Several others also said they didn’t get their Hooters, so it isn’t just me. Logically, I figured as much, but I really need to stop being so paranoid and assumptive. Not everything is personal. I should know that. And so what if it was? Again, we came here to live, not to score points with people.

Toni said she didn’t get hers either and that she lives next to me. Then, for whatever reason, she deleted the part about living next to me.

A day before I hit the six-week marker with the meds, the anxiety returns. I am so disappointed but not the least bit surprised. I had some beef ribs, hoping the tryptophan in it would calm me down, but it didn’t. Even golfing, VZ, and meditating didn’t help. Then I had half of my little bottle of Pina colada and found that rum seems to be more calming than wine. Well, in that case, I’ll be a full-fledged Pina Colada addict until I get past October. Then this medication is going to be full-fledged in my system. I’m really worried about how I may feel a couple of weeks from now. Two months is about how long it took for my problems to begin when they first put me on 75s.

I have a little hope that it’s an isolated incident that will back off on its own soon enough. Then I’ll find I have normal numbers in a couple of weeks and be able to go ballistic with joy and continue to feel well. Maybe even lose some more weight. I just don’t want to count on that and get my hopes up too much. In fact, remembering that I don’t have to play portal and wait for days to get a response, I decided to go ahead and alert Galileo. That’s what they’re there for. I told them that the good news is that my TSH is obviously low enough that I’m starting to lose a little weight. It’s only a few pounds, but that’s a lot for me. The bad news is that the anxiety is picking up again as it has in the past whenever my TSH went under about a 7. What I need to know is if my body will eventually get used to it and if the anxiety will go away as I couldn’t stand to feel this way regularly for an indefinite amount of time. I like the weight loss, but definitely not the anxiety. I feel waves of adrenaline in the center of my chest and it’s horrible.

I’ll let you know what they say.

Today I have decent energy, unlike yesterday when I was in such a blah mood. OMG, I can’t wait to get back to the beach! I need my sea, sun, sand and new toy. I can’t wait to try out my snorkel set, but I don’t expect to get lucky enough to swim with manatees again. Tom and I are pretty sure that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I’m like a flower, and when I’m on nights, I begin to wilt, so I need to get out soon. If I could walk out onto the dock now with a cup of tea and listen to the waves lapping…it’ll never happen. I’m just dreaming.

Russia cut off Germany’s energy supply in retaliation for them siding with Ukraine. Does that mean Nane will be cold this winter? I did hear the country is giving aid to its residents. Ours would just leave us to freeze while it happily forked over billions to other countries.

Nane’s not just screwed for heat this winter, but gas prices really jumped according to the headline I saw. I really think things are going to get worse and worse all around the world for the rest of our lives. I think more and more extremism is going to be part of the US. Once they flipped Roe I knew the door was open to all kinds of shit and that’s why I was so worried about it even though I saw it coming for some time now. Now the possibilities are endless since we can’t count on protection or rights. It all comes down to who’s in power.

Despite an accumulation of 10 hours and 19 minutes of sleep after being woken up multiple times due to thunder, I am exhausted. I don’t understand why after I finally get back to sleep I don’t wake up refreshed. I feel worse than just tired. I feel almost dizzy and groggy and just totally out of sorts. Like I can’t think straight and I’m totally brain-fogged. Maybe I slept too long or maybe I’m dehydrated after going about 12 hours without water.

One thing I know for sure is that the dog house needs to come down. It just doesn’t do me any good against really loud sounds and we can’t seal it up because we can’t put the fan in it and it would get too hot. Besides, no matter how much we seal it up it still wouldn’t do me any good when it came to the loud mower and loud thunder. So why have such a big old ugly pain in the ass when the inserts are enough for things like the soft mower and the motorcycle? If we’re not going to spend the money to hire someone to soundproof one of the bedrooms from top to bottom, maybe we can at least replace the inserts with soundproof windows. He and I should make a plan because while we may not be here forever we’re going to be here for years.

Looking at the forecast makes me want to scream because it doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to sleep well for a while. This suggests that moving to the Atlantic side where there are twice as many storms might be a bad idea for one who can’t keep her ass on days. :(

The final wake-up call was after a horrible nightmare. I was trapped in a building with other people and was hoping it was a sick joke when someone said that some huge crazy group of people was coming to kill everyone in the building. I don’t know if they were some kind of extremists or what but I took a chance and left the room we were hiding in and went down to some other floor to look for something. But then I saw them. They started off looking like normal people and then I saw a room full of what looked like large cement statues that all looked the same but I knew they were very much alive. They were chanting, “There will be blood.”

I dashed back upstairs where some guy said we needed a certain thing, although I’m not sure what, and I said, “No, we need a miracle.”

It was then that the realization set in that this was the last day of my life and I wouldn’t get to do the things I planned and wanted to do.

I’m so pissed (along with tons of other people) cuz they still haven’t fixed speech-to-text in Win11. Obviously, they have no intention of doing so if they haven’t already. This really sucks. It was quite useful having it anywhere you could write.

No Hooter this month either and it will be interesting to see what kind of response I get to the post I made in the park group asking if others have experienced this. I think they’re stopping deliveries and expecting people to get copies online.

Someone (I don’t remember who) posted that they wish there were speed bumps here like other parks have because of the way delivery and service vehicles speed through. I was the first to comment explaining why I hated those things and that it doesn’t slow these people down because it’s not their vehicles so they don’t care. Plus they’re often pressed for time. On top of that, it just adds noise and makes bike riding a pain.

The next day I checked for follow-up comments and the post was gone. I can’t help but wonder why. Was it someone who had something against me personally or did they simply decide they should delete the post for other reasons?

It’s a good thing I asked Galileo for a refill while I still had a dozen pills because I got a message from Walgreens saying there was a problem with my insurance. Pretty sure it’s a similar problem to what Tom had. I’ll have to call them. Hopefully, I’ll get my meds before the 10 pills I have left run out! Now that I’m doing so well and am due to go to the lab in a couple of weeks, I don’t want to miss any doses!

Looks like my rosemary plant may be dying. A couple of the sprigs were curled over and even though the dark ends of the needles signal too much water, I gave it a huge drink anyway and the sprigs are now standing upright again.

Tom hung my suncatchers for me and they look great.

Many people are concerned that the Supreme Court may rule in favor of a state’s right to refuse to provide Medicare or Medicaid to its residents while still receiving federal funding for it.

