there’s a little brush that helps scrape off the old polish. It still takes a little longer than removing non-glitter polish, but not as long as it used to when using cotton balls on even the non-glitter stuff. My fingers are a bit short and skinny, though.

Naturally, I couldn’t resist grabbing a bottle of Ice Queen to add to my ever-growing collection of nail polish. It’s just ok, though, and actually looks better in the bottle. It has different grades of glitter in it. The really fine kind I like best, plus some bigger pieces in the shape of a circle. The bigger pieces are hard to get on cuz the brush tends to pull them back off as you apply it. Every single one of my nails is long right now. Once they start interfering with my typing, I cut them. A week later they’re long again, though, LOL.

I also got that purple eyeliner with the pink glitter covering half the pencil.

Someone asked me “wherez your buddy Andy?!” on Ask and my first thought was Aly, Kim or Molly. I asked Aly on Facebook if it was her as she sometimes asks questions when she’s at work and doesn’t want to sign in. She said no, but wondered if it could be Kim because she asked her about Andy a couple of weeks ago. I guess the little skitzo thought that maybe he was harassing her or something, though I highly doubt he was.

As for Molly, last she heard was that her parents were keeping such tight strings on her that she was only allowed online a few hours a week. Yeah, I knew she didn’t just suddenly get sick of us after all these years. Thank God those damn parents are finally doing something about that fucking nut instead of making lame excuses for her and blaming her actions on everyone else. Sooner or later, though, the parents are going to think a miracle has entered their home and their lives and blessed their crazy daughter with a dose of sanity and forget the fact that the crazy don’t get uncrazied. Not by pills, not by outer forces, not by themselves, not by anyone giving them a pep talk, not by anything. Once crazy, always crazy. So knowing that the crazy stay crazy, I know I can count on her returning with a vengeance someday. Only difference is that next time around I will not allow her to drive me into hiding or to change my online habits. She will not steal my fun and ruin it for others as well! Sie wird nicht! Nein, sie wird nicht! But I will continue to hide my friend lists on Facebook and MO.

Although we plan to do more touring of adult communities tomorrow, we drove through a rather high-end 55+ park. It’s a beautiful gated community with a pool, a clubhouse and more. The cool thing is that they have no old dumpy, single-wide trailers there. They’re all doublewide modulars with garages. It wasn’t the most breathtaking place I’ve ever seen, but it was still very nice. It reminded me of an adult community my folks once lived in. The only thing this place didn’t have that their park had was more palm trees and the ocean. After a handful of years, they headed inland for fear of hurricanes, though remained fairly close to the coast.

But Jodi’s not allowed to have it as fine as her mommy and daddy had it, so even though we saw some promising signs there, I still have my doubts that we could get the financing necessary to get a place there since our credit isn’t that good. I went to their website when we got home and they mention helping those with lower credit scores get financing in months instead of years and all that, but I’m not going to get my hopes up. Not after living in little old dumps for so long because the longer we live in them the more they were obviously meant to be, whether we deserve it or not, right?

Someone once told me, “Always think negative. If you think positive and things don’t go your way, the harder it will hit you than if you thought negative and didn’t expect things to go your way in the first place. But if they do go well after you thought negative, that’s all the more delightfully surprised you’ll be.”

Well, there’s no need to literally get all negative cuz I know we’ll get in somewhere sooner or later. We’ll just have to do some settling, but isn’t that what life is about for most people anyway? But I’m definitely not going to get my hopes up for any of the nicer places either. I don’t think we’ll have to settle for another single-wide, but I think that the doublewide we end up with probably won’t be all that nice. But if it’s ours and the people can be civilized, control their dogs and not live outside so damn much of the time, that’ll make it well worth it. I just miss being the boss of our own place.

I like how there was a sign at the entrance saying No Soliciting. Back in the city, I used to hate it when perfect strangers would come to our door on sales or religious calls. The Avon lady, the Girl Scout cookie sellers, the Mormons wanting me to join their hate campaign…

We saw 4-5 houses for sale (their site says they have 12, ranging from 24K - 118K) and Tom said that makes him think we have a better chance of getting financing, along with the fact that there were several cars parked outside the garages, a sign that some people living there are still working which would mean they wouldn’t mind me being under 55. Usually only one of you has to be 55 and the other has to be at least 45, so that’s the least of my worries. Besides, most people don’t retire at 55 anyway. I’m sure God would make sure we got the home-all-the-time neighbors, though that might be better than working ones. Ones who are home a lot may have more company, but if they work all day, chances are they’ll throw their dogs outside for me to have to listen to. If they’re home, though, they may at least let them indoors some of the time. I find it hard to believe anyone in California would dare let their dogs remain indoors all day long while they worked, and unfortunately, it’s when a dog’s owner is away from home or is tossed outside when company arrives that’s most likely to get a dog going.

