Got 3 envelopes from Mary at the Tempe box. She might not have gotten the new address till right after she sent them. If she doesn’t start using the Maricopa box soon, I’ll tell her to go ahead and start doing so.

Along with some letters, I got about 57 pages of drafts. That’ll keep me busy today since I’m sick of fine-tuning and don’t have dolls to make yet.

That reminds me – I found a really cool site online. They don’t sell molds, greenware or SFGW, but they sell blank bisque (already cleaned, eyeholes cut, etc.), painted kits, and assembled/ready-to-dress dolls. Their prices are dirt cheap, too. I can get a nice doll like Bailey and Joy totally assembled for half of what JBS would charge. Who knows? Maybe I’ll skip the greenware stage and get blank bisques? Maybe even some painted kits or assembled dolls. We’ll see. Meanwhile, I want to learn all I can so that I have a broader range of options.

I’m really glad she likes my labels. It’s my way of bringing the outside world to her, in a sense, as I told her. She said her aunt can drive her out here someday, which would be great, but as I told her, I don’t think she’ll want to live out here for obvious reasons. It’s just too isolated. As I also told her, I know I’d be fooling myself if I told myself I’d see TB someday. People just have no idea how remote Maricopa is! Even if I were still in the city; it’s a huge city, so even then the odds of us bumping into each other would be next to nil.

She empathized with me, telling me she understands both the pain of a broken heart and soul mates. I’m sure she does, too. It seems we both would rather wait forever for a platonic soul mate, than “get it on” with just anyone. I think just about all of us get our hearts broken at least once in our lifetime.

I was surprised to learn she’s known Todd since she was 8 and has never had sex with him. She’s always loved him and felt like they were soul mates. I was also surprised to hear he wishes she’d had his child. That’s quite a guy, seeing that most guys don’t want kids.

Anyway, I may be hurt, surprised and even a little angry at times that TB never kept her word about seeing me, but I’ll always remember her, that’s for sure! Couldn’t forget her if I tried. She may rarely think of me, but I’m always thinking of her. Some days it’s easier than others. I know Mary will do everything she can, though, to get my message across to her if she sees her again, though I know she never will. Like I said, I’m obviously not meant to have answers. God forbid I’m wrong, the first thing I want Mary to remember, though, is to find out if she got the letter. Then she can hit her with how hurt I’ve been. I asked her to be sure to let her know it’s been harder on me than I anticipated, though I know I said so myself in the letter I sent her to give to her. In the letter, I sent to Madison I wrote: it’ll be a bummer if I don’t see you, but I’ll get over it. Well, that’s certainly turned out to be easier said than done!

She says our hair is the same length. Mine would be longer if I hadn’t trimmed the 3” I trimmed a few months ago.

I haven’t gone through it yet, but I was surprised to see she has a North Dakota clip, too. How many states has she been in?!

Hope’s not going to be sentenced till the 22nd, her son’s getting a parakeet, her uncle has headaches, and surprisingly, her aunt gets acupuncture for weight management. I didn’t know there was a connection there. Does it cause her to actually lose weight or just maintain it, I wonder?

When I was reading her letter, she wrote that the girl from the Chance case was in her dorm, in 203, and I was like what the hell is that? Tom knew about it and he filled me in. The news is so depressing that I never bother to watch it. Tom said she was a stripper involved with a millionaire who was found robbed and murdered in a hotel room that they nabbed in Washington. She admitted to robbing the guy but said she didn’t kill him. Even so, she’s charged with robbery and murder. Why would she murder the guy, though, if she did? Couldn’t she have just taken the money/jewels and run?

Yeah, that’s so typical as far as how losers and abusers like Justin operate, as she told me – beat the woman, blame them for their actions, then act all sorry and guilty, then repeat the whole cycle.

I’m surprised she gave Derek a second’s worth of her time as soon as she saw it was him come to visit her. He beat and abused her too, so I can’t imagine why she’d want to see him.