And criminalizing abortion is exactly why I fear this kind of shit happening as well, and God knows what to SS. Crazy begets crazy till Americans are willing to fight back the right way, and like it or not, it ain’t with words and signs. I just hope if Florida bans it there’ll be another state we can move to…until a federal ban goes into effect. Once abortion, gay marriage, and other things reach a federal level, then we’re really screwed. Sometimes I wonder if they’re gonna push to keep everyone working till they die and ban everything else that doesn’t align with their twisted ways of thinking.

Instead of being able to simply ask for and get a refill on 88s, I’m asked if I also need 75s and I have to remind them that I’m on 88s daily now. On top of that, I have a hypothyroid follow-up form to fill out asking if I have any symptoms. I told them I still have fatigue at times and palpitations/racing heart. Really hope they don’t bring up the monitor thing again because the only one I could sleep with is not covered by our insurance.

Got some Glade oil plug-in warmers to keep the rooms smelling fresh when I’m not burning incense. Fall Night Long for the living room, Berry Splash for the bedroom, and my favorite for the kitchen which is Vanilla Caramel.

Although I have gotten a little more used to it, the planes still annoy me at times because they are so constant. I really miss the days when you heard just an occasional playing fly overhead and that was it. Sometimes they’re every few minutes, especially in the early mornings. As I said, these days it isn’t a matter of being able to escape a flight path altogether but getting in a path that’s high up enough that you can’t hear them inside your house. But that would be very hard to do these days unless you live in the middle of nowhere. You need to be where they’re no lower than about 25,000 ft. They’re always going to be a part of my everyday life, though, so I guess I better just be glad they’re not as loud as boom car stereos or anything like sonic booms.

So there are three sections in this park. There is the South section which has new houses and the West Section which has the newest houses. Then there’s the Legacy section which we’re in. When checking up on the latest neighborhood gossip, there was mention of someone’s shed being broken into but I don’t know where other than that it was in this section. The Legacy section is big compared to the South, no one’s living in the West yet, so I think it was likely close to the entrance where the person could escape easily enough.

Also, Jim shared a picture of a woman walking between his place and the house next to him and wrote that he understands that we lease our lots but would like for people not to walk on his lot and that if anyone sees the person to mention it to them.

Why is it I have a feeling that if I was the one to post this I would get lynched? It’s not my land, after all, I don’t own it, so I don’t have the right to demand people not walk on it, they’d say.

I’m doing better with my resolve to stop reaching out to those who have shown a blatant lack of interest in being a part of my life. I haven’t contacted Christiane, for ex, and I know I’ll never hear from her again. She’s just one of many examples. I miss Nane at times but everyone else I used to know whether they were friends or relatives is in my past to stay. I would never allow them back into my life no matter what they tried to tell me. In fact, I’m thinking of deactivating Mia’s account because I just don’t care anymore. Yes, there are a few things I could say to the termites but nothing that would sink in. So staying away from toxic people isn’t just a matter of knowing that some people never change but also about respecting and protecting myself. It’s about knowing I deserve better.

I still worry about end-of-life stuff more than I should. I try to tell myself that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. The problem with that is that while I not only fear what dying may be like and what may lie ahead in a possible afterlife, I also fear us not having the help we need in the end. So many different things could go wrong. He says I could always Uber to see him if he were ever in the hospital but I would still feel helpless not being able to drive him if he needed to be driven anywhere. And also not being able to drive myself wherever. It’s not my fault I have a phobia I never could get over but still.

I don’t want to be left alone to kill myself and die all alone if he went first but I don’t want to leave him alone either if I went first.

It’s really sweet of Jessie to suggest we live like The Golden Girls if we both lost our husbands but that’s much easier said than done. Even if I wasn’t depressed over missing him it’s just not feasible. I can’t ask her not to have visitors while I slept and I doubt she could help me with tech issues I couldn’t figure out for myself but that Tom could always figure out. We couldn’t soundproof the windows or the bedroom so I’d have a better chance of sleeping through motorcycles and storms and there are just many little things that would make it hard for me and therefore hard for her. I know I would be so miserable that I would be much better off dead. I try to tell myself to stop stressing over it in the meantime.

“You’re either going to die first or he’s going to die and then you’re going to kill yourself. It’s going to be one or the other and you can’t know when it’s going to happen,” I tell myself. Maybe we’ll find out he has terminal cancer and kill ourselves together. So there are technically three different ways this could end. But we’re both alive and mostly healthy today and I need to remind myself of this. I need to just live and enjoy what’s left of my life which I still think is a good 20 years or so. That’s a long time. Even a decade is quite long.

I looked up 3 people I used to know on the old Kiwibox (I miss that site) since it’s been 14 years. They’re still in the same states. I guess most people still don’t change states much. Either way, they’re in their mid-to-late thirties now.

Emma and Amber are still in Illinois but on opposite sides of the state.

Jasmine is still in Maryland, is dating a woman, and not surprisingly, has a job that involves kids. I hope she gets to have the kids she talked about wanting.

Amber is still working with animals and I’m not sure what Emma is doing. Some kind of bio research. An email address came up connected to Emma’s work so just for kicks, I said hello. I laugh when I remember the silly little arguments we used to have, even though they did have a point as to the reliability of pregnancy prevention by using the pull-out method. Sort of anyway. I mean, it’s easy to think something is more effective than it is when you’re DES-exposed like I was. I think it’s better than nothing but not a hundred percent foolproof.

Emma’s reaction was a reminder that people don’t get over the past. It wasn’t what she said, it’s what she did. When I looked in on her on Facebook from Mia’s account, I saw that most of her pictures were gone. I’m not sure what purpose this is supposed to serve her since I know I’m harmless and it was just a quick and friendly message. However, I realize that most people don’t have the kind of memory for names and other things that I have and they don’t realize you can simply run people’s names for free and get all kinds of info so she may see it as “stalking” which I certainly have no intention of doing, of course. I really don’t remember that much about her. Just said she had vivid blue eyes, started off skinny, and then gained weight (I know what that’s like), and she said she loved being cold. She lived in Naperville and I guess now Chicago.

But yeah, I miss the site in general despite the drama. I loved how artistic we could be when it came to colors for our entries, and of course, that’s where Aly and I met. She was only 27 and I was 42. I will never get over her death. Never.