I was a bit surprised at how many cars I saw parked outside some of the garages. One driveway had 3 cars in it, and one was clearly a business vehicle of some kind. Not sure I’d want that much traffic coming and going so close to me, and again, the houses are a bit close and close to the roads as well, but there’s no way we’d have to worry about kids skateboarding and playing basketball on the streets or loud car stereos passing through since there’d be nowhere to go in a gated community, and you can only have two small pets per household. Unfortunately, I didn’t see anything that said you couldn’t leave them outside 24/7, so other than barking and car door slamming, I think it would be a pretty peaceful place to live. I just don’t think we could get in in just a few months.

I’m looking so forward to the weekend and all we’ve got planned. I should have more to write about soon enough. I’d love to write now. It’s just that I’m exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open.

So, not much more to say before I go to bed and hopefully get more moving signs from my dreams. Just that I fucked up on my diet today, but oh well.

“Do you believe the Adam and Eve story?” someone asked me. 

I don’t. How would you explain black, Asian, Indian and Hispanic people if we started with just these two white people? I think we started with a lot more than just two people which evolved from a lot more than just two apes.

Had another bathroom bee in here the day before yesterday. They’ve got to be coming from up under the sink. I sprayed the hell out of that area, but if they keep showing up we’re going to bomb again.

For just $20 we ordered replacement foam for my expensive Bose headphones. The originals held up for 4 years, so that’s not bad at all.

The more muscle I build that I can both see and feel, the more I want to build. I also want to lose more fat to show them off even more. The new eating intervals are working out, but I don’t know that I can lose a significant amount of weight this way because my calorie count may still be a bit high. At my height and age, 1500 is fine for maintaining so long as I exercise, but I may have to drop 2-3 hundred more to lose.

I only remember one dream and it’s nothing useful as far as possible moving information goes. We lived in an old two-story and had 3 rats. Well, I don’t know for sure that the place was old, but it was definitely two stories. We had a hooded rat like Ratsy was, a brown rat and a white rat. The rats were upstairs and I thought that it would be a good time to let them run around loose downstairs for fun and exercise. The Ratsy rat tried to nip me when I woke him up, but I knew he would try so I was ready for him. Then I looked down the stairs and saw the brown one was already down there. So I called to the white one who came running to me right away. A second later I was downstairs dropping lettuce on the kitchen floor for them.

I think there might’ve been one other dream where Andy and I lived just a short walking distance from each other, though I don’t know where.

I usually make two posts per day, but as you know, our Internet connection has been horrible. For some reason, though, it’s more stable during the daytime.

Christiane has been ignoring me since I asked if she were my “pretty lady” commenter, so fine, I get the message, LOL. I will buzz off.

Again, if Aira wasn’t 300 pounds and Lori wasn’t so damn ugly, would I get so much attention from them? Would I still hear from them as much if they suddenly looked like a couple of German hotties I know? I know I said I shouldn’t take it personally as these things will reach out to anyone, but they say we subconsciously go for what we perceive to be our equals. So in other words I’m fat, ugly and not all there, right?

On the flip side, the uglies tend to be a helluva lot nicer than the hotties, though I don’t know why. I never could figure out the connection there, but that’s just the way it usually is. Hotties = bitches, uglies = sweeties.

Regardless of Lori’s looks and state of mind, she pesters me to join groups she knows I don’t want to join (I’m simply not the group kind of gal), and she posts conversations to my wall that have nothing to do with me, like her and Cindy’s discussion about their weather. Well, she’s in Virginia and Cindy’s in New England. Am I missing something there, LOL? I asked why it was posted on my wall, so we’ll see. I could always hide any unwanted posts, but it’s not hurting anything.

Speaking of my own extra pounds, a few have come off, though it’s probably mostly water at this time. I had an idea to try pushing most of my food out toward the end of my day. I have a set menu that I try to follow during the week. The later into my day it gets, the hungrier I get. So instead of spacing my food out at even 2-hour intervals, I’m trying to start off with 3-hour intervals so I can eat more once I’ve been up 12-14 hours.

Fireworks just scared the shit out of me for a second there. I forgot about those. It’s a good thing I’m up now. It literally sounded like someone was knocking on the wall of the trailer since they’re actually way off in the distance.

I never get headaches. Well, almost never. Yet I have a slight feeling of pressure in my forehead sort of between my eyes. I guess it’s sinus pressure, though my allergies have been stable.

There goes more firecrackers as well as Jesse on the motorcycle. This is the latest I think I’ve heard him leave on that thing. I turned on the sound machines as soon as I heard him, knowing the dogs would go crazy unless his kid or someone else was up there, which I doubt.

