I ended up having just under 1000 calories yesterday and waking up at 118 pounds, but you know what? Enough is enough! I’m sick of this diet thing. I’ve spent years going hungry, and all for what? To lose 6 pounds? I’m tired of putting myself through so much for so little. All the hunger simply isn’t worth losing a few pounds. Meanwhile, as long as I stick to my exercising and keep my calories between 1200-1500 with one day a week to eat all I want, I should never gain weight. So, although I’m 15-20 pounds heavier than I’d like to be, there are worse things in life than being squat and plump. If I were 30+ pounds overweight, then I might stick to it and put more effort into it, but I am as I am and I want to just let myself be for a while. I’m not saying I’ll never diet again or lose more weight; just not now. For now, I want to relax and let myself be as I naturally am without putting so much pressure on myself, and as I said before, Teddy Bear will have to accept me as I am.

Our Ab Force thing arrived. It feels like a strong vibrator. I did my waist already. I’m a bit confused, though. They say not to use it for more than 20 minutes a day, but does that mean more than 20 minutes on the same area, or all together? And it doesn’t say either way about using it on your back or on different areas of the arms/thighs. It shows them using it on the outer thighs and biceps, but can’t I use it on my inner thighs and triceps if I wanted to? The only places it says not to use it are the head, neck, heart and genitals.

I’ll ask Tom when he gets up. He’d know more about this sort of thing. I’ll probably just stick to doing my abs with it cuz I still don’t see how it can change your appearance. This thing doesn’t say anything about that, though, unlike some of the others that claim it reduces a couple of inches from the waist. After a month of doing my waist, then I’ll decide whether or not to do my arms/thighs. Trying to get the thing on my arms isn’t very easy.

The renters are out burning trash right now. I saw two adults and two kids. What a dumb time to do your trash; when inspectors could be out and about. And what is it with the new bright light they have at the back corner of the house, towards the side where the utility pole is? They never hang out back or at the side, so what do they need that, and their front light for? You’d think people would want to take advantage of and enjoy the darkness out here, but instead, people light up their properties like in the city. I can see a low-wattage light in front, but a super bright light at the back corner.

It should be roughly a week now since Pérez got my letter. If I don’t hear from her by the end of next week, then I think that’ll be a reasonable time to assume she either didn’t want to write back, or she never got the letter. Now the question is, should I mail Teddy Bear’s letter myself? I don’t like this not feeling like I can trust Tom, but I’m just not sure if I can. They say your gut instinct is the one to trust, so would I be feeling this way if I didn’t have a reason to?

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The baby rats are now a bit bigger than the mice. I think I might be seeing balls forming on one of them. They’re still little midgets compared to Sneezy, whose head is almost as big as their whole bodies. Sneezy’s now in with 3 babies, then I’ve got 5 babies by themselves, and Lady’s in with Little Buddy, who I hope isn’t sterile. I’d really like a Little Buddy Jr. or two, and to replace Lady with a look-alike.

A little over an hour ago, I could’ve sworn I saw Scot go up Ralston, the opposite way in which he goes to come here. If that truly was him, why would he pass by without stopping here? I guess this means he could swing back up and stop by, though. We’ll see. It’s been 4 weeks, so he could come by anywhere from right now, till a few months from now. If the cheeks come while Tom’s asleep, I hope I spot him before he gets a chance to knock and wake him up. After all, it was me the freeloaders were always after, so Tom shouldn’t have to be put out any more than necessary. He’s already been put out enough.

It still strikes me as being the weirdest thing how I can work out faithfully like I do, rarely exceed 2000 calories, and still be fat. I always truly believed that exercising was supposed to cause weight loss, but I see that it does not. It simply tones me up and helps keep me from gaining any more. But what do these fitness people do? Starve themselves? Work out 8 hours a day? Both? It’s said that the fitter you are, the thinner you are - well - I’m pretty fit, so why aren’t I thin? I mean, I just had no idea that one could carry so much fat as well as muscle at the same time!

Now it’s let’s-work-on-the-rental time. Why does this one need so much more work than the other two? There are two pickups and a couple of people hanging out by the utility pole. I wonder if that bright light’s connected to whatever it is they’re doing. I mean, no one should need that much illumination. Especially out here and in areas you don’t walk through.

I’m currently fine-tuning early 1991, and damn was I always sick! Colds, flu, infections, vomiting, asthma attacks - why was I always so sick?

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No cheeks today. No activity in front, either, but it’s still for sale.

The workers are still in back. Just what the hell could be so wrong with the place that it needs so much work, and if there are that many problems, why’d George let them move in when they did? It must be a serious problem for them to be there this late. Whatever it is seems to revolve around the utility pole, so it’s probably an electrical problem.

I had contemplated hanging up the jogging for a while and just sticking to my toning exercises while adding another set to my routine to double my workout. Then I had an idea. Why don’t I keep my workout as it is and run on the treadmill? It’s easier to run on that thing, than to walk, anyway. I just have to hold onto the rails. It’s a hell of a heart-punching workout, though, being uphill and all, so I’ll only run to two songs’ worth and maybe even do it every other day.

After my second Ab Force session, I was bleeding. The question is, is this the typical mid-cycle bleeding I tend to have? Or did the Ab Force cause it? I didn’t bleed after my first session, so right now I’m not blaming it on the Ab Force.