My heart did its funny dance while I was in Chicago. I thought getting more thyroid was supposed to reduce this shit. I don’t have it every day but close enough. Maybe it really is normal for some older people. As long as I’ve had it, it can’t be serious. It’s a weird feeling. You kind of get used to it at the same time it’s still unnerving. Almost like your heart wants to squeeze up through your throat. I’m not sure if it’s air embolisms or just some weird flutter. It did it for two beats and then about half a minute later for one beat.

I woke up tired and I’ve been tired all day. This is what happens when I’m up for so long the day before. I was going to work on Kim’s monthly letter and then I decided to wait till it’s closer to her birthday. I forgot if she’s going to be 43 or 44.

I texted my docs for a refill on my medication. Thank God it’s not a medication that can induce a miscarriage otherwise I would have to fight for treatment despite being well past my childbearing years and infertile.

I’m not sure what to think of these plants. I think their biggest problem is the lack of humidity indoors. I swear, though, if these plants don’t make it, I’m sticking to bamboo only because you can’t over or under water them and they don’t seem to mind the lack of humidity. I mist them every day but it evaporates pretty quickly.

I had a dream I paid $25 to enter a karaoke contest. When I suddenly thought of how I hadn’t sung in a while and didn’t remember the lyrics to the song I was going to sing in Spanish, I wanted to withdraw from the contest and hoped I could get a refund.

If I’d known where we were going to end up, I might have brought the enabler’s urn here. And since Tom can throw further than me I’d have him throw him in back and he could stay there until they built something there and discovered him and were like, ooh, I wonder what this could be or better yet who it could be. That is assuming the movers didn’t break him too. I just think they’re going to build there long before they tear down the Cali house. You never know, though. The lady there may bury one of her cats where he is.

Uggghhh, I hate that it’s September. It’s a month I’ve always hated, knowing school was starting (as a kid), cooler weather was coming, and now I have one more reason not to like it. That’s knowing the snowbirds return next month.

So I’ve been sitting here watching my metabolism ramp up and it’s getting as scary as it is exciting. I know it may sound funny, but I’m not used to this. Although I try not to, all I can do is remember the misery I went through the last time my TSH was in the single digits. The low single digits, that is. I still worry the anxiety is going to strike anytime. Especially with a body that isn’t used to having normal numbers. It’s got to have been over a decade now! But yeah, it’s definitely moving faster and I’m burning calories faster, though I don’t know that my numbers are normal yet. Close, though, I would think. I’m only down a few pounds, but it’s something. Plus, I’ve noticed I can eat a full meal and only jump half a pound which doesn’t hang on for long. Before, I could eat an 80-calorie yogurt, gain one to two pounds, and the weight would hang on for hours.

Sometimes my HR spikes into the triple digits, but I don’t know if it’s connected to the medication/metabolism or not.

Besides sharing more old posts on LJ (I decided that if it doesn’t have a last name, it’s OK to share), I’ll probably start my monthly letter to Kim tonight.

I tried dyeing my hair yesterday with leftover hair dye that I saved, but it didn’t take. So that was a complete waste of time.

Tom said he saw a snake by the front steps when he went out earlier. It ran really fast when it saw him, so more than likely it’s not toxic.

I need a VR break now. Should I meditate, play golf, tennis, bowling, go clubbing, or hit the road? I’m currently working out in Chicago. It’s a surprisingly nice-looking city. If I didn’t mind cold and noise, I bet it would be cool to live in a high-rise overlooking Lake Michigan.

While I’m deciding where to go in VR – why do I miss Nane but not Maliheh? I mean, I’m glad I don’t miss Maliheh, but why do I miss Nane?

I’m kicked back in bed and enjoying my new homemade pillow. I decided that rather than cut chunks of memory foam I would just take two layers in the shape of my head pillow and make a pillow out of that, and then one layer for the body pillow. I started with two layers for the body pillow but that was too thick. The two layers of memory foam I have shoved inside a (head) pillowcase help keep me comfortable in any position. If I enjoy sleeping on it, I’ll get a pillow cover for it. It definitely seems pretty comfortable so far. My feather pillowcase was too high for laying on my stomach and the cotton one wasn’t good for my side. Tom helped me put them together today.

His back is better and tomorrow he has a doctor’s appointment to get his blood pressure meds refilled. Of course he’ll be gone when I’m sleeping. Fortunately, he won’t have to see the doctor with shitty reviews because he’s out with an injury. I guess he’ll be seeing the assistant instead. He’ll have to go to the lab as well.

My metabolism is showing signs of speeding up even more and I’m still worried that getting my numbers normal is going to make me anxious. If I could get to October without any noticeable anxiety I would begin to feel a faint shimmer of hope. If I could make it to the new year I would feel moderately hopeful. If I could make it to April I would go absolutely ballistic with joy! A week from now will make 5 months since I’ve had any significant anxiety. I just had a couple of days where I was on edge a month or two ago. I still find it hard to believe it won’t return to haunt me sooner or later. It always does. I have had a few spells in the past where I was able to go months without anxiety over the last 8 years since this shit began. We’ll just have to wait and see. I don’t want to get too hopeful and think this is it, I finally slayed the dragon.

I was able to peel off what was left of my gel nails today. I’m totally amazed by how long they lasted! Not a single chip. Just some regrowth visible. They were worth every penny. My toenail polish still looks good too. Just a slight chip on one of the big toes.

My fingernails still don’t look healthy but I think they’re a little better. Well, all except for one. It split down the middle. I have a Band-Aid over it so I don’t snag it. I’m still leaning toward thinking it was the powder dip remover that damaged the nails and not the return of the fungus. They’re very dried out and rough to the touch. I’ll definitely give them a break for a while.

I got up just in time today. Right after I got up the mowers came and then we had a thunderstorm.

I guess I’m liked by everyone here after all because both Steve and Jim “liked” the picture I shared of the diamond suncatchers. LOL

I didn’t hear Happy yesterday or the day before, but I heard about 15 barks today. As loud as it is, I’m getting more OK with it now that I’ve gotten to know Steve a little and his habits. I just hope it doesn’t get worse when the weather cools down. If it does get annoying, I have to remember to keep my mouth shut and keep the peace. People want to be able to do what they want. People expect that much, and truthfully, even I would have a problem with complainers depending on what it was about. As long as it’s reasonable, I want to be able to live my life too, so I can understand where they’re coming from. If it was off-the-wall shit like in Phoenix, that would be different. There’s never any excuse for that degree of noise at any time of day or night.