I told her I was sorry if my journal sounded like I was always sad or mad. It’s just that Helen recommended I keep writing about things that have upset me in any way, be it just one thing or a lot of things to help manage my anger. It helps manage all my emotions, I guess you could say, so I bitch a lot in my journals. I recently read back on some of my journals and said to myself: my God! If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were a conceited bitch who does nothing but complain and who’s never happy. Not even for a second!

That’s way cool about Pérez only stopping in to get my letter, as she confirms, but not so cool if she didn’t get the one I mailed her unless it got to her after she worked there. That’s another assignment for her to find out if she ever works there again. If she didn’t get the letter that could mean TB didn’t either and might’ve been shy about calling, but I doubt the both of them didn’t get their letters. The odds of that just don’t seem likely.

Anyway, now that she should be through with the whole jailhouse saga, she should be able to see what I meant about Pérez liking me. (it’s no doubt with TB) It was one of those unspoken, subtle, yet obvious things one just knows. I liked her too, but only as a person. I wasn’t attracted to her. I also asked her out of curiosity – if looking at it objectively, and after everything she’s read, does she think Palma really did like me or does she think deep down she was prejudiced? I told her that if she sees her, show her my pictures, if she still has them, and tell her S misses her and has some mice and rats for her if she’s interested!

Anyway, I’d really love a cup of my gourmet, flavored coffee that I had Tom pick me up when he went shopping, but the freeloaders say I can’t have any. No, I have to keep my schedule on days one more day for them if I want to beat the heat and report early tomorrow. Then they’ll give me permission to take ownership of my own life over the weekend and have my coffee, too! They even said I had to get up earlier than I’d have liked to today, but oh well. I’m used to them having first say in what I do, where I go, etc.

Later…

Decided to say, “fuck the freeloaders” and have one of my 4 coffees. Carmel groove, I had. Tomorrow when I wake up, I’ll have the Straight-Up Latte, then during the day, I’ll enjoy the vanilla vibe and mocha fusion.

Meanwhile, the sky looks the most threatening it’s looked in quite a while. As much as a good storm would be cool to see and certainly wouldn’t hurt, now’s not a good time of all days. Especially if this thing hits tonight. I need to sleep tonight, but not till 1:00 - midnight. It doesn’t matter, though, as a storm could decide to hit at 2 AM. I’m sure it’ll be okay, though, and I doubt it’ll storm.

I look so, so forward to getting fences. So forward to it! Maybe, since the renters haven’t been a problem, he can start either from the well side and work his way around and to the back, or from next door’s side and work his way around to the back. The sooner the 3 sides that one can easily drive in on are fenced, the sooner I can lock Scot out on days I want to sleep, though I would hope that by the time they’re up, he won’t be coming around so much, and if he comes here before the 19th, I’m not going to be too happy. The 19th is when it’ll have been 6 weeks. His visits should be getting further apart like the drug tests and not closer at any point. Not even if someone new pops up in the area should the gaps between visits shorten. Especially after all this time and without any problems of any kind.

Anyway, when we do get fenced, I’ll tell Scot that sometimes they’ll be locked, sometimes they won’t, but to feel free to leave the gate open when leaving. I figure I can’t be in for any more than 10 more visits (I hope not!) so leaving the gate open 10 times won’t hurt. It’s not like dogs are waltzing onto the land every single day.

Then, after I’m through with this shit, we’ll probably never lock the gate. I know it’d be better security, but I don’t see the point in going through the hassle. Not till it builds up and religious freaks and sales fanatics start coming around. I like Tom’s idea, though, of getting a remote-operated gate and an intercom at some point. Especially the remote.

Got this new shampoo and conditioner called Fruit Fusion. It smells wonderful and it has fruit extracts like mango, blackberry and avocado. As I was wringing my hair out after I was done showering, I noticed my hair hung straight. Even wet my hair’s curly, but it was straight and it seemed like it was going to dry up straight save for a slight curl at the very ends! Once it was completely dried, though, my bubble burst. Yes, it’s straighter than usual, but not that straight. It’s still somewhat wavy. It’s so dry too, thanks to my being dumb enough to go out and dye it, but at least it’s even.