Polished my toenails 5 different colors. The big toes are light blue, then candy apple red, black, turquoise and magenta.

I dreamt I was looking forward to meeting my friend Adonis. But the funny thing was that in the dream I was thinking about how he was just up north of me. An indication we may make it to Spain someday? Really wish I’d get more indicators of where we’re moving to and when, but that’s the thing with dream premonitions. You can’t always know you’ve had one till what you dreamt becomes a reality. All I’ve “seen” so far are the colors blue and tan, driveway to the right, an orange tree in back, and the house number having 2 or 3, but probably 3 digits in it.

Since it’s so hard to get online between midnight and 6am, I’m going to make a point of working out and reading during those hours.

sighs Looks like there’s already no service. They’ve been turning us off earlier and earlier each night. I’ll get this posted as soon as I can.

The cutting in and out of the Internet connection is driving me absolutely insane! It’s gotten so that I don’t want to be online but I also miss it, too. I miss being able to watch movies without them cutting out or taking forfuckingever to buffer. There are so many things I’d like to do but instead, I’m forced to mostly write, read, listen to music, work out and just wait till we’re out of here. But how many more fucking days am I going to have to deal with this shit?! And how many more weekends of barking?! Well, I may only be going to listen to someone else’s dogs when we move, but at least we’ll have a better Internet connection.

There are now 9 bees in the trap, so that’s 9 fewer bees that could’ve ended up in here. I actually saw one fly into the thing just before 7am.

Decided to go to the IHOP on Saturday instead as soon as it opens, then hit Walmart from there. I like to be present whenever possible for grocery runs. Not just to get out but because it seems to be hit or miss as to whether or not they have what I put on the list. That way I can decide what to substitute these things with.

Sunday is 55+ community stakeout day. Tom said that although he’s reluctant he might take me to the nicest place he’s seen so far on his way to work that he says is really, really nice. He says I won’t want to live anywhere else if I see it. But why see what we can’t have? I know I’ll never have it as fine as mommy and daddy got to have it. So why bother? The most important thing is not giving God a chance to screw us again financially. He wants to see us lose. He wants to see us suffer. So if we give Him, or whatever the hell is up there that would prefer to see us struggle most of our lives, a chance to beat us over the head with money, it will. Create weak links when chaining the areas you tend to be cursed in, and they will be broken for sure! I worry enough about our money being stolen, so we don’t need to make stupid investment decisions on top of it. Tom checks our accounts online at least once a day so he can report it right away if we’re ever ripped off. The rest is up to us.

For years I blamed myself for having a hard time attracting women I was attracted to and having a hard time not attracting those I wasn’t. But online experiences have taught me that it isn’t me and I shouldn’t take it so personally even if it has a way of making me feel downright ugly as hell at times. I think in reality it’s more a case of that I turn off the attractive women than that I attract the unattractive ones. I can’t help the way I look, though. I’ve never been what most lesbians consider attractive and I never will be. But I realize it isn’t anything about me personally - the way I look or the things I say - that attracts the uglies and the not all there. The fact is that they will reach out to anyone. And because I’m as nice as I am a bitch, these people know they can come to me with their sob stories because they know I’ll at least listen and that I’ve probably been there before myself. So yeah, I’m one of the “uglies” according to most of the better-looking lesbians and bisexuals, but I realize that I don’t quite have the talent I once thought I had for attracting what I myself consider less than attractive. They will reach out to anyone who gives them the time of day.

I don’t know why but for some reason it cracked me up when Nane told me my blog background was driving her crazy, LOL. I threw on something that isn’t animated for now. Then she won’t have to “read between the swirls.” hahaha

Got a kick out of how she deleted some unwanted comments from Dieter on a wall photo she posted. The photo showed 3 men, one Muslim, one gay, one black. “Labels are for clothes,” it said, then Dieter came in saying that the lunatics should be labeled while Nane insisted no one should be labeled, etc. Anyway, I always thought the old bastard was nothing but an argumentative, lonely old man with nothing better to do. Back when he added me he did nothing but complain about almost everything I posted. I was ready to tell him to just shut up or fuck off, but then he deleted me after rudely jumping down my throat for reasons I still don’t get. Perhaps there was a touch of Molly in the guy, IDK.

Ok, Miss Ugly to the Women but Cute to the Guys is going to go see if she can get online long enough to post this.

I can’t get online right now so I’ll post this when I can. I can’t wait to move! Not just for a bigger place with hopefully no overnight barking, but I am so, so sick of not being able to get online half the time, the slow connection, etc. Lately, they like to pick on us around midnight, though it’s erratic at all times. You just never know. Sometimes it hangs on for hours, then it’s in and out and in and out.