When we went to the thrift store, I went exactly to where I saw the doll I liked but she wasn’t there. Assuming she was gone, I was ready to move on but then Tom said, “Isn’t that her?”

I turned around and there she was on the next shelf over. I recognized the dollmaker’s name engraved on the back of her neck and uploaded the picture I took of her to Google Lens. Sure enough, the artist made her for Ashton Drake which didn’t surprise me because as soon as I saw her I thought she looked like something they would sell. She’s a 1992 doll that sold for around $70 and that was part of the Forest Heroines series. This one is Cinderella and she’s 15 inches tall. I love the doll but hate her ratty old outfit which I planned to change. I had a spare outfit that fit her. Lavender pants and a white shirt with ruffles at the shoulders and across the chest and a bow at the neck. I chose to keep her bandana on which has a delicate flower design on it.

I also polished her nails red using a toothpick, since her nails are so tiny. In the original photos of her, I could see that she once held a small dove in one hand and a broom in the other. I’ll be getting a small butterfly used for arts and crafts to glue onto her hand.

God, I feel like I’m back with my old MacBook Air whenever I go to launch speech-to-text! It’s been slow to start lately, which is kind of annoying.

Last night we were without power for 3 ½ hours! We were confused at first because although we did hear thunder, it never stormed here. That’s when we started to suspect that there must have been an accident. Thanks to someone in the group, they shared pictures of an accident on a nearby road. We could see the broken fence when we went down that street today. I don’t think anyone was killed. There seems to be a lot of accidents on that road, but then there are tons of accidents all over the whole damn state.

Not everyone here hates me because I was going out the other day when I saw the old couple sitting in front of their place as they often do. From this distance, I couldn’t tell if it was the husband or the wife. Either way, I waved and said hello and they waved back.

One thing I don’t get about the God believers is how they claim he gave us free will and that’s why he doesn’t intervene when people abuse others. Why do people make excuses for not doing the right thing by intervening when we would be quick to want to hang a person who didn’t help prevent harm from coming to someone else? So it’s OK for him to sit back and do nothing but not for people to do nothing? That just seems a little twisted to me.

It was reliable last night, but the two nights before, my nature sound stopped playing before I woke up. So it’s them turning it on and off and nothing to do with being too far from the Wi-Fi. I figured as much since it was even further in the last house.

I had the weirdest dream last night. The dream had one of those feelings that made me wonder if it was a glimpse into another dimension. We were younger in the dream and had gotten divorced and he moved out of our two-story house, even though we remained boyfriend and girlfriend, so I could sleep better. LOL

He moved into an apartment in a seedy neighborhood. I went over to visit him one night and I could hear the thugs shouting in the streets. He also had a cat.

I told him I didn’t want to actively try to get pregnant, but I thought we should remarry and he should move back into the house. I told him that if he ever had a medical emergency and had to go to the hospital, I probably wouldn’t be allowed to see him as just his girlfriend. I told him there was no reason he couldn’t sleep in the bed when I was up and downstairs on the couch when I wasn’t.

Tom is in bed now, watching TV on his laptop. His sciatica is bad again. We were going to go out earlier, but the store we want to go to is closed. This turns out to be a good thing because of his back. So we’ll go out tomorrow instead. I want to go back to the thrift store and see if that doll I liked is still there. I almost got her the first time around but was turned off by the price. They’re way more expensive than Goodwill. After we left I regretted not getting it so I’ll get it tomorrow if it’s still there. They even had a Paradise Galleries doll that was still in its box. The face was just OK, though, and I couldn’t see the outfit. The only window in the box was where her face was.

I decided the new memory foam topper just wasn’t for me. My first thought was to return it but then I realized I could cut it into little chunks and make a great body pillow out of it. I might even be able to use some for a head pillow but I wouldn’t cut little pieces for that. Instead, I would just cut one big piece the size of a pillow.

I’ve now gone over 2K miles in VZ. I don’t think I’ll be traveling much today because I’m kind of tired. We did get in a round of golf, though.

My schedule has jumped six hours and two days and I’m not sure why it’s rolling faster these days but it is.

Out of curiosity, I posted a Happy Saturday meme in the park group yesterday just to see how many likes it would get. It got 8 likes and one love.

I later shared a post saying that with all the depressing news - war in Ukraine, war on women, hate for Jews, hate for gays - it was nice to see uplifting posts.

That only got one love. Goes to show how many bigots live in this park. They’re all over the state actually.

Then I noticed something interesting. When I was checking out who liked what posts/comments, I noticed a couple of hidden likes. if I’m understanding how things work correctly then this means someone has blocked me. I can’t imagine who the hell it could be. None of our immediate neighbors have blocked me, the gay guy who hates me hasn’t blocked me, and neither has the woman who didn’t like my suggesting debarking dogs. So who the hell could it be then???

Hoping to find out and settle my curiosity, I requested to join the group from Mia’s account and said I was not a resident but was planning to move here yet they wouldn’t let me in.

If someone really has blocked me, I can’t imagine who the hell it could be. The gay guy hasn’t blocked me and neither has his husband who might be the guy I saw sitting in front of the redneck’s place that I waved to that didn’t wave back. It’s still possible that just because he was looking in my general direction he might not have seen me. I’m a little surprised a republican redneck would have anything to do with gays if that was who I saw. I know they’re at least connected in that the gay guys live near Roy, were close to Roy, and they know that Steve got his dog. The question is how Steve knows Roy. I’m guessing the redneck new people that lived here before it moved in.

It will be interesting to see how we’re treated if we ever make it to play bingo.

It’s a dark and rainy day out there. The kind you like every now and then but wouldn’t want every day. The plants wouldn’t want it either. I took the money tree out to get some rain because I read that they like that.

It’s only 78 degrees today instead of the usual upper 80s to low 90s.

We ran out to a thrift store yesterday. Like with Goodwill, you just never know what treasures you may find in places like that. I saw a realistic porcelain doll for $15 that I liked. Just maybe I’ll go back and get it. It was kind of small. I don’t think it was even a foot long. The outfit was hideous, but that can be replaced. We also went into a store similar to Overstock. If I was looking for a large planter, it would be a nice store for that. They had a pretty rainbow planter.

