Friday, April 26, 2002

My schedule is in a horrible position for it being time to send the letter. But I suppose that if it’s meant to be, I’ll be fated to get her phone call if she calls. Worst case scenario - she keeps calling and I keep missing her calls and she leaves no number to call her back, then she gives up.

Tomorrow was the last time I saw her one year ago. My vibes still say I’ll see her. At least, that’s what I think they’re saying. I’ve been on a bad streak lately. I hope that doesn’t mean I’m wrong in saying that the class vibes have improved. Anyway, I’m really gonna have a flood of mixed emotions if I don’t see her. I’ll be both sad and relieved. Sad because I really loved her and wanted to see her and get to know her. Relieved cuz she won’t have to see how fat I still am or ever get the chance to fuck me over.

Anyway, I’ll probably be mailing the letter today when we do the grocery shopping.

They’ve taken the money for the doll but haven’t emailed us about it, so I guess that means she’s in stock and on her way.

I’m gonna be so stressed out right before I see Scot! I just want to know either way and get it over with. The sooner I know if someone’s fucking with me, the sooner I can figure out what to do about it.

After whatever happens with this shit, what will God have me getting all worked up over next? And if the freeloaders are ever out of our lives someday, what will our next long-term problem be? How many years will it go on? Who will it involve? How much money will it cost us? And will it cost me my freedom?

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