Calling AT&T and bitching about it is a complete waste of time because after being on hold for two hours you find that AT&T doesn’t give a shit whether or not you can get online because they know your only choice around here is them or nothing. So they’re not going to be in any hurry to give a shit about customers till they get competition in the area.

Maybe I will use the remainder of our time here to get back into my writing. I don’t need to be online to write, work out, do housekeeping, or read, though I do have to have a connection long enough to get books onto my Kindle.

Just checked to see if I can post this and I can’t. sighs I’ll go work out a bit, then try again later.

Later...

I probably shouldn’t bother making another post today with the connection cutting in and out, but I’ll give it a try.

I managed to upload a few hundred pics on MO to use in posts. That way I don’t have to upload individually, and if they’re having a problem with that at the time it won’t matter because I’ll already have tons of pics to grab for decorating posts. Despite having over 500 pics I’ve still only used 7% of my space. I really prefer to upload than to copy from Photobucket so people don’t get that ugly gray square that says, “Someone’s been popular this month! Upgrade to Pro now.” That’s what would happen when my monthly band usage got sucked up. The more I write, the more followers I seem to get.

Nothing’s changed as far as our shitty connection goes, so I’m still not going to do any more uploading of pics or old journals unless I get really, really bored, and that doesn’t happen very often. I’d love to go watch a movie now, but I don’t want to even do that till we get moved, knowing it’s hit or miss.

Bunny Nose wasn’t entered into the last NaNo contest because her author didn’t write enough words to her story, so maybe in August when they have their next contest.

Before it got dark last night we were up to two yellow jackets in the trap. Wonder how many we’ll catch today. I also wonder when I’m going to be tired. I ended up taking an unexpected nap last night for 2-3 hours. I don’t know why. I wasn’t tired and I didn’t take anything that causes drowsiness like some allergy pills can.

I guess I’ll go have a bite to eat now. Why not? Controlling my weight seems to be getting harder and harder by the minute anyway, and that hour-long workout sure worked up my appetite right along with my muscles.

Later...

Tom didn’t work any OT today and I could’ve sworn I had a dream with Nane in it but can’t remember it. I guess that means it wasn’t overly good or bad because then I would remember it for sure.

I hope it won’t be much longer before we get moved. It seems I spend too much of my life waiting for things. The move is holding things up too, like getting new rats and me seeing a dentist. I just hate to get a dentist here in Auburn only to find out we end up in Roseville. Or maybe Folsom or Citrus Heights. I just don’t want to get started with one dentist, and then have to transfer to another one. The salt and baking soda concoction is really helping in the meantime.

Tom will have Wednesday off cuz of the holiday so we just may finally get to use our IHOP GC early that morning before it gets crowded.

The weather’s been hot, dry as a bone, and the pain in the back of my left hand is really starting to piss the shit out of me. So is my weight. It’s getting out of hand again. If upping the diet and exercise doesn’t help it, I don’t know what else I can do. Sit back helplessly and watch the scale climb?

It’s still weird that I can’t just pick up the phone and call my dad. It’s like a part of my mind can’t accept that I’m never going to see or talk to him again, though I do accept it at the same time. Does that make any sense?

I’m still torn where my mother’s concerned, too. A part of me thinks I should call her since it’s been a month. Another part says, fuck it. Let the bitch worry and wonder about me. This is the woman who abused and then gave up on me as a kid, mother or not. sighs I don’t know what to do seeing that she also saved mine and Tom’s ass a few years ago, so yeah, fuck it. At least for now.

It was so nice to be able to wake up again and check to see those who visited my blog while I slept. MO’s counter is totally messed up. I get way more visitors than it says I do.

Tom was able to find one of those bright, clear yellow traps for yellow jackets and already we caught one whereas the other wooden one with the strip of yellow around it that’s faded away never caught a single one. It makes for a pretty decorative piece alone if you like bright colors as I do.

MO’s back to not letting some of us upload pics. Oh, so they’re not going to fix the problem. Ok, I’ll link to my Photobucket pics and just hope Molly’s never as obsessed with me as she used to be so she doesn’t get overly click-happy and suck up my monthly bandwidth.

I hadn’t even been up an hour when I’d already heard Jesse on the motorcycle 3 times. I hate knowing when my neighbors are home or not. I shouldn’t have to know this. But he’s out right now, so I guess he’ll zoom back in anytime now and that’ll be it for the night. Since it’s Sunday night I should have the blessing of being able to watch a movie without the barking in the background (assuming I can stay online long enough to do so). But like I said before, if we still have to have one of those here-they-come-and-there-they-go neighbors at 200’, then we might as well not worry if they’re just 2’ away. I will, however, totally scream if we end up next to someone with a motorcycle or a loud car stereo. Technically there’s nothing that says we can’t just because it’ll be an adult community. They may own the park or the community itself, but they don’t own the roads.