Tom shot a creepy cool video yesterday. There are these bugs called walking sticks. A mama walking stick with a baby walking stick on her back was navigating the side of the house by the master bedroom. Fucking Google won’t let me download it.

The foam lavender-scented topper came yesterday and it’s comfortable. It’s especially comfortable when I’m lying on my back. Feels a little weird at first when I shift to my side or my stomach until I get used to it. I’m hoping it will help with the cutaneous nerve issues I’ve been having. Seems to be helping so far, but it definitely makes me sleep warmer so I don’t need the throw at the foot of the bed. Just the cover sheet and thin coverlet. In the winter, I’ll add the throw. I’m glad I only got the 1.5” because softer just isn’t good when you’re heavy. Back when I was skinny, it was great. I don’t see how he stands his 3” topper. We definitely have different tastes in that we can’t share the same bed, but most importantly his constant snoring would keep me up all the time. All the time we were on the same schedule anyway.

Norma and Michelle were the first to be dreamt about on my new topper. I was telling Norma about my sorry childhood. Then I was at Michelle’s house and I followed her into her bedroom as we were chatting. There were two twin beds and she said something about her husband who I knew slept in one of the beds. One bed had what appeared to be some medical equipment around it and I assumed that was probably her husband’s bed.

Then Michelle and I were preparing to go out walking with a friend of hers. I asked how long we were going to walk, saying that I would prefer not to walk longer than half an hour.

In the second dream, I was in a large hotel or apartment building with long corridors. I had just gotten some treats out of a vending machine when a German shepherd was suddenly standing by my side, eyeing the treats curiously.

“No!” I told it firmly and the dog took off down the hall, much to my relief.

Not far behind it, I was looking for a certain room number that didn’t seem to exist. The numbers skipped the room I was looking for. As I was searching for the nonexistent room, I saw an older fat guy open one of the doors and let the German shepherd inside.

We were packing to move in the last dream. I have no idea where we were going, but I said that it was the last time I was doing it because it was a pain in the ass.

Ended up regretting and removing the post about the barking yesterday. I should have figured as much. Besides, this is a little different than when we complained about the freeloaders of Phoenix. That’s because technically, they really aren’t doing anything wrong. If they left the thing outside to bark for hours on end, that would be different. They don’t let the dog bark incessantly. They don’t blast loud music. They don’t have underage people living there. And most importantly, they’re quiet at night.

Three people “liked” the post. One woman “liked” it and then “unliked” it, I noticed while I happened to be on Facebook. Toni commented, saying that she appreciates my comments, but patience and tolerance is a virtue. They’re not doing anything wrong and there isn’t anything you can do with a yapper, trust her.

Well, patience has nothing to do with it since this dog isn’t going to change. It’s a natural barker. I could tell that the first time I heard it. Steve just doesn’t care to train it. But she is right in that they’re not doing anything wrong since it’s only for a minute or less, one to three times a day.

Then some married gay guy chimes in, saying this one has gone too far and it’s no one’s business what people do in the privacy of their own homes. Then he shares a link to the county’s noise ordinances.

Not sure what privacy in homes has to do with anything but he did have a point about people being allowed to make noise between 10:00 PM and 7:00 AM. I don’t know if it would be “OK” if he were to suddenly have a boom car stereo blasting in and out half a dozen times a day, but he (Jim) was right. It had gone too far and no one wanted to hear it so I deleted the post.

So yeah, nothing does change when you don’t speak up because then you don’t piss people off and risk being spited. It really is better to just deal with people’s shit as long as it’s not literally harming you in any way or costing you money. Yes, the inevitable return of the motorcycle is going to suck but he has every right to ride it as often as he wants.

I’m not gonna leave the group, but I’m going to go quiet for a while because while I came here to live and not to please people, I don’t want to offend anyone either. Besides, as much as people preach forgiveness, people rarely forgive, forget, and move on.

For a minute I felt slightly embarrassed knowing Irma and the honker probably saw the post, but what are they gonna do about it? Come over and give me a good spanking when they return? I don’t have to win anyone’s approval. Just tolerate and get along with them and hope they don’t screw us over to the point that we’re forced to fight back in any way. I can just imagine how many people in this park are aware of it, though! It’s a small park even with the new addition, not that anyone’s living there yet. It’s getting close, though. They brought in tons of houses.

I told Jessie that while this isn’t something I tell many people, but when he goes, I go. I was telling her that I could not only not function on my own in such a high-tech world and with a driving phobia, but I would be so miserable without him. She said she would be devastated if she lost David and that if it happened to both of us we could live like the Golden Girls, if not next to each other. That’s sweet, but I would still be miserable and prefer to join my husband in the Land of the Dead. Even if I wouldn’t miss the shit out of him and even if she drove us wherever we needed to go, I couldn’t go into her house and demand she not cook anything smelly while I was sleeping and not do this and not do that so as to help ensure that I don’t wake up. And while she’s not exactly inconsiderate, most people aren’t as considerate as Tom either.

Toni really does love to talk to herself, LOL. So much so that a part of me wondered if she might hear voices, but she seems too sane for that.

“Okay,” she said with determination as I was approaching her yesterday. Then, “I know I have to go back to work.”

When she saw me, I asked if she needed help with anything and she thanked me but said she was fine. She’s gonna be having hip surgery at the end of next month, which will hopefully help her get around better.

Hearing the dog daily yet again has me torn between those who believe that complaining only stirs up trouble and those who say that if you don’t speak up, nothing ever changes. The problem is that I can’t get the office to respond to my emails and I don’t want to go down to the office either. I think I’m just going to have to accept that I’m going to have to live with this fucking mutt for many years to come. I’m destined to always have something annoying to deal with. If it wasn’t this dog, it would be somebody else’s. If it wasn’t a dog, it would be something else like perhaps additional motorcycles.

I know it won’t do me any good, but I did post in the park group saying, “Just a friendly reminder that dogs CAN be trained and we do NOT want to hear them inside our houses. If we did, we would have stayed in the mainstream and not come to an adult community that is supposed to be peaceful. Just saying.”

Two people “liked” it within an hour of posting it. So I’m not the only one sick of this shit that isn’t supposed to be in these kinds of places.

I had a horrible nightmare last night. We were talking about whether or not we may move in the future and I was saying that I wanted to take our time and get it right and not settle. Tom told me he understood as we exited some kind of building and walked down a bunch of steps. To one side of the steps were large rocks in which the sea waves lapped. The water surface was a foot below us.

Quickly and without warning, Tom jumped into the water. I froze with surprise and wondered how he knew the water was deep enough to jump into.

A few seconds later when he didn’t resurface, I began to panic. I started shouting his name and then I lost my footing and ended up in the water as well. The dream ended with me shouting his name frantically.

Today’s storm has arrived. I don’t know if we’ll get as much rain as we did yesterday, but we’re certainly getting thunder.

I don’t like the way my snorkel with the attached hose fits, so we’re sending it back. He likes his, though. It covers the whole face. The problem is that my temple area is so narrow that I have to have it uncomfortably tight in order to get a good seal. Instead, I’m getting a regular snorkel set like what I used in Hawaii.

I also got a set of four tiny diamond paintings with rainbow beads stemming from them that you can hang as suncatchers in windows.

Sometimes the only way to know if Alexa can do something is to just ask her. I switched out my incandescent light bulb in the lamp by the bed for an LED so that the plant on the nightstand can have decent lighting. I told her to turn that light off in six hours and she did! Sure wish she wouldn’t ask and tell me things I didn’t ask for, though. She still does that at times and it’s still annoying. Why don’t people care what their customers want? I guess when you’re as big as Amazon is, you don’t care if you lose some customers because you can afford to.

Went about a week without hearing Steve’s mutt, but I heard it today. Something like 15 to 20 barks. I’m sure he was taking it to the doggy park.

On the way to Howard Beach, even though I’m a little tired and his stomach isn’t the greatest.

Funny how I remembered it was the bigoted Rosemarie’s birthday on the 6th but didn’t remember till today that yesterday was Nane’s birthday. She’s 62 now.

So yesterday on Nane’s birthday, we got four lovely plants from Lowe’s for just $21, a Petra Croton from South India, which likes bright light and is in the pink planter in the living room. It’s a combo with two different colored leaves. One has pink lines and the other has white.

Then there’s the Asterisk Ivy from Europe which likes medium light and is in the dark gray pot in his bathroom.

Next is the Green Fantasy Fern from Tropical America, which also likes medium light. It’s in the yellow planter in the bedroom.

Lastly is a combo Fittonia from Peru, also known as a nerve plant. Some leaves have red lines and others have white. I actually like the white better because it pops against the dark green leaves. This one prefers low light and is in the green planter in my back office.

We ordered a moisture meter. If I like how it works, I might get more so each plant can have one. That way I don’t poke roots every time I stick it in the dirt.

The combination watering/misting bottle was a joke so we ordered squeezable bottles with a long, skinny spout. The problem with the other one was that as soon as I tilted it to spray the backs of the plants, water would spill from the watering spout and make a mess.

Besides a waterproof camera for the front, since this one keeps crapping out on us, I’m getting assorted scented soap samplers to put in my bath gloves. The scents are African Violet, Passion Flower, Fresh Milk & Shea, Black Currant, Island Ginger Mango, Ocean Pur, Seafresh Mineral, Lavender Chamomile, Cucumber, Pineapple Cocoa, Almond, Rosewater Jasmine, Lemon Verbena, Organic Oatmeal, and Juicy Peach.

Lastly, I got some foot-soaking bombs to put in our electric foot-soaker.

I can’t wait to grow my hair out again! They have this new reverse hair dryer that sucks in hair and straightens it at the same time it dries it. I don’t see myself growing it to the insane lengths I used to have, but maybe to the middle of my back, so almost two years. I have a short back and my hair grows fast, especially when I have enough thyroid in me. I’ll start up with the scalp massages and the gentle pulling to help speed up the process.

I offered 4 diamond paintings for $30 each in the park group. I got 9 likes, 5 comments, and 0 buys. ☹

I also dropped my maiden name on Facebook. I don’t want to be associated with anyone with that name, and it’s too Jewish, especially for Florida. Fucking everyone hates Jews and gays here. It’s fucking pathetic.

Absolute silence from the termite, so I don’t know what to think. Why would this fucking idiot hide her friend list yet post publicly? This exposes at least some of her friends.

Later…

At the charger now after what was easily the best beach run ever! Thank goodness for the lady that was already in the water when we arrived or else I’d have completely freaked out. Even he would have been startled. The lady said she went there every morning to snorkel and said six manatees were swimming around us and we were like…wow! They were huge! Manatees are ugly but harmless. They would stick their noses out of the water and blow air through their nostrils at times. They were amazing to see. We both took pics and can’t wait to check them out at home after we eat the burger and fries we’re now on our way to grab from Checkers.

Along with the manatees were the usual fish we’ve seen that feed off of the grassy areas. Plus, there were these striped fish like the tropical fish we saw in Hawaii. I’ve gotta look up what they are. They were bigger than the smallest fish we’ve seen. Tom saw something slither along the bottom but said it didn’t look long enough to be a snake. An eel?

It’s a great beach, like I said. Closer to home and never crowded. At least not when we’re there. We were there for about 90 minutes and only a few people were there. It was very quiet and relaxing, save for a couple of annoying motorcycles cruising the parking lot for a few minutes and a few planes, but that’s about it. No screaming kids, no ball-throwing close by, no loud music.

Plenty of loud music on the road, though. It’s awful with the way the roads sound like such warzones with all the loud music and motors. Just fucking ridiculous. I don’t understand why this shit is still legal. Come on, politicians! You love to control people’s lives. This is your chance to tell people what to do, so why not jump at such a great opportunity?

Anyway, the lady there also pulled out a scallop and then put it back in the water, saying you can only take them when they’re in season, whenever that is.

We totally love this beach. The only negs are the lack of waves and excess seaweed.

Had a dream that someone broke into wherever I/we were living. I didn’t see an intruder but knew someone had to have been in the place because the blinds were open that I had closed and other things were out of place.

My first thought was to go back outside and call the police, but suddenly I realized I was braless and it bothered me. The dream ended with me trying to decide if I should just call the cops first or take a chance by running in to grab a bra, even if the intruder may still be inside the house.

Later…

Back home now and his pics came out shitty but he got some awesome videos of the manatees as well as other fish! One of the manatees had a long white streak we’re guessing is a scar from a boat propeller.

They usually range from about 10 to 13 feet long, I just looked up and can weigh between 800 to 1200 pounds. They also live 50 to 60 years!

I think the small fish we saw are mullets and the striped ones could be sheep heads.

The goggles we used suck. They didn’t seal completely. I need to remember to take my nose pincher next time, too. We’re gonna get better goggles for next time. The kind with a pipe so you can breathe.

The sun and sea helped perk me up. If only I could walk to the beach every day I woke up tired. Or hang out on a private dock when I was tired at night.

I’m in such a great mood and there are no words to describe how wonderful it is to be able to wake up and not have to worry about the middle of my day approaching, knowing I’d be likely to get hit with anxiety and mindfucked into some very dark thoughts.

Florida is so much more fun than Cali. If we suddenly knew we had to return to our old house and he had to return to the same old boring job where he was overworked and underpaid, we would be so depressed! I was so, so miserable there.

Nothing but some weird dreams to report. I read an article about a woman who swears she was struck dead by lightning in a previous life when she was 2 years old and that she was “shot” into the body she’s in now. The article also talks about how some people believe dreams are glimpses into either past lives or parallel universes. As vivid and as detailed as many of my dreams are, I’ve often wondered the same thing. It just seems hard to believe the brain can make up so much random stuff but I don’t know. I couldn’t consciously do it to such a degree while I was awake, so I don’t know how my brain does it when I’m asleep.

I had a dream I was in this older-looking house. It was large and set close to others and in the middle of the street it was on. The house itself reminded me of something you would find in the Northeast. It was interesting in the way it was laid out. Upstairs you had a total of four doors, two of which were directly across from others. What was weird was that there wasn’t a traditional hallway in between but almost a whole room that was perhaps 12x15.

I had another dream that I wrote something to the termites that they didn’t like. They tried to get ahold of me to give me a piece of their minds by sending a message containing some automated thing where I had to request the URL from them in order to read what they had to say.

Then I was horrified because the termite was there in the room with me. Tom was out at the moment and I wondered how the hell I was going to explain her sudden presence when he got in.

The termite’s termites lived just a couple of buildings or houses down from us (I don’t know if I was aware of this all along or if I just discovered it). It was night time and I was taking a stroll down the street since the sun had set and it had cooled off. I peeked through their basement window which was lit up. I never did see them, but when the light suddenly went out, I quickly moved along so I wouldn’t be spotted.

It was so dark and there were no streetlights. As I walked down the street, I soon realized I was lost and unsure if I was still on my street. I could see the silhouette of the street signs against the night sky, but couldn’t read them. Then I spotted some people through a large window. I asked if this was (whatever the name of my street was) and one of them nodded.

So I walked back up the street. I could now make out our place clearly because our bathroom, which happened to be on the other side of the street and only enterable from there, was lit up. The glow of the bathroom light spilling out its door cast light on our house across the street.

Hoping it was Tom using the bathroom and not some intruder, I peered through the door and saw Tom at the sink. At first, he seemed annoyed or maybe disappointed by my presence but seemed OK once he started talking.

In the last dream, we were living in a small building in a rural area. Two-story condos or apartments of some kind. We must not have found the neighbors disturbing because I was dreading the day it built up in the area enough to want to move. When I stood on our upper-story balcony and looked down, I imagined a bear wandering through and climbing the railings and tried to imagine what I would do. I guessed I would run into the bedroom and shut the door and then run into the bathroom that was off of it and shut that door too, then hope to hell I had my phone on me so I could call for help.

OMG, the redneck speaks! He never commented or reacted to any of my posts/comments before (nor Toni’s from what I could see) so I thought he decided he hated us. LOL This was a comment I left in regards to people airing out their park peeves.

“I’m not the type to run to the office to complain unless it’s something really big, but what really gets to me is when they tell us what to do as if we’re children and they’re our parents. Have they forgotten that we’re the ones paying them?”

Redneck replied with “could be a democrap thing like wearing your mask when your in your car all by yourself smh”

Maybe the reason he decided to “like” and comment on my comment was that I said I wasn’t the type to complain. I purposely threw that in there as a throw-off, too. Maybe he was suddenly like, oh wow, so she wasn’t the one that complained about the dog?

Although I still doubt the office ever said anything to him.

Am I honestly the only lib in this park? Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the whole damn state.

My lower stomach is definitely flatter. No doubt about it. The cutback in sugar? The meds? Both? I’ll weigh in when I get up tomorrow if I remember, and see where I’m at.

Although I’m not as tired as yesterday, I’m still tired. I’ve only had energy for one day since the 13th. It’s obviously not going away, so I just have to learn to live with it. Nothing woke me up but the same thing happened when I woke up to pee and had to Benadryl myself back to sleep.

Even though it only lasted half a day, it was so nice to have energy for the first time in 5 days! I cooked, cleaned and exercised. Together he and I also transferred the money tree into its new home.

Only one of the new five pots is an ugly color. That would be the dark gray one. I have a pale yellow pot, a pale pink one, and two green ones. One is a bluish-green and that’s the one the money tree is in. We didn’t realize it was in a smaller container inside the pink bucket it came in. I’m sure it appreciates the freedom it now has with all the extra breathing room. Hopefully, it will grow better.

He got soil especially made for money trees. Plus we got other soil for whatever plants we end up getting later on. I’m hoping to find a plant that does okay in artificial lighting since the bedroom is usually pretty dark. I’d like to have a plant in each room. An aglaonema would look great in the pink pot with its pink hues on its leaves.

We ordered a small watering can that also has a sprayer so I can mist and water at the same time.

Sometimes I don’t hear from Jessie for about a week and I wonder why. Nothing seems to be wrong and she checks in every day yet is slow to pick up and respond to my messages. Since we golfed together she hasn’t mentioned doing it again. She hasn’t told me anything about what kinds of apps she’s gotten either. I sent a message earlier and asked.

Damn, do I miss the hell out of Aly! This is purely a dream but if she were to suddenly contact me and say she never died and it was all just a joke, I would be way too excited to be pissed at her!

We ordered some smart bulbs and I got the last nightgown to complete my new collection. I decided to get the light gray. That way I don’t have to worry about the black possibly bleeding. I might still get the black one someday so I can have seven instead of six and therefore have a whole week’s worth.

I had a vibe about us moving in 2026 or 2027 but I don’t know. The horses are still consistent and my gut feeling is still strongly sure that this isn’t our forever home but you never do know. Since I can’t imagine us ever having the kind of money for a nice house on the beach or a luxury high-rise that was soundproof, I’m torn between going rural vs. staying in a community. They both have their pros and cons.

Later…

Oh, of course they want to ban Anne Frank’s book from schools. Like gee, what a surprise these days, right? I saw the headline about a Saudi Arabian chick going down for 34 years for tweeting, and I could sit here and tell you that’s just so damn typical of those countries, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if we eventually ended up with shit like that happening right here with all the steps we’ve been taking back into the dark ages.

The woman wanting decorative vases (Teresa) just now got my message and I realized that it’s entirely possible but very unlikely that Redneck wasn’t notified of my comment and doesn’t know about his hidden inbox.

She’s in one of the new houses and moving on Saturday. That was fast. I didn’t think those houses had been there for long. Maybe she considers it her FL starter house like this is (hopefully) our FL starter house.

I’m now scrambling to get done what I need to so I can be a tired waste product for the rest of my day since I’m exhausted from being woken up by a storm. ☹ Really, it’s getting REALLY hard to try to convince myself that this is all just one big coincidence and that there really isn’t anything up there wanting me tired so much of the time.

There really is no winning for women no matter what they do. A whole shitload of them that would prefer not to have to abort in non-surgical ways if they have an accident are running to get their tubes tied. Sure enough, a lot of doctors are arguing with them about it, especially if they’re young. It’s total bullshit.

Meanwhile, if a guy wants fixing there are no questions asked. Ask me again why I resent men in general.

It’s like women just can’t fucking win. They’re “lazy” if they don’t work. They’re not with the times if they have kids, but of course they can’t get rid of those little embryos to begin with either. Now they can’t even talk about abortion without risking being arrested, you have a woman forced to carry a headless fetus unless she can go to Florida, then there’s the parentless 16-year-old in this state who isn’t “mature” enough to decide for herself if she should have an abortion, so she too may be forced to carry if she doesn’t find a way to get rid of it on her own even though children should be mandated to abort no matter what because kids shouldn’t have kids. Period.

Sometimes I really think we’re heading for a national ban on abortion and birth control, not to mention the shit that may come to the GLBT community and Jews. Even then, where there’s a will there’s usually a way (to abort) but that’s not the point. The point is that they shouldn’t have to. Men don’t have to so why should they? With Tom and very few other exceptions – FUCK MALES!

How far back into the Dark Ages do we have to crawl before this insanity stops? Really, how far down into the pit of depravity do we have to sink? How many more lives have to be ruined by people’s stupidity and twisted beliefs?

It’s been a week now and I still have the perfect manicure and pedicure. Worth every penny!

I don’t know if I could do either diet but sometimes I wonder if I might be better off going with alternate-day fasting when it comes time for me to get serious about it. I’m going to have to go to 1000 to 1200 calories a day if I were to eat every day and that’s going to leave me hungry as hell. So if I’m going to be hungry anyway I might be better off just not eating every other day and then I can enjoy having whatever I want on the days that I eat.

Again, the people here definitely don’t seem very friendly. One woman had an accident and was injured and asked if anyone was going to Winn-Dixie because she was unable to drive. She never got a single reply. But the same person asked if anyone had any decorative vases available and I told her that I did and I even showed her a picture of the vase. It was from my parents. I never use it. Even so, she never replied to me. Are there that many people that know of and are pissed that I’m annoyed by the redneck’s dog or am I just being paranoid?

It is so typical that as soon as I fall in love with a new product at a grocery store they stop selling it. We went to Publix the other day and it was the second or third time they didn’t have Chi Chi’s pina colada. I noticed that Walmart now claims to have it but I’d be willing to bet just about anything that I won’t get it. I think sometimes they advertise things they don’t actually have.

The money tree was starting to look a little shabby and I read that they recommend a medium planter for it which is 6” so we got a set of five planters on Amazon, each a different color. At some point, we’ll go to Lowe’s even if they make shopping a miserable experience with all the blasting music and pick out some more plants to go in the extra pots. I’m not going to re-pot the Rosemary, though, who also looks a little questionable now. I don’t know what it is with me and plants but hopefully they’ll both be okay.

Anyway, this is the fourth day in a row I’ve been tired and I have no idea why. I slept longer even though I woke up four or five times along the way. I did muster up a little energy to hit the road but I can’t because my headset can’t connect to the Wi-Fi and I don’t remember the password. He’s already gone to bed.

He got a mesh extender to hopefully keep Alexa from cutting out in the bedroom even though I don’t know that that was the problem to begin with. I really think something is messing with my sleep like it always has and therefore it’s more connected to that. Not how far the bedroom’s Alexa is from the router or whatever the hell it is. The sound of the mower didn’t wake me up today but the smell of fresh-cut grass did. Then I had to pee twice and then it seemed like I just woke up for the hell of it. Something up there definitely hasn’t wanted me to sleep well for most of my life. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of my problems as an adult have to do with some twisted form of compensation for not having to get up to an alarm every morning like everyone else under 65. I think I’d rather have pain than fatigue at this point. I thought the answer was extending my waiting time before having coffee but now I don’t know. If it’s my thyroid still not being good, why am I not tired every single day? I’ve been dealing with this for a year and a half now. Oh, I’ve had fatigue far longer than that but the heavier fatigue that interferes with my activities has been going on for about a year and a half or so. I wonder if I could have possibly caught covid and I’m having post-covid fatigue. I’ve heard that can linger for quite a while. I doubt it though. I guess it’s just age and my thyroid because there’s absolutely nothing to suggest that I have obstructed sleep apnea, cancer, heart disease, or anything else I can think of off the top of my head that may cause this. I’m not malnourished or dehydrated so I don’t know what it could be.

So I went premium with Sleep Sounds but the damn tracks are looping every hour and not 10 hours like I thought they were supposed to. If I want to find out if the problem really was being further from the router or if it could be Amazon, I need to go back to using Nature Sounds. At least then I can get my preferred sound and for 10 hours as long as it doesn’t cut out.

Surprisingly there isn’t a single thing new on the termite’s wall. With her profile set to public, I expected to see birthday wishes but there is absolutely nothing. I’m guessing Mark’s home by now and recovering there.